What are boys, girls, or what should they be? The society managed to form certain ideas on this score. Oftentimes, the frustrations or surprises that parents encounter when raising their children are associated with just such stereotypes. Of course, there are certain patterns in the development of a child, depending on his gender. They are due to social and natural factors, and also reflect centuries-old concepts passed from father to son. However, your child may well violate all of the "typical" tenets. And this does not mean at all that "something is wrong with him."

The developmental difference between boys and girls

At birth, as a rule, boys are larger than girls, have more weight, and a larger head. Boys usually start talking 4-6 months later than girls, walking - 2-3 months later.

When you address a boy with criticism, summarize your grievances. The thing is that boys are unable to stay in a state of emotional stress for a long time, their brain simply blocks the auditory canal, and the son stops listening to you. This is confirmed by the observations of St. Petersburg neuropsychologists. They found that the brains of boys and girls work differently from birth.(for this, the biocurrents of the brain of babies were recorded). If we analyze how electrical potentials interact in different areas of the cerebral cortex, then it is possible with a high degree of probability to determine the sex of the newborn.

Hearing acuity in boys up to the age of eight is higher than in girls, but girls are more sensitive to noise. The sensitivity of their skin is also higher, so bodily discomfort is more unpleasant for them, and at the same time, girls are more responsive to affection, hugs, and kisses. While playing, girls often use close vision; they have enough limited space where they can arrange dolls, beads, scraps and other small riches. But boys use distant vision in games, they like to throw objects, catch up with each other, etc. In general, boys need more space for full development.... In the absence of a sufficient horizontal surface area, the naughty ones begin to master the vertical one, they can climb on the closet, hang on the door, jump on the back of the sofa, etc.

This is by nature

The differences in the psyche of male and female children are not inherent in nature. This is due to the struggle between two opposite tendencies. A woman's orientation is directed towards survival, the preservation of valuable evolutionary acquisitions, a man's orientation towards progress, learning new things. Men are characterized by exploratory behavior, which is why boys are actively exploring new spaces, committing risky actions, quickly finding a way out of a difficult situation, and making non-standard decisions. All of these features play a role in the learning of boys and girls. Girls have more of the same type of thinking, but their speech is more developed, boys are more silent, but think interestingly, outside the box. Sometimes this is imperceptible precisely because of their taciturnity.

Psychologists conducted such an experiment. First grade students were asked the question - how can a brick be used? The first answer, lying on the surface, came immediately - "to build a house." Then the girls answered - you can build a fence, a garage or a barn. Having exhausted the topic of construction, they quieted down, and then one of the boys gave a voice: "A brick can be put for weight when salting mushrooms." And again the girls took the initiative, they figured out how to use a brick as a load. Then, when this topic was exhausted, the boy replied again: "You can lay bricks on the fire, and then the grass will not catch fire" ... This does not mean that not a single girl will be able to come up with a new idea, but nevertheless, boys cope better with fundamentally new tasks ... At the same time, they do not pay enough attention to accuracy and thoroughness - for example, having solved a math problem in a non-standard way, a boy may make a mistake in the calculation and get a two as a result.

Features of thinking

Girls are subject to routine tasks with the need for careful study of details. Girls read faster, have more fluency, write more accurately and beautifully, but boys solve crosswords faster and pick up word associations better. Studies show that even six-year-old boys have a brain specialization in spatial reasoning, which does not appear in girls by the age of thirteen. Therefore, it is easier for boys to solve a geometric problem using the spatial method - to mentally rotate the figures, superimpose them on top of each other. Girls, on the other hand, designate sides, angles with letters, and in the future operate with these values, as well as theorems (templates). Boys find it more difficult to read, they can write carelessly and retell poorly. Do not be upset if you notice this for your little son - this is one of the features of the male mind. Boys are more likely to show mathematical talent; girls, as a rule, have richer vocabulary.

And remember that boys lag behind girls in development, they go their own way of growing up, so there is no need to worry about their intellectual development.

The difference in parenting boys and girls

But biological assumptions are not the only metric that differentiates between boys and girls. A large proportion of these differences are formed in the process of education. Consciously or subconsciously, but already from the first days of a child's life, parents raise him in accordance with their ideas of what a woman should be or what a man should be. Accordingly, adults communicate with children of different sex in different ways.

It has been noted that in boys, fathers seek to awaken exploratory skills and encourage them to be physically active. For example, on a walk, dad often keeps a little at a distance, without the need for help, he is not in a hurry. For girls, in case of difficulties, adults are more likely to offer help, and also talk more with their daughters.

They try to instill in the boy independence, courage, an active life position, perseverance, restraint in the manifestation of emotions. The girl is seen as soft, graceful, sensitive, attentive. But these averaged indicators are not a measure and a reason for each child to adjust to them or worry when the baby behaves "atypically". In dry scientific language, "men and women who maintain a distinct gender identity and at the same time harmoniously combine the psychological characteristics of both sexes are the most productive and adaptive in public and private life." In other words, some of the features and traits traditionally attributed to the opposite sex are likely to contribute to a person's success in life - if they do not interfere with being a "real woman" or "real man."

Is there something wrong with him?

If a boy is playing with dolls or showing an interest in sewing, parents tend to become apprehensive - “there is something wrong with him”! But an adult man who deftly handles a child, skillfully disguises or brushes it, evokes approval, and the whole world admires the creations of famous couturiers. Restless, stubborn girl - "little robber" - brings parents to "white heat". But in the future, thanks to her perseverance, ability to deviate from the set standards, courage and determination, she can reach significant professional heights!

Modern society is developing in such a way that traditionally male and female roles are no longer specific in it. And therefore, you should not panic if your daughter asks to buy a typewriter or is interested in tools. Remember, however, that measure is important in everything. Noticing that the interests of the child are concentrated exclusively in the area belonging to children of the opposite sex, try to form a new circle of friends for him, involve him in more “traditional” activities and games. It is also necessary to educate the child in an awareness of his / her gender.

Boys don't cry, girls don't fight?

But what is the right way to do it? You should not scold a child who behaves "not according to the rules." For example, it is not uncommon for a father to mockingly or severely address his son: “Boys don’t cry! There is no need to roar like a girl! " And now the kid, crying with resentment and pain, remembers that only "girls" can freely express their emotions, boys are "not supposed to" - therefore, he is looking for other ways out to relieve stress. By nature, boys are more aggressive than girls. And, if you persistently urge the child to show "courage", this natural aggression can be provoked. A boy can start breaking toys, tearing books, hitting other children, and being rude to adults. On the other hand, once in kindergarten, a boy who is used to expressing his emotions with tears will certainly become a convenient target for ridicule by his peers.

So to what extent should a child learn the "boys don't cry" principle? In the next form - "the boys do not cry over trifles." And the baby should be taught to do this not when he has already burst into tears, but when he has kept himself from crying on his own. Praise the baby with pride - "well done, a real man!" And you will see how the child will immediately forget about the bruised knee. He is a boy, which means he is a future man. And men don't cry over such nonsense! After all, dad did not cry when he accidentally hit himself on the finger with a hammer. If the child himself comes to this conclusion, if he gets the opportunity to be proud of himself (not without the help and support of adults) - then the result will be achieved.

Or another example. Mom is angry with her daughter - “Why are you climbing a tree again? Only boys climb trees, and you are a girl! " Constantly persecuted by such (and other) restrictions, the girl will begin to regret that she is not a boy. How much easier life is for the boys! They can write in clumsy handwriting, they can run, jump and climb wherever they want. A frustrated girl comes to such conclusions - what could be worse than disagreeing with her gender already at such a young age! In order for a child to form adequate self-esteem, so that he can build harmonious relationships with people around him, maintain mental and mental balance - he must accept himself as he is, and the key component of this acceptance is male or female. Therefore, it is so important and necessary that the child understands and masters his gender role in the conditions of approval, rejoices that he was born a boy or girl.

Parents should separate their ideas about the "ideal child", "courageous son", "feminine daughter" from the individual characteristics of the baby, which prevent him from approaching the "ideal." One should not strictly delineate sex roles, impose standards on the child, and severely limit his behavior. But what you have to do - take care of the presence of positive examples of "true ladies", "real men" in front of the baby's eyes. This path is much more productive.

What if the mother is raising her son alone, or the father does not have time to show the boy examples of real male behavior? Then you should teach the child the "theory of courage" and take care of his regular communication with those men whom he can (and wants) to imitate. Moreover, this must be done as early as possible - do not wait until a suspicious person from the courtyard company becomes such an example for your son. If there are no “role models” among relatives, friends and acquaintances, you can choose a circle or sports section for your child, where classes will be taught by a teacher who meets your ideas about a “real man”. Sports organizations are best suited for these purposes, as well as art schools and craft circles. In this case, one should take into account not so much the possibility of applying the acquired knowledge in practice, as the overall positive impact of creativity. For girls, any needlework class can be such useful skills.

Boys and girls can learn to overcome difficulties and share responsibilities through family and group outings.

The first time after the birth of a child, all the forces of the people around him are directed primarily at ensuring his safety and comfort. Caring for the health and nutrition of the baby becomes the main thing for them. However, as the child grows and develops, parents and teachers need to devote more and more time to his upbringing, including gender. In the generally accepted sense, gender is a set of various manifestations of human behavior that correspond to the concepts of femininity or masculinity, as well as the reaction of people around them to such manifestations. How complete the child's gender upbringing will be, largely determines his success and ability to interact with others in adult life.

Girl or boy?

Children begin to realize quite early on that they themselves and those around them are either girls or boys. This happens, as a rule, by the age of 2-3 years. Then begins the process of realizing that belonging to one or another sex will not change. By the age of 7, children should already understand that they will remain a girl or a boy. Moreover, this circumstance does not depend on their desire, and this or that sex is determined by nature. Each child has their own ideas about who can be considered a boy and who can be considered a girl. The smallest are usually guided by the presence of braids and bows, a dress or a pistol in children. Thus, gender education should be started from the age of two, then it will be easier for the child to find his place in the world around him.

Physical development of boys

Children of different sexes differ in both their physical and psychological development. Gender parenting of children should be based on these differences. Boys are physically stronger and in poorer health than girls. They do not tolerate numerous viral infections that a growing body has to deal with. At the same time, male children are very active, their need for movement is higher than that of girls, almost 6 times. That is why boys are more likely to experience various injuries. Experts also noted several more interesting features of the physical development of representatives of the strong half of humanity, which affect gender education:

  • Breathing involving the abdominal muscles.
  • The lungs are larger than those of girls.
  • Expressed development of the right hemisphere, which is responsible for the processing of visual, musical images, physical parameters of objects, spatial orientation.
  • Difficulty in processing information received by different hemispheres of the brain.
  • The blood volume is 0.5 liters more than that of girls.

Physical development of girls

Girls also have physical development features that are not typical for future men:

  • Breathing involving the chest.
  • Fast fatigue compared to boys.
  • Less mobility combined with apparent fussiness. This is due to the more frequent heartbeat.
  • Sensitivity to noise.

Girls are not as strong physically as boys, but they are more resilient. They are better at resisting diseases and less susceptible to negative environmental influences. In girls, the left hemisphere of the brain is more active, which regulates speech functions, the ability to write, logical thinking, and counting.

Mental development of girls

Girls are much better than boys at expressing their thoughts in words. Their vocabulary is richer, they describe objects in the smallest detail, make up complex speech patterns. Gender education in kindergarten often reflects this characteristic. At matinees, girls are more likely than boys to be trusted to recite long poems with complex words. For girls, emotions are of great importance. In audible speech, its meaning is not as important as intonation. Girls quickly remember the information they receive, but find it difficult to relate it to the information they already have. In this case, emotionally colored material will be easier for perception. The girls' drawings are distinguished by a wide variety of colors and shades, details and shapes. They usually depict themselves with well-drawn eyelashes, hair, and lips.

Mental development of boys

There are various programs on which preschool education is based, including gender. They take into account the peculiarities of the mental development of babies. Boys, for example, are distinguished by their courage. They are more independent than girls in their judgments and ideas about anything. Particular attention is paid to actions, regardless of what they are doing - an active game or composing a story. It's hard for boys to come up with a long, incredible story. Their stories are simple and traditional. Boys prefer to mention all kinds of actions over descriptions of objects. The desire for movement is also manifested in the drawings. Little representatives of the stronger sex often portray themselves next to cars. At the same time, the drawings differ in a small number of colors.

Features of education

The peculiarities of the physical and mental development of children of both sexes takes into account gender education. The games that educators offer toddlers must also take into account all of these differences. It will be useful for boys to develop fine motor skills, while the quality of speech will improve, and perseverance will increase. Girls will benefit from games aimed at mastering three-dimensional space. Designing, experimenting with changing the shapes of various objects and other activities will help them better understand mathematical laws and the structure of the world around them. Such a game is a kind of gender education activity. Boys should not be scolded for their excessive activity, because it is due to nature itself. It is better to try to direct their activities to the benefit of others, for example, cleaning toys, helping other kids. However, it is important for boys to receive clear and understandable instructions. You need to spend at least a minute explaining to the baby what to do.

This is not a woman's business ...

Gender education is based on the physical and mental characteristics of the development of children of different genders. At the same time, parents should remember that babies often have ideas about femininity or masculinity based on the behavior of mom and dad, their advice and suggestions. In this situation, it is important to maintain a sense of proportion and not try to manipulate on gender differences. Boys, for example, often hear that men don't cry. The child is reproached for the slightest manifestation of weakness. This does not make him resistant to stress, but, on the contrary, leads to fearfulness, inexplicable aggression, inability to make decisions in adulthood. You need to understand the cause of the baby's tears, try to eliminate it. It is important to explain to the child how to react to a particular difficult situation. Then he will learn to cope with stress calmly and with restraint without prejudice to his own health. You should not overly impose your own ideas about male and female responsibilities on children. If a boy hears from childhood that washing dishes and cooking is not a man's occupation, it will be difficult to expect him to help his mother around the house. At the same time, the child may have difficulties in adult life, because he will be absolutely not independent in everyday matters.

Mothers often pay too much attention to femininity in raising girls. Beautiful outfits, hairstyles, long hours in front of the mirror distract the child from studying, which gradually fades into the background. The girl begins to think that the only thing most important for a woman is to be beautiful. At the same time, the parents themselves then scold their daughter for poor grades at school. Thus, you should not completely transfer your ideas about how a man and a woman should behave on a child, and speculate in your own interests with gender differences.

The magazine "Preschool education" presents a new rubric "Actual conversation". Leads her child psychologist, candidate of sociological sciences Alla Ivanovna Buchkova. In the previous issues, the topics “Modern gadgets, devices and the Internet. How to bring up children in such conditions? " and "The kid is not like himself: whims, screams, tantrums ... Age crises of one, three and seven years."We bring to your attention an article published in the third issue of the journal, and invite you to discussion!

“Who will you have: a boy or a girl?”, “You will soon become a dad”, “We have a son,” “She is a very good mother” - what are the usual, unremarkable, familiar phrases for us. But today in a number of countries they will be considered strange and even offensive. There is a growing trend in family communication only using the words "parent" and "child", that is, excluding any gender. In the official documents of the United States and Europe, you often come across the combinations "parent number 1" and "parent number 2", and not the usual for us "mother" and "father". I wonder what words in these countries are now called grandparents?
In connection with the threatening foreign tendencies, the question of sex education is being actualized in Russia as well. It seems alien and strange to us, but our children, who are immersed in the informational Internet field, which, as you know, go far beyond state borders, can also fall under the influence from the outside.
So, today we will consider the features of sex education. But first, let's ask ourselves a question: is there a need for a difference in the upbringing of boys and girls, or is it time for us to keep up with foreign trends?
In science, sex differences between girls and boys are often separated from gender.
Thanks to the American psychologist R. Stoller, starting from the 60s of the last century, this concept has been denoted not so much biological differences as features of the behavior and activities of men and women. This became the basis for speculation in the concepts of "sex" and "gender". Foreign researchers argue that the differences between boys and girls are minimal and completely unrelated to gender, but appear under the influence of the attitudes of society, therefore, upbringing may well be asexual. Our foreign colleagues sometimes turn a blind eye to the undoubted anatomical, physiological and psychological differences or consider them insignificant. All this led to the blurring of boundaries in the upbringing of girls and boys, and as a result - to disorientation of the child. Indeed, clear guidelines and rules are very important for a baby, he is susceptible to the messages emanating from his parents, he is looking for support from adults when faced with the new and unknown. At this age, the easiest way is, by removing any sexual attitudes, to destabilize the child, forcing him to rush about in search of his gender. Or, even worse, to convince the boy that he is a girl, and vice versa. This is what asexual upbringing, which is prevalent in some countries, can lead to. The trend is modern and even scientifically based. However, the question of its relevance and applicability in our society remains controversial. After all, men and women differ from each other, including perception, thinking and even purpose.
Accordingly, at preschool age, it's time for you, parents, to demonstrate to the boy that he is a boy, and to the girl that she is a girl, and give the child clear guidelines for the future. Then foreign influence will be minimally devalued. I propose to turn to the Russian point of view, values ​​and views on the education of girls and boys.
For the first time, a child begins to realize sex differences no earlier than two or three years. Before that, both boys and girls were attached to their mother. But after the crisis of three years, the situation is changing. The ground for this is being prepared by parents who, consciously or unconsciously from birth, teach the child his gender role: “You’re a girl, and girls don’t dress like that ... neat ... don’t fight ... know how to cook and clean ...”, “You’re my man, and they do not cry ... do not play with dolls ... protect girls ... strong and brave ... ".
From three to eight years old, girls are identified with their mothers, and from five to seven years old, boys are identified with their fathers. What does "identified" mean?
This is assimilation to another person, identification with him:
I look like mom / dad;
act like mom / dad;
I communicate with others like a mom / dad;
I choose the same woman / man as mom / dad;
I behave with her / him like mom / dad.

Of course, the identification is unconscious, but it strongly affects the future life of the child. In most cases, the baby adopts patterns of behavior from the parents: the son - from the dad, and the daughter - from the mother. Moreover, girls will identify themselves mainly with their mothers (with the woman close to them, who brings them up). Boys are more flexible in this respect, most often they identify with their fathers, but they can also identify themselves with grandfathers, uncles, neighbors and even with the heroes of their favorite movie. The main condition here is the boy's interest and the time spent with the man he imitates.
IMPORTANT so that during these periods a child of any gender has an adequate relationship between mom and dad in front of his eyes. If the family is incomplete, then there is an adequate relationship between the mother or father with the opposite sex (it is better that they be stable and permanent).
In turn, it is important for parents to prioritize not relationships with the child, but relationships with each other, to demonstrate interest, attention, but most importantly, respect for each other. This is enough for the child at this stage, everything else remains hidden from the eyes of children behind the doors of the parent's bedroom. If dad and mom have complaints about each other, dissatisfaction, hidden aggression, then all this can affect the child. That is why it is necessary to work first of all on the harmonization of marital relations, they are in the first position, since their quality will also affect relations with children.
Let us dwell separately on the peculiarities of the development and upbringing of boys and girls.

Boys. Physiological features of development up to seven years

Scientists managed to establish that already in newborn boys and girls, the brain functions differently, the processes of perception and analysis of information differ. According to some researchers, in boys, the right hemisphere, which is responsible for non-verbal processes and imagination, matures faster than the left. Unlike girls, development occurs at a visual-figurative level, which affects the nature of thought processes. According to statistics, there are also more boys among left-handers.
At the same time, in boys, the frontal associative lobes of both hemispheres of the brain are selectively active, which are responsible for goal-setting and meaning formation. This promotes the development of their creative thinking. At three years old, boys begin to show superiority in thought
activity, this advance will reach its peak by the end of preschool age.
Psychological features of times vitya boys under seven years old
As early as three weeks after birth, boys sleep less and show more anxiety. They cry mainly when a stimulus that frightens them appears, as a rule, unfamiliar to them. This testifies not so much to the manifestation of emotions as to the exploratory reaction. As well as the fact that they are more interested in inanimate objects than faces. On the whole, they show greater mobility and exploratory activity in comparison with girls.
Boys communicate more with peers of the same gender. Often focused on competition and competition. Communication content is often information-driven.
They need more space for games than girls, so outdoor games are especially preferable. They are often played in large groups. They can play with those they do not particularly like: the content of the activity is above sympathy. In most cases, girls' games are not accepted.
Raising a son. For the first twelve months of his life, the boy is completely under his mother's influence. It is a norm based on a sense of the oneness of the child with the mother. After the crisis of one year, the first acquaintance of the son with the father begins, but communication with the mother still prevails. Often this is due to the peculiarities of the family structure, for example, with the fact that the mother stays at home with her son, the father works a lot, or he is not interested in a small child who is just learning to walk and talk.
After the crisis of three years, the son begins to perceive his mother in a new way. It often manifests itself
falling in love with her, up to a hidden or explicit intention to marry her in the future. This phenomenon was first described by Z. Freud and called the "Oedipus complex". Until now, there are ongoing debates about its impact on the development of the child, since the complex is not manifested in all children. But nevertheless, in my practice I come across it quite often. Dad at this time not only fades into the background, the child can be jealous of his mother. At the same time, the boy experiences fear and guilt for a latent desire to take the place of his father and for feelings for his mother. Normally, by the age of six or seven, these feelings and fantasies of the child go away. The main task of the mother during this period is to show the boy how kind, caring and affectionate she can be, that she will always support and feed. But the main thing here is not to overdo it. It is important to carefully demonstrate to the child that he is loved by both parents, but cannot replace the father, gently but confidently, do not allow the boy to influence your marital relationship.
At this time, especially from the period of sexual identification (four to five years), the child closely observes the relationship between mom and dad. As a result, the nature of the mother's relationship to her father, her main reactions to this, as well as the attention from the Pope, his initiative or passivity are deposited in his subconscious. If the son realizes that the relationship between mother and father is harmonious, then the feelings of the Oedipus complex will gradually leave him. This defeat in the fight for mom is an important and inevitable stage in his development.
At the age of seven, the boy begins to closely contact his father. He must leave the "mother's half" and go to the "men's camp" forever. Sometimes it is very difficult for the mother, but she needs to “let go” of her son, stop squeezing and lisping, pampering and pitying him. At this age, the adoration and admiration of the mother, "wiping the snot" and "mother's skirt" can turn him into a "mother's son." We don't want that, do we?
It is very important to actively involve the father in raising his son, demonstrating what it means to be a real man, what qualities he possesses, how he communicates with women and treats them. We are talking specifically about the demonstration, because it is the girls who will listen to the explanations, and the boys need, first of all, their father's personal example. Dad needs to show his son what it means to take responsibility, win honestly, be reliable and always keep your word. The joint male interests of father and son, conversations about grandfathers and the history of the family, various male stories will be useful. It is better that the father understands conflicts with peers, the boy's sex education also falls on his shoulders. The more time a son spends with his dad at this age, the better. Taking into account the workload of the parents, at least 4-5 hours a week, but the main thing is that it should be a high-quality active pastime. In the summer, joint trips with your son for several days and even for a couple of weeks are useful.
Mom still gives attention to her son, takes care of him, but her main task during this period is not to interfere with men, not to interfere in their affairs, not to impose her interests on her son. Strengthening your relationship with your husband should be a priority. At the same time, the boy needs the same support from both mother and father.

Girls. Physiological features of development up to seven years

The left hemisphere, which is responsible for verbal processes and analytical thinking, matures faster in girls than the right. Accordingly, they start talking about three to four months earlier. Further development goes through speech processes, and not through visual-figurative ones, like in boys. Initially, in girls, the rate of maturation of the skeleton is also higher; after two or three years, this gap is almost six months. Although, as we know, boys will eventually catch up with girls and be taller than them.
In general, girls are born more mature by almost a month, and by the end of preschool age this difference will reach one year. Already at six months, girls begin to outstrip boys in speech development, the next obvious turn is found after three years and continues until adolescence.

Psychological features of the development of girls under seven years old
Girls are more likely to cry when they are deprived of communication and even when there is a potential threat of such a restriction. Accordingly, their crying is often a communicative response. Compared to boys, they show greater perseverance and accuracy, as well as, as a rule, less anxiety and mobility.
Girls communicate more actively with their mother. Also, in comparison with boys, they have more contact with adults and peers of the opposite sex. In communication, they are more often focused on establishing contacts and relationships.
Their games can be limited in space. Usually they come together in groups of two or three. They play mainly with those whom they initially like. They are more relaxed about the games of "boys".
Raising a daughter. Just like boys, girls under one year old are completely under their mother's influence. The daughter, like the son, begins to get acquainted with the dad, with his masculine energy after the crisis of one year. However, she will begin to see the opposite sex in her father only after three years, with the start of sexual identification. From the same period, the appearance of the so-called "Electra complex" is possible, which is analogous to the Oedipus complex and is characterized by a manifestation of interest in the father simultaneously with jealousy towards the mother. The feelings and fears of the girl and the boy in this case are similar, only multidirectional. This is the normal development of the child. The complex can manifest itself more or less brightly, it can be completely invisible and should completely disappear by the age of seven or eight. In this case, parents also need to be attentive and caring, while at the same time tactfully not allowing the child to influence the marital relationship. The girl must understand that she is still small, and her mother is an adult woman, as a result, the complex will not only go away, but also a connection with her mother will be established as a worthy role model.
The period of sexual identification (from three to eight years) is one of the most important in the upbringing of a girl. It was at this time that she learns about the qualities of her father: his strength, courage, kindness, generosity, attentiveness. The girl observes how dad treats mom, how she responds to her husband, and remembers all this.
The relationship between a daughter and a dad affects the manifestations of femininity in the future, the nature of her future relationships with the opposite sex, and the choice of a partner. No wonder they say that a woman's chosen one is often similar to her father. For girls, praise and tactile touch are very important: sit on your knees, stroke. But here it is important to observe the measure, the relationship between the daughter and the father should be trusting, but restrained and tactful. Dad should show sincere attention to his daughter, support her. Remember that the girl will remember everything: indifference, rave reviews, and criticism. Therefore, it is advisable to say only in a positive way that the mother and daughter are alike, in no case to compare them (we remove the words "better" and "worse"). If you make critical remarks, then try to at the same time be sure to talk about the good qualities of your daughter and her ability to become better. To avoid confusion between roles, use only names and derivatives of the role “daughter” (for example, daughter, daughter, daughter), but not “girl”.
Communication between father and daughter during this period should be very careful and dosed. It is enough to devote only 10-15 minutes to your daughter, but it is important that this be done every day. Of course, if there is such an opportunity, spending time together can last much longer.

After eight years, the girl completely goes into the female world, her mother becomes her main ally. The mother teaches her daughter with stories and by her example what it means to be a woman, what are women's interests and concerns, women's stories and motherhood, tells about grandmothers and other ancestors. Mom also reveals the secret of the girl's growing up and her sexual development. Despite the fact that the dad's influence on his daughter is dramatically weakening, it is important that the father continues to spend time with her. Girls can be very vulnerable, so there are many restrictions: not entering the bathroom and toilet when the daughter is there, not entering her room without knocking, avoiding unflattering reviews about her appearance or habits, squeezing, talking about sexual development. Again, the girl should receive support from both her father and mother.
So, let's summarize. Despite the differences in the upbringing of boys and girls, they equally need the attention, care and personal time of each parent. They will deeply experience resentment, indifference and rudeness, because you are still the best for them, you are gods! But this is not for long, so be grateful and give yourself to your children so that they will give you a piece of themselves in the future. Both daughters and sons are still in their teens when they begin to practice their sex roles. But this is only for the children and their parents. In the meantime, while your child is still young, it is in your power to direct his sex education in the direction that you think is most correct. As you can see, boys and girls differ from each other both physiologically and psychologically. However, a number of differences are mediated by the society in which we live, and the emphasis on them largely depends on the will of the parents. It is up to you to decide whether to erase the boundaries or clearly define the direction of sex education. At the same time, remember two important points: now you are putting into the child something that will affect the success of his own family life, and very soon, in adolescence, you will not be able to change anything.

In the end, the main leitmotif of the article: the best educational effect on a son or daughter will be produced by your own harmonious relationship with your spouse. Family is a pleasant, but energy-consuming and sometimes troublesome WORK. Let this work be interesting and happy!

Traditional Questions for Reflection and Self-Test

1. What is your point of view: in Russia it is necessary to preserve the differences in the upbringing of girls and boys or to be guided by world trends?

2. What is identification and how will the child's gender identity be manifested?

3. At what age is the most intense sexual identification in boys:

from 3 to 7 years old;
from 3 to 9 years old;
from 5 to 7 years old;
from 5 to 9 years old;
from 6 to 7 years old;
from 7 to 10 years old.

4. At what age is the most intense sexual identification in girls:

from 3 to 6 years old;
from 3 to 8 years old;
from 5 to 8 years old;
from 5 to 9 years old;
from 7 to 8 years old;
from 7 to 10 years old.

5. With whom does the daughter usually identify herself, and with whom - the son?

6. Who are we talking about: a boy or a girl?

The right hemisphere matures faster;
begins to speak earlier;
begins to walk earlier;
shows great research activity;
communicates more with peers of the same gender;
in communication, focused on obtaining information;
games are limited in space.

7. What are the main differences between girls and boys in:

physiological characteristics;
psychological characteristics;
issues of education.

8. What interesting traditions of raising a son or daughter have developed in your family?

9. What are the "Oedipus complex" and "Electra complex"? Have your children experienced similar phenomena? When and how?

10. At what age do you think a mother should “let go” of her children? Why?

11. What educational methods do not depend on the gender of the child?

12. What changes in the upbringing of boys and girls in preparation for entering school?

The long-awaited spring has come, which means that only six months are left before the start of your child's schooling (of course, if he is over six years old). I'm sure you've already started preparing for school. What do you think includes psychological preparedness? What aspects of it are most important today? Have you heard anything about the mental preparation program for school? Our next conversation will be devoted to the discussion of these questions. Do not miss!

Those who raise a boy often do not understand the parenting methods used by the parents of girls, and the opposite situation is often encountered. It is no less difficult for those who have children of different sexes when it turns out that the approach to their upbringing needs to be found differently.

What are the differences in the upbringing of boys and girls?

Of course, the needs of boys and girls are different. Nevertheless, all of them need the main thing - love. Love can manifest itself in different ways, but its main components are trust and care.

Care- this is an interest in the well-being of a child, a willingness to help him, compassion, a desire to make him happy. Trust is expressed in confidence in the child's strengths, in his ability to learn something from his own mistakes.

Confidence- this is the provision of personal space, freedom, the ability to act independently.

There are age-specific features of providing trust and care. Say, until about 9 years old, a child needs more care than trust. At the age of nine, a child may move somewhat away from his parents, and this is a signal that it is time to change the proportions - to give the child more trust than care. As the child grows up, the trust of the parents becomes more necessary for him, there should be more of it, but this does not exclude the presence of care, it just manifests itself less pronounced.

But if we talk about the difference in parenting of boys and girls, then the differences in the manifestation of love are visible almost from a very early age. For boys more trust is needed, girls need more care.

Example: boy refuses help in dressing, it is important for him to do it on his own, to give him the opportunity to act independently is a manifestation of trust. Girl, whom mom or dad helps to dress, perceives this as a manifestation of the care and, therefore, love of the parents.

If you are a boy's mom, it will be useful to remember that excessive care can be interpreted by the son as an expression of distrust, lack of faith in his ability to do something on his own.

The reverse situation is when parents give too much freedom girl,she may think that she is repulsed, not loved.

Trust and care for every child

Those tendencies in behavior that adult women and men demonstrate are laid and begin to manifest themselves in childhood. The smallest children, whether a boy or a girl, initially trust the world equally. If the child meets neglect of his needs, desires, then sex differences already begin. Boys are more likely to care less for those around them, and girls will no longer show trust in those around them. To boy was able to take care of those around him and he himself wanted it, he needs trust from them; to girl could trust others, she needs care and understanding.

Trusting girl - the one who feels that she can trust others is the girl who is happy and has received enough care. If a girl does not receive enough care to establish trust, this can directly affect her character. Having not received what she needs, a girl can suppress feminine qualities (vulnerability, weakness) in herself and show masculine qualities, now demanding trust and independence. But here it is important to take into account that the manifestation of masculine qualities is not necessary - this is a consequence of lack of care, it may well be a feature of temperament, and such a girl still needs care, love and support.

Trust, acceptance, approval that you can give son - this is his motivation to take care of others. If you make it clear to the boy that he is able to bring joy to those around him, that he is already making them happy, this becomes a motivation for good behavior. Lack of positive motivation can make the boy weak, and its presence only confirms his success and increases the desire to prolong successful actions.

In case of failure, you should not tell the boy that you warned him that nothing will work out. Just believe that he will be able to draw the right conclusions, even if now something has failed, give him confidence in his abilities, believe in his independence and ability to find the right path. But do not refuse to help the girl, this is how you give her the love, care and support she needs.

Of course, approval, trust, acceptance must be shown not only to sons, but also to daughters, but it is for the boy that this will become the best motivating motive, it is this that will lead to success that can become the most effective incentive.

The boys are from Mars. The girls are from Venus.

John Gray defined the differences in the upbringing of boys and girls with an allegory: "Boys are from Mars, girls are from Venus." There are several provisions that will help you find the right path in raising little "Martians" and the inhabitants of Venus:

  • Boys need that love for them is expressed in the recognition of what they are able to do on their own, a positive attitude towards the results of their activities. Girls strive to gain recognition that they are as they are, that you understand and accept their feelings and desires.
  • For boys it is necessary to show the joy of their achievements, a high assessment of their activities and its results. Girls want admiration and love for themselves more than for their actions.
  • For success boy need approval and motivation. Girl need help and encouragement.
  • Boy, just like a man, is able to become happy if needed and if he is able to provide any support. If a boy feels unnecessary, unclaimed, this can drive him into despondency. Girl, as well as a woman, becomes happy when she can get support, if there is nowhere to get support and it is necessary to act only herself in a difficult situation, the girl may feel unhappy.
  • Caring for others, taking action boy can demonstrate in the event that he feels trust, approval of his actions, acceptance of them. Girl can trust loved ones and be self-confident only when she sees care, respect and understanding in relation to herself.