How to deal with people who are arrogant. Psychology of neutralization of harmful people. Do you know there are other points of view

Arrogance is a quality with which a person tries to protect his personality from various undesirable unacceptable manifestations. It contributes to the fact that an arrogant person feels more of his own importance. But this is not very pleasant to others - and the feeling of rejection in this case is quite fair, because no one wants to feel worse than another. Is the word "arrogance" synonymous with pride? And what is the full meaning of this word?

Synonymous with pride, analogue of consumerism

Psychologists believe that arrogance is always associated with consumption. An arrogant person is one who expects constant praise, special treatment, and recognition from others. The credo of a person in communication is "we are for each other." The motto of an arrogant person may correspond to the following words: "you are for me." A vain person always wants to feel in a leadership position. These people differ from the rest in that they tend to constantly teach and instruct others, as well as make comments. People of this sort, without a twinge of conscience, make choices for others, because they consider themselves experts in all areas of life. However, psychologically, arrogance is a defensive reaction carefully built over the course of life.

An arrogant person is one who, through such behavior, tries to protect himself from a sense of his own worthlessness. He consciously chooses a type of behavior that helps to make his existence more comfortable. With the help of arrogance, it is easier for a person to control the world around him. Since arrogance stands guard over a sense of self-worth, this type of psychological protection is greatly needed by people who have experienced serious humiliation or shame.

Treatment for arrogance

Thus, it turns out that an arrogant person is not the one for whom he tries to impersonate others. At the same time, people of this kind are much more likely to cause contempt towards themselves on the part of others. With their sense of arrogance, they constantly hurt the pride and self-esteem of the interlocutor. An arrogant person is one who constantly alienates others from himself, because by his actions he sows cold when communicating.

For such a person, it is important to be able to accept their own imperfections and learn to show respect for people. He needs to master the ability to notice his own value, as well as appreciate others. From vertical relationships with the world, where an arrogant person occupies a position from above, he must gradually move into horizontal ones, where communication takes place on an equal footing.

The reasons

In fact, pride is the opposite of nothingness. In other words, it is the antonym of low self-esteem. The way an arrogant person behaves is an extreme, which can hardly lead to anything good. Often arrogance can be the result of improper upbringing. This happens when parents from the earliest years tell their child: "You are the best, the smartest, the most beautiful, you are better than others." To the greatest extent, this is reflected in the self-esteem of the child, when the words of the parents are an absolute lie. They are not supported in any way by his own actions. In other words, the child does practically nothing good, does not make any effort, but at the same time constantly receives praise. Arrogance is formed when a child receives an undeserved reward.

There is another case of the formation of arrogance. A person becomes arrogant when he does not know how to work with his self-esteem, cannot accept his own shortcomings, treat them properly and gradually eliminate them.

Solve problems at the expense of others

So, we have looked at why people are arrogant and where this problem originates. People who do not have peace of mind try in various ways to make up for their mental anguish at the expense of others. Arrogance often occurs when a person feels the pressure of their own psychological problem, but they struggle to contain this pressure. The proverb "from rags to riches" indicates that arrogance is a fairly old problem in the human world. If a person remembers who he was recently and what he did, but begins to be ashamed of his past, tries to forget him, then he has psychological difficulties.

What about the proud?

How to deal with an arrogant person? Psychologists do not recommend trying to subdue him or point to addiction. Often an arrogant person boasts not of his real achievements, but of his plans. In this case, it can and should just be put in place. They say about arrogant people that they have a "high measure." These people have a high level of claims. However, the disadvantage is that these claims are not based on anything. Many rightly consider arrogance to be a mental illness. This character trait deprives the owner of humanity, alienates him from reality. An arrogant person cannot see the real state of things, because everyone around him seems unworthy.

Numerous studies in the field of the human psyche, his emotions and intelligence have shown that at the beginning of life we ​​change every few years. Moreover, these changes occur both in our body and in our minds. Moving to a new level, we rebuild each time both at the level of the body and at the level of thinking.

But the most interesting observation is that the next stage of our development draws a line between our past and present in our minds. Growing up, we stop accepting ourselves as we used to be, and we can’t even imagine that we were once helpless and capable of stupid things. This boundary in self-perception is a protective feature that allows us to leave all the negativity of the past in that part of our memory that does not really affect our present life.

In some cases, however, this negativity seeps into this reality and spoils our lives. For example, people begin to behave like children: they become touchy, stupid and reckless in their actions. This is due to the fact that at some stage in the development of his consciousness, a person receives psychological trauma that turns into non-healing wounds of the soul. People who feel that not everything is calm in their souls find various ways to compensate for this mental suffering at the expense of others.

For example, a man who is too weak in character often chooses as his wife, as they say, a mother who can take care of him like a child. Or a man traumatized in childhood turns into a despotic boss, trying to unconsciously humiliate his subordinates, morally rising above them.

Arrogance occurs when a person feels the pressure of a problem from his subconscious, but tries his best to contain this influence. The folk saying "rags to riches" tells us that this problem is not new in our human world. When a person still remembers who he was and what he did recently, but is embarrassed by his past, he tries to forget about it, strengthening his position at a new stage in life. And this is where difficulties and excesses arise.

When a person walks down the street and does not look at his feet, for example, in order not to see garbage or cigarette butts on the sidewalk, he can get carried away and raise his head too high, losing sight of what is happening under his feet. It is easy to imagine what will happen if a stone, wire or branch gets under your feet - such a skygazer will simply stumble and sprawl on the pavement. He will do this, of course, not on purpose, but you can’t call the fall an accident either, you need to look under your feet!

In relationships between people, this situation of superficiality is more difficult to recognize, but one of the signs is the so-called arrogance. I talked with such personalities and in fact it turned out that they are often very vulnerable and even unhappy people. However, this does not make it easier for those who suffer from the arrogance of such people. And the only effective and simple way out that allows you to adequately communicate with them is to return them to the ground, as they say, to this reality.

Remembering that such behavior is just a protective function of consciousness, you need to make it clear to the person that you respect his achievements and will not allow yourself to infringe on his rights. The best way is to praise a person, even for no reason. The reason in such a situation, as always, is his unconscious tension, which provokes inadequacy in behavior.

You can often hear about tyrant bosses who no longer control themselves because of internal discord. The intense movement along the path of life, the career ladder requires a lot of strength, especially for people with a heavy unconscious load that accumulates while still in the womb. For them, any achievement in life is very significant, so they appreciate every micron of the energy spent. Imagine how high officials exalt themselves, having achieved or sat out the chair of the chief!

But even an ordinary person will not allow to belittle his achievements, therefore, just in case, he will behave somewhat arrogantly. Another thing is when we are faced with the arrogance of a person who, even without achieving anything in life, can behave defiantly simply because some kind of energy or character trait will push him to this. Especially if such people are constantly in the struggle and striving to reach new heights on the path of life.

So for them, we can simply seem like sleepy flies or children from the sandbox, of course, in a figurative sense. In the relationship of a person-achiever with other people, his selfishness is often manifested. Rather, what is perceived from the outside as selfishness. For him, this is not the case. He believes that when he achieves his goal, loved ones also benefit. But this does not make it easier for relatives, because a person striving for a goal spends not only his own resources. He also captures others. After all, attention and care, and even morning tea prepared with love - all this helps him achieve success. However, since such people are often proud of their plans, and not real achievements, it is easy to put them in their place.

If you depend on such a person, it is understandable that he will like your submission, but if he depends on you, then it is in your power to make your goals become common. Addiction is not a good position for a person striving for self-realization, he will resist this, while demonstrating just the same arrogance.

Remember that this is just a defense and do not make mistakes in communicating with him so that he stops being defensive: do not try to clearly subdue him or point out his dependence; do not put spokes in his wheels, especially when he rushed to his goal; do not insist on his being wrong, recognizing that it is human nature to err.

If you manage to turn off the protection, then you will remove unnecessary tension in his subconscious, and his arrogance will recede, revealing more pleasant traits of his character.

Arrogant people seem to think they know everything. If you let them, they can really get on your nerves. Instead of getting annoyed, it's better to find a way to successfully communicate with them.

Steps

Part 1

Start a meeting with an arrogant person by taking a confident stance and showing that you strong and confident person. When you are confident, there is nothing an arrogant person can say or do to embarrass you. Your self-confidence and self-esteem will protect you, and you will be invulnerable to an arrogant and arrogant person. An arrogant person may simply be unable to get along with you and even say hurtful and mean things, but this can pass if you are confident in yourself.

Use the encounter as an opportunity to improve your own listening skills or tolerance. Perhaps your weakness is impatience, frustration, or irritation. Perhaps you feel intimidated. Try to get away from your usual upside down negative attitudes and see this as a learning opportunity where you seek to listen and not judge. Try to tolerate the person, trying to understand how he motivates his behavior, as well as how you might feel in the same position. Of course, there is no excuse for bad behavior, but at least you can listen without getting annoyed and just surprise the arrogant person.

Consider the ways in which you communicate with other people. Are you assertive or flattering? Are you confident or shy as a mouse? Arrogant people look for those who won't assert themselves because they like pushing people around or pushing their buttons. If you're having trouble in this area, then you may want to increase your self-confidence and also learn how to respond to arrogant people in more ways.

Part 2

Definition and Understanding of the Arrogant Soul

1. Assess the situation. Why do you feel that the person is arrogant? Are they condescending towards you or not talking to you? Unless there has been an incident that shows that this person puts himself above you, then don't jump to the conclusion that he or she is arrogant. You may be wrong about them.

   • If you feel that your interests and wishes are not respected at all, then this may be a sign of contact with an arrogant person, especially if he or she insists that his or her way is the only right way.

2. Listen to their conversation. Is he always talking about them? Do they get angry or annoyed if the spotlight moves to someone else? Boasting, putting others down, and acting like they know everything is a sure sign of the arrogant type. Interruption or abrupt interruption are also signs of arrogance.

   • Look for a person who constantly says that he is better than you and other people. It may be covert or overt, but you will immediately understand.
   • Understand how contemptuous the person is of you and your ideas or thoughts. Contemptuous attitude speaks of the belief that a person considers himself better than others.
   • Is this person belittling things that matter to you, especially in public?
   • Does this person talk/act like they are your boss? Listen for a tone of voice that indicates authority and contempt.
   • Does this person notice that you miss talking? Arrogant people never notice this!

3. Determine if the person accepts your opinion when making decisions. Arrogant people rarely let others make decisions because they are sure they are right and always know all the answers. And they don't care if the decision concerns you.

   • Is this person trying to hang around, meet or talk to people of high status? This is because the arrogant person believes that he or she is only worthy of people of high status.

4. Know that arrogant people are often quite insecure. Through dominance and control, they control their fear of being subdued. It is difficult for an arrogant person to admit that he is wrong, no matter how ridiculous it looks, but he will cling to it even when his knowledge is outdated, or if he does not think more broadly. Unfortunately, many arrogant people actually have far less life experience than they let on; it is just a cover embellished with imagination and envy.

   • Snobbery is a classic sign of arrogance. Knowing or pretending that a person knows something special gives the arrogant person an edge and he or she is not afraid to brag about it.
   • It is very difficult for an arrogant person to accept difficulties. He or she is much more comfortable with predictable, black and white situations, such a person tends to see all of life in a similar light. This can make an arrogant person assume a lot but know very little.
   • Excitement can be mistaken for arrogance with no real intention of viewing you as an inferior person. In this case, the flustered person is simply embarrassed that they are inappropriately talking and trying too hard to be smart. This can sound like superiority and, combined with dominating the conversation, can come off as arrogant. Try to look deeper before you judge a person's intentions. A flustered person will ask for your opinion, while an arrogant person won't care for it and will never apologize often during a conversation.

Part 3

How to effectively deal with the arrogance of others

1. Don't let him get to you. This may be easier said than done, but by ignoring experience excellence, you will defeat the overall purpose of this behavior. Be lenient when the person is obviously exaggerating things, and try to forgive some of the bragging (especially if it's your relative or someone you see regularly). Think about how you can benefit from such an encounter - among all the fluff, there is probably something worth knowing or studying in more detail. Perhaps this person is good at telling stories, or simply charming, despite the obvious snobbery.

   When meeting someone for the first time, it's always best to give him or her a chance to show his or her true character in full. Listen carefully and allow the other person to speak freely. Be polite and accept what is said without trying to think about the meaning of the words. As the person speaks, his or her personality will be visible and you will know if they are being friendly, equal, or annoying.

   • If the experience of communication reveals that the person belongs to the last category (unpleasant and annoying), then try to get the necessary information or close the necessary business deal, and then try to quietly and politely leave (to put it mildly, disappear).

2. Be tactful. Being tactful, you can tell that a lot happens due to luck, which will lead you to success faster than any ability. Analyze how much you owe to the good fortune in life and the kindness of others. Note also that many people have a hard time in life, and how amazed you are that such people still manage to thrive. This will hint to others that you are not going to flatter and hear about the amazing supernatural abilities of an arrogant person.

   Change the topic of conversation. This can be confusing for an arrogant person who wants to dominate a conversation on a certain topic because he or she feels comfortable. If he or she tries to revisit an old topic, politely indicate that you have already communicated your views and return to the new topic. This will help make it clear that you won't be able to listen to one artist's show all day.

   Avoid too close and long interactions. There are some good ways to stop an arrogant person who not only dominates the conversation and exaggerates or plays like they are on stage,

   • Smile a lot. Speak little. Nod here and there. Don't let yourself be drawn into the conversation. Use snares like “mmm”, “ahh”, “ah” Plan your way out.
   • Laugh out loud where laughter is inappropriate. This crumple the conversation and allow you to move on to a new topic.
   • A simple and often used comment "Really?" will play into your hands. Say it with a tone of disbelief, look the person straight in the eye, and don't say anything else. Practice this in front of a mirror to improve yourself.

3. Don't agree politely. You are not a punching bag or a mirror. You have the right to politely express your opinion. So take the opportunity to show that there are also other views. For example:

   • "You have an interesting point of view. I did not find evidence for this in my work. In my experience, X happens in 99% of cases, and 1% is not worth paying attention to."
   • " Of course, this is one of the opinions. However, as my experience shows, everything happens differently. For example ... "

4. Find humor in their arrogance. This is a big deal. Arrogant people are often too self-centered to realize that others are laughing at them. Pretend you don't understand what they are talking about and watch them chug and try to explain to you.

   Stay away if you're having a hard time collecting your thoughts. If you have not yet come up with a reliable method for contacting this person, do your best not to get in his or her way. You will buy yourself time to decide how best to respond, or it will just help you stay away from their annoying presence.

   • If you must communicate with them in a group, then try addressing the group as a whole instead of talking to the arrogant person in person: for example, instead of saying, "Hi, Vanya," say, "Hi everyone." Also, don't ask "How are you?" as this can lead to a rude response.

5. If you are constantly working with a consistently rude and arrogant person, then every time you see him approach, you suddenly become incredibly busy. Pick up the phone and simulate a conversation. If they definitely want your attention, make them wait as long as you can. When you finally pay attention to them, do it impersonally by doing something else. For example, say "What can I do for you" and take the phone hand. This technique often works very well because you are actually "putting the arrogant person in their place". This is the opposite of what they want.

   Be honest. If that doesn't work and the arrogant person still gets on your nerves, tell them how you feel about their arrogance and tell them how you feel. Don't yell or insult them more than necessary, because then you'll just look angry.

6. Stay polite no matter what. Good manners will save you from looking like a bad person. It will be clear that you are patient. But it will also be clear that you do not tolerate fools.

   • Once you have left their spirit-robbing presence, you can be proud of your professionalism, your intellectual knowledge of the dynamics and your presence of mind that helped you escape quickly and not waste precious time on such a person. They, on the other hand, will be deeply surprised to encounter a truly suave and reserved person, and will feel that their coarse arrogance will have no effect on you, and that they cannot control you, hurt you, resent you. or destroy you with their gloomy mood, which they themselves seem unable to control or resist.
• Usually arrogant people don't listen to what you have to say, so sometimes you just have to smile and nod as it's convenient to keep you safe.
• Remember that the reason they are arrogant is because they believe that no one loves them. Remember how many people love you just because you are you. Your heart is full and theirs is not.
• Don't be afraid to "carefully" take a stand on actions that you won't tolerate or approve of. Thus, they learn what is wrong and what is right.
• Sometimes arrogant people like to compete and point out small flaws and mistakes. If they reprimand you, calmly reply "thanks for the notice." Just make sure it doesn't sound too sarcastic.
• When someone just drives you crazy with their arrogance, you can ask them very politely, "May I ask how did you become such an expert in this field? Did you study? Did you learn about it from a bad experience? Is there anything what do you not know, and what could I tell you about?
• Politely tell them what their actions are like (keyword “similar”). Say "That looks like..." or "Looks like you're on the defensive" and they sometimes back off a bit. Most of the time they will continue to defend themselves, but you will make your point with them when they do. Don't argue; just move on.
• Tell them how you feel when they talk about themselves all the time!

Warnings

• Ignoring an arrogant person can be effective if you want to be left alone. So even if they don't talk to you, their presence in the room can still be annoying for you.
• Try not to get into any arguments with them, because they will never listen to your point of view, and if they do, they will tell you all the time that you are wrong. Arrogant people will often try to make you feel insecure and wrong. He or she will do this in an attempt to demonstrate control over the situation. If this happens to you, don't get angry, as this is what they want from you. Instead, try to accept their actions and see things from their point of view. Be wise, but don't make matters worse by being rude or hostile.
• Arrogant people can be so arrogant that they will only negatively affect your life. Some people feel that this kind of people don't deserve to live, but you live anyway. You don't need them and the world doesn't need them, and ultimately no one will like them, so just ignore them and ignore their pathetic, disgusting excuse for existence.

What a good home! I enjoy every minute while there is still time. But the day is not far off when I will have to go to work again. And you know what annoys me the most? The fact that I have to communicate with people with a complex character. In other words, arrogant. Little pleasure!

Difficulties in communication

Who can answer where this disgusting trait of character comes from in a person? Are they born with her, or what? No, of course, I understand purely humanly that if a person has achieved certain heights in life, then there is reason to be proud of himself. Although, turning up your nose above the clouds is still not worth it.

Here I have one employee. At first glance, a completely ordinary person. Education - a medical school (I didn’t have enough strength for more). Her position is a step above mine, and she treats me and the other nurses as if she were nothing less than an English queen!

On duty, I often have to turn to her with various requests. If you only knew what nerves it costs! First you need to knock on the door of her office, and slightly open it. If there was no invitation to enter (and this happens in most cases), you have to wait a long time in the corridor.

When she deigns to listen to a request or assignment, she will give the incoming person such an arrogant look, even goosebumps. Well, exactly the painting "The Lady and the Serf." She never admits her mistakes, she considers it unworthy. But other people's oversights can be discussed endlessly.

But the worst thing is that she is not the only one, and everyone needs to find an approach. Such communication is tiring no less than a whole day of physical activity.

My tactics

Do you know what I wanted to do after the first such communication? Give her a hryvnia (iron ruble) and say: if you find out your price, you will return the rest ... Many advised me - answer rudeness with rudeness. Is this the only way out? Having experimented a little, I have identified a few basic rules for myself.

1. I never curry favor with such persons, I do not say compliments to them. I ask, not beg (after all, these are not personal requests).

2. I look into my eyes. This is much better than shifting from foot to foot, looking down at the floor.

3. I unobtrusively copy the gestures and manner of communication of the interlocutor.

This is what I do when the conversation cannot be avoided. And here the most important thing is not to fade into the background, not to flinch under a scornful look. To do this, you need to hide your emotions in a secluded corner of consciousness and imagine yourself as the hero of some kind of tactical game. There are rules, there are tactics and there is nowhere to retreat.

And the reward will be another skill in the treasury of skills and abilities.

Don't be aggressive. Proud people can often be irritable or even just aggressive. These are the barriers they put up to protect themselves from vulnerability. Recognize this character trait and resist the urge to make excuses for this person's behavior, as this will only backfire. If the person has already proven that they are not responding to constructive dialogue, sometimes it is better to accept their refusal for the time being.

Come with relevant offers. A little sugar never hurt anyone! The next time you see this person, you can bring something uplifting and happy—maybe a cup of coffee, a lemon, and a candied ginger muffin, or a funny story that might be appreciated. A gesture of generosity, even if not always justified, can help turn things around. Sometimes, this person may not ask for help, but will accept it (or offers) even if they didn't ask for it.

Be intuitive. While it's best to keep your nose out, you can still observe and understand the negative behavior in order to identify its "triggers". Get to the point where you can intuitively recognize when tensions might arise and then find a quick way to defuse the situation. These articles can help with redirection:

• How to defuse a dispute
• How to avoid discomfort when talking about religion
• How to Deal with a Powerful Man in Law