Happy family life. And what is the secret of a long and happy family life? Harmony

No one is obligated to love just like that
This is true. The person with whom you begin your family life is not your cub, whom you love unconditionally. All people change, their feelings change, and absolute, unchanging love does not exist! You can't just constantly love a person like he loves you.
To keep love, you need to work hard. Sometimes you even need to help the other person get to know you better and love you.

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The most difficult in marriage - 2 years after the birth of a child
This period determines how your family will live on. You need to train patience, talk to each other as often as possible, overcome anger and resentment. If you do not learn how to do this while the child is small, further family life will turn into hell.
Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it, you need to be able to accept it. Constantly remind yourself why you are with this person, why did you choose him. If it is difficult for a young family to cope with all the affairs, you can hire assistants, after all! Life should not destroy love.

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Sex is not always in the first place
When a relationship lasts long enough sex fades into the background. You should not feel guilty about wanting sex less or, conversely, more than your partner. But the chill in a relationship is a common problem!
If your partner doesn't turn you on, as in the old days, try to understand yourself. Go to a psychoanalyst, have a photo shoot with your spouse, find things that turn you on, watch an erotic movie… I don't know what turns you on, but do it.

If you are the partner who constantly wants more, you should not turn into an extortionist. Add warmth to the relationship so that your loved one wants to be there! Joint classes, pleasant and exciting, travel, walks - what you need.

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Nice little things every day!
“I will never achieve good results in anything if I do not do my job with discipline; if I do something only when I am “in the mood”, it may be a pleasant or fun hobby, but I will never become a master in this art ... " But love is a real art, according to Erich Fromm, whose quote I quote.
What are pleasant things? In addition to doing your homework, there are many things you can do to please your partner. The simplest is to say something nice. Hug once again, show your feelings. It's so paradoxical! Sometimes it seems that there are no feelings at all, no love, so tired of everything ... But as soon as you do something for another, caress your soul mate, feelings reappear!

Why not buy an avocado for your wife if she loves it so much? Why not prepare a favorite dish for your husband, which is usually on the table only on holidays? Why not massage your loved one? How sad it is that because of banal laziness, families are destroyed ...
Never become someone who is not ready to try to save the family
If someone slows down one, the second will not be able to help him. You cannot build a happy marriage alone, alas! This requires mutual desire.
A few years will pass, and it will be very disappointing to look back and realize that you did not pull your part. family life of man- his personal choice. Mature individuals do everything conscientiously, work on themselves and on relationships. If you don’t feel like working, it’s better to leave right away and give your partner the opportunity to find someone who will want this with all their hearts for the sake of joint happiness.
Don't forget to say thank you
We often neglect gratitude in relationships and do not appreciate what the other person does for us. We don't even notice! Gratitude and make everyone much happier.
We only know exactly what happened in the past. As for the future, all that is known is that death looms somewhere. Here is the clarity to start from. If you remember that you are not eternal, that close people are not eternal, then you treat your family in a completely different way ...

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Married couples who have been happily married for many years share their secrets on how to make love endless.

Trudy and Paul have been married for 35 years:“I once read in a very old book on marriage: “Always treat your husband as the most honored guest in the house.” In other words, your behavior should be the best. It changed me, and my husband responded to me in return. And my personal opinion about marriage is this: "Good relationships are built from a thousand small good deeds for each other."
Steve and Cheryl have been married for 20 years:“Never discuss sensitive issues when you are hungry or tired. And to improve communication, chew marshmallows. What can't you do with a mouthful of marshmallows? Talk. And communication is more about listening than talking. I always tell my wife, if what I said can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the options upsets or angers you, then I meant the other option.
Stephanie has been married for 18 years:“We purposely sit side by side on the couch every night. My father told me to do this when I got married. Because then you touch each other, you feel the cozy warmth and energy of a loved one.
Rita and Kurt have been married for 27 years:“Watch your manners. Too often we show more respect for strangers than for those we love. Parents often expect good treatment from their children, although they themselves do not show it among themselves. “Please give me this plate” sounds much gentler and kinder than “Give me this.” Kindly, could you, please, I'm sorry - these are magic words. And they're not just for dates."
Don and Estelle have been married for 50 years:“Our biggest tip for newlyweds is to only look forward and look back only for the good times. Each of us has our faults and our faults, and so if all of your attention is focused on past bad times, your marriage can turn into a heavy burden. Remember and revel in your successes. Ignore the moments when you failed. Don't try to blame the problem, try to find a solution. Love is like a boomerang, throw it at your spouse and it will come back to you.”
Don and Tony have been married for 32 years:“Always find something to laugh at. Laugh together. Times are cruel. Problems happen in all families, and things don't always go smoothly in life. But if you find a way to laugh at it, then unity will arise between you, and you can overcome everything!”
Nicholas and Rafaela have been married for 82 years:: “Always respect each other and try not to attach too much importance to the little things. Our parents also lived for many years in a happy marriage. Our family does not know what divorce is at all. Raising family values is a very important part of the culture.”
Judy and Jeff have been married for 22 years:“Remember: Women want to be loved and adored. And men want to feel respect ... Even more than love. It sounds strange, but it's true. Do not deprive your man of masculinity. Don't take your woman for granted. Life becomes boring and stressful. Your marriage will have times when it is both strong and weak. Whatever you did at the beginning of your marriage that ended up laughing together later, take the time to repeat the same things 10, 20, and 30 years later. Read excerpts from your favorite book to each other, watch your favorite movies together.
Dave and Rose have been married for 32 years:“In a couple, each should strive to do good for the other, and not fight in the style of “And me?”. And then with experience comes a win-win solution where each person gives and serves the other.”
Chuck and Marilyn have been married for 41 years.: “When we faced adversity together, it brought us closer. Caring for children was also a powerful force. And as soon as you have grandchildren, the family bond is strengthened even more.
Charlene and Rick have been married for 18 years:“Divorce is not a solution to think about, talk about, and think of as the answer to a problem. Almost all problems are short-term. Divorce is the long term answer. If money becomes the reason, discuss it immediately. Family life is not garden greens, these are values that give rise to contradictions and disputes.
Paula and Dan have been married for 26 years:"Keep dating. Since we've been married, we try to spend one night a month as a couple. When the children were small (up to 6 months), we took them with us, we never sat at home. And it doesn't have to be just the two of you. Date other people or couples. This will give you the opportunity for interesting full-fledged communication, and not a long discussion of domestic problems.
Julia and Mark have been married for 15 years:“Be caring, patient, and accepting of what happens in your partner's life. We have always known that it is important to always remain an individual person. There are things that we would like to achieve personally. We would like our goals in work to be not only understood, but also supported. And it's not always easy. My husband went through 2 stages of my higher education and a job change in 5 companies. And today I put him on a plane flying to the war zone to fulfill my military duty. I have an ambiguous opinion about sending our troops outside the homeland. But I believe in my husband and I know it's important to him."
Rick and Jen have been married for 14 years: Forget your old "best" friends. Now you have a new best friend. Give each other unforgettable moments.
Nancy and Don have been married for 16 years:“The most important thing for a long and happy married life is to know yourself first before marriage.”
Beverly and Pablo have been married for 33 years:“Spare yourself from friends, families and situations that negatively affect your life and family, and let your husband do the same. Keep your intimate life interesting. Listen to each other's fantasies. Don't be afraid to be sensual in the marital bedroom. And be sure to plan an amazing vacation together.”
Ralph and Teresa have been married for 17 years:" We are best friends. When sex becomes less important, it is best to enjoy doing things together (what used to be done alone). For example, we travel by car for several days to get to a car exhibition. And we start to like each other even more.
Lisa and Brian have been married for 12 years:“We made a pact not to quarrel over money. Financial problems lead to divorce. And we do not want our relationship to deteriorate because of such an insignificant issue as money. We have gone through financial ups and downs, we have gone through times of unemployment and huge loans. But we never blame each other for anything and always discuss financial matters calmly.
Doren and Tim have been married for 20 years:“We are as different as partners can be in a couple. But instead of being annoyed by our differences, we enjoy them. We find each other's quirks endlessly funny, like watching exotic animals in a zoo. Not a day goes by that I don't die of laughter because my husband makes fun of something I do. We often tease each other. And it never looks low and mean. We are each other's best psychotherapists.
Lanni and Christine have been married for 23 years:"You must have a common . When a couple has it, any bump on the road to it will be a guide to the goal. Without a dream, any obstacle on the way will be a huge peak for you to climb. Find your purpose on this planet, make a list of the values of your life, take a step forward and forward!
Anna and Dean have been married for 25 years:“If you believe that you are made for each other and are going to live a long, happy life, develop and grow together, you need to always stay in close spiritual closeness with each other. Otherwise, as a result, you will find that you do not know your spouse at all, because he / she has changed over the years.

For some people, the realization of happiness comes like an accidental discovery. Usually a person is happy when he is in love. But in matters of the heart, nothing happens just like that. For example, in order to experience family happiness, you have to work on it. Many people want to know the secrets of a happy marriage. At the same time, many believe that happiness in the family is either given or not given. Partly right and those, and others. But in most cases, the saying "Our happiness is in our hands" is fully justified.

Basic Foundations of Strong Family Ties

A happy marriage doesn't just happen. Even in those cases when people fall in love at first sight, they will have to show maximum tolerance in the family in order to make the happiness of lovers family happiness. When Mendelssohn loses the march, the bride and groom say "we agree", and the couple merge in a magical kiss, people think they are already happy. But sad statistics say that approximately 43% of marriages end in divorce. It is impossible to create a prosperous family with only passionate desires, high feelings and tender words.

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In order not to experience the bitterness of the collapse of fabulous dreams, in order to achieve the bright goal of a successful marriage, you need to work hard and painstakingly improve family relationships.

Communicate more sincerely with each other. Openness in relationships is very important, especially at a time when family affairs are not going well. After all, there are many things that can directly or indirectly affect relationships in the family - friends, hobbies, work, education, religion, relatives. If you can't spend time together, or if you have a financial disagreement, it's important to be direct about the cause of your argument and possible ways to address that cause.
Another secret to a happy marriage is to create your own family rituals and traditions. Almost all couples who describe their marriage as happy talk about family rituals. It doesn't matter what it is: a candle on the table, lit at a festive family dinner, going to a cafe once a month, traveling with the whole family or dates in significant places in your city. Or maybe a special touch that means "I love you." Someday in the future, these rituals will become the best part of memories - yours and your children's.
Learn to listen. After all, oddly enough, people are more polite with strangers than with their loved ones. Is your spouse trying to talk to you? Don't interrupt. Listen politely and tactfully, no matter how busy you are. Listen as politely as you would listen to your boss. After all, decency and patience are integral parts of a happy marriage.
Time spent alone with your loved one will help you rekindle the feelings that made you fall in love with each other. It doesn't matter where exactly you will spend time - in a luxurious restaurant or in a cinema at inexpensive places for kissing. Time dedicated to each other is an essential component of a happy marriage. Remember this!
Solve the money problem! It's amazing how many marriages fail because of money. Or because of their absence - it does not matter. It is important that many couples simply do not discuss serious financial issues, living for today and not thinking about tomorrow. Discuss each of your preferences regarding money. Agree on how you will pay large sums, who will manage the family budget and keep family accounting. What? Do you think that bookkeeping is necessary only for a report to the authorities? Nothing like this. All people who have achieved a lot in life analyze their income and expenses. Remember that the issue of money can be the cause of many major and minor disagreements between husband and wife. And I would not want your happy marriage to fail because of money.
Respect each other. There are some simple rules for those who want to make their marriage happy. First, never go to bed in a family bed in a bad mood. Say "thank you" and "please". Kiss daily and say "I love you". Congratulate each other as often as possible (it doesn’t matter with what, even with the Power Engineer’s Day - you are energetic, or with the Builder’s Day - you are both building a happy family).
Don't break your agreement. And the agreement of all spouses who are in a happy marriage sounds like this: "Family is above all." Do not sacrifice the interests of the family for the sake of a career, entertainment, hobbies.
Maintain a relationship with your spouse's family. You both owe a lot to your parents. Not according to the law of the country (already at the age of 18, a person is legally independent and has the right to completely separate from the family), but according to the law of conscience. “Honor your father and your mother,” the Bible says. But in the same book it is written that when a person starts a family, his devotion belongs primarily to his spouse: “A man leaves his father and mother and cleaves to his wife.” Maintaining relationships with parents does not mean running to them for advice in a relatively simple everyday situation, and even more so, complaining about your spouse. The correct attitude towards relatives is to visit them from time to time, choosing an activity that is interesting for everyone. And spend as much time with the husband's parents as with the wife's family. It is imperative for a married couple who wants to be happy to take into account the feelings and needs of their parents. But at the same time, the family must maintain independence.
When relatives visit you, try to be polite to them. Make the time of your parents' visit to you pleasant, make them feel at home. Even if you have already grown up, for your parents you still remain children. And adult children need to remember that their parents will not always be with them. Therefore, one should enjoy their company while one can.
The area of personal differences should be tried to minimize. Cliff Albirton, a researcher of family relations, under the area of personal differences understands the provocative behavior of the spouses and the difference in personal habits, differences in attitudes and temperament. Violation of the norms and rules accepted in society is defiant behavior. It can annoy the spouse so much that you will have to forget about a happy marriage. Personal habits (banal scattering of socks around the apartment or a table that has not been wiped after dinner) can also become a strong irritant. Psychologists say that 28% of marriages break up precisely on the basis of personal disagreements. One spouse is pedantic, the other is sloppy. One loves hard rock, the other - classical music. What to do in this case? For this, there is a so-called “candy-bouquet period”. It is necessary for people to get to know each other better and make a conscious decision to marry.
Do not try to change anything in the spouse, the only person in the marriage union that you can improve endlessly is yourself. Lifestyle is the totality of all human habits. Where does he go? How about smoking and alcohol? Does he use drugs? What is he interested in? The more you have in common, the more easily you will adapt to each other, the more likely that your marriage will be happy. The value system of each of you is also very important. If he appreciates the same qualities in people as you, your marriage has every chance of being happy.

Often we expect that family happiness will come with the purchase of an apartment, a car, with a new good job or additional education. No. We must be happy now and with what we have.

2. Be grateful and tell your loved one about it

Generates happiness. Even in the most ordinary things, find reasons to be grateful. And most importantly, do not forget to express it. That magic word “thank you” actually works wonders, and we need to use it more often in marriage. “Thank you for what you do for me”, “Thank you for fixing the faucet”, “Thank you for being so sweet”, “Thank you for a delicious dinner” - look for reasons to be grateful, and you will find them.

3. Trust each other

A marriage tormented by jealousy will not last long. Trust your spouse and don't give reasons to distrust you.

4. Avoid fights

Quarrels over trifles are the biggest pitfall of marriage. Feel the approach of a quarrel - cool down: take a walk, take a shower, rest. When the emotions subside a bit, you can talk calmly.

5. Show your love physically

Touch each other, hug, hold hands. Healthy sexual relationships are very important, but don't just focus on them. Any abuse does not lead to good. It destroys romantic love and the natural beauty of intimacy in marriage.

6. Be honest when it comes to finances

Marital happiness is impossible if there is misunderstanding, especially when it comes to money.

7. Surprise each other

Do something unexpected: leave a note in your pants pocket; give a flower when you meet her from work; make a small gift; arrange an unexpected romantic dinner or send an SMS with a declaration of love.

8. Compliment each other

Tell us how you like the smile, character, voice, eyes, hair of your loved one. That you appreciate him as a great parent for your child or as a professional at work. Your loved one needs to know that you admire them.

9. Support each other

Support each other in personal and professional projects, on days of illness, sadness or weakness. Help. Marriage is like a long journey in a fragile boat: if one passenger starts to rock it, the second must keep it afloat, otherwise both will drown.

10. Move in one direction

Happiness in marriage is possible only if the spouses have the same outlook on life, similar values and interests, behavior and goals.

11. Stay who you were when you dated.

At the beginning of a relationship, we are all amazing, attractive and do thousands of things to show our partner the best of our qualities. After some time, an understanding comes of what kind of person is actually next to us, what his shortcomings are, how he behaves in various situations. It is natural for mature relationships to develop into marriage.

But after the wedding, some calm down and do not consider it necessary to try to please a loved one. Suddenly feel that most of the time the houses can look untidy, rude and grumpy. Of course, it is difficult to keep the body and face the same as in youth: age and gravity are merciless. Nevertheless, much can be done to stay in a decent physical, moral and emotional state. A good marriage is a perpetual motion.

12. Talk

Talking solves problems.

13. Forget selfishness

Concern for the well-being of a partner is one of the most important points in achieving family happiness. Put selfishness aside and try to take care of your partner the same way you take care of yourself.

14. Be faithful in thought, word and action

Happiness is a subtle matter. How often marriages have failed because one of the spouses fell in love with someone and could not get it out of his head. And in the end it ended in a serious mistake. Feel the danger - run from the temptation.

There are always three fools in treason.
Carlos Drummond de Andrade (Aeroporto Carlos Drummond de Andrade), poet

15. Ask for forgiveness and forgive

We are all imperfect. If you make a mistake, do not waste time, sincerely ask for forgiveness as soon as possible. And when a loved one hurts your feelings - forgive him. For a full life for both spouses, it is important to be able to ask for forgiveness and forgive.

In other words, the main secret of a happy marriage is to do good, to be wise in words, actions and thoughts. Treat your partner the way you want them to treat you. And if you want to realize how a word or decision will affect your marriage, imagine yourself in the place of a partner, and you will understand how to act.

It touches me how at weddings and other instructive ceremonies for young people, the secret of a long and happy family life sounds from experienced people. Something like: children, family - this is not only a holiday, you have to be patient, help each other, respect each other, forgive and further down the list of debts. And then we'll meet at the golden wedding.

And then I’m a little embarrassed to say in my toast that it doesn’t matter. But it’s important that the person is “yours”. The secret is to meet the "right" person, and not somehow masterfully learn to endure. And somehow honorable to do their duty. You have to find someone you don't have to be patient with...

My mother, in the first place of my family life, told me, for example: you forgive your husband, well, absolutely everything! At these moments, I always strained, trying to scan what it was, I forgave him and didn’t track it ... I really don’t know. It turns out that I forgive him that he scatters his socks, that he disappears at work and may not hear what I tell him, because he is thinking about his project (terribly disrespectful), and he is also not a big boss at work, but a free artist, still there something... And I did not forgive anything. Don't exaggerate my forgiving abilities. I just did not notice these socks, I automatically collect them outside the doors and throw them into the washing machine. They don't stress me out. And it doesn’t hurt me in any way that he is on his own and he didn’t have subordinates at work like me. It didn't occur to me that there was a problem. But he doesn’t hear me - I love enthusiastic people so much, if I really need it - I don’t disdain to wave my hands to attract attention to myself. And when he is not around, I have something to do with myself. If we had been together all the time, it would have bothered me more. So it's not me - a wonderful wife and learned to be tolerant. But it's just a very "my" design.

Favorite job is the same. You even have problems and difficulties there. But you do not perceive them as grief and problems. Maybe as such a healthy challenge, maybe as small delays or difficulties. But if you love the process itself, then no one needs to persuade you to be patient, to go forward ... You yourself go through a hundred options and your brains automatically switch to this search at any free minute. And you will go to bed tired, and your brains are still spinning and spinning: can you do that? but still it is necessary to try it? And you can even jump out of bed at night and go try it. Sometimes at 4 in the morning I fumble with a pencil with a sleepy hand to write down something that I need to try in the morning or look for literature on this topic ... No one forces me. And at the same time, I vindictively carry in myself and tell with suffering how, while working at a bank, they somehow called me to work close to 12 o'clock at night to prepare calculations for the boss, who was on his way to difficult negotiations. It was not "mine", I did not like it, I did them (those who needed it) a favor. That's what I remember about him to this day. Here, yes, you need to seek forgiveness in yourself ...

And the secret of professionalism and success - it seems to me - is also in this: to love what you do. Do what you love.

And then people ask:
How do you relax?
And we don't stress.

And why am I ... And it was I who came to visit. A wonderful family, 20 years together, not a single "damaging" case, patience for ten on a ten-point system. Quietly otrykivayut each other from different angles. Squeezed. Burknut, twitch, and then back. You can’t get angry, swearing is fraught, it’s ugly and wrong. And useless. Children, common property. We must endure. A strong family is built on patience, forgiveness, and so on ... No, this is some kind of false secret for me.