Hello dear readers!!! My name is Dee, I'm 24 years old. I want to tell my story. I am from Dagestan, according to nat. i'm a lezginka She lived all her life in Russia. The family is very strict, especially the father. I am afraid of him like fire, one look from him and everything is clear to me without words. My mother and I have always been like friends, she is kind and sympathetic to me. It all started in 2006. I was a 2nd year student at the university at the time. I began to notice that very often a guy looks at me alone, a senior student. I knew that his name was Sasha, he was the head of the group ... but I knew this from my friend who studied with him in the group. She is Azeri. name is Gaia. She tells me, Dean, I see that Sasha likes you very much, I talked to him that I shouldn’t hope for something, she’s a Lezginka, you are Russian, you are on opposite sides of the barricades. But he doesn’t want to hear anything, he seems to have fallen in love with you . He asks to meet you. What do you think about it, I say nothing to Guy, what kind of nonsense, why tempt fate ... I will not get acquainted. Somehow Gadget calls me from the steam, I go out standing: she and Sasha. Dean, I'm sorry, but he didn't leave me alone, he wants to get to know me. I decided to talk to him, listen to him. He began to tell me how he had been watching me for two months, how he really liked me, that he wanted to take care of me. I told him that I can’t give him anything but hello and I won’t be able to. That it is not customary for us to be friends with boys. That I am very different from Russian girls. And our communication will not end with anything good. He did not calm down, every day he met me near the university, then at recess and after classes. And so we slowly began to communicate with him. And I began to catch myself thinking that I think about him all the time. I got scared. I realized that I am in love. But stop and say to yourself stop ... dear, what are you doing, why do you need this, I was no longer able to. I fell head over heels in love, and these thoughts that it was impossible to be with him, in fact, made the feelings even stronger. I was very worried, I lost a lot of weight. And since by itself we began to meet, although it was difficult to call it a meeting, we saw each other at the university, it was impossible anywhere else ... I was afraid that my father or acquaintances would see. They will find out, and it's such a shame ... that I am the daughter of respected parents, I shame them, I meet Russians, and even walk around the city in the open. We did not kiss, I immediately said about sex before the wedding, forget it ... we just talked. We could sit for hours looking at each other. And so we met with him for a year and a half. No one knew, except Gaia and my friend, also a Lezginka (thanks to her, she did not condemn me, but always supported me). Somehow, when I came home, my mother told me that distant relatives called from Makhachkala and asked my father for my hand, he agreed ... they say the family is very good there. the guy is a lawyer, works in the Ministry of Internal Affairs, there is a 5-room apartment, two houses blah blah, and a wedding in the summer (I note .. I knew him well, a very handsome guy and a super character). Everything swam before my eyes, I was frightened ... how I would have to part with my Sasha, whom I loved more than life, how could they do this without even asking me if I want to get married or not, give consent without asking my opinion. I cried all night. And in the morning I told him everything, and began to think what to do. He said that he would talk to his parents, and he asked me to tell my mother. What I did, my mother cried with me. I remember this day very well, we sat with her in an embrace and cried, she told me that I should forget about him, that my father would never agree to this marriage, this is a shame for our entire family. She gave an example of familiar girls who married with honor for their own and their parents are proud of them. And I said that if I don’t marry Sasha, then I won’t marry anyone else either. How hard it was for me. Sasha worked out in the gym with a coach, and this coach was a Dagestan (Dargin), Sasha decided to talk to him, told the situation, asked how best to act in this situation. He, seeing Sasha's serious attitude, decided to help. He knew that I was a Lezgin, so he brought Sasha together with his familiar Lezgin. A very respected person in the city. And my beloved was already talking to him, asking for help and support. He listened, was of course in shock. I immediately said no, don’t even think about it, I know her father, he will never agree, to which the beloved said an attempt not to torture. We will go to the end. That same evening, this uncle, to whom we are very grateful ... I called my own uncle in Tver and said something like that, the guy is very good, he loves. My uncle called me, we talked for two hours, he didn’t scold me, but began to explain what’s what, why it’s impossible, why it’s not worth marrying a guy of a different faith and much more. And I was not inclined, cried and said that I love and asked him for help. Believe it or not, my uncle is the most beloved, he understood me and arrived two days later. I met with Sasha, talked with him, looked at what he was like, when I realized that the guy was what he needed, serious, hardworking, respectful ... He came to his father and told him everything as it was. The father was shocked, he smoked three packs of cigarettes in half an hour. Tore and threw around the apartment. And my mother and I sat and shivered in the room. Uncle said, brother, I do not mind, I will not condemn you, on the contrary, I will support you ... but the choice is yours. The father seemed to calm down, and said let her do what she wants and she is not my daughter, I don’t want to see her ... if she marries him in this house, let her not come. On the trail. The day we got engaged, everything went in a very tense atmosphere. They got married 2 weeks later. During these two weeks, I heard so much about myself that both a slut, and a walker, and a walker (although she lost her virginity on her wedding night), all this was said by relatives, just acquaintances, my father also got a lot, - what are you , how can a daughter be for a Russian, that there are none of her own. How do you put up with it, it's not enough to kill her. But we all survived, I am very grateful to my parents that they went to meet me and accepted my choice. They played a chic wedding ... though there were two of them, i.e. different restaurants. First, according to all our laws, I sat for three hours with my relatives, of which there were about 200 people.))) Then, our total with his relatives was only 45 people. dear girls, do not be afraid to make a choice, go towards your happiness. Be brave and fight for your happiness. We have been married for 5 years, we have a wonderful son. My parents are happy, they love their son-in-law very much ... and all the snakes that used to hiss before the wedding, they still hiss now, but only with envy.

My mother was only 16 years old when I was born. If you look at the childhood of other children, then mine was quite normal.

My father went to two jobs to provide for my mother and me. However, there was no particular need for this. At his age, he wanted only one thing, to go out and have fun with his friends. He did not want to take care of me and my food.

Mom is the opposite! She did everything for me. She became everything to me. When her parents found out that she was pregnant with me, she was simply kicked out of the house. But she continued to love me with incredible love, which, perhaps, only she is capable of.

Going to first grade was supposed to be the happiest day of my life, but it didn't happen. My beloved mother is very ill. And my father had to take me to school. As a child, I knew little about life and sincerely believed that he wanted to be with me. And I went to school for the first time!

Resuscitation. Mom got much worse. Dad left me alone in our apartment, and he went to her hospital. I tried to sleep, as school starts tomorrow and I needed rest.

But in the hospital, my mother, without waking up, died. My father did not care about my feelings and emotions, he immediately told me about it, without even trying to find the right words. After a short period of time, a new woman appeared in our apartment. New mom for me? This is unfair! This is a betrayal of me and my mother! My mother!

I was 8 years old and it was very difficult to figure out why it all happened. What changed? My father treated me rather coldly, however, as always. I wondered if I didn't matter to him at all?

I was 13 years old when I went to work in a nearby store. We needed money and I tried to earn it for myself and my family. My father began to abuse alcohol and in our house there was always a mess. Drunk comrades of the second mother often came to visit us. I tried not to come home and live with friends. But I did not know what future awaited me, which was insanely frightening.

I didn’t have fashionable outfits or modern gadgets, so my classmates constantly bullied me. I didn't want to tell them what kind of life I was living. They didn't care about the truth. They just wanted to find someone they could easily bully. They even beat me, and the teachers kept pretending they didn't see anything.

It's graduation time. I didn’t even have a beautiful dress, but the owner of the store where I worked took pity on me and gave me her dress for a while. I calmed down and thought that my life could not get any worse, but how wrong I was.

When the celebration began at the restaurant, my father showed up there. He was incredibly drunk, began to pull my hands and say that it was my fault that he had such a bad life. He took a knife from his pocket and ran it across my neck. The police were called and they took him away.

Resuscitation again, only now I was there.

My father was sent to prison, but I managed to survive and left the hospital.

An adult and quiet life?

My stepmother settled in my parents' apartment and there was no place for me there.

It is worth noting that the events in my life did not affect my schooling in any way. Of course, there were teachers who liked to humiliate me. They often gave me undeserved bad grades, but I managed to get into college. I chose the Faculty of Design. And there she met her first young man.

We moved in very quickly and I got pregnant. This was not part of our plans, but we could not refuse it. My fiancé wanted to meet my parents. And how was I to do it? The father is in prison, and the stepmother ... yes, I don’t even know if she is alive.

I decided to be honest and told him the whole truth. I was sure that he would be able to support me, but I was wrong. All I heard from him was: "Get out of my apartment, you have one day." It turned out that he does not want a wife who has an anti-social family.

Another betrayal in my life. I lived in rented apartments, only not alone, but with a small baby in my arms.

I am 27 years old. And even though I'm not the most popular designer, I still have fans. I am currently in Germany and work here. I am raising my child by myself. And after all the disappointments in life, I'm not afraid to start a new relationship. I just don't need them right now.

If you remember my family, I found out that my stepmother died of an overdose. The father lost his legal capacity and tried to sue for alimony. But my truth won and I don't pay him anything. The young man, from whom I gave birth to my child, still lives at the expense of his parents in their own apartment.

But, he's from an intelligent family, right?

Some may have the best chance of a good life right from birth, but others with even a slim chance can succeed if they choose to. You need to strive for the best yourself and your life will become the way you want.

Three months ago, I considered myself the happiest person in the world, enjoyed life, believed that I had the most wonderful family, a faithful and loving wife, a wonderful daughter (although only now she does not allow me to completely break down).
Angelina and I got married early, she just turned 18, and I was 22. A year later, a daughter was born, they named her Angelica. Even his wife and his names are similar. To be precise, 6 years have passed from the wedding to that fateful day. They lived well, practically did not swear, I made good money, over the years I made a good career, became the head of the commercial department, but I did not deprive my family of my attention and care. Every penny to the house, every free minute for their girls. Flowers and gifts for every, even the most insignificant occasion, in intimate life, too, everything is fine. I still can’t figure out the reasons why they did this to me, I’m trying to find fault, first of all, in myself, but I don’t find it.
On that day, three months ago, I remember everything to the smallest detail, as if it were today, I woke up, had breakfast, my wife left for work later, I took my daughter to kindergarten, I went to work in high spirits. Two hours later, Gelya (wife) calls me and says that she took a pregnancy test in the morning, on an empty stomach, so that it was for sure, and said that it was positive, even took a picture and sent two strips. She said that she called work, took the day off for the day, now she will go to the antenatal clinic to confirm the test. He will specify the deadlines, get registered, try to manage before lunch, and then cook something delicious, and in the evening, when I arrive from work, we will note.
I was very happy about this news. At work, I told my boss, he congratulated me on the new addition to the family and even let me leave early from work. He did not call his wife, he decided to make a surprise. I didn’t think that a surprise awaited me myself. The daughter took me from the kindergarten and took her to her parents, and also told them the news. They realized that my wife and I needed to be alone, in the morning my father promised to take his daughter to kindergarten, they were also delighted. I bought a cake, a beautiful bouquet, champagne, a gold pendant as a gift and hurried home.
He opened the door silently, quietly. The wife was sitting in the room in front of the computer and chatting loudly with her friend on Skype. She didn't even hear me walk in and stand outside the door. But the conversation that I heard plunged me into the strongest shock.
Girlfriend: Well, tell me, Gelka, how long
Wife: Already the fourth week.
Girlfriend: Kostya is aware (Kostya is me).
Wife: Yes, I called him first.
Girlfriend: Only him
Wife: What are you talking about, girlfriend
Girlfriend: Are you sure that this is a child from Kostya
Wife: Of course, and from whom else Naumych and I have not slept for two months, and with Max we are always protected. I immediately told him that if I want more children, they will only be from my husband. I told him a year and a half ago on the shore that I was not going to ruin my family, and that he did not count on anything serious.
Girlfriend: But what about that handsome man from the exhibition? I almost fell asleep when I excused you in front of my hubby.
Wife: Oh, I'm begging you. Children are not born from unconventional sex. (Both laugh).
Girlfriend: Eh, Gelka, Gelka. You play with fire. You have such a cool husband, what do you lack If you don't love
Wife: But I don’t need to read morals, Carolina, you are a saint! Again your record. I love my husband very much. But now the 21st century is in the yard. You need to be more modern, my friend. Love and sex are two different concepts. Not everything can be measured by money and sex. If I wanted only material gain, I would have taken Arkady Naumovich away from the family long ago and married him. He litters money like seeds, and he doesn’t need much in bed either.
Girlfriend: And Kostya
Wife: And that Kostya Kostya is my husband, he is the father of my daughter and my future second child, we have a spiritual closeness, he is dear to me, it suits psychologically and to my liking. It's easy for me to be with him, and that's why I love him. But do not mix love and just sex. And then such adventures on the side bring some zest to family life. Feed her so to speak.
This is how they had a conversation. If at that moment I had been stabbed with a red-hot bayonet under the shoulder blade, I probably would not have been so hurt and disgusted by everything I heard. At that moment, while I stood and listened to this conversation, I only wanted to die alone. It felt like an invisible hoop squeezed my temples and throat, sweat streamed in streams, my ears literally rang, everything around became not even black and white, but black and gray. I do not remember how I entered the room, she turned around in fright and, by my appearance, realized that I had heard everything. Her reaction was like in these cheap television series "you got it all wrong, it was a joke."
Realizing that making a fool out of me would only add gasoline to the fire, she fell to her knees and began to ask: “I'm sorry, forgive me, please, for the sake of my daughter, for the sake of the unborn child,” she hugged her legs, let's kiss her knees, fu, how disgusting. I wanted to grab her by the hair and hit her head on the floor, but apparently my father's instinct took over and limited itself to whipping her with a bouquet in the face. Then he removed the wedding ring from his finger and also threw it in her face. Then he ran out and drove home to his parents, almost got into an accident twice. Stopped at the nearest supermarket, bought three bottles of vodka and juice.
Arriving at his parents, he went up to the second floor of the house, yelled at his daughter, and was rude to his father. Then he hugged Lika, apologized, kissed her, said that he loved her very much. Locked himself in a room and drank. I drank vodka like water, I didn’t even get drunk from the first bottle, I called my boss, asked for a couple of days off, he asked what happened, he said, I’ll explain later. He gave me a couple of days off in addition to the weekend, four days is enough to recover. Started drinking the third bottle and passed out. For two days he didn’t let anyone in, sobbed and looked at one point. Mother came in a couple of times, brought tea, asked questions. So far, he hasn't told his parents anything. Then my mother came in and said that Gelya had come for me and for Lika, it was already Sunday. I declared that Lika would stay here, and asked my wife to be thrown out. Mom said that we figured it out ourselves if we quarreled. Anything goes in a family. If only she knew
Gela enters. I'm sitting on the floor looking pretty pathetic. Now I am voicing a dialogue with my wife.
Wife: Hello dear! How do you feel
Me: How dare you show up
Wife: You hate me. I understand how you feel now, I know how much it hurts you now, but try to at least listen to me. Answer me before this question: “Have I been a bad wife, a bad mother, a bad housewife all this time? Did you go around dirty, hungry Or did I please you badly in bed
Me: Generally speaking. I'm filing for divorce, Lika will stay with me. I'll pick up my things and her things tomorrow after work.
Wife: Yes, no wonder. The first reaction of a deceived husband. (She twisted the fig and shoved it under my nose.) But you saw this. We will return to this a little later. You don't even try to listen and understand me.
Me: Understand that If you said that you met another man and fell in love with him, fell in love without a memory, I would understand. If you were drunk once by chance, not realizing what you were doing, and very sorry about it, I would understand. If you were jealous of me, if I cheated on you, and you decided to take revenge on me, I would understand. And then what can you understand at all How can you be such a soulless cynical creature, change for no reason Just like that, for your own pleasure And you know, the worst thing is that you don’t even understand what you did. As for listening, I listened to everything perfectly yesterday. I think in the future I don’t want to talk to you anymore, see you and hear you, and generally be around. Let's just get divorced without further scandals. As for Lika, the court will decide, but I will insist
Wife: That's where you're wrong! I will not give you a divorce, this is not even discussed, and in the next two years and two months we will not be divorced. I want to remind you, Kostya, that I am pregnant with your child.
Me: I doubt it now.
Wife: Great. You can tell everyone about it. I can imagine the position you'll be in when we do a DNA test after he's born. I myself will insist on this.
Me: Anyway, it doesn't change anything. Even if we are not divorced now, I will not live under the same roof with you.
Wife: You will, you will, how cute you will be. I will say more, you are now putting yourself in order, and the three of us, you, me and Lika, are going home. I hope you have enough time
Me: Why such confidence that it will be so Or else what
Wife: Otherwise, tomorrow everyone at work will find out that you left your pregnant wife, everyone will spit in your back, and you yourself know how your boss feels about this. You’ll fly out of work like a traffic jam, your whole career will go down the drain, and my good friend will cut off oxygen everywhere for you, they won’t even take you as a security guard.
Me: Ah, this is your Arkady Naumych
Wife: You heard that too. Yes, he is the one. Serious uncle. By the way, we saw each other yesterday, he understood everything perfectly, we decided to remain just good friends. And at any moment I can count on him.
Me: And what is this yours, how is it, Max
Wife: It was more difficult with him, but I think I explained everything to him intelligibly. At least that's what I hope he doesn't show up again. Yes, you understand, finally, that I don’t need anyone except you. Okay, let's get going. Know that if I go home without you now, blame yourself tomorrow. I will turn everyone against you.
Me: And if everyone finds out the reason
Wife: Yes, you are unlikely to tell anyone. You will embarrass yourself first. And then, you never know what you thought up yourself
Me: Well, you and the creature!
Wife: But I don’t think it’s necessary to insult a pregnant wife, although I deserve a lot of words.
Me: Okay, you got it. But you do understand perfectly well that after all, we will never have the same relationship with you. Former life too. I can never forgive you. And do you need my forgiveness? You do not consider what you have been doing all this time an abomination, and you do not even repent of it. These are your life positions, your views on family relationships. People like you don't change. You see the world in a completely different way.
Wife: We will have two years and two months with you, or they will change for you or for me. If after that you want a divorce, I will let you go. In the meantime, let's not chop off the shoulder. Come on, I'm waiting. Let's make a deal at home.
Me: Remember, there is no more us. And I have nothing to talk about with you. I'm interested in you while you're carrying my baby. Further, only the child will be of interest to me. And Lika. And now go downstairs, wait there while I wash and dress.
In general, like an obedient and weak-willed sheep, I returned home with her. To a house where now everything seems alien to me. Food is bitter, water is rotten. I moved into the living room, I try not to communicate with my wife. Over the past three months, I have forgotten how to smile, lost my appetite, and sleep, and interest in life. I do everything automatically. And I go home with great reluctance. While Gelya is pregnant, I try not to yell at her, not to ruffle her nerves, but she doesn’t hear affectionate words from me, as before. And in general, I only say what concerns her pregnancy. I wear everything I need, I still support my family, but there is no more happiness.

Hello. I want to tell my tragic story, maybe I will get important advice.
We met in August 2009. I worked in the accounting department of the plant, and he was a manager in our management company. He liked me, but I didn’t like him, I was afraid of him, I don’t know why, he is sharp, quick-tempered. I was then 21 years old, and he was 25. They began to communicate, but somehow secretly. At first I thought that it was okay, because he is so wealthy, and I am a girl from a bankrupt family. Three months later, I was transferred as a manager to the commercial department of the plant, and we began to work very closely with him, he essentially supervised my activities. April 13, 2010 I lost my virginity, he became my first man. But our relationship was secret. He said that it would be better for the two of us, and I would not be bothered at work. I fell in love. At work, of course, he helped me a lot all the time, taught me, gave very important advice both at work and in life, and in intimate life he raised me. I became his creation in every aspect of my life. But at the same time, of course, I constantly cried from his rigidity. But she loved, because she knew him differently, as he was when we were alone. Our meetings took place somewhere 1-2 sometimes 3 times a month and all just for the sake of sex. And I agreed because I could no longer live without him. We also became friends, I helped him in his work, helped fight enemies, leaked all the information, because no one could have thought that there was something between us. And at the same time he officially met with other girls. It hurt me so much, but I consoled myself with the hope that he was leaving them, and I was always with him. In January 2012, I was transferred to our management organization and we began to work in the same department. Of course, our relationship worsened after that, we began to communicate and see each other less often. He didn't want me to move. For me, this is a huge step. I dreamed of working here for 3 years, I live nearby, 15 minutes walk away, now I have become a manager. Of course, during these three years I have learned a lot and even surpassed him in some ways. I have achieved success, although it may seem small to some, but for me it is a breakthrough. But I was still devoted to him, helped, leaked the information he needed. And he, as it were, continued to communicate with me, but more and more often he said that there was no time, he was very busy. And then we met and everything was as always, generally good. And here is June 1, 2012 .. - I will remember for the rest of my life.
My team and I gathered at his dacha for a barbecue. Then, when most of them left and 5 people remained, and drunk ones (he, me, two guys and one girl are not ours). We stayed with him alone, I told him that I love and want to stay. To which he said that I needed to leave, because they might see us. Then he said that he has a girlfriend, but he does not love her and does not love me. But still he could not resist and left me. In the morning they saw us together, but we played a comedy and denied everything. Everyone left, and I stayed with him alone, we were very good. No signs of trouble. He said that he needed me, that he was very good with me, that I was the most beautiful and good girl, my best friend. That if it were not for me, he would have been "drowned" long ago. And then after 4 days I began to notice toxicosis, but I did not believe in pregnancy. The department began to joke that I flew from him. Then he began to attack me, not in front of everyone, of course, in private. It turned out that I was pregnant. He began to accuse me that I had arranged everything on purpose, he said to get rid of the child. I had a shock. A beloved person who says that we will never be together and he does not need a child, on the other hand, pregnancy - well, where? For what? I'm not completely ready. But she wanted to leave the child, because children are sacred. Since fate so decreed, I will not take sin upon my soul. She told him everything that she didn’t want to be with me - no need, I’ll survive, but the child will live. He began to put pressure on me so that for the sake of his calm future I had an abortion, that he would not be able to live, knowing that he had left his child. He said that if I do this, we will be together, we will see each other more often. I did not give in, he began to scare me that the child would be sick, since we were drunk. Forbade anyone to talk about it. I didn't tell anyone, I was afraid. And he broke me, he didn’t give me money for a normal medical abortion. He said you will do it, name the amount and I will give it to you. It cost 1500 UAH in the clinic, I didn’t have that kind of money at that time. I bought 2 tablets at the pharmacy, they said to take it and everything will end even on my term (3 weeks). I accepted. And on the second day, hellish pain in the lower abdomen, blood clots come out, then loss of consciousness. I could not stand it and went to the clinic and I was immediately admitted to the hospital. For a whole month, droppers, injections, pills, tears, pain ... thousands of money left to save my life. In general, they came to chronic salpingo-oophoritis and algomenorrhea. I called him asking for help moral, physical, material. He kept leading me by the nose, saying he was busy, he now has big problems in his life that he cannot tell me about. That he would definitely come, help, call, but the days went by, and he talked to me both on the phone, and then when I started to fight in hysterics. Only two months have passed, I went to work and found out that he was getting married and that his girlfriend was pregnant, that he loved her very much and was going to live with her all his life. I tried to live somehow, but it didn't work. Small joys, and then again thoughts about him and tears, because for six months I periodically went to the hospital for gynecology and was treated. At the same time, for all the time I begged him for only 4 thousand hryvnias out of the spent 39 thousand hryvnias. It seems like he communicates with me on my initiative, he himself avoids me and meetings with me, says that I thought up everything, that I’m sick because I don’t want to be treated, and it’s my own fault, but I blame him. But I'm not trying to blame him, I only blame him for deceiving me. He betrayed me - his best friend. At the same time, I hear and see how he loves his wife and how he doesn’t give a damn about me. I can't deal with the pain. I love him, I really need him. And he will never be there again.. I can't live like this anymore. I can not recover in any way, and there is nowhere to wait for help. After all, everyone turned away from me because I did not tell anyone the truth. It hurts me a lot.. What should I do? How to live? I cannot quit, I have achieved success here, I have become a customs declarant, I have authority and prospects in this job. Moreover, close to home, the salary is decent, there is a chance to break out of the circle of bankrupt people and achieve at least something. I so want my parents to be proud of me, so I want to finally help them break out of this circle. I'm holding on to the last of my strength, I see no way out ..
I want more than anything in the world to be a beloved and happy wife, mother! Successful and beautiful woman! And most importantly healthy.
Help, please... I cry all the time, the tears do not dry up.. At least sometimes I gain strength and start to laugh and rejoice even in public.
Lord, please forgive me for such a sin, I thought it was in the name of love, but it was a deception.
Help me please..

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Alena, age: 01/24/2013

Responses:

Dear Alena! You are completely confused and terribly messed up in your still so short life. But only you yourself can unravel this tangle. Killing a child is a sin, and God punished you for it. This is how you should evaluate your misfortunes. You had to suffer and repent, and you did. Your ill health is also a consequence of your sin. But what to do now? You were punished, and now you need to pull yourself together and stop crying, but it’s best to calm down and think about your future life.
It seems to me for some reason that you did everything in your life without thinking it over properly, without asking yourself questions - what will follow? You need to start adult life, realizing that every action will be followed by some kind of reaction, somehow it will affect your future life. So you connected your life with an unworthy person, a petty intriguer and a careerist, you completely obeyed his will, you were his silent tool. Think about how scary it is, because he could push you to any crime! Thank God this didn't happen. He perverted your notions of friendship - you write that you were a real friend to him, because "they leaked information to him." Drained, what a vile word, as if sewage. That is, they helped him in his unseemly deeds. Is this friendship?
This person corrupted you both physically and mentally. He turned you into his accomplice and used you, and when you began to interfere with him, he, in his own way, "leaked" you!
What to do? First of all, you need to get rid of dirt. I never advise turning to God, I consider it a personal choice of a person, but in your case, I would advise you to go to church.
Further, of course, we must stay away from this, I don’t want to call him a man. I would definitely leave this job, or at least the team where you can meet him. You want your parents to be proud of you. If I were them, I would be ashamed that my daughter was successful in unseemly ways and intrigues.
You still need to rethink a lot in your life and do a great job in order to wash your soul from all this dirt in which you have been dipped. Only then will you recover physically, when you heal your soul.
I wish you that in your life there will never be such "love" again.

Frida, age: 51 / 01/07/2013

Scary tale! You are destroyed, and you "love"? Is this love??? Horror what! It is not normal! Young woman! Go to church, pray, change, grow spiritually! Help someone who is sick! I wish you to wake up in reality, to find true values.

Masha, age: 40 / 01/07/2013

Alena, you are so young, but you have already drunk your cup of grief. You yourself see your guilt and know what you are suffering for. Clearly, the time has come for you to turn to God. Go to church, go to confession, take communion, pray. The Church has a very different definition of love, and she specifically teaches how to build a relationship with a man. The Bible has all the answers. In large churches, such as ours, there are groups where they teach how to start a Christian family. There people meet. My daughter and I go, because I'm scared to see what is happening with the youth in the world, I don't want my daughter to get burned. And we are restoring our mental health after the betrayal of our dad. Find yourself a confessor, he will guide you. At my age, I realized that there is no better consolation than in the Church, nowhere to be found. Start churching, the sooner you start, the better, it's a long way, but it's better to go along it than along the road of sin. Read Archpriest Dimitry Smirnov's sermons on the blog. It works on my soul like a balm.

Yuliya, age: 47 / 01/07/2013

God bless you! You are strong, you can. You can do it. God see everything. Go forward without looking back, not paying attention to anyone or anything (as my husband, who betrayed me, always told me). But this is really how it should be. Live to be happy, everything will be fine, just love is blind. We love them, we adore them, not noticing anything, forgiving everything, giving ourselves all. You are not alone, there are many of us, and everyone is love blind. But we can do it, we just need to understand that what was already cannot be rewritten, and it is behind your back, and the door is closed, and the future is ahead, and there will still be: a warm wind will blow in your face, and it will still conjure spring, and the memory will turn over, and difficulties, and more betrayal and pain, but there will also be happiness ... Everything will pass. I am writing to you, but really, I am trying to convince myself.

Miroslava, age: 01/32/2013

Alena, dear, hold on. Be sure to go to church. There you will feel better! Time will pass and you will forget it all, like a bad dream! You have learned a lesson in life and will never repeat such mistakes again. For his act, this in quotes "man" will still answer in full! Life punishes scoundrels! And you take care of yourself. No need to quit a job that brings in a good income. Help your parents, help your neighbors. You will start to be proud of yourself over time. It's good that you have such a good job. Try not to pay attention to it (although it will be very difficult). Go to confession, tell the priest what happened to you. God will surely forgive you. You have already experienced too much grief. You will definitely have a family, children, love. It just takes TIME!

Victoria, age: 33 / 01/07/2013

Dear Alena, hello!
I can’t help you with anything specific, but I want to support you in a difficult situation. I don't want to judge or approve you, it's none of my business. It just so happens that your situation is a little clear to me, and now I myself am experiencing something similar. I just really need support so that someone good can say "I'm there, everything will be fine" or advise me to slap myself on the shoulder with the words "You can do it!". And indeed, there are forces, I believe that it is possible to cope. After all, this is life, it is one, and everything that we go through, we can only survive.

Julia, age: 01/23/2013

Don't feel sorry for yourself. Accept all adversity as retribution. Do not cling to that place and that person that led you to a HORRIBLE fall. And now get up! The worst thing is not that you have not yet become "a beloved and happy wife, mother! A successful and beautiful woman! And most importantly, healthy ...". And not that you were left by an unscrupulous person. You need to lament about something else, and cry about something else, and beg for forgiveness - namely, that you did not allow your baby to be born into the world. You traded it for the illusion of being happy with a scoundrel. I am very sorry for you. You voluntarily gave up the INCREDIBLE happiness of being a mom (even in the absence of a husband and a career). But the Lord is merciful to all. I only wish you sincere repentance and never make such mistakes. And yet! Teach your future daughters (God forbid!) and everyone who is going to have abortions, if possible, what you have learned yourself! Maybe that's what tests were sent to you for? Moms should be happy with their children, even if their dads are traitors! Happiness and healing to you, physical and spiritual!

Olga, age: 40 / 01/08/2013

Alyonushka,

What terrible ordeals have fallen to you. And how long will you be aware of them. You write that you want to break out of the circle of insolvent people. Dear girl, God make you understand that you need to escape from the world in which you find yourself, the world of sin. And everything else - as God wills. The main thing is that one sin does not cling to another. God bless you, so that everything will be fine with you. Get well soon.

Xenia, age: 30 / 01/08/2013

Help you, Lord! This is a grave sin, abortion, it requires the greatest repentance and confession. This sin must be confessed to God in the church to the priest, heartily repent of it, accept penance from the priest and pray for a long time, maybe all your life, as God wills. The souls of slain babies need our unceasing prayers. Put aside your thoughts about earthly well-being, your trouble is more serious than a career in this temporary, fickle earthly life. And the fact that there is nothing permanent in it, you had the misfortune to be convinced by the example of your relationship with a young man. Do you really need even more tragic evidence? All your relationships were originally lies, and the love between you was also a lie. Only pagan idols and Satan require bloody sacrifices under the guise of anything, including love, blind love, which is not love at all. But you are young and not ecclesiastical, and therefore, to your misfortune, you did not understand and did not know this. I also made terrible and very painful mistakes, and therefore we are experiencing this with you, but only God and your prayers to Him can really help you. This is my and not only mine, but also many people's life experience. Help you Lord.

Vladimir, age: 40 / 01/08/2013

Alenochka, you can overcome everything! It is only necessary to get out of the swamp of deceit and dirt that poisons you! We need to take the first step towards this. It is often very difficult to understand the darkness of your soul and understand what is so tormenting inside: love for a person or resentment, jealousy, anger, pride. From my own experience I can say that resentment torments me, which takes away all my strength, nerves, does not allow me to let go of a person from my heart even after the deed. He was in your life. There was also a point. It's not for us to judge him. Let him build his life. And you, step by step, build your own step by step. It's possible! It's really possible! Just do not exhaust yourself, your wounded soul with unnecessary memories, fantasies, but heal it spiritually, draw correct conclusions, learn to see your sins and fight them. It's a long way, but the road appears under the feet of the walker! Save you God!

Tasya, age: 01/24/2013

When I was going through parting with my beloved, I often visited this site. Now, when the pain is behind me and everything is getting better, I rarely go in, I just don’t want to forget about what once helped me, or about the need to be able to sympathize with other people, even when everything has already worked out for me.
I almost never answer, but I decided to answer you. Simply because our stories are somewhat similar to you. I also had a very beloved man, also an unexpected pregnancy, also his desire for me to have an abortion ... And I did. I won’t describe what I experienced after that, I’ll just say that I felt very bad from all these experiences. And then, three months later, he decided to break up with me. I suffered a lot, but over time, reflecting on the situation, talking with the priest about this sin, I realized that now I am even glad that it happened. I began to accept my pain, as the Grace of God I thank Him for giving me the opportunity to somehow atone for my sin.

Julia, age: 01/25/2013

Dear Alena!
I really want to support you, sympathize, help. This story is very sick and bitter. But the person who so vilely and vilely, just petty and prudently acted with you, should not be in your life. Why is it for you?
So you have goals in life, you have a plan: you want to achieve success, solvency (this is wonderful, in my opinion), you want your parents to be proud of you. Everything is in your hands with God's help!
You write that you do not want to leave your job because it is close to home and you have already achieved a lot there. But these achievements can be applied in a completely different company!
I would strongly advise you to move to another city, completely change the situation and find a new job. In another way, it will be very difficult to delete this rogue from the life (sorry if I hurt your feelings). Why do you want to see him, work in the same office?
Take pity on yourself, take care of yourself. It seems to me that this is a good way out: first, find a job on the Internet in another city (now this is quite realistic, it seems to me), then move there, find a new circle of friends, new people nearby, learn some new things. You will see that you are worth a lot, you will see that you can achieve your goals, self-confidence will appear (and such stories are very debilitating). And there, God willing, everything will come true: there will be a good, decent, beloved and loving person next to you, on whom you can rely, with whom you can live life. Everything will be fine, everything will be fine! Just don’t fold your hands: value yourself more (You deserve respect and happiness! Please remember this ironically), try to let go of this pain and resentment little by little, and take small steps every day to ensure that everything changes.
Everything will be fine, you will be happy and loved.

Anna, age: 24 / 10.01.2013

Hello Alena!
Don't be sad about this person. Now it's all. They cut off your leg. But you will live :)
You express your thoughts very well, it is clear that you are a thinking and deep person, you are capable of development, you are able to think analytically, it was not in vain that you were promoted. And now God is giving you a chance to change your life and understand the most important thing.
Your relationship with a man collapsed when difficult circumstances arose. And if the house collapsed, then they built it poorly. Or the foundation is poorly laid. Or the brick was unusable. Or they built without thinking that they were building in a swamp that would swallow everything.
You met a man who immediately made an unpleasant impression on you. The bell rang. However, to start a relationship, it was enough that he was a wealthy man and that he was interested in you. The lack of life experience - at the age of 21 is not surprising. And yet, excuse me, self-doubt and low self-esteem. Have you spoken to your mother about this? Did she answer you? Or do you not have enough close and trusting relationships?
Your relationship with this man lasted a long time. He treated you very badly. He hurt you, deceived you, cheated on you. He, excuse me, just used you when he needed it. He did not need you as a wife and mother, he married another, with whom, perhaps, for some reason, it is also beneficial for him. People don't change. People treat everyone the same way.
Now you should not tell him "I love you, I'll forgive you, I can't live without you", but stand with a club on guard of your body and say - "Just try to come up to me, you will fly through three steps."
And having survived such horror and such pain, you still continue to talk about your childhood dream to escape from the circle of insolvent people. What do you want your parents to be proud of you. Are parents proud of their child because of the money he earns? They are proud of him, simply because he is! They will find any reason to be proud of them. Because he alone is so wonderful, alone in the whole world is the best. :)
As a therapy, I would advise you to read the forum of this site with practical advice on love situations. http://www.nelubit.ru/

In this situation, it seems to me that the job needs to be changed. Health is more expensive. Try to search, go to interviews in other companies, maybe you will find EVEN BETTER conditions than now. Dear Alena, you are alone! Your life is only one! Don't let some scum trample on flowers they didn't plant. Life was given to you by God and your parents. It seems to me that both God and parents are very disappointed to see how some scoundrels act with their flower.
You deserve the best! Much better. True instinct says - you must still become a happy wife and mother. And for this, the husband and wife do not have to be wealthy. But we must love each other.
I wish you happiness and all the best in your life :)

Rita, age: 01/28/2013

Alena, Alyonushka. I really want you to feel a little better. Let the thought that you are not alone warm you. I don't know what city you live in, but now I'm with you. Mentally, soul. My story is very similar to yours, but it lasted longer. What I most regret is TIME. Years that have passed in blind waiting. I remember reading this site and living with hope and faith. I fell asleep only with faith in prayer. I did not believe that I would let go and pass. Gone and let go. I cannot give advice, but I wish you that everything will work out in your life, that you would find your indestructible support as soon as possible. Every person in life must go through something, some kind of pain. Maybe in order to learn to love? To love not only a man, but to love everyone. Strength to you. I'm with you. I pray for you and hug you tightly.

Tatyana, age: 28 / 12.01.2013

Alyonushka, the worst is behind us. You can now calmly cry and think. I feel very sorry for you and terribly angry with this man. I know, until the tears are shed, thoughts will be confused, the pain will overwhelm, but you and I will still try to think like adults, strong successful girls, because you are just like that. Let's blow our noses and think. So:
1. You are no longer 21 years old when you were an inexperienced beginner. Your resume has several years of successful career, 2 promotions, industrial experience. You can count on a decent alternative job. Whether or not to run from your current job is up to you. But we know and understand that you can start looking for a new place as soon as you yourself want it. And there will be new experience, new difficulties, overcoming which you will become even more successful, new people, probably new friends. Understand what is holding you back from changing jobs? Uncertainty? Difficulties? Or maybe just empty ghostly fears? You are completely independent and perfectly solve important issues for yourself. Your promotion-transfer took place despite the objections and protests of your "supposedly assistant". An urgent decision is not required, but do not forget about your capabilities and great potential.

2. Let's look back at Alyonushka, who is 21 years old. What is the beginning of the "I was afraid of him" relationship? They are not afraid of their man, they trust him. Look at this wild scheme he built: Intimidated, and began to manipulate. He wanted everything from you - your innocence, total devotion, all your time. What did you get? A few hours a week alone, when you saw sensuality and alleged tenderness. Alyonushka, this is not real. He just took advantage of your inexperience, not only in bed, but also in human relationships. Using a girl as an industrial spy is not friendship. He outraged the concepts of "intimacy" and "friendship." Instead of the sincerity and warmth that your heart yearned for, he threw you a few false words and was pleased that it was so easy to "breed" a young appetizing girl and use her as he pleases. Have we missed anything in his attitude towards you? No, nothing, that's exactly what happened. And the main proof of the reliability of our assessments is that he left you as soon as you lost your attractive sides for him. You never interested him as a woman, you were an easy prey, a hunting trophy, an industrial spy, a secret devoted mistress. And suddenly his toy timidly spoke about his rights to attention and happiness, about the right to life for his child. No, he does not need such a toy. Oh, she is also sick, well, do not load him with these annoying complexities. Everything is not needed, let him leave, and in general he has his own personal life, do not interfere. Sin for abortion is not on you alone. He persuaded you to take this step, not shying away from lying to you again, beckoning you with promises, manipulating the weaknesses that he himself developed in you. And now you are grieving that it was him, that's exactly this "will never be around." Alena, this is not a loss. This is exactly what is the biggest success for the last 3 years. What this person did to you is not just a deception, it is a suppression of personality, manipulation of your feelings and will. Listen to yourself, if you feel that you are still dependent on this person, seriously consider contacting a psychologist.

3. Let's sympathize with the man's wife. Without any irony and, especially, gloating. "He loves her very much and is going to live with her all his life" - this is an illusion. It doesn’t happen like that with you, and with her it’s different. He is the same with anyone, he just used and exhausted your resources, and he still expects to get a lot from a new woman. She is his latest victim. And for you, his betrayal is over.

4. You have one health. And it really needs your attention right now. The main plus is that you are young, the main minus is that you are very upset and instead of helping your body receives new stresses from you. No one will help here but you. You have a lot of strength. Don't waste it worrying and regretting things that are of no value to you. Spend it on yourself. For your future. You urgently need to prepare for one very important meeting. You will meet a very good girl, you will like her very much, she is happy, healthy and successful, she is a wife and mother, you will see her in the mirror very soon. I promise. Most importantly, do not put off this meeting yourself.

Anna, age: 39 / 01/14/2013

Dear Alena! Hold on! Don't give up!!!
You are not alone, There are many people with you who care, God is with you, he loves you, and only ask to help, pray from the bottom of your heart, God is merciful, He will hear and help!
Pray to the Lord, ask the Mother of God to forgive you for that terrible sin that you have done. It's for life. But you can beg for forgiveness!
Dear Alena, I feel very sorry for you as a woman, I understand you very much, I hope everything will get better, you are still very young, I wish you this! I will pray for you! God save you!

Olga, age: 01/22/2013

Alyonushka, my girl (my daughter is your age)
my heart ached for you. Dear, leave this job, because you will see him all the time, so you will never be cured, you will be nervous, angry - you will ruin yourself. I know how hard it is for you right now. Realize that God loves you and will not leave you, but overcome yourself, just go to the service on Sunday morning, wait, listen, mentally ask God for forgiveness. I want you to do well in your life. God! Help Alena guide her on the true path, give her health and let her find peace of mind. Alyonushka, you listen to the advice that they write to you here, because we all passed the tests sent to us by God, only everyone has different stories and different circumstances, and everyone has the same heartache. I hug you, and wish you all the best, hold on. There are many of us and everyone supports you.

Lyudmila, age: 51 / 02/08/2013

Everything will be fine with you, Alyonushka. It's hard to go through but I'm sure you can handle it. Good luck to you and all the best. And he will also get his due for the way he treats people, and in particular with you.

Victoria, age: 24 / 25.07.2014

I was in a similar situation, but I was much younger (underage), I chose the life of a child - thanks to my parents, they raised me correctly: the child is first of all. Now the child is 15 years old, I love him immensely, but I am completely indifferent to his father, my life has developed even without him, I am married, I still have children. So love comes and goes, you must always remain a Man, a Mother, a Woman.

Nyusha, age: 30 / 09/08/2014


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I have been looking for a site for a very long time where I can write something that gnaws at me from the inside. And talk about your life. I don't have any friends. No girlfriends. And it's all thanks to my mom. You're probably wondering what's up with mom. It is your life. But unfortunately, our future life is laid from childhood. And my mother was a big part of that. I'll start from the beginning.
I grew up without a father with a younger sister. My mother was a teacher and was very busy. Therefore, my grandmother was more involved in upbringing. Mom is very disappointed in Lyuli. She was like that then, and that's the way she is now. She is constantly programming us for bad things without knowing it. Why don't I have girlfriends? Because since childhood, no matter who I made friends with, my mother criticized them. Govrrila: don't be friends with that one, she's like that. And this one. She forbade communication and told terrible examples from her youth and childhood about the friendship that she had. By the way, my mother never had friends either. This is the information that stuck in my head on the subconscious. And now I just can’t find friends for myself and sincerely consider myself strange. What I just wrote above is just an explanation of why I keep everything to myself and I have no one to tell it to.
But I came here to tell the story of my marriage. Now the beginning of the night. Everybody sleeps. But I can not. I'm crying. I cry from pain and resentment. I'm crying because I wasted my life so thoughtlessly.
So. As you already understood, I did not receive special love as a child. And I always wanted the tenderness of love and affection. God. How I cried over this. And so, as soon as I was able to escape from the house, I began to search frantically for what I lacked. I went to college and did very well. And at the end of the first course, I had a chat with a guy on the Internet. We met with him. We talked and liked each other very much. I was 17 years old at that time. stupid little fool decided that this was the love of her life. He constantly took me everywhere, fed me as if for slaughter. And I got better on my own. And then he decided to leave me. He did it very ugly via SMS. No explanation. I loved him and couldn't live without him. We haven't met for a month. During this time, I ate almost nothing. She was in a deep depression. Lost 11 kg. And as soon as I began to recover, "he reappeared in my life. He saw me as a luxurious, slender beauty with long hair and beautiful breasts and again wanted to meet.
Like an idiot, I was so glad that I immediately agreed. And that's it. Happiness has begun. This year while we were together. The year before marriage was the happiest. I did not go. I flew. That's how happy I was.
A year later, I got pregnant from him. And then a terrible secret was revealed to me. And not alone. It turned out that my lover has epilepsy and is on medication that may affect the unborn child. And secondly, I had a chat with his mother. ABOUT! It just can't be described. A woman who has an only son and whom she loves with some kind of manic love. She, as expected, thought that I had specially flown in to get them to start the apartment with a track. But she loved and feared her son and therefore went on about him. We played a wedding. Month of happiness. Everything is fine. A month later, I find a page on a dating site on his computer. She was active. There he corresponded with the ladies on very frank topics and made appointments with them. A month after the wedding! I was horrified. I felt bad. It's a shame. Hurt. I can't even describe everything in words. He apologized. He asked for forgiveness and deleted the profile in front of me and said that was all. It won't happen again. I believed. I forgave you. After some time, I again find the page. Again the same thing. Forgave me again. Now I understand what a fool. I had to run. But then love turned on my brain. And in the end, I gave up. I allowed him to sit in acquaintances and engage in Wirth. If only I had known then that this was only the beginning.
I gave birth to a son. Caesarean. Difficult pregnancy. Difficult childbirth. Health sank. I was at that time 19 years old. A child was born. The husband became more attentive. Helped. Roughly a month. A month later he was tired of everything and he again sat down at the computer. Regular series. Games.sites. that's what interested him. And we went to the background. I got tired. I ate a lot and gained a lot of weight. And I ate because I lived in constant stress. I was torn between him and the child.
And again, everything is already clear. Run away from him. But no. I love that coffin. I endured. The child has grown up. And he offered me to do swing. I did not want. I could not even imagine that I would do this. But somehow he persuaded me. Apparently he understood me and saw that I would do anything for him. And you know. Taki went. Yes, we found a couple. Became friends. But I felt uncomfortable all the time. I didn't understand mine. I beg you, don't judge me. I know and so that the fool and herself and to blame. 100 times could have gone. But the brain is off. And he also inspired me that I was terrible and fat and no one needed me now. Therefore, she endured. Forgive me if you don't like reading this. But I have to say everything. Otherwise I will break.
After some time, I noticed correspondence with other girls. Everything was not enough for him. he wanted everyone at once. You can't imagine the pain. He began secretly dating other women. I made a scandal. but it didn't give any result. Because he withstood a maximum of 2 weeks and again on a new one.
I realized that this is some kind of pathology. I decided to hurt him as much as he hurt me. And I again allowed to meet with the girls. but on the condition that I will also go to the left.
It would seem that a normal man would be indignant. This one rejoiced to the core. I met a guy. To spite him changed. And he's on the drum. No jealousy. I wanted to leave. Gathered things documents. When he realized that we were leaving and I was not joking, I promised to stop everything.
I don't know if he stopped or not. But I didn't see any more correspondence.
A year of seemingly normal life. As it seemed to me then. We decided to have a second child. I'm all designed to be a girl. And I got pregnant on the first try. Went to work. Everything is fine. Loving husband. I learned that there would be a girl jumping for happiness. But still didn't help. I was torn between work and child. He went to kindergarten. Often sick. And I, like a mad horse, rushed to the kindergarten to work from the kindergarten. To the store from the store. To the bazaar from the baschar. I am so rock heavy bags. I was carrying a child. And all this despite the fact that I had a belly ahead. He didn't care. He sat in the computer and said you have to go and go.
And I loved him like a fool. Everything for him.
She gave birth to a daughter. Everything is fine. He is happy. Helps. This time it lasted 3 weeks. And that's it. I'm alone again. Nobody will help. I am now with two children. But I can't love him. Until your heart stops. I endure everything as long as he is near.
About a year ago he started walking again. And he doesn't hide it. He doesn't care about my tears. To my grievances.
And it hurts me. I hate him. He just disgusts me. I can't stand his touch. But I can't leave. I do not know why. Tried so many times. I can not. What happened with me. Why am I such a fool. I'm afraid for the children how they will be without a father. I'm afraid he will take my children away from me. I'm afraid of everything. And I endure everything. I am 25 years old. I lost half of my teeth due to 2 pregnancies and breastfeedings. There is no money to insert teeth. I walk like a bum. Things are bought to me the cheapest 1-2 times a year something. The face is old. Wrinkled eyes. Eyelids hung. The corners of the mouth are turned down. I look like a 40 woman. It's horrible. And the worst thing is to realize that it's all your own fault. I killed that sweet bright smiling girl in myself. Me. Only I'm to blame for everything. I love my children. But my strength is gone. I continue to endure and wait for everything to change or I will die soon. From these terrible nerves and stresses. I can't tell everything. Missed a lot, but trust me. It's very hard for me. Sorry if that's not right. And thanks to those who read. And treated with understanding. …