What to do if suddenly everyone at work began to hate you.

There is no place for collectivists in the African savannah. It is more convenient to act according to the principle “every man for himself”: there is less responsibility. And they will eat - no one will regret it. Therefore, zoologists were very surprised when faced with the phenomenon of mobing: an attack by a group of animals on a lonely fellow. Psychologists were even more amazed when they found out that mobing is also present in human society. Moreover, according to statistics, he is found in every fifth team. Our task is to warn you and equip you with the latest methods to combat this phenomenon.

With the fact that not everyone adore you, you gradually begin to get used to it immediately after parting with diapers. Indistinctly spoken words, awkward steps and a naive smile are not enough to cause a general explosion of delight and tenderness. At first, toys, natural charm help, then a sense of humor, money and, finally, professional skills. Everything that allows you to find a common language with friends, colleagues and superiors.

This works with varying success, but the real surprise is the moment when even the most positive qualities and actions, instead of admiration, cause irritation and even hatred. Quite possibly, these are the first signs of mobing, or simply bullying. Its goal is to survive a person from the team, completely deleting him from the staff list and the list of employees.

Occasion

To get on the list of enemies, you don’t have to spill carrot juice on a colleague or trip him in the corridor. He will do everything you need for you. He'll look at your payroll to check your salary against his own, or hear you flirt with the secretary he wanted to propose to. You can cross someone's path simply by getting a position that one of the old-timers of the company has been counting on for a long time.

There is only one result: the offended begins to hatch insidious plans for revenge. If he enjoys formal or informal authority in the team, other colleagues quickly unite around him, and revenge becomes a common cause.

Methodology

Mober's fantasy is limited by the degree of their intellectual development. And, of course, official position.

It is not recommended to get the CEO of the company as the main spiteful critic: the persecution will be ridiculously short. The most common mobing tool is as banal as it is effective. It is gossip that is carefully cultivated and spread through prying ears. It is enough to appear in the office with circles under the eyes, and a rumor will immediately spread among colleagues that you have been drinking for the fifth day, mixing single malt whiskey with Zhiguli beer.

If you drive up to the office in a new car, they will immediately write you down as a bribe-taker and predict a dizzying criminal career. Another variant of mobing is petty wrecking. It can be overt - bent paper clips in the desk, sharp buttons on the chair, or a virus running into your computer. Hidden sabotage is the most dangerous. This is when you think that your instructions are being followed, but instead of the result you get round eyes and complaints of multiple sclerosis and early Alzheimer's.




Mobers will do everything to hang this miscalculation on you and report it to the management. Even if you manage to prove your innocence, the sediment will remain.

Outcome

All these efforts will lead to the fact that any of your actions will be evaluated negatively. Didn't stay after work? Does not care about the interests of the company. Remained? Doesn't get the job done during normal hours. In general, every breath you take will be accompanied by criticism and petty nit-picking, which will only grow over time. Once mobbing, you will quickly find yourself in social isolation. Psychologists note that in such situations a person quickly loses his bearings and becomes more and more helpless and insecure. Chronic stress and accompanying symptoms are formed - headache, insomnia, circulatory disorders, etc. At work, everything falls out of hand, any enthusiasm disappears completely.

As a result, it is easier to change jobs than to continue working in such conditions.

Actions

To clearly understand what you have to fight, imagine that you are walking near a group of Spartak fans. At the same time, you are dressed in red and blue colors. For the purity of the experiment, you can mentally shout: "CSKA is the champion." You need to decide whether to run away or fight very quickly, since you only need to evaluate two things. First, your strengths: are you ready to fight alone against the team? Secondly, how much do you love and value your football team (or workplace): is it worth it to start a war for it?

If the answer to at least one of these questions is negative, the best way out is to write a letter of resignation. It is unlikely that someone will reproach you for cowardice or lack of will for refusing to fight an aggressive crowd for an empty idea. If you are determined to fight, take our advice into service.

Get vindictive

If at a sufficient level of anger you complain about a bad memory, start writing down all the grievances inflicted on you. Keep a diary for this purpose. So write: “Today at 11:24 Ivanov treacherously stepped on my foot, after which he laughed in my face. Bastard." German psychologists advise doing this.

Recorded attacks will help to assess the strength of opponents, to understand who exactly belongs to them, what is the role of each person involved and whether the attack can be called well-planned and systematic. In addition, having before your eyes actually the scheme of military operations, you will be able to develop a set of response measures.

Find out the instigator

Almost certainly the initiative comes (or originally came) from one person. Perhaps, even without analyzing your records, you can identify him - most likely, this is the one with whom you have an unresolved conflict. Now is the time to try to establish contact with the ringleader and eliminate the quarrel. Perhaps a confidential or, conversely, tough conversation will help out. If the instigator is a really authoritative person, mobbing should come to naught.

Find the "weak link"

In ancient Roman stadiums, even after the most boring fights, there were citizens who raised their thumbs up out of a desire to save the lives of negligent gladiators. Among the attacking colleagues, there will also certainly be those who, deep down, sympathize with you and are silent during the discussion of your new tie with polka dots. Getting closer to them, you will practically introduce a saboteur behind enemy lines. From now on, when talking about your odious person, approving voices will sometimes be heard.

Find comrades in misfortune

It is likely that you are not the only one who is subjected to mobbing in your friendly team. If one of your colleagues is also constantly forced to endure attacks and provocations from colleagues, you will probably have a couple of common topics for conversation with him. It is unlikely that you will be able to conclude an invincible alliance, but at least you will have a psychological outlet that will help you deal with other problems faster.

Eliminate mistakes at work

Even if the office has turned into a psychological battlefield for you, this does not mean that you need to forget about work. Your opponents are just waiting for you, carried away by confrontation with them, to begin to ignore your immediate duties. Believe me, run to your boss shouting: “Ivanov again failed in the supply of pumps to the regions!” - will be the greatest joy for them. Avoiding this is clearly in your best interest. Having started a war with colleagues who dislike you, work as if your life directly depends on it. By the way, in a sense, it is.

Appeal to the strong

Any competent leader understands that mobbing in his team harms the business. Naturally, he will try to prevent it. Therefore, after a particularly insidious provocation, do not hesitate to draw the attention of your boss to it. Most likely, he will intervene (unless, of course, he is the main mover, although in this case you are already looking for a new job). And in general, since they are trying in every possible way to denigrate you in front of the authorities, demonstrate your whiteness and fluffiness as soon as possible. But it is better to avoid reciprocal attacks towards colleagues - even in war, not all means are good.

Prevention

Having achieved a more or less high position, you actually exclude yourself from the number of potential mobing targets. However, looking down on the mouse fuss of your subordinates is the worst thing a boss can do. Mobing is detrimental to the team as a whole. Talking about work in an environment where more than half of the employees are busy spreading rumors and weaving intrigues is simply pointless. Therefore, to reduce or eliminate the likelihood of mobing in the team entrusted to you, take into account the following.

Get rid of the thieves

If you can somehow influence the selection of personnel, introduce a strict taboo on hiring relatives and old friends of your employees. The presence of tribal clans naturally leads to the emergence among them of a sense of their own elitism and impunity. Practice shows that it is among such mellow “cabal” that Maubert initiatives are most often born. True, the situation can turn out to be exactly the opposite: a hired relative will take a vacancy that one of the “veterans” has long dreamed of. It is he who will lead the team to attack the newcomer.

Enter communism

We do not call you to build a society of universal welfare in a single collective. Just try to provide subordinates with more or less equal working conditions and pay. For example, do not allow new office chairs with a back massager and a built-in coffee maker to arrive to employees in turn: “upgrade” all jobs at the same time. Try to make it as difficult as possible for employees to find out about the numbers on the payroll. Finally, avoid having favorites, especially female ones, or at least keep your sympathies a secret.

Provide access to information

If some information about the affairs of the company is not intended for a limited circle of users, such as top management, they should be truly public. All sorts of meetings, planning meetings and meetings help to make them so. All this allows you to keep hundreds of mines up to date with the main information flows. As a result, there is no elite caste in the team, which learns important information earlier than others. And in every possible way seeks to abuse it.

RISK GROUP

If you fall into one of these categories, the likelihood of being mobbed increases dramatically.

Outside employee
Serfdom was abolished in our country more than 150 years ago, but it is still customary to outbid especially valuable souls. Such an employee in a new place receives privileges in at least three parameters: wages, the attention of superiors and the hostility of colleagues.

Inexperienced Newbie
If you did not serve in the army and escaped hazing, at your first job you will probably have to taste all the delights with a vengeance. This, of course, is not exactly mobing, but it may well lead to thoughts of dismissal.

Pensioner
"Make way for the young!" Under the guise of such a life-affirming slogan, comrades under the age of 50 and older are accused of sclerosis, senile dementia, outdatedness, and other traits incompatible with work. If you turned out to be such a pensioner and do not occupy the chair of a director or a minister, mobbing towards you is almost inevitable.





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There will always be individuals who, without a twinge of conscience, will show aggression and obvious antipathy towards you. Basically, ill-wishers and envious people surround you at the workplace, because there everyone is fighting for a place in the sun and for the favor of the authorities. However, an open confrontation is less dangerous and fraught with consequences than a hidden threat. Surely you, too, may have such colleagues who despise you, but at the same time remain with a diplomatic expression on their faces.

Why hide hatred?

Hiding true feelings in the workplace helps workers in underhanded intrigues. In the conditions of a large team, people will never openly show hostility towards someone. They are simply afraid of getting themselves in trouble or jeopardizing their own careers. However, on the sly, such people are ways to bring a lot of trouble to the object of their hostility. They like to commit meanness, while remaining with an unsullied reputation, manipulate other people and talk behind your back.

"Informed means armed"

If you don't want to be part of corporate intrigues, there are some signs that you should be aware of a person's hidden hatred of you. Advice from psychologists: even if you figure out the ill-wisher, stay loyal to him. Do not avoid this person and remember the benefit of the doubt. If you are sure that there are no envious people in the office, try to be sensitive to the needs of all your colleagues, be optimistic, welcoming and friendly.

Reliable strong ties with colleagues will come in handy in the future. And healthy and strong relationships in the workplace, a relaxed friendly atmosphere help all members of the team to be more efficient and productive.

Healthy relationships in the team against behind-the-scenes games

Business speaker Michael Kerr has this to say: When all co-workers treat each other equally well, things become a lot easier. Each of the members of the team feels that there is a shoulder nearby, on which, in which case, you can lean. In any case, in a team with healthy relationships, it is easier to ask for favors from colleagues or receive favors. Not only that, people themselves will offer you a helping hand. We have now described the ideal model of relationships in the team. What to do if your workplace is far from ideal, or you suspect something is wrong? Here are 19 clear signs that your colleague secretly hates you.

1. Your intuition says so

Maybe it's just an obsession. However, more often than not, our intuition fails us. If you think that someone dislikes you, it may very well be true. In any case, a person may treat you completely differently than he treats other members of the team. And it makes you think a lot.

2. He doesn't smile in front of you.

Now we are not talking about a bad day or a sudden change in mood. If your colleague systematically or deliberately does not smile in your presence, then something is going wrong.

3. He can't make eye contact with you.

Psychologists say that it is difficult to look someone in the eye if you do not feel warm feelings for the person, or at least respect. Have you noticed that one of your colleagues avoids eye contact with you during a conversation? They are simply afraid to give out hostility towards you in their eyes. Such people take the path of least resistance: turn away or avoid you.

4. A colleague is avoiding you.

Sometimes strange things happen. You enter the elevator and notice a colleague walking behind you. You are waiting for him, but he prefers to climb the stairs. He is avoiding you.

5. He spreads rumors

This unprofessional behavior is unfortunately not uncommon in the workplace. A person likes to spread rumors only about who he really doesn't like.

6. He doesn't notice your presence.

When you arrive at the office, this person will never say "Good morning" to you. He will not even stoop to the duty, meaningless phrases. This disregard may also be evidence of his dislike.

7. The person is too dry in answering questions.

Of course, he will not be able to ignore your questions. This is not allowed by corporate ethics. Ask such a person "How are you", and in response you will hear a short "Normal". If you receive business correspondence from such a person, be sure that it does not begin with a greeting.

8. He sends non-verbal negative signals.

Such a person, at the sight of you, may involuntarily look away or grimaced in a smirk and roll his eyes. He is constantly closed to you: his hands are intertwined and his legs are crossed. Also, your colleague may deliberately keep his eyes on the monitor at the moment when you enter the office.

9. He never invites you to social events.

You will never wait for an invitation to a business lunch or corporate meeting from such a person.

10. A colleague has a habit of communicating via email.

Even if you are in the same room, it will be an unaffordable luxury for him to approach you with a request. It will simply send you an email. Have you noticed a shift in communication towards the digital format? This is a sure sign.

11. He constantly disagrees with you.

All your ideas are perceived with hostility. Very often, such a person may not let you finish the sentences. He interrupts you and has his own point of view on everything. Even if he understands that you have proposed a great idea, he will never deviate from his principles. His dislike is too strong.

12. Such a person is not interested in your personal life.

Your colleague can chat casually during a break with other co-workers on the topic of personal life, family and children. Only in conversations with you, he never raises these topics. He simply does not care about your personal life.

13. You are not one of the companions for easy communication and jokes.

This person can amuse other colleagues for hours with casual jokes and anecdotes. Only friendly laughter is always heard behind your back. You do not belong to the circle of the elite. He just doesn't feel comfortable around you.

14. He steals your ideas.

Seeing you as a competitor, such a person will try to draw attention to his own person. Therefore, at every opportunity, he will use your ideas and pass them off as his own.

15. He takes on unauthorized power

Such an employee can give himself authority that does not exist. For some reason he decided that he could give you orders.

16. He creates cliques

You may feel like you've stepped into one of the Mean Girls scenes. You will never be part of one of the office groupings.

17. You can't trust him

You share information with your colleagues for review, but this person can always use the information received against you.

18. His favorite method of interaction is a deaf defense.

You feel that a deep wall of distrust is growing between you and this person. Or your colleague is only engaged in building defensive redoubts around himself. It's not like he's prepared for the Cold War.

19. Your work is not a priority for him.

Another big sign that eloquently indicates that your colleague does not like you. Your worries and problems will never be at the top of his list of priorities. He will never treat your work with the same level of urgency as other colleagues do.

In defense of victims of bullying in the workplace. In our country, mobbing remains a problem for those who have learned from personal experience how it is when everyone is against you. We spend our whole life in teams where unreasonable pressure from one person often occurs - by everyone. That "one" could be any of us.

What is mobbing?

- They stubbornly refuse to communicate with you on any issues, even the most innocent ones.

- You are "blocked" with information - they deliberately forget to provide important information or do it too late, they forget to invite you to general events.

- Your successes are ignored, your contribution to the common cause, even a very significant one, is not paid any attention.

- For all your suggestions on any issues - silence or "thank you, no need."

- They don’t let you do anything, they avoid entrusting even the simplest things - for example, pouring tea or coffee.

- You "accidentally" break or even disappear insignificant, but important for your activities in the team, things - for example, important papers disappear 10 minutes before they are urgently needed.

- At every opportunity and inconvenience, your name is compromised in the eyes of outsiders.

- Gossip is being spread about you.

- And the meanest maneuver - they will condescend to you indicatively (finally!) And instruct you to do something important for the team, and then they will set you up and make you last.

- If after that you do not slam the door, the team will move from the "stealthy" stage to open persecution - ridicule, insults, threats.

And even heart attacks

By humiliating another, a person tries to establish himself and rise up. But discomfort in the team is not always caused by targeted psychological persecution of the chosen victim. Often the case gathers under one roof initially conflicting people, those who are not psychologically compatible, or even just lovers of loud scandal. And then everyone suffers. And during mobbing in the team, everyone is fine, only you feel bad.

All this is very serious. After all, the most vulnerable, decent and intelligent people often become victims of mobbing. As a result, they have a "response syndrome" of mobbing - a physiological reaction to severe moral pressure. Constant stress entails psychosomatic diseases - neurosis, depression, hypertensive crises, and in critical situations - even strokes or heart attacks.

Self-defense against mobbing

No matter how hard you try, it still ends up being extreme. Did not come to the yard. What to do? The first way to get rid of adversity is to turn around and walk away. If this can be done, do not even think about it - no team is worth its own health. Another thing is that sometimes it is not possible to quickly slam the door for a variety of objective reasons. Then - to work. Every mobbing has its own ideological inspirers. Here they are what we need. We now list several reliable and proven methods of self-defense against mobbing.

Blatant flattery. Take a closer look at the instigators of mobbing, find out their characteristic qualities and ... praise. More often and out loud, in front of everyone - for example: "Oh, what a beautiful dress, did you sew it yourself?" or "You managed to solve the problem so quickly, I'm delighted!". Bullying initiators are usually ambitious people. Praise often disarms them.

Real love. The offender "will have to love" and report it publicly and often. "How I like Anna Petrovna, always so sympathetic!", "I love Oleg Ivanovich, such a comedian!". Anna Petrovna and Oleg Ivanovich are likely to fall for the bait and subdue.

Showing weakness. Turn to enemies with a request for help in some business. The emphasis should be on the fact that you do not know how or do not know something, and no one except them is able to save you. People who love to elevate themselves at the expense of humiliating others will never resist the temptation to teach them something. And this is a different type of relationship - you are taken under the wing, and not attacked.

Complete indifference. But keep in mind that this path is suitable only for people with strong nerves, not very emotional. It's easy to act - do nothing. Don't even react. Pretend. That all efforts to bring you to the handle are wasted. You can't get through. If the enemy does not receive recoil, he becomes bored and withdraws his infantry.

saving irony. Laughter helps a lot to get out of the moral pressure. And you have to laugh at yourself. And so that others can hear it. Made a mistake? Criticize yourself with humor, even if you know for sure that you are not to blame. "Ah, I'm a fool - I forgot to go to the meeting of the holiday village!" Although you simply "forgot" to call there. Enemies will soon realize that the pressure does not work on you, and they will either fall behind or try a harder version of it. The last one must be prepared in any case. And if this happens - go for broke.

All in. In a situation where mobbing becomes an overt harassment in which the whole team is involved, the last resort before leaving is a frank conversation with enemies. You have nothing to lose, and therefore nothing to be afraid of. The time for games is over, now there are only open actions. Try to speak frankly - why the team is opposed to what you do not like, perhaps it's really about you and everything can be fixed by looking at yourself and your behavior critically. The method is good because it immediately puts everything in its place - either the conflict comes to naught, or you go the distance. Maybe they're just not your people.

In order not to provoke the team

If we could have known in advance that in this collective they would dislike us together, we would not even show our nose there. But the gift of foresight will not help here - it is better to take some preventive measures as an axiom. In other words, how not to become a victim of mobbing?

There is no smoke without fire, so you need to be able not to provoke the team. After all, the victim is not chosen by a random wave of the hand. In order for this role to be imposed on you, it is enough to be at least somewhat different from the rest.

- Give up the idea that everyone around is bad. Even if you do not speak out on this topic, the attitude will be noticeable.

- At first, communicate with the team as evenly and politely as possible, without imposing your sudden disposition on anyone and without getting involved in internal conflicts.

- Do not emphasize your intellectual superiority, even if it is obvious.

- Do not stand out with extravagant, unaccepted behavior in the team.

- Participate more actively in general informal conversations, but never give in to the temptation to discuss someone - otherwise it will be beneficially turned against you.