Do only what you want. Doing what you want is the only way to live your life right.

Hello again!
I have written many times about the importance of doing what you want. But sometimes I see a very strange effect of these words of mine. For example, people begin to believe that doing what you want is the way to get some kind of benefits and bonuses. This is a big mistake. As soon as you turn something into a scheme, everything breaks down and goes sideways.

And this is exactly the scheme - I want to get something, for this I will start doing "what I want" (and often they mean some kind of nonsense, like jumping naked or swearing in public, and not real needs), because Manukovsky says that this is how I get everything. Well, where are the desires here? Everything is from the mind, all plans and goals are of some kind, a solid "must" under the pseudonym "I want".

Doing what you want is not necessary in order to get something. Doing what you want is necessary in order to live, not exist. There is no greed in my heart - here I want to receive, I want to receive, give me, give. No, the heart wants happiness, tranquility, harmony. Doing what you want is vital. Without this, not life, but hard labor.

After all, the main thing in the postulate "do what you want" is to free yourself from what you DO NOT WANT to do. It is most important. It's not very clear when I say - live as you want, right? How do I want? - the question immediately arises. But to throw out of your life what you don’t like about it, not to do what you don’t want to do - this is much more understandable. Everyone knows what they are not happy with. Although, of course, he may lie that he does not know. We are completely free, reality can not easily be recognized. Our will has no obstacles, we are not conditioned by anything, even to our own detriment.

Well, or it happens when it is very clearly drawn somewhere. But not for the same we go where we are drawn, in order to get benefits. Pulls there, I want it. I want to do something, go somewhere. Not - I will do it to get the result.

A person taking a course recently wrote to me. He formulated very well what is desire and what is not. He had a "desire-seeking" problem. See how simple it is.

"After our conversation with you, it became much easier for me. And what I have been looking for so long unsuccessfully, I seem to have found! Now I have no questions," What to do? "," How to do? "And" Where to go ? ". Now I understand everything, at least now it is so.

The only problem with misunderstanding was that when I didn't want anything, but just wanted to walk the streets, not get a job, etc., I passed it off as a misunderstanding of "what should I do."

But it turned out that now I clearly feel it, that I always knew what to do. And what if I don't want to go anywhere and talk to anyone, then I need it for some reason. In such situations, I tried to find a way out and somehow "understand" where to go and what to do, I wanted to want to do something.

This absurdity did not seem absurd to me then, I drove myself into a corner, and did not understand anything. But now the absurdity of this venture is clearly visible, to want what you do not want. I thought that I just didn’t hear my desires, and somehow I needed to hear them, but that’s why they and desires are impossible to miss, somehow I will know exactly what I want, I will not miss it. :) "

Exactly. A very subtle thing is perfectly expressed. It can be difficult to explain that when you don't want anything, that is the desire that you can fulfill. That is, simply do nothing, and not go and look for what you want at this moment. This is what you want - to do nothing and not to look for "what do I want?"

Doing what you want (and not doing what you don’t want to do) is a tremendous value. Value in itself, regardless of what it gives you. But, of course, by doing what you want, you can get a lot. If not "do what you want" for the sake of getting.

"You say to a person:" Do what you want! " And he: “Well, what are you! Is it possible? " I see this as a symptom of a general neurosis, ”writes psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky in the column for.

The advice “to do only what you want” is perceived by many as a call to anarchy. They consider their greatest desires to be invariably base and dangerous for others. People are sure that they are secret lawlessness and are afraid to give themselves free rein.

The answer is: if you consider yourself a good person, then yes. It is possible and necessary. The desires of a good person coincide with the interests of others.

The rules are simple at first glance:

Do only what you want.
Don't do what you don't want to do.
Immediately talk about what you don't like.
Not answering when not asked.
Answer only the question.
When clarifying the relationship, talk only about yourself. (...)

My rules suggest a way of behavior that is completely unusual for neurotics and, on the contrary, characteristic of mentally healthy people: calm, independent, with high self-esteem, those who love themselves.

Point one evokes the greatest resistance, a mass of questions, doubts, and accusations against me. They say to me: what is this? "Love yourself, sneeze at everyone, and success awaits you in life"? Although I never and nowhere speak about "give a damn at all".

For some reason, everyone stubbornly believes that living the way you want yourself means living to the detriment of others. In addition, in our society there is a contemptuous attitude towards our own desires, as if they must necessarily be base. And vicious. I would even say that our citizens treat their desires with apprehension or even fear (...). In my opinion, such a psychology is called slavish. (….)

And yet “do what you want” is often confused with “being selfish”. But there is a big difference! The egoist does not accept himself and cannot calm down in any way. He is absolutely fixated on himself, his problems and inner experiences, the main of which is the feeling of resentment. He cannot help you or sympathize not at all because he is so bad, but because he does not have the mental strength to do it. After all, he has a stormy, exciting relationship with himself. And it seems to everyone that he is insensitive, callous, cold, that he does not give a damn about everyone, but at this time he thinks that it is just about him that everyone does not care! And he continues to accumulate grievances.

And who is a person who loves himself? This is the one who will always choose the business to which his soul lies. And when it is necessary to decide what to do, he may figure out what is effective, what is reasonable, how the sense of duty dictates, and then he will do as he wants. Even if you lose money on it. And he has a lot to lose. But who should he be offended at? He is fine. He lives among those whom he loves, he works where he likes ... He has everything agreed with him and harmoniously, and therefore he is kind to others and open to the world. He also respects other people's desires as much as he respects his own. (...)

Wanting to achieve results, many consider it their duty to fight with themselves, suppress emotions, say to themselves: nothing, I'll get used to it! Here is a universal example of such a struggle: on the one hand, she wants to eat, and on the other, she wants to lose weight. And even if he loses weight, he loses. She loses to herself, because she still dreams of a cake, especially closer to one in the morning.

It takes a lot of effort to “live the way you want” at first. The psyche habitually leads you along the path of compromises and fears, and you catch yourself by the hand and say: damn, what am I doing? I don’t want that!

And so many times (….). And to be honest, it becomes easier and easier to live. Moreover, after training, after a while you can no longer do otherwise.

The advice “to do only what you want” is perceived by our citizens as a call to anarchy. They consider their greatest desires to be certainly base, vicious, dangerous to others. People are sure that they are secret lawlessness and are simply afraid to give themselves free rein! I see this as a serious symptom of a general neurosis.

You tell the person: do what you want! And he: what are you! Is it possible ?!

The answer is: if you consider yourself a good person, then yes. It is possible and necessary. The desires of a good person coincide with the interests of others.

Six rules that have helped dozens of people to get out of neurosis are the result of 30 years of practice. This does not mean that I have been thinking about them for 30 years. Rather, one day they themselves spontaneously lined up, like the periodic table in Mendeleev's head when he woke up.

The rules are simple at first glance:

Do only what you want.
Don't do what you don't want to do.
Immediately talk about what you don't like.
Not answering when not asked.
Answer only the question.
When clarifying the relationship, talk only about yourself.

Let me explain how they work. Every neurotic, as early as childhood, receives a certain stimulus in his life, and not even one. Since this is an annoyingly repetitive stimulus, the child's psyche develops the same stereotypical reactions to it. For example, parents are yelling - the child is scared and withdraws into himself, and since they are constantly yelling, the child is constantly in fear and depressed. It grows and the behavior continues to take hold. An irritant is a reaction, an irritant is a reaction. This is how it goes year after year. During this time, strong nerve connections are formed in the brain, the so-called reflex arc - nerve cells lined up in a certain way, which make them react in the usual way to any similar stimulus. (And if the child was beaten or abandoned altogether? Can you imagine what reactions he develops to life?)

So, in order to help a person overcome fears, anxieties, insecurity, low self-esteem, this arc must be broken. Create new connections, their new order. And there is only one way to do this "without using a lobotomy": with the help of actions unusual for a neurotic.

He needs to start to act differently, to break their behavioral stereotypes. And when there are clear instructions on how to behave in each specific situation, it is easier to change. Not thinking, not reflecting, not referring to my own (negative) experience. For life in general, it doesn't matter what you think - only what you feel and what you do matters.

For some reason, everyone stubbornly believes that living the way you want yourself means living to the detriment of others. In addition, in our society there is a contemptuous attitude towards our own desires, as if they must necessarily be base. And vicious. I would even say that our citizens treat their desires with apprehension or even fear. The concept is: “Just give me freedom! I uuuh! Then I will not be stopped! (Sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll or like “I'm going to kill everyone here!” And “I'm scared in anger!)” If that's true what he wants, then what kind of person is this? Further, he usually admits that he needs a firm hand, a strong bridle, and so on. In my opinion, such a psychology is called slavish.

There is one more concept. Mom's favorite shout after (possibly, father) was: "You cannot live the way you want!" And what worse did she say about those who live like this (perhaps about their father). My grandmother had a saying: “We do not live for joy, but for conscience,” and the whole family had a sign: if we laugh a lot today, then tomorrow we will cry. The result is that a person with an anxious psyche is organically unable to do what he wants. He cannot even determine what exactly he wants. He seems to be guilty in advance and is sure that reckoning will come for fulfilled desires and therefore preventively it is necessary to behave "as it should".

And yet “do what you want” is often confused with “being selfish”. But there is a big difference! The egoist does not accept himself and cannot calm down in any way. He is absolutely fixated on himself, his problems and inner experiences, the main of which is the feeling of resentment. He cannot help you or sympathize not at all because he is so bad, but because he does not have the mental strength to do it. After all, he has a stormy, exciting relationship with himself. And it seems to everyone that he is insensitive, callous, cold, that he does not give a damn about everyone, but at this time he thinks that it’s just that everyone does not care about him! And he continues to accumulate grievances.

And who is a person who loves himself? This is the one who will always choose a business to which his soul lies. And when it is necessary to decide what to do, he may figure out what is effective, what is reasonable, as the sense of duty dictates, and then he will do as he WANTS. Even if you lose money on it. And he has a lot to lose. But who should he be offended at? He is fine. He lives among those he loves, he works where he likes ... He has everything agreed with him and harmoniously, and therefore he is kind to others and open to the world. He also respects other people's desires as much as he respects his own.

And by the way, this is precisely why he does not have that inner conflict that is characteristic of neurotics who live a double life. For example, with a wife - out of a sense of duty, and with a mistress just out of a feeling. And then he buys a gift for his wife because "it is necessary", and not because he WANTS to please her. Or he goes to work because he likes what he does, and not because he has a loan and hopes to endure five more years in this office hell. Here it is - duality!

Wanting to achieve results, many consider it their duty to fight with themselves, suppress emotions, say to themselves: nothing, I'll get used to it! The result, achieved without struggle and self-overcoming, they, apparently, are not happy. Here is a universal example of such a struggle: on the one hand, she wants to eat, and on the other, she wants to lose weight. And even if he loses weight, he loses. She loses to herself because she still dreams of a cake, especially closer to one in the morning. (We will talk about the connection between overweight, overeating and neuroses of all stripes. And the connection is direct).

Well, roughly what I say to my clients when I explain the first and probably the most important of my six rules. By which, by the way, I myself try to live. And I will not pretend that it was easy for me. It takes a lot of effort to “live the way you want” at first. The psyche habitually leads you along the path of compromises and fears, and you catch yourself by the hand and say: damn, what am I doing? I don’t want that! And so many times, after which it becomes easier and easier to make decisions. In their favor, but not to the detriment of someone. I know that I am a good person, which means that my desires will not create problems for anyone.

And to be honest, it becomes easier and easier to live. Moreover, after training, after a while you can no longer do otherwise. Sometimes you think “to act wisely”, but contrary to desire and will, and the body is already resisting. Until you give up what you really don't want, but you seem to need. And joy comes. True, in this way I have recently lost a decent income, but better income than health and joy.

Mikhail Labkovsky: Desires of a good person coincide with the interests of others

"You tell a person:" Do what you want! " And he: “Well, what are you! Is it possible? " I see this as a symptom of a general neurosis, ”writes psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky in a column for Snob.ru

The answer is: if you consider yourself a good person, then yes. It is possible and necessary. The desires of a good person coincide with the interests of others. (...)

The rules are simple at first glance:

1. Do only what you want.

2. Do not do what you don’t want to do.

3. Immediately talk about what you don't like.

4. Not answering when not asked.

5. Answer only the question.

6. When clarifying the relationship, talk only about yourself. (...)

It takes a lot of effort to “live the way you want” at first. The psyche habitually leads you along the path of compromises and fears

And yet “do what you want” is often confused with “being selfish”. But there is a big difference! The egoist does not accept himself and cannot calm down in any way. He is absolutely fixated on himself, his problems and inner experiences, the main of which is the feeling of resentment. He cannot help you or sympathize not at all because he is so bad, but because he does not have the mental strength to do it. After all, he has a stormy, exciting relationship with himself. And it seems to everyone that he is insensitive, callous, cold, that he does not give a damn about everyone, but at this time he thinks that it’s just that everyone does not care about him! And he continues to accumulate grievances.

And who is a person who loves himself? This is the one who will always choose the business to which his soul lies. And when it is necessary to decide what to do, he may figure out what is effective, what is reasonable, how the sense of duty dictates, and then he will do as he wants. Even if you lose money on it. And he has a lot to lose. But who should he be offended at? He is fine. He lives among those he loves, he works where he likes ... He has everything agreed with him and harmoniously, and therefore he is kind to others and open to the world. He also respects other people's desires as much as he respects his own. (...)

Well, roughly what I say to my clients when I explain the first and probably the most important of my six rules. By which, by the way, I myself try to live. And I will not pretend that it was easy for me. It takes a lot of effort to “live the way you want” at first. The psyche habitually leads you along the path of compromises and fears, and you catch yourself by the hand and say: damn, what am I doing? I don’t want that! And so many times (….). And to be honest, it becomes easier and easier to live. Moreover, after training, after a while you can no longer do otherwise.

Read the full version of Mikhail Labkovsky's column atSnob.ru

Many books, practices and trainings talk about the need to “want” correctly. Understanding your own desires helps you achieve a lot. You can even say everything in this life. But the problem is, most of us don't want to. And he can only do the "Must", forgetting about himself and his dreams. One simple exercise will teach you to change focus at will and do "what I want" at any time.

Exercise "I Do What I Want"

In fact, the practice is not easy. Its essence is to allow yourself to indulge your own secret desires. It is very difficult to achieve this "permission" for yourself. Our thinking is too blinkered by the obligatory elements of the surrounding life.

It's clear and simple. Familiar from childhood.

Hard. Noticable. Unreal.

To overcome this contradiction, we force ourselves to “want” in the “must” format.

What is required for this?

We make a decision to indulge any of our whims and desires and find ways to implement emerging ideas.
We choose a technical assistant - programs on a computer or smartphone, alarm clocks, organizers, any "reminders".
We set the interval for the signal every hour. And when the right moment comes, we ask ourselves the question: "What Do I Want Now ?!"

We formulate desires in a positive format so that they fill the soul and body with energy. We do not pay attention to the quirkiness of the thoughts that arise, because they can be practically anything - from material ideas to spiritual benefits.

But more on that below ...

We carry out the "I want" thing, getting maximum pleasure from it.

Exercise secrets

To do “what I want”, you must first go through the stage of a child who has seized on sweets. This means doing whatever you really want to do. Positive and sincere.

Desires can be included in the list of spontaneously emerging ideas:

eat something delicious - chocolate, pizza, rolls, ice cream;
do something with your own hands - fold puzzles, draw a picture, embroider a pattern;
buy something - a trinket, decoration, notebook, pen, flower;
take a walk - change the route, go to the lake, sit by the fountain;
go in for sports - go for a run, ride a bike or roller-skate;
chat;
read;
go to a cafe;
sleep.

The list is almost endless.

It is desirable to fulfill all impulses. 100% realization of your own little desires will allow the soul to open up and receive a huge share of energy.

When the child "plays enough", more significant and serious ideas will begin to appear. And that's great. Because the soul felt that it was being listened to and began to generate really important "want". And the universe, seeing your response to simple things and the full realization of all desires, will certainly give you the opportunity to realize more serious "Wishlist".

Important accents

To learn how to do what you want, it is enough to correctly assess the priorities:

Body desires.
Manifestations of the soul.

The body seeks comfort, so any physical activity or, conversely, passivity is important for it. Relaxing massage, changing positions, jogging - these are all the desires of the body.

The soul wants harmony, happiness, beauty. We learn to notice the intangible and the beautiful. Or we add missing elements to life ourselves. Hobbies, cute purchases and comfortable activities nourish the soul perfectly, adding strength and tone to it.

It’s so easy to restructure your thinking from the format "I need" to "I want". And go to the dream confidently and quickly.