The discussion text that I want to present now has caused a great controversy on Facebook. In offering it for discussion, I would like to preliminarily point out a few things. There are vanishingly few materials on separation. This one, in my opinion, is good not only because it affects a rare and very important topic, but also because it is an honest and for the most part, deliberate text. For some, it will fall under life experience, for some not.
I want to add two more words regarding the literary device "I can kick you out of the house." For those who were not kicked out of the house (the author, apparently, was not kicked out) - this is a literary device, hyperbole, an image, a demonstration of the idea of \u200b\u200bthe separateness of each of the participants in the relationship. Those who really kick children out of the house say completely different things. "I need such a daughter" - so they say ...

UPD. We found information on FB that my mother bought housing for her daughter, but there is still no talk of "get out".

Listen, little one.
Letter from 15 year old daughter.

1. After 3 years, I can kick you out of the house. Sounds scary, right? But nonetheless. At 18, you will have 2 options for action: you enter a university, and I support you as best I can, until graduation, or until you find a job. Either you put a bolt on the university (and I will never blame you for this) and go to work. And you provide for your own needs. I will not support an 18+ year old girl who is not studying, because I think this is wrong. You have 3 years to choose..Yes, we have already come up with a redevelopment to
apartments. Our bedroom will be in your room.

2. You are beautiful. You are beautiful. You are very smart. You are much better than me. You are wonderful. I've known you for 15 years, and you are much better than I could have imagined in my wildest dreams. If someone does not understand this, it is his problem. Well, and a little more of my father, but he quickly descends down the stairs, then I'm not worried.

3. I'm not an example for you. You are a completely different, separate person, you should not love what I love, you have every right to trample on my authorities and put a bolt on my values. One caveat: you will also be responsible for your choice yourself.

4. You are free. I don't expect anything from you. You can go to janitors, manicurists, locksmiths, turners, housewives, business analysts, office managers and become a cashier in Auchan. I do not consider it possible to interfere with your choice life path. But don't forget to reread the first paragraph.

5. You don't owe me anything. I didn't raise you in debt. I'm not waiting for a glass of water, if it's bad, I don't expect you to provide me with a comfortable old age, I don't dream of your Nobel Prizes. You have the right to choose what is important and valuable to you. Or let it all go. This is your life and your choice.

6 You have a house. Whatever happens in your life, I will be there if you need it. I will support and regret, I will sympathize and try to help if you ask. But I will not intervene spontaneously.

7. I have my own life. I don't have to help on the whistle, drop what I'm doing for you. sacrifice your comfort for yours. I CAN. But I SHOULD NOT.

8. You have your own life. Whom to marry, whether to have children, whether to become a lesbian, whether to enter into United Russia You will always decide for yourself. My views, political preferences, life beliefs should not influence you in any way. You can do as your heart, conscience and self-interest tell you. It won't make you lose me, won't stop being my daughter, won't make you persona non grata.

9. No one intends to harm you. It’s not easy to understand, but it’s true: everyone thinks only of themselves. And I. Yes. Any person in any circumstances behaves as he considers right. No one (mentally healthy) worsens his life consciously. He (or she) acts like this. how (from their point of view) it will be better for them. No more. It's just that your worldviews don't match.

10. The world is unfair. There are no guaranteed ways to succeed and no guaranteed ways to avoid failure. You do not control this world. You can do everything right and get screwed. You can break everything in the world and be on a horse. The only thing you have to worry about is honesty. Don't lie to yourself. Learn to understand yourself. Be aware of your true needs and feelings. And think about how you feel better.

11. Your "good" will almost always mean someone else's "bad". You will take someone's place at the institute or at the cash desk of Auchan. You'll be dating someone's love of a lifetime or sitting in someone's favorite seat at the cinema. Do not worry. Your bad will always mean someone else's good, so you're even.

12. 100% you can only trust yourself. No, not even me, I can't get inside your head. You are sure to understate, hide and conceal. I know, I do it too. I also have a mother. Only you know EVERYTHING about yourself. Only you know what you're capable of.

13. Don't shift responsibility. You are responsible for your life from the age of 18. And no Onasuka and Onkozel have nothing to do with it. Have children if you can raise them alone. Take on a project if you can pull it off without co-workers. Emigrate if you can be alone in a foreign country. ONE. If you are lucky and there are helpers, relatives, friends, it will be easier for you. But they don't owe you. Don't count.

14. Calculate. Every action has consequences. Maybe you don't foresee everything. But try to calculate the maximum. The better you imagine the options, the smarter your behavior.

15. Don't listen to me. I dashed off 14 points that, in my opinion, will make your life better than mine. But you are not me (and there was a separate paragraph about this, by the way). Don't compare. Don't equal. Go and live. I didn't give birth to you to be my daughter. I wanted to release into the world a person who will live his life in it. own life.Go and live it.

15a. Just don't complain afterwards.

15b. And don't turn off your phone. I worry.

Cruel but very honest letter from mom to 15-year-old daughter

Some say: "Egoist!". Others - "Well, finally, the voice of reason!". A Daria Korolkova just writing a letter to his 15 year old daughter..

Listen, little one.

In 3 years, I can kick you out of the house. Sounds scary, right? But nonetheless. At 18, you will have 2 options for action: you enter a university, and I support you as best I can, until graduation, or until you find a job. Either you put a bolt on the university (and I will never blame you for this) and go to work. And you provide for your own needs. I will not support an 18+ year old girl who is not studying, because I think this is wrong. You have 3 years to choose..Yes, we have already come up with a redevelopment of the apartment. Our bedroom will be in your room.
You are beautiful. You are beautiful. You are very smart. You are much better than me. You are wonderful. I've known you for 15 years, and you are much better than I could have imagined in my wildest dreams. If someone does not understand this, it is his problem. Well, and a little more of my father, but he quickly descends down the stairs, then I'm not worried.
I'm not your example. You are a completely different, separate person, you should not love what I love, you have every right to trample on my authorities and put a bolt on my values. One caveat: you will also be responsible for your choice yourself.
You are free. I don't expect anything from you. You can go to janitors, manicurists, locksmiths, turners, housewives, business analysts, office managers and become a cashier in Auchan. I do not consider it possible to interfere with your choice of life path. But don't forget to reread the first paragraph.
You don't owe me anything. I didn't raise you in debt. I'm not waiting for a glass of water, if it's bad, I don't expect you to provide me with a comfortable old age, I don't dream of your Nobel Prizes. You have the right to choose what is important and valuable to you. Or let it all go. This is your life and your choice.
You have a house. Whatever happens in your life, I will be there if you need it. I will support and regret, I will sympathize and try to help if you ask. But I will not intervene spontaneously.
I have my own life. I don't have to help on the whistle, drop what I'm doing for you. sacrifice your comfort for yours. I CAN. But I SHOULD NOT.
You have your own life. Whom to marry, whether to have children, whether to become a lesbian, whether to join United Russia, you will always decide for yourself. My views, political preferences, life beliefs should not influence you in any way. You can do as your heart, conscience and self-interest tell you. It won't make you lose me, won't stop being my daughter, won't make you persona non grata.
Nobody intends to harm you. It’s not easy to understand, but it’s true: everyone thinks only of themselves. And I. Yes. Any person in any circumstances behaves as he considers right. No one (mentally healthy) worsens his life consciously. He (or she) acts like this. how (from their point of view) it will be better for them. No more. It's just that your worldviews don't match.
World is not fair. There are no guaranteed ways to succeed and no guaranteed ways to avoid failure. You do not control this world. You can do everything right and get screwed. You can break everything in the world and be on a horse. The only thing you have to worry about is honesty. Don't lie to yourself. Learn to understand yourself. Be aware of your true needs and feelings. And think about how you feel better.
Your "good" will almost always mean someone else's "bad". You will take someone's place at the institute or at the cash desk of Auchan. You'll be dating someone's love of a lifetime or sitting in someone's favorite seat at the cinema. Do not worry. Your "bad" will always mean someone else's "good", so you're even.
You can only trust yourself 100%. No, not even me, I can't get inside your head. You are sure to understate, hide and conceal. I know, I do it too. I also have a mother. Only you know EVERYTHING about yourself. Only you know what you're capable of.
Don't shift responsibility. You are responsible for your life from the age of 18. And no Onasuka and Onkozel have nothing to do with it. Have children if you can raise them alone. Take on a project if you can pull it off without co-workers. Emigrate if you can be alone in a foreign country. ONE. If you are lucky and there are helpers, relatives, friends, it will be easier for you. But they don't owe you. Don't count.
Calculate. Every action has consequences. Maybe you don't foresee everything. But try to calculate the maximum. The better you imagine the options, the smarter your behavior.
Don't listen to me. I dashed off 14 points that, in my opinion, will make your life better than mine. But you are not me (and there was a separate paragraph about this, by the way). Don't compare. Don't equal. Go and live. I didn't give birth to you to be my daughter. I wanted to release into the world a man who would live his own life in it. Go and live it.

15a. Just don't complain afterwards.

15b. And don't turn off your phone. I worry.

Announcement photo: Shutterstock

A must read for every mother! I 100% agree with every word in the post! Yes and yes again!

I have adult daughter, far from a teenager ... But it was useful for me to re-read these lines. Sometimes I treat her like she's still 12. Forgive me, daughter! I love you very much, you are the most precious thing I have!

The author, Daria Korolkova, the mother of a teenage girl, decided to "dot all the i's", to outline in advance her daughter's position on her growing up and further independent life. The spelling has been preserved.

1. After 3 years, I can kick you out of the house. Sounds scary, right? But nonetheless. At 18 you will have 2 options:

You enter a university, and I support you as much as I can, until you graduate, or until you find a job. Either you put a bolt on the university (and I will never blame you for this) and go to work. And you provide for your own needs. I will not support a non-student girl of 18+ years of age, because I think this is wrong. You have 3 years to choose...

Yes, we have already come up with a redevelopment of the apartment. Our bedroom will be in your room.

2. You are beautiful. You are beautiful. You are very smart. You are much better than me. You are wonderful. I've known you for 15 years and you're much better than I could have imagined in my wildest dreams. If someone does not understand this, it is his problem. Well, and a little more of my father, but he quickly descends down the stairs, then I'm not worried.

4. You are free. I don't expect anything from you. You can go to janitors, manicurists, locksmiths, turners, housewives, business analysts, office managers and become a cashier in Auchan. I do not consider it possible to interfere with your choice of life path. But don't forget to reread the first paragraph.

6. You have a house. Whatever happens in your life, I will be there if you need it. I will support and regret, I will sympathize and try to help if you ask. But I will not intervene spontaneously.

7. I have my own life. I don't have to help on the whistle, drop what I'm doing for you. sacrifice your comfort for yours. I CAN. But I SHOULD NOT.

8. You have your own life. Whom to marry, whether to have children, whether to become a lesbian, whether to join United Russia, you will always decide for yourself. My views, political preferences, life beliefs should not influence you in any way. You can do as your heart, conscience and self-interest tell you. It won't make you lose me, won't stop being my daughter, won't make you persona non grata.

11. Your "good" will almost always mean someone else's "bad". You will take someone's place at the institute or at the cash desk of Auchan. You'll be dating someone's love of a lifetime or sitting in someone's favorite seat at the cinema. Do not worry. Your "bad" will always mean someone else's "Good", so you're even.

14. Calculate. Every action has consequences. Maybe you don't foresee everything. But try to calculate the maximum. The better you imagine the options, the smarter your behavior.

15. Don't listen to me. I dashed off 14 points that, in my opinion, will make your life better than mine. But you are not me (and there was a separate paragraph about this, by the way). Don't compare. Don't equal. Go and live. I didn't give birth to you to be my daughter. I wanted to release into the world a man who would live his own life in it. Go and live it.

15a. Just don't complain afterwards.

15b. And don't turn off your phone. I worry.

Children change our lives. With them, you clearly understand how time flies. With them you can clearly see the world and people, you begin to notice things that you didn’t pay attention to before. With them, life acquires a special value: we rejoice more, experience, dream and empathize.

And children grow up, gradually they become more and more independent and independent, and we are weak and dependent on them. Everything returns to normal, and already we - parents - need unconditional love, support and acceptance.

daughter's letter

I'm 18. You are not yet, and I do not know when you will be born. But I'm already thinking about you. About what I want to be by the time you come to me. About what kind of family I will create, what I can give you, what to teach. I have so much more to learn about life. I want to try myself, take risks, win and fail, fall in love, learn and grow, to be fulfilled by the time I meet you.

I am 25. You came to me, my girl! I am very happy that you showed up! But how difficult it is for me now! I never imagined that it was so hard, to take responsibility, to make decisions that affect the life of such a small and such dear person to get used to the new role and to the changed way of life. You need to re-prioritise and not get lost at the same time from yourself. I find it difficult. Sometimes I get angry and break down. But it is important for me to tell you that I really want and try to be a good mother for you.

My little princess, I want to give you the whole world, show you the sky and stars, sunrises and sunsets, trees and flowers. I want to listen to the birds singing and the sound of the wind with you, hide from a thunderstorm, pick mushrooms and eat berries! Surprisingly, only now, looking at the world through your eyes, for the first time I see it so completely and brightly! How quickly it crawls along the leaf ladybug! Ants drag some crumbs across the road, organizing a real ant highway! How long have I not stopped, not looked closely, not seen how much life is around!

I'm 30. And you are 5. You are a small, restless why little girl! Sincere, open, loving. You are so mine now! And it's so scary that someone or something can hurt you, hurt you. I want to protect you, save you ... or arm you. How to treat you, how to teach you, how to respond to difficult situations… A series of difficult choices. A power so difficult to exercise.

We have come a long way in these five years. We learned to be together as one, and to be separate from each other. Together we went through crises, rising to the next steps in development. They learned to understand each other without words, and to negotiate using speech. To be honest, there were times when it was very difficult for me. It happened that fears, fatigue, irritation, anger and even boredom rolled over. Sometimes I felt like I was in a cage and dreamed about how I would someday get out of it. But I looked at you, my girl, and saw how you need me, loving and accepting. And I realized how much I need you. And it made me work on myself, change, learn, grow up. Never before did I think that it was your childhood that would make me truly an adult.

I'm 35. You are 10. How fast you are growing, daughter. It is already difficult to imagine the small, warm lump that you once were. You are becoming more and more independent, interacting with the world more and more boldly and decisively, and I am glad to see this. I like to be friends with you when we share thoughts, observations, experiences with each other. And I really appreciate it when you come to me for comfort and support. I feel like we are a team. And you're still so mine-mine. How important it is for me now not to succumb to temptation and the resulting freedom, not to hit work, girlfriends, younger children and not lose these precious few years (only) of such a fragile and deep intimacy with you, daughter.

I'm 40. And you are 15. A difficult period. You are a teenager - stubborn, daring, changeable. Either frightened and defenseless, then withdrawn and aloof. Now you really become SELF-standing - you are looking for your supports, you form your beliefs and values. You are taking your own first steps in the adult world. And if you knew how hard it is for me to force myself to let you go. To see how you fall, hit painfully and not dare to secure you, pick you up, hold you. I'm so afraid of losing you. Therefore, I scream, I force, I control. But every time I see you fall, get up and move on, try, search, I mentally let you go. My support is faith in you and your path.

No matter how much you push away from me now, I really want you to remember that you are infinitely dear to me, daughter, and I need anyone - strong, and weak, and self-confident, and confused, victorious or defeated . We are still one team. We both really want your life to be happy.

I am 45. And you are 20. You are quite mature, strong, beautiful. But at the same time - naive, trusting, fragile. Men, flowers, dates. Institute, work, friends. And I'm getting used not to interfere in your life. And it's still not easy to stay away. You know what helps - friendship with you again, but this time not just like mother and daughter, but like two women with equal respect and attention to each other's world. And also my husband, with whom everything is different now, and therefore new. Both work and my dreams, which have long been insistently demanding implementation.

What is important for me to tell you is that I am there and I believe in you. What I need now is to see your happy eyes.

I am 50. You are 25. You became a mother, and now I am a grandmother! Incredible realization that life goes on, our family goes on! You will be closer to me, because now we are both mothers. You will be able to understand me better, and I will be able to convey to you all my accumulated experience of motherhood! How much I want to tell you! But!

You distance yourself, protect yourself, protect yourself. Grievances - your old ones against me, my responses to you. It hurts, because something that had been hushed up for years began to be spoken out. Because you are returning my mistakes to me now, and I CAN'T change anything ... And the only thing left for me now is to hold on to "my truth." After all, I really could not do otherwise then, although now I might have acted differently.

I really appreciate the contact with my grandson. In no case do I want to replace you with him or become better than you. Surprisingly, I can give him the love that I so wanted, but it was so difficult to give you. I manage to play with him, selflessly, cheerfully, without looking at the time. And also joke, laugh and pamper him. Less responsibility, fears, duties. And that makes it so easy to love him. Its like a continuation of you, my daughter.

What do I need now? Please don't reject me. I've made mistakes, I've been wrong. But, I know for sure, I tried very hard to be a good mother to you. The way it could have been then. I really hope for your acceptance. I really want to be close to you and your children, to be your mother, and their grandmother.

I am 60. And you are 35. What a joy to see you as an adult, wise woman. How glad I am to share my knowledge and my experience with you, even if it's just a recipe for pickling cucumbers. It's great that you can visit each other, chat about this and that, and just be friends. How glad I am to see the growing grandchildren and enjoy the fullness of the family.

There is only one thing - creeping old age. And the fear of emptiness, weakness and loneliness. So far, only fear. But how much I want to “cling” to your family now, your problems, plans, worries. Just not to be alone.

And I'm looking for something to fill myself with - new hobbies, creativity, part-time work. It is very important for me to find support now not in you, but in myself. For you to be free.

I am 85. And you are 60. So your grandchildren have grown up - young, strong, beautiful! Like once you and once me. And I'm still your mother, although it's hard to imagine now. Rather, you are my mother. Old age is hard. And how grateful I am to you that I have you. The last thing I want to do is be a burden to you. And I cling with all my strength to my supports - my habits, values and beliefs. Perhaps that is why sometimes I look like a mischievous, stubborn, scandalous old woman with outdated views on life. Every day it is more and more difficult for me to stay in reality, it is more difficult to resist and fight. I now remind myself of a child who is growing backwards ... I beg you, my daughter, do not scold me, do not blame and do not evaluate. I can't bear what is happening to me right now. The most I need right now from you and from our entire family is acceptance, just acceptance.

And the most a big joy for me now - to see and hug a great-grandson or great-granddaughter to my chest. It is really happiness to know that life goes on, our family, our family goes on, you and I, my daughter, live in them - our knowledge, experience and our values.

I love you very much, my girl, my native person through a lifetime. And I'm so happy to be your mom.

Dear daughter. Today I want to tell you my thoughts about what close people need in their relationship with us and what we need in our relationship with them. How closer man- the brighter this evidence will be. The closest of people should be a husband. It is absolutely certain that my thoughts are not the ultimate truth, I just tried to get as close to it as possible. this moment this is possible for me. You will go further, you will raise the next layers of your own feelings, thoughts, manifestations of your ego, and, I hope, you will become happier than me.

IN Lately I was very worried about the question of how much people who love each other, who felt each other the closest in the world, suddenly become strangers. This also happens with best friends can happen to siblings, and even spouses.

With friends, we are not obliged to announce a divorce and are not obliged to maintain relationships and take care of the family, so most often we just gradually move away and disperse like ships at sea. It doesn't work that way with spouses. You can’t disperse - this is a huge harm to children and the souls of spouses. We need to work towards rapprochement. And it is possible (just like with friends, by the way).
The first prerequisite is the presence of emotional intimacy from the very beginning of the relationship. If it is not there, or it is not complete, or it happens rarely, then there will be nothing to save later.
The next prerequisite is an action. We must act, not wait. Many prefer in such cases to pray for a spouse. This is undoubtedly correct. Prayer helps you tune in desired state conscience, soul and heart, being in which you will make intuitively correct decisions, and people and events around you will also tune in a certain very correct way. But this is not enough. This part of the work is God. There is also your part of the work. This is work on yourself.

What kind of work must be done on oneself in order to restore the closeness of souls?

Let's think. What do people expect from a relationship to be intimate? Warmth and acceptance, love. To be interesting together, so that there is a joint movement and there is mutual understanding.

What do we end up with? Indifference, coldness, resentment, which develop into irritation. Instead of mutual understanding and shared interest - the patience of a stranger, adjusting oneself to another, losing oneself.

What does it take to make relationships the way people expect them to be? You need awareness, frankness (with yourself and others), sincerity, penetration and authenticity. And also the desire for truth, for the truth, the courage for the ability to recognize and accept it. Fear closes the truth, kills love, makes frankness shameful, constrains frankness, ridicules penetration, humiliates authenticity.

Let's start from the beginning. This is what happened to me and you the other day.

I got mad at you yesterday morning. I didn’t speak right away, I prayed first. Then, of course, it turned out to be softer, the anger hid, walled up deeper into the bowels of my heart, but I conveyed the pressure and resentment to you anyway.

In the evening, when the situation repeated itself, I no longer began to pray, but simply began to consider my anger as if from the outside. It turned out that I am angry because you do not meet my expectations, I am trying to fit you into a template that is convenient for me when in fact it is not necessary at all, and I directly demand, I am annoyed that you are trying to be true to yourself and you don't want to fit into a template that suits me. Of course, after that I somehow couldn’t get angry, I just offered you my own option and explained why it seems to me that it would make life much easier and explained why your option complicates your life, to which I was answered that you are pleased my concern (! and not anger already!) and that although it complicates, it is much more interesting than my version. The answer has been accepted.

There is an opinion that in order to be sincere, you need to allow yourself to show the first emotion that comes as soon as something happens. Based on this, I should have been angry and not thinking of “running into” you right away. But my Christian position does not give me the moral right to do so - the first emotions of anger, irritation, fear, resentment, I do not consider it right to convey to others. But even just praying does not help me - yes, bad thoughts and feelings recede, but they hide, disguise themselves inside me, this is a fact that I cannot argue with.

Therefore, it seems to me that we should work on ourselves without any psychologists: stop in the current moment and look inside - why we think or feel one way or another. The answers lie within ourselves. It’s just that this is a job that you don’t want to work, laziness, no time (we are always running somewhere), it’s difficult ... in a dialogue with another, of course, it’s easier, but ... it’s not easier. Yes, and the dialogue is obtained just when everyone tries to look inside himself, and the other only slightly corrects and directs - as in our case with you. Have we got a dialogue? And why? Because I did not press, but simply expressed my thoughts, which the other person can accept, not accept, argue, agree, or amend - he still has the freedom to choose what to do with these thoughts of mine. As soon as we deprive another of the freedom of choice by our demand or categorical attitude, he runs away from us like from a prison.

And what would happen if I didn’t try to look inside myself, but simply they would teach me at the institute or in courses that it’s impossible to communicate with a child like that, but like this - right? What would happen if I acted according to the rules without thinking? My frankness, my sincerity, sincerity, authenticity would not have happened. I would be a proper mechanical robot. I would just say, you would just do. Our hearts would not communicate at this moment. For us, other people's rules would communicate with each other, using our lips, voice and body, like robots.

When another person is forced to live by someone else's rules, without passing them through himself, without arguing with them inside himself, without understanding their essence with his heart, without coming to them on his own, then he becomes such a robot - providing his body, and the worst thing, his life - so that other people's rules live by it, and not his own soul! That is why people so often feel that they are losing their lives, that they are not living full life- they act mechanically, because they are so used to it, according to someone else's rules, sometimes according to their own, without realizing that they have changed so much a long time ago that their own rules do not suit them. They do not live each moment truly, consciously, sincerely and frankly with themselves and authentically. Life with patience and according to the rules gives rise for some time to a state of imaginary comfort, when it seems that everyone is comfortable and good, when the rubbish of one's own ego is hidden in the corners and well disguised. But this is the calm before the storm. A storm will happen in the form of a break, illness, departure, a strong quarrel, when it will no longer be possible to endure. When we live indifferently or according to the rules, then we hold back a huge energy within ourselves, which should be directed to creativity, love, awareness. If she does not find a way out in this, then she will find a way out in anger, resentment, illness, smoking, alcohol. The choice is ours.

How often do we adjust another, especially a loved one, to ourselves, our patterns, our ideas about beauty, although we ourselves have not realized them deeply, through our hearts and minds, discarding fears of becoming “bad”, “unloved”, “wrong”, “acting ugly ". And in the end, having sacrificed himself and adjusted to us, a person loses himself, he can no longer be authentic with us and communicate from the heart. It is hindered by the fear of becoming unloved or wrong in our eyes. And we ourselves are to blame for this. And we, meanwhile, do not understand what is happening - why a person suddenly became so distant, like doing everything according to the rules, trying, and we do not feel his soul, his authenticity, his heart, only some kind of coldness and indifference.

But besides the norms and rules imposed by us, there are a bunch of others that a person imposes on himself. And here it is important to help him face them without fear, because. it is very scary to do this alone (after all, the entire coordinate system is collapsing and a person is afraid that he will not be so good, beloved without them). We must ask him about them - how correct they are, reflect on them together, but we must be ready to accept and love this person if he discards these rules. Only when he feels our readiness to accept him without his rules, he will not be afraid, he will decide to discard them and become real, genuine and sincere.

What do we do when we fight and argue? We get tired of untruth, we get tired of living artificially like robots, we get tired of indifference, and not necessarily from someone else's, sometimes we want to quarrel in order to free ourselves from our own indifference and patience when we want to express what our heart feels. We just communicate authentically, frankly and truly. When we sort things out, we ask each other questions in a fit of anger and irritation, removing layer after layer of indifference and rules, destroying attitudes and habits, getting to the bottom of what is happening, getting into reality and truth. Anger breeds courage and determination. Why does it hurt so much? Why do we hurt each other? Why can't we do the same, but only without anger, but simply sitting quietly next to each other in an embrace? Where does this resentment and anger come from? What to do so that in their place there is love and warmth?

Remove ego. We lack the courage to remove our own ego. Therefore, we have to endure to such an extent that we accumulate enough energy to break through the wall of our own fear through anger.

What is ego? This is too much concern for yourself. This is an insult - a person is offended when he thinks that he was treated unfairly. When he does not see and does not believe in the laws of the justice of life and God - and that everything is always fair and does not happen differently, when he believes only in human justice, and yet we live by other laws. That is, a person protects from humiliation, insults not his soul, but his ego. This is an injured pride - when they make him understand that he is not the best. But the soul cannot be valued. It is not bad, good, a little wrong, ugly. The soul is always flawless and beautiful. And the assessment of us as “bad” by other people is either due to the fact that we either lie to ourselves and do not see the truth somewhere, or we see and somehow we are poorly able to express or distort meanings, or we see and express everything correctly, but people don't like it because it's scary, or uncomfortable for them at the moment (in the future, everything may change). Ego is when we try to fit ourselves into some kind of our own template of beauty or correctness and worry a lot about it. After all, it is enough for us to open our already beautiful and perfect soul, that is, to be truly sincere, real and truthful, conscious and authentic, because God has laid everything that is needed in us, our work is to open the pledged, and not change it. It opens up by itself when we simply go deep into ourselves, lifting layer after layer, realizing our thoughts and actions and reactions to what is happening around, and sincerely pulling out into the light of God our feelings and thoughts that are genuine for us at the moment, and not according to old rules, attitudes and beliefs.

To be aware of what is happening inside ourselves helps clear feeling - listening to what we feel at the moment and a clear name and formulation of these feelings, connected with our attitudes and values. And then the questions - why do I feel this and why do I need this situation? by and large– what she wants to teach and what she lets me see and understand. As soon as we realize what is happening by and large - first of all, our ego disappears, and anger, and resentment, and irritation - only conclusions and questions remain - what to do next together with these conclusions.

Therefore, the most important obstacle is the fear of the truth, of a deep awareness of what is happening. Unwillingness to know the truth, fear that she will not be liked, that she may turn out to be ugly, uncomfortable, that she will confront us with difficulties and pain, force us to work on ourselves and do something beyond our strength. It is he who, more than anything else, prevents us from realizing and going deep into ourselves and helping another to go deep into ourselves. But pain, difficulties, ugliness and inconvenience are an illusion, it just means that we did not get to the bottom of the essence, did not lift all the layers of our own false beliefs and attitudes, other people's opinions imposed on us, but stopped only half way. As soon as you go all the way to the very essence, only joy and lightness, gratitude and love remain.