Every woman is responsible for her family. It is on her that the atmosphere and well-being depend. After all, a woman is obliged to keep the house clean, to raise children and pay attention to her husband. and at the same time remain kind, gentle and soft? It turns out that becoming an ideal wife is not as easy as it seems. In the article, we will consider what duties of a wife to her husband are distinguished.

What is marital debt?

Many couples believe that in this case sexual relations are implied. However, psychologists say otherwise. Marital duty is a moral relationship, such as fidelity, honesty, duty to the second half, conscience. Every person who marries is obliged to remember that a great responsibility for the family has fallen on his shoulders.

In a joint life, morality is above all. After all, intimacy does not always help solve problems. Therefore, many couples value support, care and friendship in their partner.

In the family, much depends on the wife. As she initially distributes responsibilities, so in the future the life of the spouses will develop. Support your other half, take care of her - and you will have a strong, friendly family.

Basic women's household duties

Each jointly establishes life. As a rule, the man is the earner, and the woman is the keeper of the hearth. Therefore, it is necessary to create such conditions that the beloved would like to go home after work. To do this, the dwelling should be cleaned and a pleasant cozy atmosphere created.

The duties of a wife at home include many tasks. One of them is cooking. The wife must prepare dinner in advance, before the arrival of her husband. It is best to create a romantic atmosphere. In such an environment, the husband will be happy to come.

Try to never leave dirty dishes after eating. This is considered bad manners. Perhaps your loved one will not remark to you, but it will be unpleasant for him to see dried dirt in the kitchen.

Greet your loved one with a smile. After all, after a hard day, you want to relax and get positive emotions. Arrange romantic evenings as often as possible, where there are candles and light pleasant music.

When the husband is going to work in the morning, he should put on clean, ironed clothes. She has to take care of her beloved. Prepare the necessary things in the evening so that the husband does not run in the mornings and does not look for what to wear.

Wives are not limited to this. In fact, there are a lot of them. Read on.

Beauty and grooming

When you are waiting for your husband from work, you have prepared dinner, the house is clean and comfortable, you need to remember about yourself. Despite her fatigue, the wife should always look clean and tidy. A husband is pleased when he comes not only to a cozy house, but also sees a beautiful wife.

Try to change clothes for the arrival of your beloved, do your hair, apply light makeup. After all, many women eventually forget about themselves. They argue that there is no time to put yourself in order for household chores, but you can devote only five minutes to your appearance! Self-care is also part of the wife's marital duties.

Support

It is important for any person to have a good and reliable friend. Therefore, spouses should be not only excellent lovers, but also devoted friends. It is very important for a man to know that he can completely trust his beloved. After all, no matter what happens, the wife should always support her husband and be on his side.

A woman is obliged to inspire her beloved. If he doesn’t get along well at work, you don’t need to blame him for this. He may not have found his place yet. Try to help your spouse find himself. After all, a man, like any person, only thanks to the support will be able to change his life for the better.

Give your loved one your positive energy. A wife is the foundation by which a spouse becomes a successful person. Do not complain, do not be offended by your spouse when something does not work out for him. This only makes the relationship worse. After all, your depressive state is transmitted to your husband, then he becomes irritable and unsure of himself. The duties of a wife in marriage are very important. After all, the future of the family depends on it.

A man likes when a woman admires him. Try to talk as often as possible about his abilities, talents and masculinity. For the stronger sex, the opinion of the beloved is very important. If he sees that he is admired, then he will exceed all your expectations with his achievements.

The authority of the husband is an important criterion in marriage

Since ancient times, it has been established that a man is the head of the family. Trust your loved one, prove to him that you value and respect his opinion. Do not teach him life, because you are not a mother to your husband, but a beloved woman. Remember: a man should be an authority for the family.

When your loved one makes an important decision, support them. Explain that you trust him. After all, he is the main person in the family. If you have children, then they should know: dad is an authority, he must be obeyed and respected.

A man is a leader, protector and breadwinner. This position will not allow your loved one to give up and droop. He will always know what his family needs, that is, his wife and children.

If a spouse raises the authority of her husband in the eyes of parents, children and friends, he automatically becomes a successful person. When your spouse knows that you have hope for him, he will do everything possible not to let you down. He will be able to earn money, build a career and pay attention to his beloved children and wife. To raise the authority of the husband is also the duty of the wife in the family.

Loyalty

Devotion is an important and not always achieved criterion in marriage. Loyalty speaks of love and respect for a person. If the wife allowed herself to cheat on her husband in his absence, it’s hard to talk about the strength of the marriage. Loyalty is first and foremost respect for a loved one.

However, in the modern world, there are spouses who agree on this in advance. As practice has shown, such marriages break up quickly. Sooner or later, one of the spouses begins to be jealous of the opposite sex.

Try to take care of strive to be needed, attractive to your spouse. Each person can be faithful to the second half, you just need to really want it. If you want to save and strengthen your marriage, do not look for adventures on the side.

For a wife to remain devoted to her husband, not only excellent friendships are needed, but also sexual ones. Much depends on the intimate side of life, including the fidelity of the spouses. To date, there are many ways to diversify sex. Show your imagination and bring it to life. You will notice immediately how your relationship will change for the better.

Wife and kids

Working as a mom is very difficult. How could it be otherwise! Of course, the wife must, even is obliged to give birth to children. If the husband works hard, then most of the upbringing of the kids falls on the shoulders of the women. This is the hardest work that requires a lot of patience, attention and understanding.

The wife is obliged to be affectionate, kind and gentle with the children. Babies should love their mom, not be afraid. When a husband sees his wife's attitude towards children, he appreciates her even more. However, the mother should strive to ensure that the father, in his spare time, helps to raise children. Tell your loved one how to properly communicate and play with the child. After all, children need more than just a mother. The father is also very important in the life of the kids.

Satisfaction

To keep your husband faithful to you, try to diversify your sex life. The beloved must satisfy the man so that he does not even have the thought of looking for sexual relations with other women.

If your husband likes to be alone with you, try not to tell him daily that you are not feeling well. Sooner or later, a loved one will get tired of such behavior. Sex is one of the important components in family relationships.

Nice talking

A woman should not constantly swear and scream. This kind of behavior does not make her happy. Pleasant and calm communication is an important quality. This behavior speaks of respect for the beloved.

Calm communication can smooth out any conflict, thanks to which it will be possible to reach a compromise. Polite speech shows respect for your spouse and children. The future of your family depends on communication.

Men are more quick-tempered, so the spouse should take the initiative into her own hands. Try to smooth out sharp corners, teach your husband to communicate calmly. Nerves and screams greatly affect health. Don't waste your time on such trifles. It is better to find a way out of a difficult situation together.

Wife's rights in marriage

A wife has more than just family responsibilities. There are also the rights of a wife in marriage. After all, she should not only run a household, but also do her favorite thing. Therefore, a woman has the right to choose a profession. A husband should not forbid his wife to do what she loves. Not every woman is able to sit at home for a long time and pay attention exclusively to her family. Only a spouse can combine work with household chores.

If the wife agreed to meet with her friends, sit with them in a cafe or go to the cinema, she does not need to forbid. Every person has the right to privacy. Sometimes you want to be away from home and have fun.

The wife has the right to pay attention to her beloved. She can visit a beauty salon or go on vacation. After all, sometimes everyday problems are oppressive. After relaxation, she will feel a new surge of strength for household chores.

Conclusion

We have considered the basic rights and obligations of a wife to her husband. However, most ladies are unlikely to agree with this. Therefore, in many families, the duties of the spouses are divided equally. If the wife cooks the food, the husband does the dishes. One of the spouses wipes the dust, the other vacuums, etc. However, do not forget that the woman is the keeper of the hearth. Much depends on her in the family: fidelity, friendship, intimacy and much more.

We found out what responsibilities a wife has in the family. But in order for the spouse to be an ideal mother and mistress, she needs help in this. The husband can take the initiative himself and send his beloved to rest. Let her go alone. Daily everyday problems periodically oppress a woman. This sometimes leads to depression. Therefore, it is necessary to help your beloved.

In order to maintain interest in a man, many women periodically change their image. At the same time, they remain gentle, kind, loving, ideal wives whom you want to cherish and protect.

The reader is invited to translate the answer to the question regarding the duties of a wife in relation to her husband from the site of the sheikh Muhammad Salih al-Munajid islam-qa.com

Question:

One often hears of husbands divorcing or beating their wives for minor reasons, such as not preparing or delaying dinner, or because her food is burnt. When asked about the reasons for such behavior, they answer that the wife neglected her Sharia duties.

But does anyone think about the issue of servicing a husband's wife in everyday life from a Sharia point of view? Is a wife obligated by Sharia to cook for her husband, clean the house or clean clothes? Most scholars say that the wife is not obligated to do this, except at her own request without imputation. Is this statement correct?

Answer:

Praise be to Allah.

Scholars disagreed as to whether a wife should serve her husband. Most scholars say that she is not obliged to do this, while some say that she is obliged.

The Kuwaiti Encyclopedia of Fiqh (19/44) states that there is no disagreement among scholars that a wife is allowed to serve her husband at home, regardless of whether she serves herself or is looked after by a maid. However, they disagreed on whether it was a duty to serve her husband.

Most scholars (Shafiites, Hanbalis and some Malikis) argue that the wife is not obliged to serve her husband, but it is better to do as is customary.

The Hanafi argue that serving a husband’s wife is a religious duty, non-fulfillment of which does not lead to judicial punishment (diyanatan la kadzaan), because the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, divided family affairs between Ali And Fatima, may Allah be pleased with them both: he entrusted the work inside the house to Fatima, and outside the house to Ali. Thus, in their opinion, a wife does not have the right to charge her husband for taking care of her husband around the house.

Most of the Maliki Abu Savr, Abu Bakr bin Abu Shayba, Abu Ishaq al-Juzjaniy They state that the wife is obliged to serve her husband by doing the inner work of the house, as other women usually do, according to the custom that has been established in society, following the story of Ali and Fatimah, may Allah be pleased with them. At the same time, they rely on how the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) told his daughter Fatima to look after the house, and assigned Ali work outside the house. They also rely on the hadith: “If I ordered someone to bow down to someone, I would order a woman to bow down to her husband. And if a husband orders his wife to go from the red mountain to the black one and from the black mountain to the red one, then it would be her duty to do so.” Therefore, al-Juzjaniy said: “And this is obedience to the husband, from which he does not benefit. Then what about preparing food for him to keep him alive?”

Also, the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, commanded his wives to serve him and said: “O Aisha feed us”, “O Aisha, bring a knife quickly and sharpen it with a stone.”

At-Tabari said: “In the case when a woman herself can cook bread, knead dough, etc., serving her house, her husband is exempted from these affairs if it is known that women like her also do it themselves.” (End of quote from the Kuwait Encyclopedia of Fiqh).

Also in this "Encyclopedia" (126/30) in explaining the opinion of the Malikites it is said: "She is not obliged to serve her husband if she is a noble woman, except when her husband is poor."

The idea that a woman is obligated to run the household is reinforced where this is the custom, and where a woman is married without a condition that she will not work at home. Since consent to marry is consent to housekeeping, based on the rule: "accepted by custom is like a set condition."

A group of scholars found it more credible that the wife is obligated to serve her husband, and they mentioned their arguments.

Sheikh-ul-Islam ibn Taymiyyah, may Allah have mercy on him, said: “A wife is obliged to serve her husband according to the custom, as those who are like her do like him. And it changes depending on the situation. Thus, the duties of a Bedouin woman are not like those of a villager; the duties of a strong woman are not like those of a weak woman. The same opinion is shared by al-Juzjaniy from our followers and Abu Bakr bin Abu Shayba ”(Al-Ikhtiyarat, p. 352).

Ibn al-Qayyim says in the chapter "The Prophet's Decision in the Matter of Wife Service for Her Husband": Ibn Habib says in al-Wadiha: “The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) ruled between Ali bin Abu Talib and his wife Fatimah when they complained to him about household chores. He decreed for Fatima to carry out the affairs of the house, and for Ali, external affairs. Then Ibn Habib said: “Internal work is kneading dough, cooking, furnishing the house, sweeping, fetching water and other household work.”

In collections al-Bukhari And Muslimah it is said that Fatima came to the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, to complain to him about the calluses on her hands and ask him for a maid, but did not find him and told Aisha about it. When the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, came home, she told him about it. Ali says: “The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, came to us when we were already lying in our beds. I wanted to get up, but the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said: “Stay in your places,” and he sat down between us, so that I even felt the coolness of his feet on the skin of my chest, after which he said: “Should I teach you better than what you asked me for? When you go to bed, say the words “Allah is great” (Allahu Akbar) thirty-four times, and the words “Glory to Allah” (Subhana-Llahi) and “Praise be to Allah” (Al-hamdu li-Llahi) thirty-three times, and it will be better for you than a servant.” And Ali said: "I, subsequently, never missed it." He was asked: "Even on the night of Siffin?" He replied, "Even on the night of Siffin."

And it is well known that Asma faithfully served her husband al-Zubair and to your home. He had a horse, and she cut grass for her, looked after her; and it is also certain that she gave her food, gave her water, repaired a leather bucket, kneaded the dough and wore date bones on her head from the site that belonged to him, from a distance of two-thirds of a farsakh (one farsah is approximately 6 km. - approx. . translator).

Scholars disagree on this issue. A group of former and subsequent scholars (salaf and khalaf) considered that the wife is obliged to do housework. Abu Sawr said: "She must serve her husband in everything."

Another group of scholars deny her responsibility for anything. This is the opinion of Malikis, Shafiites, Abu Hanifa and Zahirites. They say, "The prenuptial agreement is for enjoyment, not for service and gain." They also say: “The hadiths mentioned indicate desirability and good manners. And where does it say about obligation?

Those who say that a wife is obligated to serve her husband argue that this is accepted among those to whom Allah has addressed His speech. Creating comfort, serving a husband, sweeping, preparing dough, washing, cleaning, housework - who denies this? For Allah Almighty has said: "Wives have the same rights as duties according to custom"(Sura 2, verse 228). And he also said: "Men are women's guardians"(Sura 4, verse 34). If she does not serve him in everyday life, it will turn out that he will become her servant. And this will be her guardianship over him.

They also say that in return for the marriage gift (mahr), the man receives her body, and each of the spouses receives what they want from each other. Indeed, Allah has obligated the husband to provide for his wife, to clothe her, to provide her with housing in return for enjoying her and her courting him. And as it is accepted between spouses.

And one more thing: unconditional contracts operate according to customs. And the custom is to serve the husband in everyday life and to do domestic household chores. And their statement that the service of Fatima and Asma was voluntary and a manifestation of good character is refuted by the fact that Fatima complained about what she experienced from doing housework. The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, did not say to Ali: “This duty is on you, not on her,” but the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, does not infringe on anyone’s rights when making decisions. And when he saw Asma, who was carrying food on her head, and az-Zubair was next to him, he did not say to him: “She is not obliged to serve you and this is oppression for her,” but on the contrary approved of what she was doing. He also approved of the actions of the Companions whose wives did housework, knowing that some wives liked it and some did not. This is something of which there is no doubt.

It is a mistake to make a distinction between the noble and the common, between the rich and the poor. The most noble women of the world served their husbands. After all, Fatima came to the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, complaining about housework, but the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, did not satisfy her complaint. The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, called a woman a “captive”: “Fear Allah in relation to a woman, indeed they (are) captives with you.” And the degree of the captive is to be in the service of the one in whose hands they are. There is no doubt that marriage is a form of slavery. As some salafs said: "Marriage is slavery, let each of you look at who gives his daughter as slave." It will not be a secret for a just person that this is the preferred opinion and these arguments are stronger. ("Zadu-l-ma'ad" 5/186)

sheikh Ibn Uthaymeen said: “Her service to her husband is preferred by customs - if it is customary, then she is obliged to serve her husband, if it is not customary, then she should not. And it is not permissible for a husband to demand from his wife the service of his mother or father, or to be angry with her if she does not do so. He must be God-fearing and not use his strength, truly Allah is over him, truly He, the Great and Almighty, said: “If they become obedient to you, then do not look for a way against them. Indeed, Allah is Exalted, Great." (Fatawa nur ala ddarb).

He also said in Sharh al-Mumti' 12/441: "Indeed, she should serve her husband as is customary."

Sheikh was asked Ibn Jibrina: “Is a wife obligated to cook for her husband? If she does not do this, will there be sin on her?” He replied: “In the customs of Muslims, a wife should serve her husband, cook food, wash clothes, wash dishes, clean houses, and so on. as is customary in society. This custom has existed since the time of the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, to the present day, and no one denies it. But it is not proper to lay on the wife what she cannot afford. He should only do what is within her capacity and according to prevailing customs. Allah is the giver of success” (“Fatawa al ulama fi ‘usrati an nisa”, p. 20).

Thus, the stronger opinion is that a woman is obliged to work at home according to the accepted in society, to do household chores in the same way as a man is obliged to work and earn money outside the home ...

Every woman wants to be loved and admired not only in the first year of marriage, but also after 20 years. No, of course, with time a habit comes, and your husband will accept you for who you are. But you want to be not just accepted, but loved and idolized. Moreover, there is nothing difficult in becoming an ideal companion, the main thing is to start changing.

1. You must cook for your husband. Of course, no one will ask you for the delights of French cuisine every day for dinner, but you must learn how to cook borscht and cutlets for five. The ability to cook really tasty can come with time and experience. So practice every day. Now the Internet is in almost every home, read recipes, experiment, try. You can buy a slow cooker, it’s easier to cook in it, and the recipe book comes right away.

2. Your home should always be clean. Of course, there is no need to “lick” the house to a shine every day. It is enough to carry out a small cleaning every day, and on weekends to arrange a general cleaning. By the way, you can connect both children and husband to daily affairs. Let them help put toys away, wash dishes, wipe dust. Eventually, you too get tired and need help.

3. Laundry must be done in a timely manner. So that both the husband and the children always have clean things. Also, you should always have a couple of clean sets of bed linen.

4. You are a mother and you should be able to calm a raging child. If the child screams idle, sheds tears, demanding a toy or not wanting to go to sleep. It is you who must calm him down, no, not indulge him, if only he would be silent, namely, to convince him to calm down by talking. You should also make sure that the child behaves decently at a party and on the street.

5. You must know which pill to give to your husband or child, who has a fever or a toothache and you should always have medicines available in the medicine cabinet at home.

What should a wife be like?

1. Even if you are a housewife, you must have your own interests and hobbies. You should not live only as a husband. While he is watching football, do not nag him or try to watch with him. Mind your own business, show that you are also a person and you have your own interests.

2. Don't stay at home all the time. You must have your circle of friends. Leave the house sometimes, let your husband get bored. At the same time, dress nicely and make up.

3. No matter how scarce your wardrobe is, you should always have a beautiful figure-shaped dress for going out in public. Let's say your husband has a bonus and he called you to celebrate this event in a restaurant, to which you answer him that you have nothing to wear, and you just stay at home. It is for such occasions that you should always have something to wear.

4. Always engage in your self-development. Read books, interesting articles on the Internet, no, do not gossip about the stars, namely informative articles. When your husband comes home, show off your knowledge and at dinner tell him some interesting fact that he does not know about.

5. Be nice and friendly with others, try to smile and behave decently. You should please his friends and always be a hospitable hostess. The same applies to the husband’s relatives, try not to conflict with them and not nag your husband at their expense.

intimacy

In order not to be jealous of your husband and not to be afraid of his betrayals, you need to behave correctly in the bedroom.

1. No need to punish your husband for misconduct, lack of intimacy, or, conversely, encourage him for something intimate.

2. Do not behave too constrained in bed, because you have nothing to be ashamed of in bed with a loved one.

3. But, of course, you don’t need to do the unnatural and behave like a worker in the Dutch sex industry. When asked how many men there were before him, answer with a smile that everything that was before him does not matter.

4. Be ready to try something new and somehow diversify your intimate life.

5. Do not discuss your intimate life with your friends, it is only your personal and it is not necessary for others to know about it.

10 rules in appearance

A wife should remember that men love with their eyes. Therefore, you should always look dignified under any circumstances.

1. You should always have clean teeth and no bad breath from your mouth.

2. It is not necessary to dress at home according to the latest trends, but clothes should be clean, neat and true to size. Therefore, exclude sizeless faded bathrobes from your wardrobe. You can wear, say, leggings, leggings, shorts to them, pick up t-shirts, tunics and shirts.

3. Your face and body must be free of hair.

4. Do not forget about proper nutrition and sometimes remind your husband that a hamburger is the wrong food.

5. Hair should always be clean and smell good. It is not necessary to do hairstyles while at home and cover them with a layer of varnish for fixation. If your husband wants to run his hand through your hair, he should not get tangled in them.

6. Watch your gait, it should be smooth and graceful.

8. No need to cover yourself with a layer of foundation and cosmetics at home. It is enough just to apply a face cream, tint with lip gloss and mascara. And that's it, you are beautiful.

9. Keep your nails clean and beautiful. Forget about extended nails, it has long been out of fashion. If the varnish begins to peel off, immediately remove it with liquid. Regularly clean them from dirt, and shape them with a nail file.

10. Don't worry about your weight. Believe me, your husband will not notice 3-5 extra pounds, but if you constantly remind him of this, he will start to look closely and think that something is really wrong with you. No need to refuse to eat with him because you are on a diet. Don't talk about it. Say that you don’t want just fried chicken today, you want a light salad.

1. No need to educate your husband and talk to him in a commanding voice. You are not raising a shepherd dog, but communicating with your loved one. Often women complain that they are tired of dragging everything on themselves and being a man in the family. And don't take on too much, be a woman. Always ask your husband for help, even if you can drive in a nail yourself, he should do it.

2. Do not constantly criticize your husband for what he did not do or did, but not so. Do not spoil your nervous system. Well, it's okay that he stained the bathroom again with toothpaste or didn't take out the trash.

3. Be interested in his work and affairs. Even if you do not understand anything in his profession, still ask and listen.

4. Do not swear or argue with your spouse in public. No one should know what's going on in your family. In addition, there is no need to humiliate your loved one in the eyes of other people.

5. Give thanks for the gifts he gives you, especially if it's on a non-holiday. He will have a desire to give them to you further. Mark any piece of mammoth that he brought into your "cave".

6. Do not give a reason for jealousy. Yes, I want my husband to somehow demonstrate that you are not indifferent to him. But this is not the best way. Especially if you try to make him jealous with the help of his friend. You and a friend can quarrel him and in a common company seem like a windy lady to everyone. Yes, and then you will also receive the first number from your husband.

These are just a few basic rules of what a wife should be for her husband. Yes, at first glance, it seems that being an ideal wife is not easy. But no one promised that everything would be easy and smooth. The main thing is to start changing yourself, at first it will not be easy, and then it will become a habit.

On March 8, the women of the country feel like queens. Flowers are given to them, dishes are washed for them, a tasty treat is prepared for them by the hands of caring husbands. What about March 9th? Do I need to help my wife in her worries? How to make her happy regardless of the calendar?

Purely female work - only breastfeed the baby

Archpriest Maxim Pervozvansky, editor-in-chief of Naslednik magazine:

Archpriest Maxim Pervozvansky

Home is the common responsibility of husband and wife. Each of the spouses does what he can and should do around the house. In my opinion, the classical division that came to us from the industrial twentieth century, according to which the husband earns money, and the wife is in the kitchen, is completely wrong.

Perhaps the situation can be justified by the fact that the husband is forced to earn a living remotely from the family, and the wife falls out of duties that simply physically remain with her: since she is with the children, she is responsible for all the household chores. But this is not the traditional and wrong division of duties.

In a normal traditional household, the husband and wife run this business together, each one simply does that part of the work that is more in line with his capabilities. Some physically difficult duties, of course, take on the husband. What that, not connected with physical weight - the wife. But in fact, I don’t know what kind of work can be called purely female, since both the wife and the husband can do any part of the housework (with the exception of just those heavy, exclusively male tasks: it is clear that the wife should not lift weights or drill the wall with a puncher). A purely feminine duty, perhaps, can only be called breastfeeding a baby.

And everything else is distributed in this way: who has great inclinations to this or that business, who has more time and energy at the moment. That is, it all depends on how tired each of the spouses is, loaded with other things, healthy, and not on who is responsible for what. The husband may well cook, clean, wash, sit with the children, walk with them ...

Naturally, there are traditions that are individual for each family. Depending on how much time each spouse can devote to the family. If dad comes home late, then most likely it will be he who will read the book to the children. On weekends, he will most likely go for a walk with the children so that his wife has time to relax.

If dad spends enough time at home (today there are many options for professions that allow you to work at home), then mom can go for a walk with the children on the weekend ...

I repeat, this division into a husband who earns money and a wife who does housework is wrong, unjustified. Not even at such an elementary level: if the husband is not present in the family, then, of course, he cannot lead it either, cannot have a serious influence on the upbringing of children.

In addition, in modern conditions, both husband and wife often work. Therefore, to say that only the wife should be responsible for cooking, cleaning, washing, raising children is fundamentally wrong.

But it also seems to me fundamentally wrong to put the question in such a way that the husband should help his wife. This categorically contradicts the biblical statement that the wife is the husband's helper. That's right, not the other way around. That is, the husband, in a sense, is generally responsible for everything that happens in his family, for the very last unwashed cup.

Another question is that his wife helps him. But in what she takes upon herself - it just depends on the specific way of the family, on the distribution of forces and opportunities at this particular moment: who will cook today, who will clean up today, and so on.

It is much more important for the husband's self-consciousness to say that his wife helps him run the household.

Complicated thing...

Andrey Desnitsky, Doctor of Philology, Leading Researcher at the Institute of Oriental Studies of the Russian Academy of Sciences:

My wife and I are 27 years old this year, and I still don't understand much about family life. It's too complicated...

Love each other!

Archpriest Andrei Lorgus, rector of the Institute of Christian Psychology:

Archpriest Andrei Lorgus

The main message to a young husband and wife - love each other! This message can be expressed in wishes, advice, prayers, the main thing is how to understand it, how to reveal it, how to convey it to the young.

It is understood by Christians as an active life, as relationships and actions based on an active and meaningful position. Christian love is knowledge, respect, responsibility, attention and care directed towards each other.

Oh man, are you young or old! Know your wife as Adam knew his Eve. Look at her femininity, her beauty, her spirit, her manners and skills. Look at her attitude towards you, at her love. Before marriage, you knew each other from afar, even if you lived together. In marriage, a different knowledge of the wife is revealed to you, as a wife. Otherwise, as in marriage, you could not know her as you can now. Now you can open her personal, her innermost. Know that outside of marriage, no matter how close the relationship between a man and a woman is, no woman feels safe and will not trust herself to a man as much as she can trust herself to her husband.

Now only there is an opportunity to get to know each other both body and soul, face to face - personally. Take advantage of this blessed time of youth. At other times it will be more difficult.

Know the husband of his wife as his marriage, which is forever woven from now on into your family. From now on, she is not only your wife, but also the daughter-in-law of your parents. She bears your surname, the surname of your father, your grandfathers, your ancestors! She will continue with you your family. From here, reveal in full your respect for her and for her parents, ancestors, whose blood and spirit will be in the blood and soul of your children. Respect for your wife and her parents is a guarantee of respect for yourself, for you on her part, and respect for you on the part of your children.

Respect your wife, respect her with all your heart and all your love. Without respect it is difficult to love, it is difficult to share life, bed, home, meaning and happiness with your beloved!

Take, husband, with love as much responsibility and care as you can fit in your palms, how wide your heart is, how much you embrace the meaning of your life.

Your responsibility is the “walls of your house”, the strength of constipation, the safety of the inner world of your family. Your responsibility is your way through life, laws and rules, spirit and washed away. Share them, your wife needs and cares about your meaning, your experience, your thoughts and feelings.

Know that no one else will teach you to feel like a wife. It is the woman who opens the world of feelings, emotions, desires of all shades and meanings. Learn to feel it, learn to feel through it, learn to feel with it. She learns it faster.

It is the wife who will give you faith and support, loyalty and devotion, it is she who can teach you to listen to the voice of your heart, to your feelings, teach you to understand others in a way that men cannot. Believe that in marriage a man knows himself and the world, through femininity in his wife and through femininity in himself.

It is in your power to create such conditions for your wife in which she will blossom for you and the whole world in the fullness of beauty, femininity, mercy and love. These conditions are you and your love.

Help without love is meaningless

I can talk for hours about how my mother helps me. But listing what I do is not very easy.

Moreover, we have been together for 40 years - what kind of “methods of help” can be developed here once and for all? In different periods of life there was something of their own.

Sometimes, it seems to me, I didn’t seem to do anything, but mother comes up, hugs me and says: “Thank you, you are so good to me, how wonderful you are doing everything, how you help!”

If, however, you still remember something specific: since the family is large, you regularly had to and still have to make large purchases, buy food, things. Often I do this, and the children love to ride with me even more than with their mother. Their motivation: “Dad, you buy everything cool, and mom saves!”

Sometimes, if I'm at home, I can wash the dishes: I really like it.

Help is when you share some of the duties of another. If you fulfill your own, this is not help, but simply the fulfillment of your work.

Over time, we have developed some kind of "division of labor". There are spheres of our domestic life, in which the mother does not even enter. For example, this applies to home improvement. Even on trifles. For Matushka, for example, it doesn’t matter where curtains, lamps, lamps hang, whether it is necessary or not to add to the interior ... And I always do this with pleasure. The flowers on the windows are also under my care.

And, of course, everything that concerns all kinds of home construction projects is all on me. We moved several times, and I had to equip the house, fix problems ... So this is all - not help at all, but just my duties.

In some relational areas, there is also mother's front, and there is mine. If a serious conversation is required, my mother says to me: “Go, figure it out, decide for yourself.” I'm starting to decide.

It used to be that the whole external life of the family - such a Ministry of Foreign Affairs - was on me. And on the mother - to some extent, the family Ministry of Internal Affairs.

But in recent years, mother began to actively communicate with the world, sometimes I ask her to go to some events. And when we got married, she was even afraid to go to the cashier to pay, she sent me all the time.

As for advice to husbands - how and in what way to help them to their wives ... There can be no general advice! The most important thing here is to love. To love wholeheartedly, as it is said in the Epistle to the Corinthians, where he says that in love one must always give. In love, a person is merciful, rejoices (that is, does not rejoice in something of his own, but rejoices in the joy of another), endures everything ... Love is a constant sacrifice, and the sacrifice is voluntary, which one likes to make.

And then the question “how and how to help” will not arise, because you see what your “half” needs, and you are ready to do it with joy. A young man carries his bride in his arms with joy. And as soon as the bride becomes a wife, for some reason she no longer wants to do this. And in the arms of your beloved you need to carry all your life.

If there is no main thing - selfless love, any "help" simply loses its meaning ...

Global Responsibility

Archpriest George of Bulgaria, rector of the church in honor of St. Nicholas (Mytishchi, Druzhba village):

The easiest way is to reduce the ministry of the head of the family to some kind of household help. But in fact, everything is much more complicated, since the head of the family is responsible for all the affairs that take place in the family. How does the commander of the unit help the soldiers to serve? He makes sure that everything is in order, according to the charter, and that his wards are provided with everything necessary. So is the head of the family. And above all, his help is directed to those things that do not work out or are difficult to do.

In everyday life, this is the observance of a pious life. Cathedral prayer. The desire for all family members to live in peace and unanimity, so that there is no spirit of rivalry between them, the spirit of envy. Behind these seemingly common words lies painstaking daily work.

It sounds strange when it comes to the "help" of the husband in raising children. There should be no help here - only joint work. For example, to learn a poem, to help do homework, to read a book at night is not help, but a duty.

When a child holds on to the hand of his father and mother, he may stumble, but he cannot fall. It cannot be said that someone is helping someone here. Both husband and wife carry out their ministry.

Unique mechanisms

Priest Fyodor Ludogovsky, candidate of philological sciences, teacher of MDAiS:

It is difficult to talk about some internal global mechanisms that help the family develop. Moreover, in my opinion, in each family they can be unique.

As for everyday life, it is clear that each of the spouses has their own duties, the distribution of which is often dictated by life itself.

I really want to make life easier for my “half”, but this is not always possible simply even in the sense of a physical lack of time. But I do what I can: wash dishes (not regularly, but sometimes a whole mountain), sometimes I take out the garbage, I go to the grocery store. Sometimes I pick up children from school, sometimes (even less often) I take them to school.

It seems to me that in a family with four children, two of whom are already schoolchildren, various household chores should gradually be shifted to the children - otherwise the parents will not have any strength, and the children will grow up to be selfish and clumsy. But this requires primary capital in the form of our efforts to accustom them to the household. And it’s just difficult with this: usually we don’t have the strength or time.

But, probably, this is what everyday life consists of - our attempts, the feeling that nothing works out, and then - an imperceptible movement forward ...

    Families), only about the recommendations of the doctor and the preparation of the material by that time, let the husband try to expand the living space, etc. 06/03/2004 20:04:29, just Ira. Yes, of course you should help. It's clear. but it seems to me that in a family where everything is fine, the husband is unlikely to send his wife ...

    And the mother-in-law convinced her husband for a long time that he MUST help his sister. Who said that asking is shameful, not shameful. Only now is the brother obliged to help, that is the question. He has his own family now! a long-awaited child, a non-working wife ..... his position has changed and with ...

    Taking for granted the care, labor and time that a wife devotes to her husband or a husband to his wife. Of course, there is nothing good in the material dependence of a wife on her husband. Marriage. Family relationships. Do children help you? (if not a secret, then what and in what they ...

    Section: Wife and husband. do you need a husband? I read the conf. There was a feeling that a woman should be practically at any moment of life that with my husband I will not be able to give birth to five, because at any moment he has butterflies in his stomach and he can leave, not help financially and not ...

    material question. I live with my husband and small child. So far, only my husband works in our family. Should we, in your opinion, give money to the husband's parents? But the husband, perhaps, considers himself obliged to help his own.

    Section: Wife and husband. Does a husband need a healthy wife? And it turns out that if a woman feels bad, she must solve her problems herself, muu not complain, and in general it is desirable to hide from him, maintaining a pleasant smile on her face.

    but it always seemed to me that it was wives who should provide moral support to their husbands ... I just wonder if my husband thinks that I am giving him moral support? but does everything to make you feel good and comfortable, solves problems, helps financially...

    Of course my husband is offended, but in this case, that's not the point. The question is - should we continue funding? 3. How much money does mom really need to live? Before helping, those who help have the right Now we help her. And morally, because age and sores, and financially. If he gives it back, the problem is not in the husband's mother, but in the relationship between husband and wife.

    His second wife helped him understand this. She had long insisted that he spoiled his own too much. Adult children themselves should not only earn for themselves, but also help their parents. About parents. Do you help your parents financially? Husband and mother do not like each other. In addition, the husband does not consider it necessary to help his parents (neither ...

    The husband should feel like a hero: he supports his family and helps his parents on both sides, and you encourage his pride. Didn't find what you were looking for? See other discussions: Do you help your parents financially?