Jokes about education

The student sits down in the dining room with the professor. Professor:
- A goose is not a friend of a pig ...
- Well, I flew ...
For such an insult, the professor decided to flunk the student in the exam, but he passes on "5". Then the professor asks:
- Here, you are walking along the road and you see 2 bags: with intelligence and with gold - which one do you take?
- With gold, of course...
- And I would take it wisely ...
Who is missing something...
The professor writes "goat" in the student's record book, he does not notice and leaves. The next day he returns to the professor and says:
- You signed my record book yesterday, but you forgot to put a mark ...

Institute exam. Takes his old professor. The student takes the ticket and realizes that he does not know the answer to any of the three questions.
Then he says to the professor:
- Let's do this, if you answer three of my questions, then put me 2, and if not - 5.
The professor thought about it and decided that he would hardly answer the student's questions, and agreed. The student asked him the following questions:
1. What is legal but not logical?
2. What is logical but not legal?
3. What is not legal and not logical.
The professor thought for a long time over the questions, he does not know the answer. I took a note and put 5.
- Well, now tell me the answers.
Student:
1. Here you have a young beautiful wife - this is legal, but not logical.
2. Your wife has a young handsome lover - this is logical, but not legal.
3. And now you gave this lover 5 - this is not legal and not logical.

Three entrants on the exam. One comes for money, the second - by pull, and the third - himself.
Question to the first:
- Over which country was the first atomic bomb detonated?
- Over Japan.
- Five.
Question to the second:
- Over Japan.
- At what year?
- In 1945.
- Five.
Third:
- Over which country was the first atomic bomb detonated?
- Over Japan.
- At what year?
- In 1945.
- Above what city?
- Hiroshima.
- How many died?
- Two hundred ninety-four thousand.
- List the names of the dead.

Alumni memories:
I remember my mother taking me to 1st grade. And how the father carried away after graduation.

Listen, - the teacher explodes, - this is the third time I've given you a three. Why don't you study? After all, no one has died from teaching yet!
- I know, - the student says, - but it's better not to risk it.

Being a student is good, only studying gets in the way.

Exam dialogue. Teacher:
- What is horsepower?
- This is the power that a horse one meter tall and weighing one kilogram develops.
- But where did you see such a horse !?
“And you just don’t see her. It is kept in Paris, in the Chamber of Weights and Measures.

The night before the exam. The phone rings in the professor's apartment.
Annoyed sleepy voice:
- Yes!
- What, sleep, infection?
-?!?!?!
- We teach.

Teacher:
- What is your last name?
Student:
- Ivanov (smiles).
- Why are you smiling? the professor asks.
- I'm glad I answered the first question well.

The student has 2 states: Eating and sleeping. But there is also a third - session:
when you don't eat or sleep.

College of programmers. Student teacher:
- Our college not only teaches, but also saves many lives!
- ???
- Because idiots like you don't go to medical school!!!

Lecture on theory. Lecturer:
- Let's imagine a three-dimensional object in the form of a parallelepiped, installed on four monocyclic units. In other words, imagine a cart.

My son entered the Institute of Foreign Languages! Become a real troglodyte!

Do you mean polyglot?

Polyglot, troglodyte... What's the difference? These are synagogues.

Hello! On your screens, the program "The smartest"! Today we determine the smartest teacher of the week. Introduce yourself.

Andrew, physics teacher.

Sergey. This week I quit school and now I work in a bank.

Sergei is the smartest teacher of the week!

A student asks the dean:
- I did not pass the third retake, what should I do now?
- And now you need to pass a medical examination.

The professor takes the exam from the students. A cute student comes in:
- Give me a "five"!
Professor (stunned): - Yes, people here for the "five" lay down with bones !!!
Student (looking around): - Where?

Professor, will I have a machine gun?
- Yes, and tarpaulin boots!

Vovochka:
This uncle is probably a teacher.
- How did you guess?
He carefully examined the chair before sitting down.

Why are you late for the lecture?
Because it started before I entered the auditorium.

The boy stops the car
- Uncle, give me a lift to school!
"I'm going the other way," the driver says.
- All the better.

In the personnel department:
- Finished what?
- Sailor.
- Did you swim?
- In all subjects.

Student:
“I'm sorry, but I can't answer that question.
Teacher:
- You said the same thing last time.
Student:
Didn't I keep my word?

The father asks his son:
- What did you do at school today?
- We had chemistry. Explosives were studied.
- This is interesting. What will you do at school tomorrow?
- At school? What school, dad?

In the evening school at the lesson of mathematics:
- Petrov, tell me, how much is 0.5 plus 0.5?
- With my heart I feel that a liter, but I can’t prove it.

Dad, do you remember that you promised me $10 if I successfully completed this year and moved on to the next grade?
- Yes, sure. Well, how are you doing?
- Congratulations, dad! You saved $10.

A loving mother talks to her young son's teacher:
“I assure you, signor, my Giulio has a head of genius!” You just need to understand his psychology. Never ask him about something he doesn't know...

At your age, son, Napoleon was the best student in the class!
- And in yours, dad, he was the emperor of France.

    “I ate a visual aid in a botany lesson. Comrade parents, give your child money for breakfast.” "Imagines himself as Mendeleev." “Smeared the girl with saliva. Please take action now." "Your son is stupid. He believes that the human races have different skin colors because they descended from different monkeys. “I ruined my algebra class by sticking my feet in the aisle.” “Wrote an obscene expression on the desk in honor of a classmate.” "Snarled with the teacher." "Tumbled without a mat." "Disgusting behavior! The whole lesson did not get out of the portfolio. “I blew my nose into a drawing of a friend.” "I prevented Kobylina from getting off the goat." “I sang a lot of superfluous music again.” “Your child is more afraid of the goat than me. Gym teacher". "I did not prepare a duel between Onegin and Lensky." "Your daughter came to school wearing makeup from head to toe." "Looks ambiguously at the blackboard." "I ran in the gym class."

Cool statuses and aphorisms about higher education

I Akademiev did not finish, but I will give you a higher education!

11 years of school, 3 years of college, 5 years of college, now I can safely shout to the queue "free cash desk!".

T Only in Russia you can look at a stripper with two higher educations, one of which is pedagogical.

IN A college education has increased my long-term income by the round amount I spend on graduating my son.

IN anyway. I was forced to quit my job, because I do not have a higher education - higher education is required everywhere.
A friend studied at the university, received a higher education - he cannot find a job, because there is no experience.
I'm just squirming...

ABOUT higher education illegal.

M You can not study and work as a sales consultant. And you can get a higher education and work as a senior sales consultant.

IN In Russia, where most people do not work according to their specialization after graduation, a diploma, in fact, is a certificate confirming that its owner is not a fool. Although it's a fact.

A in the column of higher education, I’ll just write a dream ...

ABOUT Education: Not mastered higher.

D To get a higher education, you need to study, study, and once again money!!!

D iplom allows you to make mistakes much more confidently.

IN higher education is not complete.

WITH Today, higher education has the appearance of a beautiful diploma, and in the old days it had the appearance of an educated person.

IN A higher education is a useful thing: it allows us to see how little other people know.

H The higher your education, the more likely you are to work for a person with no education at all.

TO In addition to higher education, one must have at least an average understanding and, at a minimum, primary education ...

P about 7 higher educations in one hand!
And this is not the limit!
Go Russia!

H news of education. Starting from this year, a new faculty is being introduced in financial universities in Russia - recoupment-economics.

C The purpose of a good liberal arts education is to teach you to be philosophical about the lack of money.

AND Why is everyone rushing to get this higher education? Here in our office, out of 20 people, only two have a higher education - in technical and plumbing.)

— U you as with education ...
— MGIMO-…
WHAT are you mumbling? Did you go to school...

H news of education. Starting from this year, a new faculty is being introduced in financial universities in Russia - recoupment - economics.

G The main thing is not higher education, but higher consideration.

IN from I will receive the seventeenth higher education, then I will definitely get a job in my specialty

IN US: old goats teach young rams

IN Higher education is a complex system of intermediaries that help to forget school knowledge forever.

TO As soon as higher education becomes paid, it ceases to be higher.

D University diploma: a document certifying that you had a chance to learn something.

At you higher education? Or even two? Do your homework from the 4th grade using modern textbooks - feel like an idiot!

H Having a diploma of higher education is not a fact of having a mind ...

ABOUT Education - you stand in line for a diploma for five years to join the army of the unemployed.

IN higher education in itself does not mean anything: horns are also higher education.

D Iplom only shows that you know where to look for answers.

A The relevance of my thesis is that without it I will not be given a diploma of higher education. The methodological basis of this graduation project was the general scientific method "copy-paste".

E If you were given a higher education, this does not mean that you received it

G An opnik in a dark alley asked Anatoly Wasserman: "What time is it?" And unexpectedly for himself, he acquired a higher technical education!

ABOUT Education: higher education not started...

WITH a completely uneducated person can only rob a boxcar, while a university graduate can steal a whole

What is the most fun time of a person, which you often remember after a while? Of course study. Studying at school, and then at the institute, leaves unusual impressions that turn into lyrical memories.

During study, there are a lot of humorous moments that happen to a person and his acquaintances. One has only to see funny comics about school, as this wonderful time is immediately remembered, which, it would seem, ended quite recently.

Reading jokes about students and study, with a smile, you recall the moments you experienced, recognizing yourself in some situations.

The funniest jokes about school most often associated with jokes about the main school hero Vovochka, who constantly gets into extraordinary situations and impresses with his actions. If you read jokes about children, the younger generation also strives to do something incredible, but together with adults.

In jokes about students and studies, the students themselves act as the main pranksters of the joke or joke. And they are great at it.

The role of the main characters of funny jokes to tears about school is most often played by witty high school students or mischievous kids from the younger ones. Nevertheless, jokes about school and teachers can boast of having an excellent sense of humor and the teaching staff. A special role is given to the teacher of physical education and labor, which in jokes about the school are associated with the main pranksters in the teaching environment. However, even a music teacher who drinks 50 grams for vocal chords turns into a Trudovik by the sixth lesson!

Student time is practically no different from school. Funny jokes to tears about students are more fun and more ordinary, because the older generation is involved, but with some echoes of mischief. If in funny jokes about school, students are still a little embarrassed by their actions, then in jokes about students and teachers, the brink of humor is much further. Yes, and the teachers themselves sometimes like to make a great joke, putting their favorite student in a dead end.

Since we are talking about fun student life, we can recall funny jokes about students, which end with expulsion and the army. I agree, if a similar situation happened in real life, it’s not funny at all. But if this happens to a student from a joke, it's quite fun to watch his behavior from the sidelines. And in general, very funny jokes about the school, and about students, are those jokes in which the student does not find himself in the most enviable position. And here it depends on the narrator whether he finds a way out or whether he will drown in carbon monoxide.