In the modern world there are several categories of families: pairs with children; Couples that can not have kids and families-childfree, that is, free from parental obligations. Psychologists are most interested in the last group, which refuses children, believes that they are an obstacle to their freedom. Why are family couples refuse children? What are the pros and cons?

In the 1980s, in the United States, Chayldfrey movement promoted the idea of \u200b\u200bfreedom from children. In Russia, such couples appeared in the late 90s. To date, movement is known all over the world, many refuse children in favor of their "I".

Benefits

Specialists allocate such advantages of Childfries:

  • Husband and wife become one of the whole, because they have no "third extra". Their feelings become only stronger, do not change even years later.
  • There are no problems with career growth. Children are maternity leave, sick leave. But childless employees try to keep at work.
  • Calm and comfort in the house. The child does not cry, not the noise, does not spoil the interior, does not interfere.
  • Saving. In children you need to invest a lot. The absence of children makes it possible to prevent extra expenses.
  • Much personal time. Children always from birth constantly demand attention, care. The lack of a child, according to the pair, makes it possible to constantly travel, not to deny yourself. In this way, you can save a mental balance, enjoy life.
  • Full sex. Often in the family after the emergence of the child there are serious problems with sex life, because mom per day is very wounded, tired. Couples who do not want children believe that their sexual freedom can disrupt their sexual freedom.
  • The desire to keep the figure. After childbirth, the woman begins to blame the chest, the belly appears, stretch marks, some are gaining extra kilograms.

Basic Disadvantages

No matter how it was, but nature created a man and a woman to continue the kind. Most do not understand the Childfree family, they are still considered incomplete. First, the couple will not feel the joy of the birth of the child. In addition, it will have to meet old age alone: \u200b\u200bthere will be no one to come to the hospital, for funeral.

Pathology or norm?

Psychologists are trying to explain that not something with children-Childfrey. As some studies show, this is not a problem, just every couple has its reasons:

  • A man and woman do not want to give up their best - free personal time, finance, personal life, travel. Wish to live for themselves.
  • Refuse to "produce poverty." Modern young people do not want to start children, because they think: first you need to find paid work, buy your own car, housing.
  • Antipathy to kids.
  • Egoism, infantility. Some are not ready to become parents, because they themselves feel children. There are often a couple who are over 30 years old, but they do not understand what you need to be responsible, think for the future, and not live today.
  • obtained in childhood.
  • "On evil state", which constantly says: give birth to as many children as possible, improve the demographic situation.
  • A man is afraid of the financial side, and girls do not want to lose their freedom, beautiful appearance.

Difference of Childfries and Childheit

It is very important to distinguish between two directions. We draw your attention, Childfrey gives preference to life without kids, while normally treat them. But Childheit is people who hate children. Most often it is young people who have not yet managed to grow to become a mother, dad. Sometimes childheaters can be found among the parents, this is much more sad and more serious. This group of people is immediately noticeable against the background of others. Than? A man or woman demonstratively with aggression refers to any children.

The attitude of other people

Envy

Some envy, because they can enjoy, love each other, do not waste their time on children. Most often envy appears in tortured mothers.

OK

Many people are absolutely calmly relate to such couples, considering that everyone has its choice

Irritation

Most mammies begin to be annoyed, considering how to create a family without children.

If we compare the attitude towards such families, which was 20 years ago, the values \u200b\u200bchanged in the modern world. That is, selfishness, the refusal of kids has become quite normal.

Considering the rights and freedoms of a person, everyone can make a decision - to live in pleasure or for children. Childfries are not obliged to anyone. Therefore, rarely childfries are outcasts of society.

To avoid unpleasant situations, psychologists make it possible to not pay attention to everything that others say. Learn to give an unambiguous answer, not paying attention to the details. If you ask you something, answer the question, switch the conversation on your interlocutor.

Valuable advice! It is easiest to get out of any situation to people having a stunning sense of humor.

Remember when you can not change anything, learn how to relate to her. Of course, every woman should become a mother, but only she can make a decision.

Not worth it, without understanding, call the family - Childfrey. There are many different reasons because there are no children. First of all, it can be physiological pathologies. Some change their views after a while.

Thus, do not hurry to condemn someone. Each person is a blacksmith of his happiness. For some are children, for others - freedom. But remember, the kids are the best that nature can give. Then the personalities grow, who always remember, care and love their parents. Be happy!

Once a single optimistic man said that children are flowers of life. Then another, no less intelligent person, but clearly tuned pessimistically, added that they grow mainly on the grave of their parents. Whatever it was, but recently, more and more married couples are quite deliberately refuse to the offspring, even the name of this movement came up with Childfrey, which means "voluntarily childless." Those who grow at least one child are almost unanimously - with rare exceptions - they are condemned for it, moreover, they assure that they will regret it very much, in the future by paying loneliness for their freedom. So what is a childless marriage - life in his pleasure or Kara Heaven?

Plus or minus

Both sides are both adherents and opponents - the emergence of children in the family convince others with the help of indisputable, as they seem to be argued. And, as a rule, mutually exclusive.

However, in this situation "plus" quite easily turns into a "minus", sometimes it happens on the contrary. For example, it is believed that spoils the relationship between spouses: they say, a woman all his attention switches to a newborn, a man feels deprived of attention, and sometimes abandoned. But isn't the lack of children in the family, especially if one of the spouses does not share the beliefs of the Childfrey, does not cool in relations, and sometimes to the divorce? But the egoism in which those who have happened to become parents, their childless peers, rather positive than negative quality. And the statement that children interfere with doing a career, and does not withstand no criticism - easily combine one with another. And it is possible to transmit it to infinity.

Tribute to fashion or belief

Most of the currently popular Childfries became such not in deep conviction, but giving a tribute to fashion. In general, everything in full compliance with the adventures of the hero of the old Soviet film: "Everyone ran, and I ran." In this case, this passion to them will be held for years to 35-40 - it is good that at this time you can most often give birth to a child.

If this is really a belief, then there is something to work with a psychologist, although such a person is unlikely to appear at the reception - those who feel spiritual discomfort come to a specialist, people who are sacred in their rightness, it is not. According to Freud and his psychoanalysis, we all strive for our continuation, which is our child. After children, grandchildren will appear, then great-grandchildren - this chain is not everyone wants to interrupt, so every woman is very important to be realized as a mother. A person who consciously refuse to have children, causes questions, but this does not mean that each childfree needs to be diagnosed immediately. In the end, each of us himself has the right to choose, to acquire him offspring or not. And categoricality and, especially if it does not look like yours, is not characteristic of a democratic, but a totalitarian public device.

Getty Images / Fotobank

Good mine with a bad game

It happens that people who categorically refuse to have children simply make a good mine with a bad game: without having - for some reason, most often a physiological nature is the opportunity to give birth to a child, they claim that they didn't really want it. Moreover, they convince themselves and others that they do not like and do not want children.

It is not worth dividing them, because their confidence is a kind of armor that protects them from spiritual pain, and to deprive them of such psychological protection would be, at least, incorrectly, and as a maximum, alleviate. If you try to convince a person in the opposite: "Yes, you want children, you want, you just don't have the opportunity to give birth!" - He will suffer. Here, psychologists must adhere to the main principle of medical workers, who says: "Do not harm!" There are quite many areas in which such women can realize themselves, that's why they need to focus their attention. The rationalization of his own impossibility holds a person, does not give it to "fall apart" into pieces.


Getty Images / Fotobank

So that childlessness did not make the tragedy

If a person does not build psychological protection, it can become a tragedy of his life. But it is worth remembering that any - even the most difficult thing is the life situation, if, of course, it is not about the incurable disease or death, in itself is not good or bad. In dark or bright colors, our thoughts are painted, and we can handle them with them. Yes, it is difficult, it hurts, offensive, but if you wish, you can not look at the mindlessness as a tragedy of life.

Well, the highest pilot of psychological protection is a philosophical view of things, according to which if you can not influence the situation, change your attitude towards her. If the fate for some reason does not give you children, it may have other plans for it.

the main thing– Trust and mutual understanding

But what to do, if both spouses, but they do not work with "fault" one of them. The second one has to make a choice: to live with this person and leave hope for offspring or experience the happiness of motherhood or paternity with another satellite of life.

What to do in this case, the spouses should discuss and solve only together. And the way they will discuss and reveal this delicate theme depends on whether there is a confidence between them and mutual understanding: the more of the other, the better the result. It is not necessary to be shy to talk about your experiences: "Now that you learned (a) that I can't give birth to (having) a child, I'm afraid you will throw me and leave." Such recognition will cause respect and desire to help with the interlocutor. Well, when mutual understanding will be achieved, you can solve the problem itself:, or, perhaps, leave everything as it is.

The theory of "glass of water"

The main "horror" for childless people, whom friends and relatives are like to frighten their offspring, sounds like this: "Think, you will be in old age alone - you will have a glass of water." But is it all unambiguously here, as may seem at first glance?

First, if spouses, despite the absence of children, had enough wisdom to preserve the family, they will already meet old age not alone, but together.

Secondly, the situation will largely depend on how much they were good, responsive, communicable people. Such families tend to "turn" with relations - friends and acquaintances who will not allow them in old age to remain without help and support. While the young, but non-contact or conflict people in this sense should not be expected old age - with them, by virtue of the nature of character, and no one wants to communicate in youth.

So our well-being in old age depends on the set of components, and the presence of children is desirable for him, but far from a prerequisite. Someone will say that it is better to be alone than to face the ungratefulness of children who gave all his love, tenderness and the best years of life. Someone is confident that without children life can not be filled and happy. This is the case when everyone should decide what he can choose.

For help in disclosing the topic Thank you psychologist Dina Vasilchenko (www.psymir.kiev.ua).

Alexandra Voloshin

Recently, many people call themselves Childfries, which means living without children.

Families in which are full of children (or at least one) look at such people and confidently believe that being childfree is bad, boring and even humiliating. But is it really?

Most childless people admit that absolutely happy and do not regret their decision.

In fact, it turned out that the pros and in fact there are quite a lot. In addition, Childfries hold their concepts and beliefs. For example, in their opinion, a person for happiness needs someone else, happiness is to satisfy their own needs and desires, and you can always find the source of inspiration.

It is impossible not to note the fact that the childfrey by nature is quite selfish and narcissistic, but if it does not raise the norm, is it bad?

So, what are the main, indisputable advantages of this provision:

Permanent feeling of freedom

Little children, as not regrettable, still take a lot of time. Yes, and over time, also require constant attention. Families that have children can no longer break at any time and, for example, to dance to the nightclub until the morning. After work, you can no longer be delayed - you need to come back to home and feed-eat your favorite child. About holidays and weekends and there is nothing to say. Instead of a fun pastime with friends and kebabs in nature, you need to go with the baby in the park, to wash, cook or help perform your homework, so that your favorite Choo does not grab the two schools.

Relief from additional responsibility

No need to worry, what time will the son or daughter come from the next dancelag, there is no need to worry about bad companies in the courtyard and suspicious friends, the need disappears to worry about the bobbies in a school diary or university failure. Thus, your nervous system from this will not suffer and gray hair on the head will not add.

Cash waste to a greater degree to its own person

Children are huge spending and those who once started them, perfectly felt it on themselves. Moreover, the older the child becomes, the longest spending await you. Initially, these are diaper-dispensers, mixtures and rattles. Then - clothing, shoes, computers, school and all kinds of entertainment. And then education, wedding, buying housing beloved descendant, the birth of grandchildren ... In fact, an endless dance of events and spending. People who have no children may well spend money on their own pleasures and needs. Travel, beautiful and expensive to dress, acquire decorations and real estate - all this is at the power of the Childfrey.

The ability to build a great career and devote yourself to your favorite work

The child requires a lot of time and effort. There is an opportunity to leave it to grandmothers or nannies, then wonderful. But practice shows that parents are mainly engaged in the child. And, as a rule, after his birth, the career is moving into the background. Especially for women.

The ability to maintain your own health and beauty - applies only to women

Full of examples when a woman giving birth several times looks excellent, and a terribly awful. However, in most cases, the other way around. With the birth of the child, the figure, teeth, hair, violates the metabolism ... In addition, the birth of the baby is far from a painless procedure. And when it is tooling, many women have discomfort. As not regrettable, but many women, recovering during pregnancy, no longer become slim and elegant, as it was before the birth of the baby.

For a woman, the birth of a child, especially the first - this is the event of a grand scale. Nothing in her life will no longer be as before. Let's try soberly look at the situation when the first baby appears in the life of the young mother, and appreciate some of its pros and cons.

PROS

    The child will become one of the closest or even closest to you. The first months and years you will most likely be almost inseparable. His needs and desires will become your needs and desires. The child is the one who is always (well, or almost always) you can hug and press to heart.

    You will have a sense of self-realization in such a sphere as motherhood. Now you can be proud that you have your little miracle.

    The presence of a child teaches a young mother to regime, organized and logistics, even if she was completely far from all this.

    With your baby you will spend a lot of time on the street. Daily walks and fresh air will positively affect the state of your body.

    Despite the fact that with the advent of the baby's family, a woman's sleep mode changes strongly, she appears such a luxury as a day dream. Not all adult working people have the opportunity to sleep during the day.

    A baby on breastfeeding makes mom pick up fresh and useful products for his food. It also has a positive effect on its body.

    The child is an opportunity to observe from the side of the development of a person from the very beginning.

    If earlier on the streets you did not give a passage, you wanted to meet you, then with the baby you will finally be able to breathe calmly. The need to invent a polite refusal every time will disappear by itself.

    With the child, you begin to be interested in and mastering new industries for yourself - child development, children's psychology, slings, baby swimming, breastfeeding, etc.

    With your child, you will often give a place in public transport, sometimes missing without a queue in stores, make various discounts.

MINUSES

    After childbirth, the woman discovers that her time has disappeared almost completely. Many elementary things become complex: hike in the toilet, hike in the store, cooking, homemade cleaning. Only over time, the mother gradually returns her personal time on the grains.

    Often after childbirth is strong fatigue. Sometimes for the restoration of themselves and return for forces leaves for several months. All this will need to do without leaving the child.

    With the advent of the baby on the light of a young mother, you will need to learn to sleep on a new mode for it, adjusting to your child's mode. Very often, mom accompanies underwear.

    Postpartum depression is not a rare phenomenon, and many factors can provoke it.

    As a rule, with a baby in his arms, a woman does not have the opportunity to earn money, especially the first months. The young mother has to be financially dependent on her husband and relatives.

    Often, after childbirth, women lose their former physical shape, they can seriously get sick or just effervescent / depart.

    With the birth of a child, many friends and acquaintances unexpectedly disappear from your life. In such a situation, it is easy to be alone and isolation.

    Relationships in a pair due to chronic fatigue and almost complete absence of time to communicate with her husband can not change not for the better. After the birth of a child, there is a divorce.

    A young mother with a child in his arms is waiting for the endless life: washing, cooking, washing floors, etc.

    With the child you will not have the opportunity to go to any event you like, in a movie, in the museum, etc. We will have to look for places, more suitable for finding there with the baby.

Of course, the pros and cons of the birth of a child each of us has their own. But maybe my list will help you look at your joint weekdays with children.

  • The advantages are such a bit ... The speculative is superimposed on quite concrete cons. You stayed without money, friends and health, but with depression, endless life and uh ... the ability to observe how a person develops. Why do I want to hide and cry?

Features of this life position. Her pros and cons

Childfries - If you translate literally, this expression means free of children - this is a kind of life position, which is characterized by a conscious desire not to have children.

The clear dates of the appearance of this term are not clarified, but many tend to believe that this way of life began to gain power after Leslie Lafayette has formed one of the very first modern groups of representatives of this Childfrey in 1990.

Moreover, people who consciously refuse to have children have nothing to do with the fact that due to any reasons simply cannot have them. Representatives of Childfrey, as a rule, very successful and rich people, in some cases voluntarily overwhelmed sterilization.

Also, representatives of this lifestyle can be divided into some categories:

Rejectors , those who experience huge hostility to everything related to motherhood and children.

Affekdado those who perceive children are more like a burden. They understand that without babies they live easier, easier and more interesting. Some of them consciously do not want to have children, because they know that certainly will not sit with them because of their workload and a dense schedule of life.

Wavely refusal - These are those that cannot decide on the final decision on the birth of offspring. They can one time to want children at times, then sharply change their decision and return to the previous style of life. As a rule, this type of childfree does not have children over the entire life path.

Permanent dealers - These are those who, constantly postponing the birth of a child, and in the end they never give birth.

It is worth understanding that every year supporters of this lifestyle is becoming more and more. This style was the greatest development in the USA, where the percentage of women who consciously abandoned the birth of a child to date is more than 7%. In Ukraine, these indicators are slightly lower, since the views of society are still quite conservative and religious, therefore this figure does not exceed 2.5%, and finds a greater share of condemnation in society. As a rule, supporters of this lifestyle, as mentioned earlier very successful and rich people who do not want to change their comfort on diaper and sleepless nights.

In America, the most bright representatives of this lifestyle are: Kylie Minogue, Cameron Diaz, Kim Cattroll, Rene Zellweger, Opra Winfrey, Dita Background TIZ,George Clooney, Eva Longoria other.

What are the advantages of life without children and that they lose representatives of this style, refusing maternity? Let's start with positive:

Personal freedom

Without having children, you are free to do whatever you want. Travel, there is a variety of food, drink alcohol. You do not need to think that you are taking some kind of negative example of your croching, you do not need to think about his well-being and health. You are free in our actions and desires.

No responsibility

No children - no responsibility. You are responsible exclusively for your actions and decisions. You do not need to go to the congregation to listen to how badly the son is behaved in the lessons, do not follow his behavior on the playground and in public places. You are not responsible for his future, only only for your life.

Financial economy

Children are always expensive. They constantly get sick, because of this you need to buy many expensive medicines, they need to wear, as they grow very quickly, they need to feed with high-quality food for their full development, you need to pay for training, additional sections, for new toys and so on. Children are always expensive. People who do not have children can afford to distribute finances, as they consider it necessary. No money - you can eat semi-finished products for several days, trousers broke out - do nothing in jeans. With children, such questions should be solved otherwise, and always in favor of the child.

Career

No matter how modern magazines wrote that the baby does not interfere, but still the presence of children makes some adjustments to the formation of a career. After all, there is a person who depends on you, and whose priorities you must put on your own. Therefore, if you have a child, which is with a high temperature ride in the emergency to the hospital, and in an hour you have an important meeting with business partners, any loving parents always choose the baby, and lose a profitable contract. Especially let's not forget that at the time of pregnancy and the first few months after the birth of a child, a woman leaves. Of course, there is a lot of examples when future mothers worked until the last days of pregnancy, but this is provided that this condition is easily and without complications. In other cases, spending time on lying in hospitals, and initial cloth care. In short, the child does not always allow the career to develop in the pace, which I want. Therefore, the adherents of the lifestyle of the Childfrey decided not to experience fate and simply seized in advance from their lives in their opinion an extra link, successfully building a career.

You can not change your lifestyle

If you have children, you do not have the right to afford a lot of drinks, but even more consuming even light drugs. You do not have the right to root, sleep until 12 days and just arrange the weekend. Young parents have no weekends. Childfrey style adherents decided that their interests are higher than the interests of future children and just refused them. They can sleep as they want, smoke and drink what they want. They will not hurt the head from the orphanage and they do not need to constantly control themselves, holding emotions with themselves. They are free to live as they want.

No reasons for fear

Our life is full of different phobias and fears. Everyone is their own, but there is not a single young woman who was not afraid before childbirth that something would go wrong. Not to mention the fact that with the advent of the child fear for his life and health will be an integral part of life. First time parents even spend the night near the crib, serving the baby's breath. There are no such fears from the readers of the Childfries, because the object with which such concerns are associated with the same. They do not live in constant voltage, spending their strength on the fear of completely different things, or are generally distinguished by rare fearlessness.

Of course, at first glance, representatives of this lifestyle are completely happy people. But let's consider examples of what the representatives of the Childfrey are deprived of themselves, refusing to have children:

No sense of solitude

Yes, yes, even the stars are lonely. Of course there are friends, parents. But all of them are not eternal. Friends can have their own care, their affairs, and parents gradually, due to natural reasons, go out of our lives. Nothing in the world to compare with the love and devotion of his native child. Next to him, the young mother will never feel loneliness, and the young dad will always know what kind of support there is next to him. Childfries are deprived of such pleasure.

Continuation of kind

An obvious and understandable example. All people tend to die. And we can achieve something in life and leave a trail, for example, as an outstanding scientific discovery, or just to leave without leaving anything else. When you have a child, then you know that your name will live in the memory of future shadows, in their facial features. They will remember you, and your kind will continue. Childfries do not see some huge universal meaning in this, and therefore is deprived of such an opportunity to live in the memory of generations. Moreover, if a lot of adherents appear in this lifestyle, humanity will simply die out.

Return to youth

It meant here both physiological and psychological components. Many years ago, scientists have proven that at the birth of a child, the woman's body is rejuvenating on average for 5 years. This is very useful for preventing cancer and diseases of the cardiovascular system. The body is updated with each birth of the baby. In addition, the presence of a child allows re-surviving first love, master new sports and keep himself constantly in a tone. Young parents often comply with the right food and sleep mode, are engaged in an active holiday and try to abandon bad habits, which favorably affects the condition of the body and the quality of life. Childfries tend to behave free lifestyle, implying bad habits, non-normalized work schedule and non-balanced nutrition. Accordingly, they are deprived of opportunities naturally to extend their youth.

Strengthening relations and the location of society

Children, as not strangely strengthening relationships. They drive the negative, switch spouses to more earthly problems, and do not allow conflict to flare up. Children discipline parents. They forced several times to think over said words and decisions taken. They bulk the family and have a society to you, at least in the current conditions of our country. People immediately relate to you, seeing next to the crumb. This is a rather mercantile reason, but weighing. In this period, the modern society of our country actively condemns the lifestyle of representatives of the Childfrey. Therefore, they are forced to constantly listen to a lot of questions and reproaches, in contrast to young parents, which are more loyal and friendly.

Gaining weighty meaning of life

This item is rather controversial. Because many Childfries will now begin to give examples of other things that it is worth living. But after all, when the life of another person and his well-being depends on you, then the value of his own life is somehow growing. You have an incentive to become in the morning, develop and do something. Scientists, by the way, is proven that a man who has a child is much faster, achieves everything in life than the one who has no family. This is justified by the fact that the father tries to maximize its family all the benefits, therefore it takes off the career ladder. A child for many people, like a saving beacon, which does not give to depression, despair and lower his hands. The Chayidfrey's sense of life changes from hobbies and goals. But something weighty and constantly among all the diversity, as a rule, no.

Availability of a permanent source of good mood

A child will always be able to lift your spirits to your vicinity and natural kindness, even in the darkest times. For children, you do not need to be rich and important, they love their parents just like that. Kids very acutely feel sadness of their loved ones and all ways are trying to raise the mood. They begin to joke, sneak face or just fit, entering into the arms and speaking pleasant words. Ask any young family about how strongly children are charged with positive energy, as a mood next to them take off to heaven. For all this, it is not necessary to resort to drugs and alcohol, search for sources of inspiration, just hug your baby. Childfries are deprived of such joy, so at the moments of despair and sadness they turn to alcohol, drugs, noisy parties and acute sensations, which are given only by a fleeting relief.