When getting married, every girl thinks that this is forever. But after the wedding, it becomes clear how much you really are different people, and his innocent habits began to annoy you. Where did the love go? Involuntarily, the question arises: whether to live with an unloved husband or file for divorce.

What's in the article:

The main reasons for disappointment in a husband

Feelings have passed, and disappointment has settled in their place. But don't jump to conclusions and make decisions. Think about what caused this situation. The main thing is to identify the source of constant irritation and dissatisfaction with the husband.

Unfulfilled dreams

Many women, having met the man of their dreams, present him in their fantasies as some kind of ideal. They rush into the abyss of a new romance and see only the positive features of their chosen one. Character flaws are sometimes considered a trifle that can be easily corrected. As a result, the girl gets a husband whose image is far from the ideal drawn in her head. All attempts to change a man lead to failure. A beautiful fairy tale collapses in an instant and disappointment with her husband comes.

Gray weekdays

As a rule, dates and meetings before marriage take place in a romantic setting. It seems that life next to this man will be like a fairy tale in which a woman will be a princess. After the wedding, the first months of life together will be filled with love and romance. But soon, the pink fog dissipates, normal everyday life begins. The husband goes to work, you keep an eye on the cleanliness, prepare food. The routine of daily chores absorbs love and romanticism. Life becomes mundane and begins to weigh you down with its dullness.

Unexpected problems

Many women become depressed at the first difficulties in family life. It can be the illness of a loved one, material difficulties, debts. They throw out their discontent on their already unloved husband, take offense at him. A certain tension appears in the relationship, which translates into constant quarrels. A woman is faced with a choice whether to continue living with her unloved husband or not.

The interpersonal chasm

When there is no mutual understanding between husband and wife, the solution to the problems that have arisen is very difficult. The accumulated discontent and difficulties alienate the couple from each other. The words spoken during a quarrel remain in the memory for a long time, they sit there with a sore thorn and do not give rest even in moments of peace. You no longer have common hobbies, everyone does their own thing, practically without communicating with a partner. This behavior can trigger divorce.

How can you live with your unloved husband?

There are often times when a woman is ready to leave her unloved husband, but for some reason does not. The reason may be material dependence on a man, or even physical. When you can't overcome this attachment, you need to understand how to live with your unloved husband.

Nature has arranged it so that women are more emotional than men. The feeling of love can cause them a storm of various emotions. It can be passion, tenderness, and sometimes pity or even hatred.

If you do not feel negative emotions towards your unloved husband, then try to reduce communication with him. This will help work, children or favorite hobby. You can go on a trip or to a resort. Some women are completely devoted to household chores, trying to be the perfect housewife. There are quite a few methods of removing from the problem, but this only works when you have the moral strength to conceal true feelings for your unloved husband, pretending that you love and appreciate him.

When life with an unloved husband becomes unbearable, then you should not torture yourself and it is better to leave. In this case, psychologists give advice to talk frankly with your spouse and explain the current situation. There is always a way out, the main thing is that there is a desire to look for it.

Reasons for the existence of "indifferent" marriages

So how can you live next to your unloved husband? The advice of psychologists in this matter can be divided into two opposite camps:

  • Some say that it is possible, and sometimes even necessary, to endure and live on for the sake of preserving the family. The main thing is to prioritize and highlight for yourself the main goal for the sake of which it is necessary to preserve an indifferent marriage.
  • The second argue that such a relationship is doomed. You shouldn't waste your life and the life of your unloved husband in vain. Better to break up, survive the divorce and devote yourself to new feelings and emotions.

In modern society, divorce is not uncommon. Love has passed, went to the registry office and that's it, long live freedom. But life does not always develop the way we want it. There are a number of reasons why a woman lives with an unloved husband, not daring to divorce:

  • The parents arranged the wedding. Wildness? But even today it is not uncommon. In some countries, there is still a tradition of parents arranging marriage. Rarely does love break out between a husband and wife. Most often, a couple is forced to get used to each other and live without feelings.
  • Divorce is a shame. In this case, religious views do not always play a decisive role. In some families, the breakdown of the family leaves a stain on the reputation of the entire family. Relatives give advice on keeping the family together. People think about how the divorce will resonate among their fellow villagers or neighbors. Think about the question, for whom do you live, for yourself or the people around you? Life is one, and, unfortunately, it is so short that it is not worth spending it on an unloved husband.
  • Fear of loneliness. Some women underestimate themselves. It is believed that the appearance is not the same, and the character is not the same. It is impossible to divorce an unloved husband, since you will have to live out your life alone. Psychologists say that you should not be afraid to be left alone. In the life of every person, of course, sooner or later a person appears with whom he wants to live his whole life.
  • Preserving the family for the sake of the child. This is a fairly common occurrence. Often in such families, the child is elevated above all else, and all forces are put on satisfying children's whims. A woman has to decide how to live with an unloved husband for the sake of a child who acutely feels the tension between the parents. As a result, a woman will harbor a grudge against her own child, for a failed personal life. Perhaps it would be better to divorce your unloved husband and start looking for your own happiness.

Checking the senses

After being married for several years, the relationship between husband and wife takes on a different form. Former passion subsides, and new emotions come to replace it. This often happens after the baby is born. Many women are frightened by such changes, starting to think that they have stopped loving their husbands. But this is absolutely not the case. Over the years, love takes on new forms, it becomes better quality, stronger. Relationships become more trusting, sometimes similar to friendships.

In situations like this, psychologists give advice to test your feelings. This is pretty easy to do. Imagine that your beloved one has a mistress. What feelings arise in your soul? Or the husband left forever in another city. Will you follow him? If you are ready to stand up for your happiness, then love has simply taken a different form. If the fantasies did not cause any emotions, then the love is gone and you need to decide to live with your unloved husband or leave.

Having sorted out your own feelings, it is important to make the right decision. Live with your unloved husband or start building a new happy life - it's up to you. Be happy!

There are many reasons couples get involved in relationships. The fear of loneliness is far from the last on this list. Many people are afraid to remain in old age in an empty home and want someone to remember them after death. The family provides insurance and confidence. “If he suffers, he will fall in love,” so they say among the people. However, many psychologists believe that loneliness is not the worst option if there is a relationship based on habit on the opposite side of the scale. Today we'll talk about why you can't live with an unloved person.

Misconceptions about happiness

Society and modern culture have instilled in the minds of many people the idea that single men or women cannot be happy. Before your eyes - an example of parents, more "lucky" friends. And they all vyingly wonder when to expect radical changes in your life. However, this view is fundamentally wrong. Just because there is another person next to you, you will not find happiness. For a perfect union with someone, one big condition is necessary - love. Imagine what would happen if marriage is not based on feelings?

Many restrictions

By letting another person into your house, you limit your life, your rights, but at the same time you acquire additional responsibilities. Both of you will try to live according to the pattern, limiting your own desires and needs, just because it is accepted, and "everyone does it." On the other hand, you limit the wants and needs of the other person. Now you both have to adjust to each other. In such conditions, life without feelings is like hell, where each of the partners wants to be alone with himself in order to finally breathe freely. Understand that finding a partner is not the equivalent of success or a sign of entering adulthood.

Relationships for the sake of relationships will soon run out.

A lonely person is free to do as he wants, and he has the main thing: freedom of choice. Currently, as an alternative to the usual family structure, there are several options for relationships at once. People actively practice unions without a stamp in their passports, guest marriages and "love at a distance." It is worth forever connecting your fate with another person only when you understand that you are making each other's life better. If your couple is haunted by conflicts and dissatisfaction, sooner or later such a union will exhaust itself.

New social connections

A loveless relationship does not obviate the need to meet regularly with your partner's friends or family. You will follow all these rules of etiquette, and it will be difficult for you to feel true sympathy for completely strangers. When a person is alone, at any time he can leave the party, referring to urgent matters. Nobody will keep him. If he craves companionship, he goes to a bar and talks there with strangers. And it doesn't matter at all whether he sees his new companions someday or not. He does not need to look back at his partner every time or catch reproachful glances from relatives on himself. By acting in one way or another, he will not hurt anyone's feelings.

People living in megalopolises see several hundred faces every day; they may not consider themselves lonely at all. All doors are open in front of you, and there is no reason to tie yourself with a strong rope with a person who, by and large, is indifferent to you.

Loveless relationships make people even more lonely.

When you want to choose a new thing, you bring several things to the fitting room at once. When you try on the model of someone else's ideal life, no one can guarantee that this model will fit "like a glove". Gradually, you will begin to feel that you exist in a simulated reality. This sensation leads to feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction. The relationship itself does not bring happiness on a silver platter. Probably, no one warned you about this. Two people who live with each other are just the sum of two people. If you realize that there is no turning back, and your relationship is based on lies and deception, you will feel much more alone.

What pushes women to marry an unloved man? Speaking at the level of external reasons, the answer is obvious: firstly, the instinctive need at a certain age to start a family and give birth to a child. No matter how highly organized creatures we are, instincts have power over us, and therefore nature sometimes "requires" procreation. Not every woman manages to "agree" with this requirement. And love still did not happen or failed, another did not come for it.

And if a woman is already under 30 or over 30, then she often begins to think about what can, she should not be expected at all. The role of a candidate for husband is the one who, as a rule, is in a woman and achieves her, or the one who considers her simply suitable, and strong feelings are optional.

It happens that a woman is not sure that she now needs marriage at all, but relatives and friends, seeing the courtship of a “decent guy” literally put pressure on her, instilling fears: “what if there will be no such love that you are waiting for, look how good man, they may not invite you to get married again! "

Often social factors are also included here: for example, the girl's parental family lives poorly and crowded, getting married is a way to escape from the parental family, a way to somehow improve the financial situation.

Very often, after the experience of unhappy love, they go into unions with the unloved, being disappointed and losing faith in their feelings, they simply try to "arrange life" - to make it comfortable, calm, pleasant. And for this they deliberately choose a partner to whom there will be a moderate attraction, but not an insane passion. Thus, insuring yourself against another disappointment. The latter reason, by the way, pushes men into similar unions.

Now let's talk about what deep reasons lead to such a life scenario, because the fact that love "did not come" or "failed" is never accidental.

Fear. Often the scenario of marriage with the unloved is unconsciously chosen by those who are afraid to love. The reasons for this fear can be different - emotional coldness in the parental family, the negative reaction of parents to the manifestations of the child's feelings, one-sided relationship in the family, when the child is constantly not given affection and love, while something is constantly being demanded from him.

As a result, growing up, a person develops the habit of not even suppressing his feelings, but simply not noticing them. By blocking his feelings at a very early stage of their occurrence, he actually prevents any mutual love from happening. And then the reason already turns on, which says that you should not wait for love.

In this scenario, a person tries more at the level of interpersonal relations. "I want to be loved, but I will not!" - revenge of an unloved child to the world, now he can stand in the position of a person who is begging for love, now he is free to punish and pardon, thereby rising above the past, where he stood in the pose of a supplicant.

All this, of course, in most cases happens unconsciously.

Anastasia, 39 years old. At the age of 26, she married a colleague who had been seeking her for a long time. She didn’t love, but she knew that he loved. I thought that was enough. After a year and a half, she gave birth, and for this purpose she could have sex with her husband as much as he wanted, but after the birth of the child she lost interest in intimate life. And the husband, feeling a passionate attraction to her and not receiving an answer, began to drink more and more often. She got to the consultation when she realized that sexuality had awakened in her, but she could not realize it with her husband - she initially did not have a strong attraction to him, and even more so ever since she began to drink. Analyzing the relationship in her parental family, we noted two key points: Anastasia’s mother harshly pulled her down for any manifestations of feelings, despised “calf tenderness” and, in general, was quite harsh with the child. According to the mother, this was the only way she could raise her daughter, who would become independent. From men, first of all. The second point - little Nastya always had to "beg" any toy, delicacy or entertainment. The mother believed that the less the child is taught to be content, the more opportunities there will be in the future, it is easier for an undemanding and economical person to live. In addition to the need to deal with grievances against her mother, Anastasia now has a lot of questions: “can I love”, “how to build my life further”, “how to be with my son”, and also - a huge sense of guilt before her husband.

Uncertainty. Such a person can be as sensitive as he wants, but at the same time he is deeply unsure of his own significance and the right to life's blessings. Uncertainty can be formed from similar factors - criticism, lack of warmth or refusal to caress, ignoring the interests of the child. But, as a rule, feelings are not suppressed, and it is not fear that arises, but a persistent feeling of one's own insignificance. It is such a woman who can marry "out of despair", being convinced that nothing better "shines for her", and she herself will not achieve anything without a husband. Or, at first, unhappy love, disappointment happens in her life, and then such a "compensatory" marriage, where it is possible that she is loved, but not at all the way she would like herself. And most often, in marriages with such women it happens from the side of the man.

If emotionally cold, "unapproachable" women, as in the first case, sometimes excite the passions of a certain type of men, then insecure women often push men to use it. A woman is cold - she takes revenge and is not afraid to be left alone, it is more terrible for her to feel than to be alone, for an insecure woman it is more terrible to remain alone, because she perceives herself as “zero without a stick”.

The outcome of such marriages varies. It all depends on what will prevail in a person over the years: the need to love or, nevertheless, feelings of fear and insecurity. This struggle still has a final: either fears go away over the years, feelings wake up, confidence comes, or vice versa - fears take root, and uncertainty deepens. If the development proceeds according to the second scenario, the marriage will be strong, but most likely unhappy - both partners will experience a lack of warmth to one degree or another. If it follows the first path, then the divorce of such spouses is a matter of time. And if you are going to marry someone you do not love, first of all think about it: for what reasons could you be so “unlucky” that mutual love did not happen? And aren't you in a hurry? After all, your fears and insecurities may disappear, but remaking a life in which there are already children is more difficult than starting from scratch.

People enter into relationships for different reasons: love, pregnancy, loneliness, finance, business, living space. AND the bulk of marriages are due to fear of loneliness... Lonely old age is scary, and the family gives confidence and insurance for the future. Most people agree to a relationship on the principle of "endure - fall in love." But it is better to choose loneliness than a relationship without love... Why can't you live with an unloved person?

Misconceptions about happiness

The society and the media are constantly promoting that single people (men and women) cannot be happy a priori. Lonely people are losers, they have problems in their personal life, health problems, problems in relationships with people, hence problems in business, etc. Even in a well-paid job, preference is given to family people. But answer honestly to yourself, do you know a lot of married couples that are truly happy? Did your parents have a perfect marriage? Don't your friends try to run away from home under any pretext to take a break from family life?

All happy families can be counted on the fingers of one hand, but unhappy married couples surround us all the time. Having another person next to you will not make you happy. An important and basic condition for family happiness is Love. Without love, this is just the cohabitation of two absolutely strangers.

Solid restrictions

Starting a life together with someone, you lose some of your freedom, and in return you get additional responsibilities. Your life will become standard, familiar and predictable, in which there is no place for your desires and needs. You will live "like everyone else" and as is customary in your environment. You will have to adapt and get used to your friend around the clock, without breaks and weekends. Life without love will turn into hell for you, where you will dream of loneliness in order to breathe freely. Understand finding a partner is not a guarantee of the success of your life.

Relationships for the sake of relationships is a utopia

When you are alone / alone you have complete freedom of choice in everything: do what you want, go wherever you want, meet whoever you want, etc. No one limits you in anything, unless you yourself want to limit yourself in something. If you do not have strong feelings for your partner, you are better off choosing a civil marriage, a guest marriage, or "love at a distance." Only if you want to meet old age with this particular person, because your union makes you both happy, then feel free to tie your destiny. But if in your relationship there are constant conflicts, quarrels, innuendo, and most importantly there is no trust and spiritual closeness - such a union is doomed.


Social connections

By agreeing to live with an unloved person, you also agree to relationships with his relatives, friends and acquaintances. You will have to play someone else's role, pretend and be a hypocrite, communicating with people completely alien to you. Another thing is, if you are lonely, you can leave the party at any time, referring to important things. Whenever you feel like chatting, you can go to a bar, nightclub, exhibition or other event and chat freely with strangers. You do not have to constantly look back at your partner and catch reproachful glances from friends and family. You do what you want and do not hurt anyone's feelings. So what is the point of connecting your life with a person for whom you feel nothing?

Loneliness together

If you are unhappy on the inside, the other person will not make you happy. Especially if you yourself do not have any feelings for him. By trying to live like everyone else, you are robbing yourself of personal happiness. Over time, you will begin to feel hatred and irritation towards your partner, which will create an inner emptiness and dissatisfaction in you. You will become a loner in a solitary confinement in which you put yourself. Any relationship is a collaboration. But if you hate this "job" you will not be successful. By agreeing to a relationship without love, you make not only yourself, but also your partner unhappy..

Youth is full of temptations, passions, ardent love, bright hopes, but, unfortunately, it also harbors dangerous traps. As young people, we make a bunch of mistakes, fall down, dust ourselves off and move on.

But sometimes rash actions can become fatal, the full severity of which we are given to realize only after decades of delusions. For some, this period comes to thirty, and someone realizes that the model of life acquired in youth does not suit, closer to forty.

Marriage is a very common way to "settle down", to which the vast majority of people on the planet come. There is nothing special about marriage, apart from one important thing - love.

However, an incredible number of people will confirm that the quivering feeling does not last even a five-year period.

But the mythical importance of preserving relationships at all costs, even those that have outlived their usefulness, makes millions of families live in marriage only out of habit.

Why do we keep living with the wrong people?

There are a lot of factors preventing a radical decision to break the bonds of marriage. As a rule, only a strong and confident person is able to put their interests above their own fears. This is especially true for women who perceive the world more subtly and sensitively.

Decisive women do not ask themselves how to live with an unloved man for the sake of a child or for any other reason. They strive to find the best way out, in which everyone will be as happy as possible. But the weaker woman continues to live in her terrible marriage, crying quietly at night, afraid to get rid of her own insecurity once and for all.

Women are often prone to excessive self-sacrifice, and marriage with an unloved person for many becomes a voluntary hard labor.

Racking our brains trying to figure out how to live with an unloved husband and why do it, let's try to focus on the reasons why this is happening:

An unhappy marriage, a life with an unloved husband for the sake of a child - why is this happening?

Sometimes, a woman sacrifices herself to the imaginary happy future of her children. In her opinion, the life of a son or daughter will not be complete without his own father. The word "divorce" sounds like a magical curse that can destroy all hopes for a bright future of the younger generation.

Therefore, many ladies even try to avoid the thought of such a dubious decision and daily perform the ritual of sacrificing themselves in an unhappy marriage.

To the question of how justified such a sacrifice is and whether the child really needs it or not, stereotypical thinking is unable to answer. After all, the all-knowing society has already given all the answers for us.

But if you think for a second about the children themselves and their perception of the situation, then you can understand that your imaginary victim does not go unnoticed for them. Children often very subtly feel the vibrations of energies barely noticeable to those around them, and the sheer lack of sincerity, warmth and mutual understanding in the family will definitely not pass them by. Now imagine that your already adult child learns that he became the root cause of his own mother's many years of suffering.

How do you think he should feel?

Many ladies, after years feeling the burden of their mistakes, try to shift the blame onto the children, but in response they will hear only one thing - the child did not need your sacrifice at all.

Such a decision, how to get rid of an alliance with an unloved husband through a divorce, is most often not an option. You deprive the child of the opportunity to see and communicate with his own father. It often happens that after such a difficult period for all, the relationship between fathers and children becomes stronger. However, if the spouse does not show initiative in relation to the child, then do not hesitate for sure - you made the right choice.

Moreover, marriage with a new person, based on sincere mutual feelings and respect, can be positive for children as well. After all, true love is not meaningless sacrifices, but a desire to please and give warmth.

Only you will make the decision, start living in a new way, whether you need to stay with your unloved husband. Don't let fear, insecurity, public opinion, and even those close to you hold back your freedom to choose your own future.

If you were able to withstand years of life with an unwanted man, then is the breakup so terrible, which then opens up an amazing scope for you to act?

In addition, relatives, friends and relatives, although they will not support your radical step, will certainly share all the difficulties with you and help you go the path to renewal.

Life in a state of continuous self-sacrifice will sooner or later squeeze all the juices out of even the most powerful woman. But are the ephemeral perspectives and opinions of those around you worth the suffering? Live for yourself and remember that life is a change, without which movement forward is impossible.