A year ago, I overcame a professional crisis and, after the ordeal of two extremely unsuccessful jobs, I returned to my first, and apparently happy company for me, but in a different capacity. For my year new project, it seems, has developed to such an extent that it will soon begin to generate income for me personally (pah-pah-pah, so as not to inadvertently jinx it).
A year ago, I lived according to someone else’s schedule, due to the extreme insistence of some citizens, and I was afraid to tell them that I was tired of living according to someone else’s schedule, and that I, by the way, have my own schedule.
A year ago, I first learned what hatred is - not with the whip “I hate you!...”, but with an icy, snake-like feeling, when the only thing holding you back from physical violence against the object of hatred is the reluctance to end up behind bars.
A year ago, I first understood what this well-worn word “love” actually means, and, it seems, I began to say it less often - it is so different from what I experience.
A year ago, I almost killed the only person worth living for. It’s been a year since I became an inept, crooked nurse, with an oxygen mask in one hand, a can of beer in the other, endless (almost) patience and a huge, gigantic desire to cure, return, fix. It’s impossible to fix it - I already understood that, as well as to help, all I can do is build something new, and only if I’m very lucky.
It’s been a year since I can’t, without tears and spasms in my throat, not only talk, but even think about that day when the only person worth living for cried in my arms and shouted: “Go away, go away, stop tormenting me! ".
A year ago, it took me three days to realize a simple and banal thought: yes, this is IT.
A year ago, I sat huddled on the floor and repeated one phrase: “... baby, forgive me, pick up the phone, baby, please, what’s it worth, pick up the phone...” - for several hours I conjured the phone until the only voice that I am glad to hear did not say the saving “Yes...” directly into my ear. That "yes" was permission, permission, whatever - a chance. And I straightened up and ran, and rushed at night in some car, furiously repeating to myself that everything, it was too late, the unique had already happened - but I could not help but go.
A year ago on this night, something changed in me and I actually became different.
A year ago, I stopped listening to all my imaginary friends, who for some reason always knew how best to live for me, and I lived the way they expected of me, because I was afraid of not liking them. I got to the point where I didn’t like myself anymore, I got confused, and to this day I can’t fix anything either in myself or around me.
A year ago I swore to myself to be honest with myself at all costs, and since then I have been known as a bore. The imaginary friends turned away on their own, freeing me and themselves from unnecessary explanations, and did not even stay as friends. I quickly appreciated the new state - it’s wonderful when you don’t have to pretend.
A year ago I realized that childhood was over, and nothing could be changed, and suddenly, for the first time, I felt alive - so alive when the veins are not inside, but outside, and you see how your blood is running, and every breath of air is tearing you apart , and every cigarette puff burns and suffocates, but there is no way to smoke. Since then, I’ve been choking on both air and puffs, and the sight of my own blood running on my surface from something scares me, but now it’s the only way.
A year ago I stopped appreciating myself for who I was, and now for a year now I have been looking for something in myself for which I can begin to appreciate myself. Something has already been found.
A year ago, I suddenly forgot everything that happened to me before, stopped feeling everything I felt before, and only one thing remained in me - a heavy, overwhelming feeling of guilt. It hasn’t gotten any easier in a year, not one bit, but I have more strength and I can almost live with it.
A year ago I learned that tears leave scars on the cheeks.
A year ago I forgot all the words except three, the most worn-out ones - but, you know, no matter how worn-out they may be, only they can convey the truth - a paradox.
I also understood this a year ago, when, gasping for air, I tried to explain, convince, prove something, but I couldn’t say anything other than these three words. So she repeated doomedly, “I love you, baby, please forgive me.”
And she didn't forgive me. And I haven’t forgotten.
I haven’t forgiven myself and I still have nightmares about a year ago.
Only my stupidity and something else, unclear to me, could turn the lives of two loving people into a real nightmare.
A year ago.
A year ago.
A year ago, I vowed to myself to make her happy. I see that sometimes I almost succeed, but more often I don’t - that’s okay, I’ll try.
A year ago I lost faith in myself and the trust of my loved one.
A year ago, only her wisdom, and maybe a little bit of love - “kapeluseska” (c) kept us together. It's been a hell of a year. And the difficulties are not over, because we have not changed - I am still the same lazy and hysterical person. Maybe I've just become a little bolder.
And since I promised myself a year ago to be honest with myself, I will not hide this text.
Suddenly, someone who is now covering their ears and not hearing the only words that are worth hearing, like I did a year ago, will read this and stop.
What if you, baby, read this and understand that I’m not denying anything, I remember everything, and every, every day I curse myself for a year ago, and every night I ask you for forgiveness for a year ago, knowing that it’s useless , but I can’t not ask.
A year ago I forgot all the words except three, and suddenly I learned what happiness it is to smile at you warmly and quietly.
A year ago, I hated myself and almost lost the most precious thing I have - your smile.
Only a year has passed - it’s so little, so little for anything new to be born, but I will try, I will try very hard, and we will succeed.
In three days it’s your birthday, and I will be very happy - of course, because you allowed me to celebrate your holiday the way I want! We will meet your friends - our friends, and we will have fun, and, as always, we will sit talking until the very morning, until dawn. And the cat Butch will not get lost this year - I will keep an eye on him, and the second cat too, just in case. And in the morning we will wake up, and I will quietly tell you something nasty, like: “Hello, old lady” - I’m only six months older than you, and in three days we will be equal.
And I will take you to Prague in September, and the dear elderly owner of a small hotel will explain to us in the morning how to use the Prague metro, and we will still walk, because that’s how it’s supposed to be, and you will get tired, and you will scold me, and I will console you and ask for forgiveness, and then I will get tired and whine, and you will be offended that I whine, and I will be offended that you are offended, and then we will drink cold beer and forget about all the offenses, and we will hold on to hands, and we will be good, as good as we have always been good together, from the very first day.
And I will sweetly freeze under your arms the whole trip, because finally we will be alone, and no one, no one around, and you will laugh at me, and I will be happy, so happy that it will be scary to live on with all this happiness .
And all next winter I will bask in you at night, and you will feel hot from me, and the cats will crawl under the blanket and bask with us.
And next spring I’ll come up with another adventure and take you to some other magical place, and it will always be like this, you know?
And there will be a house, and a puppy, and cats will lie on us as if we were sofas, and our computers will stand next to each other, but we will still snatch each other’s keyboards and sit at one, and there will be a baby monitor on the refrigerator in the kitchen - suddenly he wakes up there, in his toy crib, cries, and we don’t hear over the heated argument - we love to argue with you, baby.

Thank you for having me.
Thank you that everything is one way and no other.
Thank you for your “Yes...”, for all the chances that you give me, for tea with lemon and for “baby” - no one has ever called me that and never will - only you, always you.
I still haven’t come up with anything except these worn-out three words, but you know, everyone is right - only they can express THIS feeling.

I love you baby.

Exactly a year ago, Vitaly Churkin died. What struck me most after his death was this: almost all of his Western colleagues, whom he, defending the interests of our country, wittily and harshly ridiculed - from Samantha Power to Stephen O'Brien - wrote poignant and touching words. Does this mean that all the polemics and struggles of Vitaly Ivanovich were a convention, a game at least in part? Of course not. Captivity and greatness of a soldier are not just words. This is a special condition. When a valiant enemy fighting against you is buried with military honors. Vitaly Ivanovich lived and died as a soldier of his country.

This is how the meeting of the UN Security Council began on February 20. In New York and Ottawa, in Brussels and Belgrade, Vitaly Churkin is remembered. His classmates met in Moscow. School 1522 now bears his name. Already in these classes, character traits emerged that allowed him to become one of the most powerful diplomats in Russia.

Once Vitaly was invited to act in films, but he never boasted about it, although he managed to work in three films. Now his school certificate is kept at MGIMO, where he was also an excellent student. The rector shows Churkin’s personal file among characteristics and thanks, a letter from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs with a request to allow student Vitaly Churkin to take his final exams six months earlier in order to quickly begin work in the translation department.

Only a few years will pass, and he, a very young diplomat, will be assigned to answer questions tricky questions US congressmen after the accident at the Chernobyl nuclear power plant.

“He performed brilliantly, the next day he became known throughout America, and not only America. All major American newspapers appeared with his portrait on the front page,” recalls MGIMO Rector of the Russian Foreign Ministry Anatoly Torkunov.

Ability to stay in stressful situation useful to him in his service at the UN. Here he went through several serious international crises, in which he proved himself to be a subtle diplomat and a brilliant speaker.

“If we needed a sermon, we would go to church. If we wanted to hear poetry, we would go to the theater. From UN officials, especially the heads of the UN Secretariat, when they are invited to Security Council meetings, you expect an objective analysis of what is happening. You obviously didn’t succeed,” Vitaly Churkin said at a meeting of the UN Security Council on Syria on October 27, 2016.

This is about the situation in Syria at the height of the fighting in Aleppo, when the Western coalition was trying with all its might to get the militants out of the attack.

And here is one of the most recent speeches by Vitaly Churkin in the Security Council. His response to the demand of the British representative to return Crimea.

“Return the Malvinas Islands, return Gibraltar, return the part of Cyprus that you annexed, return the Chagos Archipelago in the Indian Ocean, which you have turned into a huge military base. Then your conscience, perhaps, will be a little clearer, and you will be able to talk about other topics,” said Vitaly Churkin on February 6, 2017.

But one should not think that Churkin’s mission at the UN was to prick his opponent more painfully. Public performance This is only the visible, one might say, theatrical part of diplomatic work, behind the scenes there are incessant attempts to establish a dialogue.

“He defended the prospects and lack of alternatives for our cooperation and interaction with the same European Union, with the same United States. For him, this was not a question of “either-or,” noted Maria Zakharova, director of the Department of Information and Press of the Russian Foreign Ministry.

That is why all his main opponents, whom he repeatedly put in their place, responded to the death of Vitaly Churkin with words of recognition: they called him honest, open, loving his country, and many called him a friend.

“He was loved as a person, as a professional, even by those who disagreed with him on political problems, or agreed, but due to the position of his government could not say it openly,” Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov emphasized.

“Vitaly Ivanovich enjoyed such enormous respect at the UN that this respect spilled over to me. When I met with my colleagues, paid courtesy visits, they all said that Vitaly Ivanovich was completely special ambassador, they respected him immensely, for many he was a personal friend, and his untimely departure was a personal drama for these people, for his colleagues,” said Russia’s permanent representative to the UN Vasily Nebenzya.

A year without Vitaly Churkin. Of course, his absence affects him; he is one of the irreplaceables, but after him, any representative of Russia will know that remaining in the minority is not a defeat, that in any difficult situation there is an opportunity to defend the interests of your country.

Issued by: ORT
Presenter: Andrey Malakhov

Description: Real, non-fictional stories of people touch more than pretentious arguments on common topics, because by bringing up for discussion the private problem of an individual person, an individual family, we are talking about something that worries everyone without exception..
Is the school principal right when she expelled a teacher for working as a stripper in a nightclub? Should such teachers educate our children? Is it possible to justify a father who killed his daughter's rapist? Do we have the right to lynching?
Who can take a child away from its mother and for what? How not to lose your own children. Conflicts between the parties, disputes, clashes of opinions - all this happens in the studio in front of the whole country. Everyone says - eyewitnesses, neighbors, distant and close relatives,
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