Unfortunately, there are situations in life when you, without thinking, betray your loved one. As a result, you lose his trust. However, it all depends on the situation. If the girl just lied, then the young man will definitely forgive her, because everyone has been caught lying at least once. But if she cheated on him or flirted with his friends, then everything is much more complicated, and it’s worth starting to look for the answer to the question “How to regain the trust of a loved one?”

Of course, initially it was necessary to think carefully about the consequences, especially if you value your relationship. But if this did happen, then it is very difficult to regain trust. Here everything directly depends on your lover and on what kind of person he is. If he loves you madly, then there is always a chance for forgiveness, but if his feelings have long cooled, then it will be useless to make excuses.

There are also guys who themselves want to end the relationship, and for this they provoke situations in order to then find themselves in the position of an offended person and dominate you. Such young man you can bite right away. If he does not listen to any arguments, is not particularly upset and immediately says “no”, then this, most likely, was just a provoked situation. Think about whether it is worth spending energy on him and arranging a showdown? It is better to just let go of this situation, since the person himself does not want to be together.

Trust cannot be restored, but it can be built. Think about whether you need a relationship with a person whose trust has been lost. Decide right away whether you can no longer commit such acts, because the stronger sex is much harder to endure betrayal and betrayal. If you have analyzed everything and realized that you are ready to start a relationship with clean slate, then start them with a frank conversation.

Admit your mistakes and guilt, be sincere. Tell me what is going on in your heart and that you are very ashamed of what happened. loving man, in most cases, after such words are coming towards and gives a chance to the girl. However, one should not think that everything will now be as before. At first, he will be wary of your words and actions. And if you cheated on him, then perhaps he will often rummage through your things and look at the phone. Don't blame him for it, treat him with understanding.

Also, you need to know that if you decide to regain trust, then get ready for the fact that you will have a completely different man with you. His consciousness will change not only in relation to you, but also in relation to all women.

In no case do not humiliate yourself by trying to renew the relationship. Such behavior will only alienate the loved one. No need to call if he does not pick up the phone, and guard him at the entrance, this will not lead to anything good. Give him time to think.

Of course, in addition to words, deeds are very important. Try to find out if your loved one has any problems, if so, help him solve them. Contact his friends, colleagues and ask what you can do for this. Also a good maneuver would be the transformation into the perfect girl. Listen to all his requests, be attentive, prepare surprises and delicious dinners for him.

Finally, I would like to say that not a single misfortune can destroy true, sincere love. If you love, you can both forgive and apologize, because it is much more important to keep true feelings than to replace them with strife and pain. And you will no longer need to think about how to regain the trust of a loved one.
I highly recommend reading the next book. Many positive reviews.

“You deceived my trust,” the phrase is similar to a quote from a novel, but how often these banal words break girlish hearts and put an end to relationships.

The girl who made a mistake suffers from feelings of guilt and toils in search of answers to the question: "How to regain the trust of a guy after breaking up?"

If you betrayed a loved one, but repent of it, and want to renew the relationship, be prepared for the fact that this will take a long time. Be consistent and patient and everything will work out.

  • Stop;
  • Close your eyes;
  • Take a deep breath;
  • Take a slow breath;
  • Think: why do you want everything back?

Love or guilt pushes you to reconcile with a guy? They say we only appreciate what we lose. But it also happens that this saying works against us.

Do not deceive yourself!

The sentimental female soul, oppressed by remorse, begins to idealize the guy and attribute to him qualities that he never had. Try to calm the emotional storm and talk sensibly.

Lay out all the pros and cons of your relationship, without deceiving yourself. And even if after this detailed analysis you will understand that the guy is still dear to you and you need it, proceed to the “Return of the Beloved” plan.

Return the trust of a guy after a lie: a step-by-step plan

In the first place in the ranking of the reasons for the separation of couples is deceit.

Lying is an attempt to hide any information from a loved one.

Whether you did it for good or out of fear of losing love, the fact remains that you lied.

Didn't your mother warn you as a child that everything secret becomes clear? You want to go back to never commit this terrible act, but it's too late. Do not despair. You can return the guy's trust in yourself, although this process will require patience and endurance from you.

  1. Your first step: leave him alone. Immediately after the conflict and showdown, emotions overflow, both for him and for you. In such an atmosphere, it is very difficult to convey your point of view to a person and explain the reasons for your misconduct. Go to another room, catch your breath, drink some water. You can wash your face and perform a couple of breathing exercises.
  2. Second step: put yourself in his place. Yes, this advice is very simple, but try to imagine that it was your loved one who deceived and betrayed you. Feel free to imagine in colors. Would you be able to forgive him right away and still trust him? Be honest with yourself. Think about what the guy’s words and actions would later help you restore trust in the relationship and act accordingly.
  3. Third step: when passions subside, calmly admit your mistake. Do not be too cold-blooded and arrogant, show that you regret what you have done and sincerely repent. But don't overdo it. Leave scenes with wringing of hands and lamentations for cheap melodramas. Maintain self-respect and do not be humiliated in any way. You should talk like adults: calmly and to the point. You don't need to remember all of his mistakes to justify your own. First of all, admit the blame to yourself.
  4. Forget what he told you on emotions and listen carefully to what he has to say to you now. Perhaps it is in these words that there will be a clue to how you should behave in order to regain his trust.
  5. Get ready for a break in a relationship. Understand that if he sincerely loves you, your lie has caused him real pain. It takes time to forget about it and believe again. If he offered to take a break, don't resist or harass him with "random" encounters and endless calls. For a while, try to disappear from his life.
  6. Have patience. Lots and lots of patience. Wait for his call. The one who loves will surely forgive and return.
  7. There won't be a chance. When you get a second chance, remember that there won't be a third. Be extremely careful and attentive in words and deeds. Treasure relationships.
  8. Trust. Don't show distrust towards the guy. You should not hack into his pages on social networks, read his SMS and check his pockets. Don't bother. Down with calls every half an hour with a stupid question "Where are you?".

By following this plan, you will be able to return your love and become the best for a guy again.

On a note!
Some psychologists believe that it is easier to restore trust to psychologically and financially independent people.
If you are financially dependent on your young man, he may think that you are talking to him insincerely, you are just afraid of being left without support.
The man also has a fear that he will be deceived once again.

Cheated on a guy how to regain trust and is it possible?

Cheating is the most vile betrayal of all that a loved one can commit.

By cheating, you make it clear to the guy that you have found someone better than him, thereby lowering his self-esteem below the baseboard.

A person who has been cheated on may experience shock and anger, it is difficult for him to accept what happened.

What to do - cheated on a guy, how to regain trust?

  1. Don't crawl under hot hand . A person who has learned about treason is capable of terrible things in a state of passion. Disappear. Let him accept this situation and make his own decision about what to do next.
  2. Take the time to speak frankly. Explain the reasons for your action. Whether it was an innocent flirtation, a kiss, or a real betrayal - it does not matter. He must understand why this happened, otherwise, even if you restore the relationship, conflicts cannot be avoided.
  3. Don't rush things. Give him enough time and freedom to decide for himself whether he can be with you and trust you.
  4. Don't throw tantrums. Don't get on your knees and beg him to stay. Do not blackmail him with a possible suicide or imaginary pregnancy. Maybe he will take pity on you and stay, but do you need this pity? And cheating with pregnancy will certainly break your relationship forever.
  5. Forgive yourself. It is very important. Even if it’s not possible to regain the guy’s trust after the betrayal, you must let go of this situation. Talk to a close friend or a psychologist, give yourself the opportunity to cry. Accept the fact that you can't fix what you've done. Live on, having taken precious experience out of this situation.
  6. If you are together again, appreciate your loved one. Never give him a reason to even think that you can betray him again. Trust him yourself and do not remember this incident.

It doesn’t matter what exactly prompted you to cheat, and it’s not worth talking about how bad it is. If you still care about your boyfriend, try following these tips to get him back.

After parting

You have tried everything you can, but you have not been able to return your loved one.

Grief overwhelms you, and you do not know how to live on?

Even though it’s hard for you to believe it now, know that everything will be fine.

Sooner or later you will forget it and find new love In the meantime, try the following tips.

  • Don't shut yourself up in my solitude and in my apartment. Go to a friend, talk heart to heart. Try to cry, more often after that and the truth becomes easier. Getting over a breakup will be easier if you're not alone.
  • Treat yourself. For example, sweet. But there is no need to seize stress with kilograms of cakes and sweets. You run the risk of becoming a fat depressive woman. According to the law of meanness, it is in this form that your ex will meet you. And he will be glad that you broke up.
  • Remember your mistakes. And never step on the same rake again. Do not lie, do not betray the trust of your loved one, and do not cheat.
  • Change your life. Update your wardrobe, change your hair and makeup, if possible, change your home. In the old place, you will constantly remember the moments associated with your love, looking at the dress, remember that you were in it when the guy kissed you for the first time. This will inevitably plunge you into a new abyss of sadness. Leave the guy and everything that reminds you of him in the past.
  • Take care of yourself. Sign up for a fitness or aerobics class. In addition to the fact that your body will become slim and attractive, you will spend your evenings not in front of the TV, but in the gym. By the way, a good chance to meet a new boyfriend there.
  • Take your time make new acquaintances. Believe me, such a relationship will not bring you satisfaction, but will only open up barely healed wounds.

If your relationship has cracked because you cheated on a guy or cheated on him, how to restore trust in a relationship with a guy? Don't forget that it's still possible.

Everything passes and this will pass!

You will need all your endurance and willpower, a lot of patience and time, which, as you know, heals. But don't forget that your loved one has the right to say goodbye to you.

Understand that life does not end with the departure of a loved one. Yes, now you are hurt and offended, you blame only yourself for everything and think that you do not deserve happiness, but this is not so. Very soon the pain will pass, and you will definitely meet a new love.

You will be able to find Additional information on this topic in the section.

Recently I was asked how to regain trust loved one. I was going to answer ... and thought.

The very formulation of the question - "to restore trust" - is doubtful. Trust is not something that is given, taken or returned. This property of contact between two people, and it is born in the process of communication. If a person trusts a stranger from the very beginning, then something is wrong with his way of interacting with environment. The new and the unknown carries a threat, and it is reasonable to take a closer look first. Trust can be issued "on credit", but in such cases they usually risk something that is not terrible to lose.

A common context for talking about lost trust is the relationship between friends and lovers. In such relationships, there are a number of unspoken agreements: to be faithful, to keep one's word, not to harm a friend or loved one. But apart from universal principles, unspoken requirements can be unique - and quite idiosyncratic.

One girl, speaking of her boyfriend's "faithful trust", pointed out that he was dancing with another as an example of betrayal. But after all, no one told him that he signed the agreement "to dance only with his girlfriend." There are many such cases, so it makes sense to clarify: does the partner know about the expectations, compliance with which is charged to him as a duty?

But let's dwell on the most common cases of "deceived trust" in a couple's relationship: treason, lies, failure to fulfill promises. How to regain the trust of a partner, if we are talking about an error, and not about a consistent break in relations?

Forgiveness does not fix the situation. It doesn't undo the pain it's caused or restore trust.

The wrong way is to try to get forgiveness. There are two roles in this scenario: the criminal and the judge, who is also the accuser. The offender has already been convicted and can only bribe the judge in order to mitigate or cancel the sentence. So is the partner who “redeems”, in fact, is trying to bribe the other. In this situation, there is a lot of latent anger on the part of the guilty and open - on the part of the one from whom they are trying to achieve forgiveness.

But forgiveness doesn't fix the situation. It does not undo the pain caused or restore trust. It will not work and "earn the trust again." Here again there are two non-equilibrium roles: the applicant for mercy and the one who condescendingly evaluates his efforts. "You don't try hard!" - an advantageous position that allows you to squeeze as much as possible out of the current situation.

Trust cannot be restored if only one is involved, and the second is in the role of a judge or a ruler sitting on a throne. On the part of the "deceived" - a wave of sadistic aggression, a desire to trample on the one who stumbled. On the part of the "traitor" - anger, growing as one after another, attempts to regain trust fail.

In this scenario, forgiveness or "newly earned trust" is a sham, and it becomes apparent when the offender is reminded of his past sins, knowing exactly where he has pain point. The feeling of one's own "innocence" and the "sinfulness" of another destroys any relationship and nullifies any dialogue.

Restoring trust is a mutual process. If both partners strive to restore it, then it is possible. Not "how to regain your trust", but "what do we do with our relationship, in which trust is lost." And here the quality that arises only in the mutual movement towards each other is important: sincerity.

Healing power has genuine contact, manifested in dialogue, in the willingness to change one's point of view.

It is possible to sincerely talk about your pain from the fact that you have caused suffering to a loved one only when, on the contrary, you are not a judge or a ruler, but a similarly suffering person. Openness to someone else's experience allows you to feel its sincerity, and avoiding conversation into accusations or self-flagellation blocks sensitivity.

Trust cannot be earned, it can only be born again: through the contact of two open, naked consciousnesses, when you feel there is no subtext, there is no second bottom behind this experience. You can only feel it with your heart - and you can “forgive” with your head as much as you like.

What's next? Talk about your relationship, about explicit and implicit agreements in them, about what can be changed. The contact between two people has healing power - a genuine contact that manifests itself in dialogue, in the readiness to change one's point of view, and not to convince the interlocutor or force him to do what you want.

Restoring trust in a family where treason has occurred is a complex and often lengthy process. In order to bring yourself closer to the desired result, you need to make a decision about your behavior not with your friends, drinking wine with bitterness, and not after another squabble with your husband. The best thing in this situation is a sober head, the most neutral emotions and expert advice.

How to restore trust in the family, advises psychologist and body-oriented wellness-therapist Elena Shubina.

What should you think about after cheating?

Before you take action and start living" ordinary life”, or rather, to restore normal life, Elena Shubina offers to honestly answer 3 questions for herself, no matter how painful and difficult:

  1. Will I be able to forgive and live with this person as before, without claims, accusations, reminders and fear that everything will happen again?
  2. Will he be able to return and love me as before, and maybe even more, will he be able to do everything so that I can trust him again and be able to trust myself?
  3. Do we two have the strength and desire to go through these trials and make our family stronger than it was?

The expert warns: “If the answer to these questions is “no, not sure, partially”, then you should know that it may well happen that you will not be able to save your family, and then it is better not to waste time, but to try your luck with someone else. ". In this case, the issue of restoring trust is already eliminated.

What should a woman do to restore trust?

Rebuilding trust is hard inner work, and it is difficult to make her alone if the situation directly depends on another person, in this case, your husband. Even if you are a strong-willed woman and make a categorical decision “To be a family!”, It is unlikely that at one moment your mood will change dramatically without your husband’s special efforts.

Therefore, the most important rule is the very first thing you can do to regain confidence in a man:

1. Don't force yourself!

By forgiving, you make a promise to yourself never to remember again. about treason , do not blame your husband, etc. But until trust is restored, do not force them to behave as before. Don't force yourself to forgive and start trusting in a moment. It still won’t work, you have experienced too much emotional stress.

Also, don't rush yourself, give yourself as much time as you need. A process like forgiveness is very difficult to fit into a time frame. The options “in a month”, “before lunch”, or “by next Monday” will still not work. Reverse behavior can lead not only to the deterioration of your mental state, but also to illness.

The psychologist warns: “If you convince yourself that you have already forgotten and forgiven everything, and you can already trust, when all your communication still says otherwise, you will drive yourself into neurosis (this is at best), otherwise you will “earn” the disease. Say to yourself: “I will do everything to ensure that the ability to trust comes to me in a timely manner. I will give myself and him time. Nothing terrible will happen if I keep an eye on him for now. It's better than hurrying up and feeling cheated again."

2. Set a deadline for the test and agree on it with your husband

Without forcing yourself to "forgive before the New Year" - you may well set a very specific period during which you will look closely at your husband. During this period, there may be a number of agreements in your home that will help you understand, forgive, or decide for sure that you cannot do this.

“Agree that you will check it for some time. I know men who let their wives look into their cell phones and gave them passwords to their Email only so that they can forgive and forget as quickly as possible. “All this does not mean anything, if he wants to hide something, he will hide it anyway,” of course, you will say ... This is both so and not so.

Most people are still not so cynical as to purposefully create other accounts, ciphers, addresses and passwords for these purposes (this is partly why they get caught cheating). And the right to check, given voluntarily and with good intentions, is really more than healing for relationships. And by the way, usually after it you don’t want to check anyone at all, ”the psychologist suggests.

Also, ask your husband to be more attentive to you, ask him to give you more information and explain his behavior if something new happens. For example, if earlier you knew for sure that on Wednesdays he was late because he was playing bowling with friends, now this bowling can turn into much more colorful pictures in your eyes. Ask him to call and warn you, the "default" or "you already know" option does not work now.

Important! Remember that being able to test and test are two different things. Do not turn into a paranoid detective, in such conditions your husband, even if he really decided to change, will not last long, and your nerves will give up from constant voltage. Be able to get out of the state of checking in time, because after you forgive, your husband’s personal space should return.

3. Develop a culture of conversation in the family

Suspicions and omissions do not make a family happy. Probably, everyone knows the “snowball” effect, when small understatements and unspoken grievances accumulate and, over time, bury all the good that is in your family. Now you not only shouldn't allow yourself to behave like this, you can't!

Now when trust in your couple seriously shaken, you cannot afford to doubt quietly, so prepare your husband for the fact that you will ask much more questions during this difficult period than before.

Here is what the psychologist advises: “Tell your husband about your feelings and suspicions right away. The fact is that sometimes we ourselves do not realize to what extent we do not understand our partners. For example, you approached him and stood behind him, and he immediately slammed his diary. Tell me right away that this caused you a storm of feelings and suspicions. Almost certainly, he will open a page for you, and you will see that there is nothing on it, and he has a habit of closing documents from the army past, you just didn’t pay attention to it before ... ”.

4. Fix what led to the betrayal

As you know, there is no smoke without fire. And in any betrayal is the fault of the other partner. Think about what the man lacked? And even if his demands are unreasonable, as it seems to you, try to give it to him. After all, if this lack led to treason, then it was very important for him. And this applies to all betrayals, even those that seem to happen by accident.

Show him again the woman he fell in love with, the one who did not want to change. Try to start with yourself and you will see the changes.

5. Develop willpower

Few people believe that willpower can be an assistant in this matter. After all, you can’t force yourself to trust on command and, gritting your teeth, say to yourself: “From this moment I believe him again.” But you can and should really want to return peace to the family again.

Psychologists say that you can program yourself for a certain step, and this internal installation will help you move on. By itself, of course, it will not change anything, but it will be the basis for your daily behavior, which, in fact, forms the reality in your family.

3 rules for men

In fact, this section should be central to this article, because it is the behavior of a man that will determine whether you can regain trust in him and how quickly you can do it.

But is there a chance that a man will see all of the following? Of course, you can show him or tell him. Or you can just know it yourself, because it is also important. The main problem after betrayal is that no one knows exactly how to behave, there is no model of behavior, how it should be, what is natural, what is not, what can be demanded, what is needed and what is not.

"Everyone does it" is, of course, a dubious kind of argument, but when there is nothing else, it is difficult to find another support. We offer you the opinion of a psychologist on how a man should behave and what to be prepared for in order to restore the family after his betrayal.

Because there is no knowledge, we can do things that only spoil everything. Below we provide a list of myths and the main mistakes that a woman can make when trying to suppress her resentment and forcibly force herself to trust her husband. As well as parting words to a man - a model of behavior that should be adopted in order to restore trust in the family.

1. “We are adults”

Any problem, especially such a serious one as betrayal, and the restoration of trust in the family after it, makes us psychologically older, makes us look for more adult and wiser solutions. Therefore, a woman who has decided to forgive and restore trust in a couple again tries to behave very wisely, calmly, with her husband she tries be silent and endure , and alone cries into the pillow.

How to behave as a man

A woman who has lost confidence is like an offended child. She is capricious, suspicious, touchy, withdrawn and vulnerable. And she can do whatever she wants. And this is normal and natural! By betrayal, you hurt her pride, and she is now trying with all her might to return it. So if you really need this woman, be very patient...

How to regain confidence in a man if he cheated

First of all, give her the right to know everything she wants about you and your life, including passwords, accounts. Perhaps you think that this is too frank and will create some inconvenience for you. Previously, of course, this was not the case, but it was YOU who lost the trust of a woman, this is your fault and therefore you need to make concessions.

2. “Not a word about treason”

There is an opinion that to forgive means to forget. This means that it is impossible not only to talk about treason, but also to think about it. But this applies only to the period when thoughts and emotions are already amenable to at least some control.

Not knowing this, some women torment themselves with thoughts about what kind of woman this was, how it all happened and why. They torment themselves, thereby driving them into a neurosis, but still do not allow themselves to talk about it.

How to behave as a man

Very often, a woman who has been cheated on is interested in details, sometimes very intimate, about how and why, with whom, in what environment this happened. This is completely irrational and will surely make you surprised and even angry. And often a woman is silent about her desire.

But despite everything, it is very natural. The woman really needs this information, and you will be wise to give it to her. The fact is that thanks to this information, a woman determines her self-esteem and experiences everything that happened to the end.

It will never even occur to you through what millstones she grinds this information, what “strange” conclusions she can draw, and all in order to, in the end, let go. For example, having learned that a girl is young, you can convince yourself that she is naive and stupid in her youth, while you might assume that your spouse will worry about her not very young years. ..

In other words, it defies logic, but you will do a good deed if you answer her questions.

3. "Nothing will be the same"

Change changes everything forever. Trying to regain lost trust, spouses often cross out all the good that was along with the bad. And building the so-called "new relationship", many for some reason believe that romantic events during this period will be clumsy and unnatural, will be something like a feast during the plague. Therefore, everyone lives an ordinary life, trying to restore peace, forgetting that happiness will not increase from trust alone.

How to behave as a man

For every woman who has been cheated on, it is very important that some kind of ritual happens that would show her that the old has passed and a new stage of her life has begun. But for some reason, men are afraid to do this, because "somehow it's not the time."

For additional comments, we have contacted Olga Volodarskaya, author of acute social detective stories. Here is her opinion: “It is impossible to regain confidence in a man if he cheated. And not worth it. Cheating can be forgiven, you can put up with it, you can find an excuse for it, you can even pretend that it didn’t exist at all, but ... you won’t be able to trust the man who exchanged you for another, no matter how hard you try.

He stayed late at work, and you think he's with her. Or on the other. After all, he cheated on you once, so maybe the second, third. And, in principle, in ten cases out of a hundred it will be just that. I have a friend who constantly forgives her husband for infidelity. During several years. And it would be nice if she just closed her eyes to them. But no, he sincerely believes that it was in last time. Needless to say, everything is repeated over and over again.

And when she finds out about husband's infidelity (and why are some men so careless?), then cries from humiliation and resentment. After all, he was so sincere in his repentance, and she believed him. Everyone says to her: "Drop it." And she hopes that he will change.

I don't give her advice. Let her decide. But, it seems to me, you need to either live with the idea that betrayal is not a betrayal at all, but a real trifle, or get a divorce.

What is your opinion?

Lyubov SHCHEGOLKOVA

The phrase “How to regain the trust of a loved one after a lie” is sometimes not even a question, but a cry for help. This is because trust is like a porcelain cup, which is very easy to break and often impossible to glue together, and a lie is the very action that breaks the cup to smithereens.

What is trust

Trust is an important component of close and meaningful relationships, representing the mutual confidence of people in each other's decency, honesty, sincerity, conscientiousness and goodwill.

It is mutual trust and respect that is the basis of long-lasting and strong friendships, love, partnerships, family relations. No person wants to be deceived or betrayed.

The smaller the deception and the less bitter it is for the deceived person, the easier it is to regain trust, but it will never be the same again! If the lie is too big, a break in relations cannot be avoided ...

Many people are forced to adhere to the principle of "Trust, but verify", not because they are suspicious and distrustful, but because they have negative life experiences.

All children, adolescents and many young people are gullible, open to the world and naive, but only for the time being. As he grows and matures, faced with lies and deceit, a person learns to be careful, attentive, to trust not blindly, but reasonably or not to trust at all.

If there are too many lies and betrayal in life, someone for a while, and someone for the rest of his life withdraws into himself and loses confidence in people and the world. Sometimes it only takes one highly traumatic event associated with deceit to unlearn trust.

It's easy to trust when you're young. To trust in adulthood, you need courage and responsibility for your own well-being, if suddenly deception does happen.

Fear of being deceived prevents you from living, there is a danger of becoming too suspicious and incredulous person. But such is the nature of people - "Burned with milk, they blow on the water." Hence "all men are goats" and similar rude, erroneous stereotypes.

However, without the ability to overcome fear, “dive headlong” into new relationships, it is impossible to be happy! Fearing deceit and lies, you can deprive yourself of the joy and fullness of life.

Distrust is tension and isolation, trust is lightness and freedom.

Basic trust and distrust of the world

Regardless of life experience, there are people who are more inclined to trust the world and, in principle, distrustful. Some cannot forgive a minor offense, while others easily forgive even a serious betrayal. How does it work? Maybe trust is an innate quality?

In the middle of the last century, the American psychologist E. Erickson developed an excellent classification age crises person. This classification is already a classic, but extremely popular.

According to Erickson, the very first stage of human development, from birth to 1 year old, is marked by a critical conflict of "trust - distrust of the world." This conflict is most relevant in the first months, but is present throughout life.

"Can I trust the world?" - this is the very first unconscious question of a new person, which can become relevant in other periods of life.

If a child under the age of one receives support, satisfaction of the needs and love of the mother, he learns to trust, a basic trust in the world is formed; if deprivation, inconsistency, lack of support and love are observed, a basic distrust of the world is formed.

Learning to trust is the task of developing not only the emerging personality of a new person, but also the life of individual relationships. They are born in the same way, live and die, the only difference is how long they live: a couple of weeks or as long as the person himself is alive.

The first thing people try to understand at the beginning of a relationship is whether they can trust each other. Everything else - sympathy, respect, intimacy, freedom of expression and so on - after. With a person who causes distrust, you don’t even want to start a conversation.

To inspire trust, you need to accept a person as he is and love him (in the broadest sense of the word).

The trouble is that it is better not to trust a subject who does not trust. If he himself does not dare to trust, cannot be completely open, sincere and honest, there is a possibility that such a person allows himself the possibility of being deceived or does not miss the opportunity to deceive.

How to restore trust in a relationship

To be devoted to the closest and beloved person, to those to whom you open up with your soul and body, is one of the most difficult life tests.

Trust is the foundation happy relationship. When there is a small “crack” in the foundation, “repair” is possible, but if it is huge, the relationship collapses.

If you remember that the most common cause of divorce in our time is adultery, you can realize the value of trust.

Trust and fidelity in marriage is more important than love and passion!

It is not without reason that the words "trust" and "loyalty" have the same root. Trust in love is the ability not only to believe, but also to remain faithful.

Cheating is a severe psychological trauma and a fatal mistake in a relationship. It is almost impossible to regain trust after betrayal, simply because it is impossible to forget about betrayal ...

Of course, treason is not the only reason distrust between spouses, as well as relationships destroy any other forms of betrayal and lies:

  • jealousy,
  • inconsistency of words with actions and vice versa;
  • failure to fulfill promises;
  • failure to comply with obligations;
  • concealment of facts, etc.

Efforts that need to be made to regain the trust of a loved one:

  1. Determine the fact that caused distrust (action or inaction, words or silence).
  2. Set the truth. This is very difficult to do, and not only because it is unlikely that it will be possible to look at the situation objectively, but also because both partners are most often to blame. After all, something in the behavior of a loved one prompted to lie? However, be that as it may, if a lie has been discovered, you will have to reveal it to the end and say honest truth. It's a big mistake to hide lies behind new lies.
  3. Stop blaming your partner for what happened. If there is a goal to “restore trust”, you will have to forget about selfishness and the desire to prove your case. It is important to put yourself in the place of another and understand what is worse for him.
  4. Repent for what you have done. Whatever causes deceit and betrayal, they cannot be justified. You need to acknowledge your mistake.
  5. Sincerely, without justification, ask for forgiveness for lying. Then talk about your desire to maintain a relationship, about feelings and attitudes towards a partner.
  6. Don't pressure your partner. You should not expect that the offended loved one will immediately forgive and forget everything. You may have to come back and ask for forgiveness more than once. At the same time, there is a danger of anger and indignation: “I’m on my knees here, but they don’t want to forgive me, such a good one!” You need to be patient and forget about pride.
  7. Long time to restore trust by actions. You need to understand that even if you manage to hear “Forgive me!” and it is unlikely that it will be possible to maintain relationships, restore trust once and for all and to the same level at which they were before the deceit.

When trust is lost, words do not help, actions and deeds are needed that can restore it. You will have to periodically confirm and maintain the confidence of a loved one that he can trust. In fact, you will have to build relationships anew.

The same algorithm of actions will help people who want to regain the trust of a friend, partner, child, parent, other relative and significant person.

Questions for introspection

It is extremely difficult to regain trust after a lie and is possible only if the partner who has lost trust wants it and if he sees the point in continuing such a relationship.

So that the lie does not become fatal, both the deceiver and the deceived will have to sort themselves out.

  • Will I be able to keep my word and not make the same mistakes again?
  • What do I feel for my partner?
  • Why and why do I want to regain trust?
  • What is partner trust? What caused it before?
  • What actions could restore trust?
  • Am I willing to work to regain trust?

Questions for a deceived partner:

After the answers are found, and the emotions more or less subside, you need to make contact with your partner, start a conversation and turn it into a sincere but calm heart-to-heart conversation. You can also discuss questions for introspection by asking your partner to answer them.

Sincerity and honesty between partners will help to understand the relationship and gradually restore trust.

How often do you lie to your loved ones?

Looking forward to your evaluation

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How to restore trust in the family - 10 sure ways

10 ways to restore trust in the family - how to restore trust?

What is the relationship between the two based on? "Three whales" happy family life- This mutual feelings, full mutual understanding and, of course, trust. Moreover, the last "whale" is the most solid and important. Trust is easy to lose, but hard to win. What to do if trust in the family is lost? How to restore it?

The most common causes of loss of trust in the family

A relationship without trust is always torture for both. And I don’t want to lose my dear half (after all, we have gone through and experienced so much together!) And ... there is no more strength to pretend that everything is fine. Running away is always easier, but it's still worth at least trying to restore trust in the relationship. The main thing is to identify the causes of the “disease” and correctly prescribe the “treatment”. The main reasons for the loss of trust:

  • Treason. It cuts trust to the root - immediately and, as a rule, irrevocably. Even if both pretend that nothing happened, sooner or later this painful memory box will still open. Not to mention that one half will constantly doubt the second - is it really at work, or maybe again somewhere with someone, or maybe not from work, they call him (her) in the evenings?
  • Jealousy. Green monster, the destroyer of any relationship. And the main indicator is that it is time to change something in the family. Jealousy is a 100% indicator that there is no trust in a partner. Jealousy, like a worm, gnaws a feeling from the inside to the very foundation, if you don’t stop in time and think - is there any point in being jealous? And who gets better from it?
  • Lie. Large, small, in understatement or hidden facts, insignificant and frequent, or rare and monstrous. Lying undermines trust on the second try (the first one is usually forgiven and swallowed).
  • Mismatch of words and actions. Even the hottest words about love cease to matter if there is indifference and neglect of a partner in actions. If such behavior is not a temporary crisis period with certain reasons, but true indifference, then sooner or later trust, and after it the relationship, will come to an end.
  • Lack of trust in candy-bouquet period. That is, the illusion of trust at the initial stage, but in fact it is either a fateful meeting of two chronic "gulen", or never degenerated into true love feeling.
  • Unjustified expectations. When they promise the moon from the sky and "all life in their hands", but in fact they live like neighbors in a hostel.

Rebuilding trust in a relationship is extremely difficult. But if you really want and be patient, you can give the relationship a second life.

See also: Is it worth confessing to treason - all the pros and cons

The main mistakes when trying to restore trust in the family - do not make them!

Everyone has their own attempts to regain the partner’s trust - according to the situation and the strength of the feeling (if it remains). The main thing here is to carefully analyze what happened after all:

  • What could undermine your partner's trust in you?
  • Do you still have the same feelings for him?
  • Are you afraid of losing your soul mate or can you do without it?
  • Are you ready to conquer it again?
  • What has changed in you since the moment when the partner trusted you completely and completely?
  • How exactly do you understand the word "trust"?

If you understand that you can’t do without your partner and are ready to start everything from scratch, avoid the most common mistakes:

  • Don't blame your partner for losing trust. Trust - it involves the participation of two. And the blame, respectively, falls equally on both.
  • Any accusation is a road to nowhere. It is impossible to restore trust by throwing reproaches. Start building, and do not continue the path of family destruction.
  • Don't try to buy your partner's trust. No gifts or trips can cover the feeling that a “black hole” has formed in your family (we are not talking about relationships of convenience in this case).
  • Don't be intrusive in your quest to "redeem." If you cheated on your partner, and now circle around him like a bee, carry coffee to bed and bake kulebyaki every evening, ingratiatingly looking into the eyes “have you already forgiven or still coffee with kulebyaka?”, It is unlikely that you will be reciprocated. At best, a partner with a royal air will favorably accept your "gifts". But after that, there will still be a climax with a showdown. The sincerity of your concern simply will not be believed after you for a long time they ran away, slamming the door, gritted their teeth, or defiantly went to spend the night with their mother. Insincerity at such a moment will be especially acutely felt.
  • Enough words! It is pointless to swear and beat yourself with a heel in the chest “yes, without you ...” If you are not trusted, you will not be believed.
  • Don't be humiliated. Crawling on your knees and begging for forgiveness also does not make sense. You will fall even more in the eyes of your partner.
  • Do not try to ask friends and relatives to "talk heart to heart" with a partner. The pride of the partner will not stand it. Everything that happens in the family should stay in the family.
  • It is strictly forbidden to use children for these purposes. Manipulate your partner using the "think of the kids!" or inciting children to influence dad is the worst option.

10 surest ways to restore trust in the family - how to restore relationships?

Where to begin? What to do? What steps to take so that your partner looks at you with loving eyes again? After analyzing the situation, feeling sorry for yourself and taking into account all possible errors, remember - what experts say in such a situation:

  • Admit you are wrong (guilt) if you are wrong. There is no point in proving that you were honest if you really were lying. This will only exacerbate the conflict.
  • Talk to your partner about what happened. Sincerely, honestly. Find a moment when your partner will be able to listen and hear you.
  • The reason for distrust is his jealousy? Eliminate from your life everything that can provoke new suspicions of your partner - coordinates, meetings, even thoughts about the object that you are jealous of. Jealousy is groundless? Tell your partner that there is no reason for her. And change your life. Perhaps you yourself give your partner reasons to be jealous of you - too bright makeup, too short skirts, working late, incomprehensible calls home, a password-protected computer, etc. If you have nothing to hide, be open in everything. If you value your partner's trust, you don't need to dress for work like you would for a Miss World pageant. Of course, there are also such jealous people for whom the reason is even the smile of the seller, sent to you in passing in the store. But this is already “from another opera”, and a completely different topic.
  • Do not try to return everything as it was, immediately after the conflict. Give your partner time to recover, think and analyze the situation.
  • Is the reason for the loss of trust an established fact of your infidelity? Whatever you do will depend on whether he has the strength to forgive you. Don’t humiliate yourself, don’t beg, don’t give details, and don’t throw tantrums like “you didn’t pay enough attention to me” or “I was drunk, forgive me, fool.” Just admit your guilt, calmly report that this happened because of your great stupidity, and explain to your partner that you do not want to lose him, but you will accept any of his decisions. If he made the decision to leave you, you still won't keep him. Therefore, any tricks, pleas and humiliation will not be in your favor.
  • Without fawning and not being imposed, without remembering the causes of the conflict, without picturesqueness, sincerely start living from scratch, as if you had just met today. The partner will either be forced to reorganize, dot the “and” and support you, or (if he has already internally made a decision for himself that he can no longer trust you) will leave.
  • Having embarked on the difficult path of restoring trust, do not involve your relatives in this process. They will be redundant. Everything should be decided only between you.
  • If the partner is able to talk with you and even meets halfway, offer him a joint trip. You will have the opportunity to calmly discuss all your problems, and there will be a chance to "open a second wind" for your feelings.
  • Prove to your partner that you are ready to fight for your love - you are ready for compromises, concessions, ready to resolve issues without tantrums “in a human way”, that you are ready to listen and hear your partner.
  • Did your partner forgive you? Never return to the past. Build the future on absolute openness, mutual support and understanding.

And remember that no one will give you a second chance.

www.colady.ru

Lies, betrayal, betrayal: how to regain the trust of a loved one - Wise advice

What is a fundamental part of an ideal relationship? Trust and love are inextricably linked feelings, without them it is impossible to build a family. Maintaining a trusting relationship can be difficult, especially if the beloved is caught in an unsightly act: deceit or treason. Having made a mistake, the girls begin to suffer: "How to regain the trust of a loved one after a lie?" This is a rather complicated process, its result is impossible to predict. Representatives of the stronger sex rarely forgive betrayal, the guilty woman must clearly understand how to act in order to regain the lost faith of her lover.

Why Distrust Occurs When relationships lose trust, they die. Between a woman and a man there is no longer the former bright faith in each other, which was available before committing a rash act. How to restore trust in a relationship if losing a loved one is not included in the plans? It is necessary to analyze the reasons for the mistrust that has arisen. How can you earn distrust?

  • betrayal, regarded as a stab in the back;
  • emotional or physical betrayal;
  • failure to fulfill promises;
  • constant deceit.

Trust in a relationship between a man and a woman is extremely easy to lose. A single wrong step is sometimes enough to destroy such a fragile feeling forever.

Analysis of the situation Any person is afraid of losing the trust of a loved one. However, if the situation has developed in such a way that an act with a negative color has already been committed, and the other half has lost faith in a joint future, urgent measures must be taken to reconcile and obtain forgiveness. Before proceeding with the return of lost trust in relationships, you should analyze everything that happened and answer the questions:

  • are you ready for a long and hard moral work in order to regain your former faith;
  • how important is the trust of a certain person to you;
  • How important is a particular man in life.

Be honest with yourself and do correct conclusions. Can trust be restored in a relationship? There is a long work ahead, but if you make an effort and sincerely wish for the resumption of confidential communication, the result will be positive.

Restoring trust after a lie Deception is one of the most important reasons that cause distrust in a partner. Once having caught his beloved in false speeches, a man begins to doubt his own feelings, he is offended by the unworthy behavior of his beloved. How to win back a guy's trust after a lie? A woman will have to spend a lot of time and effort to be believed again.

  • Forgive yourself for the mistake you made. Remorse of conscience is not the best helpers in reconciliation.
  • Tell the truth about the deed, say that you are ashamed of it, and you repent of your deed. At this moment, carefully monitor the reaction of your lover - this is important for developing a further plan of action.
  • After the conflict, leave the guy alone for a while. Give him time to deal with his emotions. If a person is irritated and offended, he will not be able to listen to the explanation of the reasons for your act.
  • Sincerely ask for forgiveness. Try to be as creative as possible with your apology, even ridicule your act.
  • How to get a guy's trust back? Stock up on patience. If a man really loves a woman, he will definitely forgive and return.

    • Continued on next page:

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    It's only the men who come back. The women are gone forever.

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    How to regain the trust of a loved one?

    It is rare that a couple can boast that their relationship is perfect. And if so, then most often it is a bluff and a lie. However, not everyone has serious problems either. But many are faced with misunderstanding and mistrust. It is difficult to say what is more offensive - when you no longer trust your loved one or when he ceases to trust you. In any case, the question of how to regain the trust of a loved one does not lose its relevance for many couples.

    Possible reasons for the loss of trust

    It is not for nothing that trust is compared to paper - having wrinkled it 1 time, you will never get an even sheet again.

    It is difficult to say unequivocally whether it is possible to fully restore relations after distrust has crept into them. It depends on the people themselves, as well as on the situation in which they find themselves. Before evaluating the chances of "gluing together broken love”, you need to understand how to regain the trust of a loved one. Without this, there can be no talk of any spiritual intimacy.

    The most common reason for what is happening is a lie. Anyone who at least once caught his "soulmate" in a lie will subconsciously look for the next case when she will lie. That is, words and promises are no longer taken on faith, as peremptory truth. Distrust arises after any betrayal, and especially such a terrible one as betrayal.


    Ways to regain trust

    To restore trust in relationships, making them, as before, close, you need to competently. Depending on the reason, you will need various activities.

    So, when talking about how to regain trust after a lie, you should know that it would be best to start with an explanation dear person reasons that prompted you to lie. This will not exonerate you, but will simply help him understand that you are not lying for no reason or for the sake of profit. There is no such thing as a “lie for good”, but there is still a human factor, so a person who catches you in a lie, knowing that you tried to protect or calm him in this way, will not be too harsh.

    Is it possible to regain trust after infidelity?

    When thinking about how to regain trust after cheating, you must first realize that this is one of the worst situations in a relationship, so you don’t have much chance of “gluing a broken cup together”. But, nevertheless they are and it is necessary to try to use them.

    Do not justify yourself, do not look for explanations for what happened, but simply sincerely repent.

    A common mistake is to appeal to the pride of a loved one. A lot of girls try to say things like "you're better". This is a mistake, as it indicates that you will continue to compare your favorite or are busy looking for the best. Do not skimp on words and give the person time, perhaps love for you will do its job and he will give your relationship a second chance.

    The loss of trust in a relationship is a challenge that not every couple can handle. But, it is overcoming serious situations that tests your feelings for strength and shows how much you want to be together.