At 17, few young people seriously think about a midlife crisis. By the age of 30, every young man dreams of becoming a wealthy man, a serious family man, a mature personality with a certain list of achievements. But the closer the cherished date, the more often doubts creep in: is everything going according to plan? Unfulfilled expectations hurt pride, drive you into depression, causing the notorious crisis of 30 years. Is he as scary as they say about him? How to survive a midlife crisis without harming your health?

Unfulfilled plans when you reach 30 drive you into depression

Causes and risk factors

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The crisis of 30 years is a special point on the personal life map, a turning point in the fate of every man. This is the line dividing life into before and after. Time for summing up and realizing the significance of one's own existence. A natural transition from the youth stage to the age of a mature man. It is not surprising that at this time many men get lost in the surging sensations and do not know how to cope with a new awareness of themselves and their lives. What is the crisis of 30 years and why does it arise?

Failure and failure in life - the causes of the crisis 30 years

It is customary to single out several reasons for the midlife crisis:

  • the inability to implement long-planned plans, fulfillment of cherished desires;
  • financial insolvency;
  • professional failures;
  • lack of desired material wealth;
  • lack of family or bad relationship with spouse / lover;
  • health problems (including in the sexual sphere);
  • tense social environment.

In fact, all these reasons are very conditional. It is impossible to know in advance which factor will work and what will be the starting point for the development of the mid-life crisis. Depression at the 30-year boundary occurs in a wide variety of representatives of the strong half of humanity. The blues overtake both successful, financially secure men, and those who are forced to borrow up to their paychecks every month. Crisis occurs both for outwardly happy family men and for desperate bachelors.

Neither a tightly stocked wallet, nor recognition at work, nor a happy wife and healthy children become a defense against the notorious crisis. Probably, the reason for this state lies deeper than the correspondence of the external attributes of the so-called successful life.

Every man has his own reasons for the crisis

Psychologists note that, by and large, the cause of the 30-year crisis lies in deep dissatisfaction with one's own life. It seems to a man that he is in the wrong place, does not his business, lives according to the wrong scenario. A global reassessment of the experience gained is taking place. Previous achievements are not encouraging. Other values ​​appear, priorities change. According to statistics, by the age of 30, every second man comes with a feeling of lost opportunities forever and a keen sense of his own failure in the chosen field of activity.

Crisis 30 years: how to recognize it?

It is important to understand that the problem does not come suddenly. It does not happen that exactly at midnight of his thirtieth birthday a man suddenly realizes: here it is, a crisis. Understanding the imperfection of the world around you and your own life, the collapse of hopes and expectations comes gradually. According to statistics, most men face this problem at the age of 27-34 years. To one degree or another, disappointment and sadness for unfulfilled dreams overtakes everyone, just not everyone finds the courage to admit it.

The main manifestations of the crisis for 30 years:

It takes a long time to recognize a midlife crisis. Many men do not even realize that their behavior and attitude towards the world has changed. You can suspect a problem by some characteristic signs. According to statistics, most men are in crisis:

Family relationships get cool

  • They complain about life, work, bosses, family.
  • They note that relations with family and friends have become strained and cold.
  • They realize that hobbies and familiar entertainment are not encouraging.
  • They do not feel the desire to make money, do not feel the urge for career growth, achievement of success.
  • They spend a lot of time at the computer, in social networks, in front of the TV.
  • They refuse to acknowledge their achievements, devalue previous successes.

Not everyone manages to get through the midlife crisis without losses. Crushed by the burden of problems, many men seek solace at the bottom of the glass, go into the world of computer games, or spend all their free time on the couch watching the TV. In an attempt to raise self-esteem, men often seek consolation on the side, cheating on their spouse. All this complicates an already difficult situation, creates a new round of problems and does not allow one to quickly get out of the trap created by consciousness.

There is another tendency for overcoming the crisis in 30 years. In this state, some men are capable of very unusual deeds. Their behavior becomes eccentric, not typical of serious adults. Extreme sports, travel to the ends of the world, unusual acquisitions, unexpected activities - all this is the lot of men around the age of 30. It is worth noting that changing the usual way of life sometimes really helps to get out of the crisis and find your place in life, taking into account the changed circumstances.

How to help?

It is during the crisis of 30 years that the maximum percentage of divorces and attachments to the bottle falls.

To avoid such problems, you should adhere to some simple rules:

Family harmony helps to overcome the crisis

Recently, a 29-year-old client contacted me with a request to change jobs. By his age, he already had excellent knowledge of English, professional achievements, was in good standing with his superiors. But recently, he began to be haunted by the feeling that he was moving somewhere in the wrong direction. A keen sense of unfulfillment, irritability, depressed mood led to the desire to change careers. However, this readiness was side by side with a complete ignorance of what exactly he wants, with fears of making the wrong decision. After independent attempts to find myself, passing a bunch of career guidance tests and talking with different people about new employment, the clarity did not come. So he ended up in my office.

Research results indicate that between the ages of 25 and 30, every second man experiences one of the first age-related crises. The story I gave is a classic example of what a man faces during this period. This incident prompted me to write this article.

30 years is a kind of milestone, a transition from youth to maturity. As a child, we all knew exactly who we were, where we were going, who we wanted to become, and what we needed to be happy. Over the years, under the pressure of circumstances, many are lost, no longer understand who they are and why they need what is happening to them in life. This is the time when a person becomes especially vulnerable.

At this age, a man experiences a reassessment of values, or rather, a complete collapse of some with subsequent replacement by others. Clouds of thoughts are crowding in my head: why do I live? What is all this for? What have I achieved? Have I reached my full potential or not? These questions, worthy of an ancient tragedy, are disturbing, haunted, and sleep deprived.

A man is by nature a breadwinner, and society places very high demands on him. Therefore, at the age of 30, a guy begins, willingly or unwittingly, to think about what trophies he has, what peaks he conquered, what victories he won, what, in fact, he achieved, how can he report to society and himself? And these reflections are not always pleasant.

It is then that the first thoughts of missed opportunities, bad choices and bad decisions can appear. Often, by the age of 30, the most important steps have already been taken, and it is not always possible to change something: get another education, change jobs, marry someone else. This can cause fear and panic: what if what I did before was fundamentally wrong, and I am moving in the wrong direction, wasting time? These feelings are rather difficult to experience, so you would rather want to escape from them, to be distracted than to accept and analyze.

This is the first snag. If a person lives his crisis passively, going into computer games, being distracted in some other way, but without solving the most important problem, the task of the transitional 30-year-old remains unsolved. The desired and necessary changes do not happen. In fact, this period is worth paying attention to, because the consequences can sometimes be very sad.

In general, the symptoms of a 30-year-old crisis in a man may be a bad mood for no apparent reason, withdrawal from himself, refusal to communicate, general physical weakness, problems with his wife, if there is one, quarrels and serious conflicts.

The consequence of the crisis may be a change in lifestyle. For example, leaving a beloved woman, dismissal from one job and moving to another, cardinal change of activity, relocation.

In fact, what drives a man at the moment is nothing more than a desire to understand himself, to redefine his life priorities, to find answers to the question: "How to live on?"

The second important feature: a man on the threshold of his thirties begins to compare himself with his male peers, with classmates, peers. Fortunately, social networks provide all the possibilities for this. Comparison criteria: how does it compare to their background? What have they achieved, and what have I achieved?

In our society, success is usually associated with professional or social activity. Therefore, a man begins to harshly evaluate himself, using generally accepted symbols: a car, his own apartment, a prestigious career, a good salary. That is, these are mainly financial and professional criteria. At such a moment, the facts that you can be successful in your private life are rarely taken into account. For example, to be a good father or to do something you love, though not highly paid. This is not so praised by society.

On the other hand, professional success, unfortunately, also does not provide guaranteed protection from the crisis, since a person's plans can be very, very ambitious. Let us recall the classic experiences of Julius Caesar, who lamented that at the age of 30 he had not achieved anything, while Alexander the Great conquered the whole world. That is, the whole point is with whom to compare yourself.

It is also important to note that in a crisis of thirty years, a man seeks reinforcement of his successful social status not so much from women as from mature men whom he respects. It is this kind of support that is necessary in order to feel oneself as such, also successful and also mature. Even the most brilliant success with women during this period of life will not be able to make up for the rejection among the significant figures for a man, and first of all, the paternal one.

The next important point is that at the age of 30, a man experiences the so-called first blow to male identity, when he feels that in something somewhere he does not meet the expectations of society, his parents. And the desire to conform to traditional stereotypes during this period is great.

At the same moment, his success in his personal life is assessed: is he married or is he still single? Relatives can also "add fuel to the fire": "You are already 28 and you still haven't married"... Doubts about their male solvency begin to creep into the soul, the thought appears that, perhaps, it is necessary to get married urgently.

Another important point. As with women of this age, men have added anxiety about their physical form. It is by 30 that someone already has a beer belly or the first health problems. His appearance is compared to his peers or classmates: how much does his physical form correspond to the ideals of masculinity, strength and attractiveness? You may suddenly have a desire to do fitness, sign up for a gym.

Sometimes a man never finds a way out of the crisis of his thirties. Feeling - " something in life is not going at all as dreamed and wanted", remains inside. In this case, some men begin to outwardly imitate the behavior of the so-called" alpha males ", trying to behave like" real men. "

That is, in fact, a substitution takes place: instead of reinforcing their image of a man with real content (professional success, financial achievements, feeling like a support for children and wife), they begin to portray a man through the so-called negative identity. They begin to assert themselves, save their self-esteem, manifesting themselves despotically towards women. After all, a woman is the second source of confirmation of male identity after recognition from other men.

And the third problem that a young man may feel during this period is powerlessness due to the fact that the world refuses to play by your rules. By the age of 30, one realizes that this is not so, that one often has to make compromises, even retreat on some issues. For example, for the sake of professional success or the well-being of your family.

All these circumstances lead a man to a difficult choice: what is it really worth to devote his life to? An understanding comes that he will not be able to pay due attention to all his interests, there will not be enough time and energy for everything, so you need to choose what he will really do and how he wants to live.

What to do during such a period?

In the troubled time of the crisis of 30 years, it is best for a man to temporarily change his type of activity, to try himself in something that he has long dreamed of. But it is better to do this not in radical ways like dismissal from work, but by doing something during your free hours. Even if the work is completely unbearable, it is still better to set aside a month for yourself. And during this time, clearly decide everything, try to somehow change the working conditions, weigh the pros and cons.

Active rest in some unfamiliar places also helps to survive this period, where you can gain new impressions, change the usual background, as well as weigh your values, analyze your victories and achievements, reflect on mistakes.

In general, no matter how abstract it may sound, you should try to change something in yourself, start dreaming about something, set a goal for yourself, and find value in simple, familiar things. And if after all the attempts to cope on your own it does not work out, then it is better, of course, to contact a specialist.

And here I would like to return to the very beginning of the article, to the history of Igor. Men in their 30s come to counseling mainly with a request for some kind of career change. This is actually a very important question, because if a woman can somehow assert herself, self-actualize in the role of wife and mother, then for a man it is the social environment that is very important, that is, implementation in the profession. Therefore, often during this period decisions are made to change careers. It usually goes something like this: "It became clear to me that I need to delve into one thing. I realized that in life I can not realize all my interests. I do not want to rush. It is important for me to set priorities, to understand where to move on. On the other hand, I am afraid to do the wrong thing again. choice, wasting time. "

Where is the optimal way out of the troubled times of the crisis of the thirty-year-olds? From customer experience, I can say that it lies at the intersection of two planes.

  1. At the age of 30, it is really worth reconsidering your values, goals, priorities and life aspirations. It is time to understand that what has been imposed by society, parents, significant environment, is really worth it to continue. A serious reassessment of values ​​should take place, as a result of which a person either leaves everything as it is, but already voluntarily, or finds new ideals.
  2. It is important to be very clear about your occupation and the way of life that you plan to lead further. And this search should be active, not passive.

It is very cool to work during such a period and create a vision of future life, to pave some kind of clear road to your future goals. This is the period when it is useful to think strategically. A good, detailed, value-based vision is motivating in itself, helps to understand the prospects for their development, sets direction, allows you to cope with uncertainty and anxiety. It's also great to create a personal development plan for 3-5 years, taking into account your strengths and experience.

For self-support during this period, awareness techniques are also very useful, allowing you to better feel yourself, your body, what is happening in life. They perfectly balance the nervous system. Working with anger, an anger management technique that can often appear in response to feelings of powerlessness, is also helpful.

Summing up, I would like to say the following. 30 years is an era of change. This is the first serious review, a revision of my life, an attempt to assess what I have achieved over the past years. This is the time when, after a reassessment of values, new, inspiring landmarks are chosen. Therefore, it is more important than ever that during this period someone was there, supported, stood on your side, shared new hobbies, helped to change!

After all, all the fun is just beginning!

I found an interesting article about the crisis of 30 years in men.

Crises, crises, crises ... Our whole life is continuous crises. You do not have time to get out of one, as the next lies in wait. Or is it just so beneficial to think for those who do not want to make efforts to overcome problematic life situations and psychological discomfort?

Yes, there are comrades explaining all their life failures and inaction by another life crisis: they say, well, what can I do, I feel so bad, I have a crisis, I need sympathy ... And their loved ones, who involuntarily play along with them, constantly pitying them and trying pull out of this state. Nevertheless, even though some of them abuse the state of the crisis for their, shall we say, selfish purposes, it is pointless to deny their existence as a whole.

The crisis of 30 years is becoming a landmark for many families. And men often experience it much more difficult than women. First, because men are inherently more ambitious than women, they have higher social expectations that are difficult to meet. Secondly, because at this age women “have no time”: a small child and household chores do not allow them to immerse themselves in themselves for a long time. And it is children and caring for loved ones that at this stage become their meaning of life. And just the loss of the meaning of life is an obligatory companion of every crisis period. In men, the emphasis is shifted towards professional self-realization and achieving a certain level of well-being.

The reasons for this crisis are obviously directly related to the previous crisis of youth (21-23 years old), when a young person forms for himself not always realistic goals in life. After all, he just needs to prove to himself and those around him that he is a formed personality and an adult independent person, capable of achieving a lot in life.

By the age of 30, on average (someone is 24, someone is 32), with experience comes the realization that many rainbow plans are not destined to come true. There is a rethinking of life goals, values ​​and principles. The priorities are different. A mature man realizes that he cannot get everything out of life that he has planned. But a certain level of well-being has already been achieved, family life has already turned into a routine. It seems that there will be no development and the meaning of life has been lost.

People who suddenly feel that life is finite, and now they are at the peak of it, are often "carried away": stupid adultery, out of a desire to grab more impressions, to prove to yourself that they are still in their prime and are still attractive to women. Many are addicted to alcohol and smoking. The family is devalued, parents stop taking care of their children, often at this time diseases appear that will subsequently become chronic.

There is such a thing as male menopause... It is at the age of 30 that hormonal changes begin, preparing a man for these changes. If a woman's menopause primarily affects fertility, then a man's central nervous system. Hence the strangeness of behavior, and childish habits, and teenage antics. A person either falls into a hopeless depression, or feverishly tries to fill his life with something vain, sometimes adding new problems to himself.

Few people are able to immediately figure out what exactly is happening to him. Any crisis is pain. The first reaction to pain is to try to avoid it, to get away from it. A person blames his internal problems on others, first of all, on his loved ones. Flight is the leitmotif of this crisis. A person leaves work, leaves the family (seven to eight years of married life is the global peak of divorce); changes profession, changes apartment, leaves somewhere far away. He runs from the crisis, that is, from himself.

However, such a flight only delays the need to solve the problem. You cannot ignore your problem, and even more so, try to drown it out with alcohol, computer games or other ways of avoiding reality.

To help yourself successfully overcome this crisis period, you need to find a new one goal-for example, get new knowledge, visit a new country. A sharp change in activity, lifestyle will also help keep yourself in good shape. Finally, it should be remembered that you cannot think only of yourself, there are close people you need to take care of.

In turn, loved ones should make efforts so that the inner crisis of the life partner does not become a crisis of family relations. We must try to convince the man that you are the only one who is able not only to support in difficult times, but also to pleasantly surprise. Diversify your life together - an exciting weekend program, experiments in the kitchen and in sex life, romantic evenings and travel. There must be novelty. An emotional change is needed.

If a man still leaves the family during this difficult period for himself, one should try to show patience and wisdom. Most often, his actions are poorly understood, but there will be an opportunity to see what the spouse really is, what he will do. Psychologists advise to show initiative, perseverance and not be stingy in showing feelings towards him, and then he will be able to "settle down" in time. The choice should be made at the age of 32-33 years, when the crisis is over, new horizons are outlined and the prospects for life together are visible.

As a result of the passage of the age crisis, a person can acquire both positive and negative qualities. Having survived the crisis, he acquires new opportunities, but at the very moment of the crisis he has a hard time: here psychological breakdowns, exacerbation of old or blows of new diseases, and even death are possible. However, each segment of life, separated from the rest by crisis points, has its own goals and content. Crisis 30 makes a person adjust their life plans, taking into account the experience gained and changing priorities. Design resolution this crisis leads to an improvement self-organization and for the better time planning and, therefore, improving the quality of life.

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My husband now has something similar to this ... he is 29. He is also rethinking his life, he arranges moving from apartment to apartment, he is looking for a new job, he began to look at many things differently, I still could not understand what was happening to him ... well And the most unpleasant thing is that I recently found out that he was looking at pictures of some naked hoes on the Internet and put likes in this group to these pictures and pictures with boobs and priests he put likes ... In short, we are now going through this crisis of his ... I hope that soon this crisis will pass ... and your husbands had something similar, as it is written in the article? how old?

In this article, we'll talk about what a man should achieve by the age of 30, in principle, at what age a man should take place, realize himself, stand firmly on his feet, etc. etc. Interesting? Then let's go!

Everything in this world is absolutely subjective. I have already spoken about this more than once. What one likes - the other may not like, what one person believes - the other may not believe, what is suitable for one - not for the other, etc. understand? How many people - so many opinions.

I told this so that you understand (a), I will now express only my subjective opinion.

I believe that the earlier a man is realized (by age) = the better.

  • There are men who are 30-40 + years old = have nothing, losers, losers.
  • If those who by the age of 30 = achieve something, they stand firmly on their feet.
  • There are those in their 30s who are just beginning to achieve something, take their first steps, etc.
  • There are those who are up to 50-60 years old = luzura, and then it turns out to be well realized ...
  • There are those who do not achieve anything at all, but remain until the end of their days ...
  • Well, in general, you think you understand.

The top of this whole thing, in my opinion, is when kids at 18-20-23 years old have more than many in their 30s. Here, this, in my opinion, is aerobatics - what you need to strive for. IMHO (personal opinion).

Why do I think so?

In their youth, the vast majority of people stupidly spend their time (the main currency of our life), it is not clear what at all ... GULKI, FRIENDS, PARTIES, STUDY for 5 years (sagging pants) and other nonsense.

Instead of taking and REALLY acquiring the necessary knowledge, skills, abilities, developing the necessary qualities, improving, taking action and achieving success and building the BASIS (foundation) for your future life. In his youth, a person has so much strength and energy, you can tear and throw, achieve everything, and people stupidly drain all this for nothing, it is not clear why ...

I simply do not understand this. Have fun, chase the devil, take a walk, relax, etc. etc. this is not bad, but you need to know in all measure. For most of all in the future, you will regret the wasted (wasted) time. Time is not a renewable resource, therefore it is also the most valuable: "PRO TIME".

To be realized in my understanding is “to stand firmly on our feet”. What does it mean?

A man is a hunter (breadwinner).

This is arranged evolutionarily, this is our main (natural, natural) function, and not a conditional role voluntarily assumed on ourselves or something else there. I never take anything from the air.

I speak as it is, in fact, according to long-term reality (evolution).

Previously, a man went hunting, felled mammoths and other animals to feed himself and his family.

Now, times have changed, in our time, the hunt takes place for money (loot). Because money is now everything: food, comfort, shelter, protection, pleasure and much, much more. Understand?

CONCLUSION: here's why: a man = this loot. No money - bad guy. He will not be able to feed himself, let alone his female and his offspring, his children, will not be able to take care, provide, protect, make himself, his family happy, etc. etc. understand?

Money (money) - they play a key role in our life. Nothing is possible without them.

Therefore, making a conclusion according to the article, a man needs to qualitatively fulfill (fulfill) his NATURAL (natural) function - TO BE A GOOD PROVIDER (in other words, TO BE WITH BABLA).

But. Focusing on age 30 is not worth it. You know, 30 years = this is some kind of magic figure that everyone believes in, which everyone talks about, asks, claims where it came from, I honestly don't know and honestly don't care. The sooner you materialize yourself = the better.

Aerobatics is 18-25 years old, if you are already financially secure, you have your own real estate (apartments, dmoa), a car, businesses, grandmother = well, you are handsome. Well done. Seriously.

A man is judged by what he has achieved in life. If at such a young age you have achieved all this on your own - you are handsome (you perform well your main (natural) function, you are a very competitive and capable worthy man, a very good breadwinner (hunter)). Understand?

P.S. You need to understand that reaching this level = extremely difficult, there are very few such men.

But, this is exactly what you need to strive for. IMHO.

P.P.s. If you are 30+ not yet realized = this is also not a reason to take and give up. On the contrary, this is a reason to concentrate even more and take active steps to achieve success.

Why am I talking about the material plane?

Because he is paramount. This is the first step (level) in life.

As I said, everything is for money now: food, comfort, shelter, protection, pleasure and much more.

Therefore, whoever broadcasts there, in style, money is not important in life, money is not happiness, money is not interesting to me, and so on blah blah blah = bullshit (lie). Without the bubble = impossible to pass the 1st level.

The one who has already passed the 1st stage, BASIS, BASIS, stands firmly on his feet, has laid the foundation = can go to the 2nd level (stage). That is, for example, to create a family, to develop somehow spiritually, to travel, etc., etc., a person will not be able to develop spiritually or somehow, travel, etc., if HIM IS NOTHING TO EAT. If a man / woman / children are starving, if there is nowhere to live, etc.

If there is no dough = no food, no comfort, no shelter, no protection, no pleasure, and so on.

In such conditions, there can be no question of some kind of quality life. That is why, for a man to be realized (in my understanding) = it is to be a good earner, because this is our main (natural) function, in other words, you need to be “with the bubble”.

You need to represent something. And not to be a humpy talk about anything, with rolled up jeans, to run after the girls, like Ivanushka is a fool * check, in general, to walk, have fun, hang out, be all the same, live there at my father's / mother's expense on the neck, breed poverty, to achieve nothing, not striving for anything, to be like everyone else, to work at worthless jobs, etc., etc., do you understand?

This is the main message of today's article, with an emphasis on the material.

Someone there is broadcasting that by the age of 30 = a man MUST, oh, how I love this female word. be sure to have a higher education, a permanent job, get married, have a family, children, be able to cook, be able to work with your hands, fix something there, repair, well, in short, something else, as I said, how many people, so many opinions =) but, as for me, look:

  • Education. Joke. I have 2 towers. Where do you work? I sell burgers. Know comments. There is no connection here.
  • Work? What kind of work and salary should there be for a man to become financially independent? A person who works in most jobs in our countries = you can hardly call really successful.
  • Getting married? Have a family, children. Why, if there is no financial security? To breed poverty?
  • Know how to cook? Seriously? =) No comment))
  • there is still a lot of things who have expressed = but, in my opinion, all that ... (without the primary about anything).

Fin. provision for a man = first of all, because this is our main (natural) natural function. A man is judged by who he is and what he has achieved in life. After all, a man is a responsibility. Responsibility is the main male quality number 1. it is the man who must provide for himself, his woman and his offspring, feed, dress, protect, etc. etc.

All responsibilities from a material point of view lie with the man.

This is what happens in a patriarchal family. And with a worthy man = it cannot be otherwise!

Women are not hunters (this is not their function, it is a male prerogative).

Women do not have the necessary qualities and skills (as men do).

Women have other functions (roles): wives (satisfaction of the husband, care, help, etc. for the husband, in general, work with the husband), mother (raising children, attention, care, etc.), mistress (coziness, comfort, cleanliness, food, etc.), etc. everything to free the husband to fulfill his functions: breadwinner and protector of the family.

A tandem, between a man and a woman, will be effective only if each will perform well his direct natural (natural) roles (functions). And point, point and point again.

If a man has not realized himself in the mathematical plan = there can be no talk of a quality life.

That is why, I believe that the basis (foundation) for the future life of any man is material security (financial independence). That's all for me today. See you soon.

With SW, administrator.

Sociologist Nicholas Wulfinger from the University of Utah conducted a study and found that marriages after 30 years old are much less likely to break up. The thing is that we understand some things only with age. So how does life experience change men's relationship behavior?

1. Relationships really need work.

20-year-olds often believe that if a girl's heart fell into their hands, then she will not go anywhere. In fact, breaking a relationship is often much easier than it sounds, so you need to work on it constantly. After 30 years, men already realize how important it is to devote time to their beloved woman, to solve everyday problems together and to compromise.

2. It's not worth meeting everywhere

At 20, it seems that a bar or a club is a great place to meet, because here you can take a closer look at a girl, and if something happens, drink for courage. But modern sexologists argue that alcohol-based relationships are rarely successful. It is best to look for a life partner where you can get to know a person better: in places where people gather according to their interests, or even at work.

3. The past must remain in the past

At 20 it seems that there should be only one love for life, but by the age of 30 it comes to the understanding that everyone has a right to their story. Therefore, if in his youth any contacts with exes or just joint pictures can really excite a guy, then a mature man treats the past philosophically: it was and was, only what is happening now is important.

4. Perfect people don't exist

There are no perfect second halves, nor the very ones that are worth waiting for all your life - and this is great! Yes, no one is intended for anyone, and you do not need to wait for a voice from heaven or another sign of fate to point you to the only possible option for your personal "lived happily ever after." 30-year-old men create their own destiny, so by this age you should understand that there are simply no ideal people, and build relationships with an imperfect, but very dear person.

5. Sharing problems is okay.

At the age of 20, it seems that a man should exclusively cope with his problems himself, and asking for advice or help is a sign of weakness. A mature man understands how important trust and respect are in a relationship, so if he is having problems, he can discuss them with his girlfriend. After 30 comes the understanding that love is impossible without friendship, and marriage is needed in order to be together in sorrow and in joy.

6. Nobody has to meet your expectations

“I thought that she was not like that, that she would change for my sake / abandon her plans / change her mind to leave for Kathmandu,” - this is how disappointed guys say in their youth. Mature men understand perfectly well that a girl may be completely unknown what exactly he thought about her, her behavior should not correspond to what he would like to see, and it is simply impossible to force a person to change to please his own ideas. People are different, and that's great.

7. Avoiding the problem does not solve it

Young guys are often afraid of quarrels or conflicts, and instead of solving the problem, they prefer not to talk about it or completely disappear for a while, hoping that the girl will cool down and everything will be resolved by itself. But it doesn't work. At all. Quite the opposite. A mature man understands that admitting a problem is already a great start, and even if you can't solve it right away, over time you will be able to figure it out together.

8. You can and should participate in household chores

If in his youth the guy may still have stereotypes about household chores, then by maturity it is better to get rid of them. In most cases, both are now working in pairs, so refusing to help with household chores, motivating it with your work, is at least selfish. Mature men do not hesitate to take part in household chores and understand how such activities bring closer together.

9. If you promise something, you need to do it

“The man said - the man did it,” people say. “But they were different men,” the immature guys add. An adult man knows the value of his word, so if he promises something, he tries to keep the promise, and only a very good reason can prevent him from doing so. Ultimately, it depends on these actions whether the girl will trust him in the future.

10. “All men are polygamous” is a myth. Cheating doesn't prove masculinity

Male success in film and advertising is often associated with a large number of women around. Young minds tend to believe in such ideas about life, adding to them the theory of polygamy of men - they say, I'm a man, it's in our nature. With age, a person abandons harmful stereotypes and begins to value a full-fledged relationship with one partner.

11. You need to have the courage to admit your mistakes.

“My husband never apologizes. Even in front of me, ”said Claire Underwood in the series“ House of Cards ”. And she was unhappy in her marriage. A mature man is brave enough to admit that he is wrong and bear responsibility for the consequences of his own actions, while a young boy will scream to the last that he is right, even if he called the Earth flat.

Another person's interests can be easily judged, especially in adolescence. Music, movies, social networks, even embroidery or macrame - any hobby of a person may seem strange to someone. An immature man condemns what he does not understand, often sharply criticizing the girl and upsetting her. An adult man realizes that everyone has the right to their hobbies and it is at least unworthy to criticize the hobbies of the woman he loves.

14. Control kills any relationship

In adolescence, jealousy can even seem romantic, it is considered a sign of real passion. A mature person understands that a sense of ownership has little to do with love, and trusts his partner.

We have been learning love all our lives, and it is full of wonderful discoveries.