All adults spend most of their time at work, then father-in-law in a team. Often our workplace becomes a home, and you often have to communicate with employees and colleagues much more often than even with the closest family members. It is clear that in view of such constant and long-term personal interaction, the possibility of a wide variety of conflict situations that can really turn life into a real nightmare is not at all excluded. Yes, and your favorite work, to which you gave yourself without a trace, may no longer bring that joy at all, a quarrel can even overshadow the joy of serious successes and achievements. Conflicts at work are quite common, therefore it is worth figuring out how to behave in order to prevent this from happening, and if the problem could not be avoided, how to get out of it with honor, and maintain good friendly relations with employees.

Path of least resistance: relationships with work colleagues different

Conflict situations in the workplace official statistics, arise quite often, and it happens that it is hardly possible to stop the cause of the conflict, and, as is clear, its consequences immediately. All people in the world are different and it is not at all surprising that the reaction to communication with some is fundamentally different from the reaction to others. Good and friendly relations with colleagues is that delicate and unreliable path that you need to learn in order to make your life and work as comfortable and enjoyable as possible.

Need to know

Renowned world-famous psychologists are still inclined to think that the ability to get along well with people is a special gift that you can develop on your own, and your future career, and, consequently, fate may well depend on this.

However, many people think that relationships at work with colleagues should be built in such a way as to avoid any tense topics, and skillfully maneuver between icebergs of human misunderstanding, or even worse, but such an opinion is erroneous. The thing is that sometimes sorting out relationships, and maybe working moments, simply requires conflict, and avoiding it is not at all a way out of a predicament. It is extremely important to be able to distinguish the situation when it is worth avoiding a quarrel, and when it is possible and even necessary to enter into a confrontation with colleagues and colleagues.

This is precisely the solution to the problem, and it is worthwhile to understand that your attitude towards a person should be clearly distinguished and determined whether it is destructive or constructive. If you are angry at the wrong hair color, nationality, age, nose length or leg size, then you should realize that your claims have no basis in fact.

At work, you are not required to communicate with anyone, for any reason, except for work matters, so this is just the first thing you should understand for yourself. You definitely don’t owe anything to anyone, but your colleagues also have exactly the same rights so that you don’t dictate your own opinion, worldview to them, and in general, they also don’t have to smile at you. Particularly detrimental effects of quarrels can cause conflict at work between women , after all, just no one expects serious problems from them, and reconciling angry women is much more difficult than men.

First things first: how to avoid conflict at work with colleagues

Doctors can confirm that it is much easier to take preventive measures and prevent the disease than to treat it later, and the psychology of team relations is also a branch of medicine. Therefore, the optimal solution for any person would be such a model of behavior at work, when conflicts can be avoided as much as possible. And there is nothing overly complicated about this at all, so let's figure out how to avoid conflicts at work and make your life much easier and more enjoyable.

  • It is worth making sure that you really like the work, bring joy and satisfaction. Often quarrels and swearing occur precisely where people are simply busy with their own business, they may not be satisfied with the absence career development, unsatisfactory wage, and so on. Therefore, even at the stage of employment, you need to find out all the details, and besides, it will not hurt to get acquainted with future colleagues.
  • In no case should you think that the only true point of view is your own. Even if you are definitely a highly professional specialist, and you know exactly what's what, be prepared to listen to various points of view, perhaps they will also find a rational grain worthy of undoubted attention. This is especially true when the opinion of colleagues is fundamentally different from yours. If at work there is a conflict with a colleague on professional issues, then it can be perceived as a working dispute and the search for optimal solutions, nothing more.
  • It is necessary to understand thoroughly the scope of your duties, which dictates to you job description. True, it is not at all excluded that you will have to help someone in something, or follow the personal directives of the boss, but you will not be allowed to sit on your head at all.
  • When demanding something from people, do not forget that you yourself must meet your own high standards. That is, in no case can problems with a colleague at work be solved by rudeness, rudeness, nit-picking, and so on.
  • There is one more rule, which we announced last here, but it is very important, so you cannot lose sight of it. Idle gossip, slander and talking behind your back - this is exactly what you should never take part in. Immediately put in place everyone who is trying to unsettle you by telling fables about colleagues, and then this problem will be removed by itself, or rather, simply will not arise.

What to do, if at work there is a conflict with a colleague: a conspiracy or paranoia

It is clear that it also happens that conflict and tense situations simply cannot be avoided, and sometimes we simply look for help already when the quarrel is ripe and is about ready to crack or grow to the scale of a thermonuclear attack. To understand how to get out of a conflict at work in such a situation, you should think ten times, because it’s very easy to ruin everything, and whether something can be restored later is not at all known. Often the conflict ends with a simple alienation and reduction of communication to the solution of purely business issues, and this is the most optimal way out. But in the most serious situations, they may begin to be rude and even set you up, and then you will definitely have to do something to get out of the problem with honor.

  1. Never and under no circumstances, problems with colleagues at work can not be solved by swearing, shouting and rudeness in response to such behavior. Do not get involved in a quarrel, yell and wave your arms. A cold and detached response will be enough, and you will not lose face, and your offender will most likely be stumped, because all his behavior is aimed at causing you an emotional outburst.
  • If it was not possible to avoid a frank quarrel in public, then it is strictly not recommended to “suck” the details after the fact with colleagues. This long washing of the bones is not needed, since it will not benefit anyone at all.
  • Do not be afraid to talk about the current situation with direct guidance. However, this is a way out of the most difficult conflicts, when you are openly framed, mocked, and so on.

Worth remembering

For those who work in large companies, you need to know that specifically for resolving conflicts in a team, there is special service which is called compliance. Just find out if there is something similar at your work and feel free to contact there.

Lessons from professionals: how to survive in a team and be yourself

However, it also happens that conflict situations can occur not only with colleagues. It is much more difficult to understand how to resolve a conflict at work if your opponent is also a boss or a direct supervisor. The situation is aggravated by the fact that your personal career may depend on this person, professional growth and so on. First of all, you should understand that it is impossible to shout back, throw accusations in the face and swear.

Silently listen to the tirade to the end, and then quietly leave, closing the door behind you. Left alone, it is worth considering whether the accusations of the leader are groundless? Maybe you really should reconsider your own attitude to work? Before figuring out how to resolve a conflict at work with superiors, you need to think ten times who is right and who is wrong. Signs of a constructive conflict will not be difficult to distinguish, yet what goes beyond is already nit-picking.

  • Only yours can be discussed. professional activity, but not appearance, moral character, Family status, nationality and so on.
  • If you repeatedly received comments on the same subject, then there is a rational grain in this, isn't it?
  • Other colleagues often express dissatisfaction with your work, skills, actions.
  • The boss prefers to scold and chastise for misconduct in a closed office, and not in front of all his colleagues.
  • The leader frankly indicates that your actions or decisions and actions negatively affect the activities of the entire company or enterprise.

How to resolve conflict at work with direct guidance

If, upon closer examination and analysis of the situation with the authorities, you realized that according to by and large, nevertheless, there is at least a share of the blame on you, so you should think about correcting your own mistakes as soon as possible. However, it happens that the director simply did not like you, and he begins to find fault. Then it will be very difficult to get out alive and healthy, of course, figuratively speaking, and it will be very difficult to get by with a little blood. How to understand that you are being “persecuted” intentionally and not deservedly?

  • Not only your activities in professionally, but also personal qualities, appearance, nationality, age, gender and so on.
  • You regularly hear reproaches and reproaches, and on the most insignificant, and generally not related to work issues.
  • If the leader raises his voice, not at all embarrassed by the presence of other colleagues.
  • When you ask to point out mistakes, but you never get a specific wording.

Getting out of such a situation with honor can be unbearably difficult, and it may well happen that you simply have to go in search of new job. This option cannot be discounted, but you should not endure endless nit-picking and undeserved accusations for the sake of a decent salary, otherwise life can turn into a real hell, and this is not an option at all.

Never yell back, your aggression will cause a response explosion of emotions, even more powerful and destructive. Finally, I would like to repeat the words of one famous cartoon character who believed that the most important thing is calmness, and only calmness! Never lose face, it's important how to your-relationships at work, and for their own psychological, and mental, along with it, health.

Remember the line from Vysotsky's song: "When you come home, you sit there"? Thousands of couples, unfortunately, live in such a way that they don’t want to return to their native walls. But if family conflicts can be resolved by talking (sometimes in a raised voice) or a pause in relationships, then with troubles in the workplace, everything is much more complicated. You can’t say to a colleague who, for some reason, annoys you: “Let’s take a break from each other,” since you will have to “take a break” sooner from the service. Scandals are also not an option, mouse fuss in the team has not benefited anyone yet. So it turns out: “When you come to work, you sit there.”

“She paints her nails in the morning, fixes her makeup at lunch, constantly chats on the phone between “salon procedures” and plays solitaire on the computer. And we do all the work for her! Wow, my eyes wouldn't see her!" - this can often be heard from friends or acquaintances. Almost everyone in the team has a person who, to put it mildly, does not like. Everything in him is annoying: from the manner of dressing to the habit of gnawing a pen and telling stupid unfunny stories. At the same time, there are often no objective reasons for “office hatred”, it’s just uncomfortable to be around. Such an attitude interferes not only with productive work, but also with a peaceful existence in general, because we spend almost a third of our lives in a work team.

Being constantly under stress is a sure way to see a psychiatrist and other doctors.

Therefore, if you do not want to turn a seemingly harmless irritation into a serious problem, start working on your attitude towards the irritant now.

Start with yourself

There is an opinion that we do not like in others what is in ourselves, but what we are afraid to admit to ourselves. They say that alarmists annoy the same alarmists, who in a similar way seem to be trying to show themselves and others: “Look what he is. Is it possible to be like that? Well, I'm completely different - more calm, balanced! Therefore, if a person is sitting at the next table, from whose loud voice you are literally shaking (“He’s not in the market, why yell like that?”), Listen to how you say when you are excited or trying to convince your interlocutor of something. Maybe others are also slowly plugging their ears?

There is an opinion that we do not like in others what is in ourselves, but what we are afraid to admit to ourselves.

Understand the reasons

The habit of a colleague humming a well-known melody under his breath is not enough reason for irritation. You don’t take it out on your husband when he, being busy with some business, whistles a song heard on the radio? But a comrade in the shop is ready to “caress” with a three-story curse. Is that how you don't like it? Is it just because of a harmless habit that you can't stand a person who works side by side with you? Often the point is in unresolved conflicts or in our subconscious desire to find a reason for irritation that would distract from the main problems. For example, a quarrel with loved ones, a car fine, or a reprimand from superiors is a great reason to take out evil on someone else.

Talk tactfully with a colleague

It often happens that we are annoyed in those around us by something that is even embarrassing to talk about: the smell of sweat or, conversely, an excessive passion for perfume, the habit of constantly looking at your monitor or eating fish at the workplace (after all, fish dishes have a specific flavor that not everyone likes it).

Do not endure until irritation accumulates in you and you rudely tell your colleague everything that has boiled over. If some nuances piss you off, hint to a fellow worker that they could be eliminated.

For example, some people have a dulled sense of smell, and they really do not realize how much toilet water they poured on themselves. Or it seems perfectly normal for others to talk to you, standing behind your back, and this does not bother them in the least. Tactfully say that there are nuances that confuse you. Believe me, 90 percent of irritants are random things, and people do them completely unintentionally.

Focus on work

As strange as it may sound, but The best way cope with irritability at work - start working. We spend so much time and energy discussing the shortcomings of someone who pisses us off that we forget about the main goal of our stay in the office - honest and conscientious work. Of course, you can say that it is precisely because of the habit of a colleague to mutter something under his breath and now and then run for tea that you cannot concentrate, but for the most part these are just excuses. Remember, during the deadline, you can perfectly perform your duties while standing on one leg, so why not switch off from the outside world and immerse yourself in work now?

Do not fall for provocations

If you see a colleague deliberately pissing you off, get ready to stay calm. The goals of such behavior can be completely different: someone is bored at the workplace and is looking for entertainment, someone wants to survive you from the team, someone simply “feeds off” other people's emotions, such people are usually called energy vampires . In any case, the provocateur needs a response, and your task is to ignore it. Do not set the stage for further action, be calm and smiling.

And this statement cannot be called unreasoned: indeed, a permanent stay in one team, where there are no conditions for manifestations of jealousy, and there are a lot of reasons for its occurrence, is not easy for each of the participants. And, nevertheless, the practice remains indifferent to the logic of the convenience of relations between a man and a woman: in almost every company there are several examples of love that arose between employees of the same department.

What could be the difficulties?

The main difficulty in such relationships is not to make a mistake in assessing the attention shown by one of the colleagues to the other. And if a woman in the office can still behave quite secretly, without revealing any sympathy for the employee sitting next to her, then the actions of a lover in the office can be seen with the naked eye. What distinguishes such a man from other colleagues who simply sympathize with a charming employee?

First of all, it is easy to determine that a man is in love with his colleague if you pay attention to the amount of time that he spends next to her. At official corporate parties, he will certainly settle down either so as to see the subject of his sighs, or directly next to her. At the same time, he will do his best not to show his feelings openly: he is unlikely to invite her to a dance, but he will certainly be the first to fill her glass like a gentleman. Most likely, a colleague in love will also not volunteer to accompany his chosen one to the house, but he will definitely check that she gets home without incident. If he becomes aware that the windy conqueror of his heart is heading not home after the end of the next corporate party, then the next day he will come to the office in the worst possible mood. Provided that randomly will not end up in the same nightclub as she, where already filled with the magic of a cheerful atmosphere, she will be able to demonstrate to a colleague how touching his attitude towards her is.

Further, even after a few casual kisses or frank conversations, a man in love in the office will be afraid to publicly show his feelings at work. This masculine quality very often became the reason for delaying the start of a very serious and long-term relationship. The problem is not that at night in the club the man only flirted with his colleague. His experiences are much deeper: being constantly under the supervision of members of the team, eager for intriguing events, he simply seeks to preserve his personal space, which love certainly makes especially vulnerable. It all depends on the woman herself: if she noticed the attentive glances of a colleague on herself, his vigilant attention to her affairs and constant desire to be somewhere close to her, then for the development of relations she needs to do only one thing: talk with him, starting with her own likes or dislikes for him.

How else to distinguish such a man in the company from other colleagues?

It's simple: he is certainly interested in every little thing connected with the life of the chosen one of his heart. The behavior of a man in love in the office is often dictated by factors that he himself rarely knows about. Therefore, he is unlikely to succeed in hiding his emotions from public attention. One of the most striking signs of such a man's love is interest: he will always ask the same colleague how her day went, he will ask what is happening with her next project. Moreover, being carried away, such a colleague will certainly be aware of all the work plans of the employee who has charmed him and will try to protect her from disappointment as much as possible. She can safely turn to him not only for the necessary advice, but also for the most serious help. A man in love cannot imagine anything more exciting than working with her on a specific project. But here both are in danger: if something in the process of work goes wrong as the man expected, then the result can be unpredictable - from a complete loss of interest on his part, to the transformation of warm love into bitter cold bitter hatred.

Several typical actions.

The actions of a man in love in the office are permeated with attention not only to his beloved. In an effort to hide his feelings, which he considers unrequited by default, he will take a keen interest in the affairs of each of his colleagues. Just to equalize the degree of attention shown. Of course, he will not succeed in completely achieving a balance, but this will certainly confuse employees in terms of determining who their colleague is in love with. Although it is not as difficult to determine this as it seems: by sight. A man in love loves to look at the subject of his sighs. Especially when he thinks no one is watching him. Therefore, when choosing a new workplace, he will certainly prefer a table located behind the place of his beloved, and on a smoke break with friends, he will choose a point from which the smoking or tea drinking place for the female part of the office is best viewed.

The behavior of a man in love is necessarily entangled with fears, regardless of whether his colleague or a stranger, seen in the window of a passing bus, becomes his beloved. It is in the office that these fears will be most noticeable and dangerous for the admirer himself in terms of career prospects. And the point here is not so much the publicity of the development of relations or the threat of being exposed in the eyes of the beloved by one of the colleagues, and not personally. The problem is the constant raising of doubts. See desired woman every day, to know who likes her and who doesn't, to evaluate her abilities and upbringing - and to maintain objectivity of views is not only difficult - almost impossible. And unlike a woman, a man understands this perfectly. That's why he's afraid. A frightened lover very often behaves unpredictably. It is characterized by violent outbursts of irritation. Or vice versa - a smile that does not leave the face, reminiscent of either a grin, or childish joy from buying a new toy. But most often, a man in love in the office behaves emphatically with restraint, visibly trying to keep the accumulated emotions under control.

Svetlana Zakharova, an art therapist, a member of the Professional Psychotherapeutic League and the Association of Art Educators and Creative Workers, tells about what to do if one of your colleagues constantly gets on your nerves.

A problem that has a solution

A work team is not always a team of like-minded people. Very often among colleagues there are such people who cause obvious irritation in others. The reasons for this irritation can be both real and far-fetched, but work is work. Employees are often forced to communicate even with people who constantly call negative emotions. If you notice that one of your colleagues annoys you or literally pisses you off, it is important to know that this problem can be solved.

Most often, the irritation of colleagues is caused by certain qualities of an employee: professional incompetence, excessive curiosity, manners of communication (loud voice, currying favor with superiors, unwillingness to make contact). Other, no less rare causes of irritation are some habits (frequent telephone conversations on personal matters, carelessness in clothes, the desire to gossip or poke your nose into other people's affairs, the habit of whistling or humming something), an unpleasant smell (tobacco, garlic, perfume, aftershave or stale clothes). But it is not the only reasons- Strong irritation can also be caused by the fact that your colleague is somewhat similar to an unloved relative or some other person unpleasant to you, and his very presence next to you can cause negative emotions.

If one of your colleagues annoys you, take a piece of paper and write everything on it first. positive traits this employee, then his negative qualities. After that, write down those actions or actions of this person that annoy you the most. Such an analysis will help you better understand the cause of your irritation - and then it will be easier to cope with negative emotions.

Each of us has our own values ​​in life, so you will definitely meet people with different views on life and behavior that differs from yours. And if the manners of some colleague annoy you, this does not mean that this person is bad. He is not to blame for the fact that he annoys you - it's just that you and him are different people and your life values ​​\u200b\u200bare not the same. Perhaps you are annoying someone too. Try to remember that everyone is different, this will help you stay calm. Remember that you do not have to love everyone, and learn to accept your colleagues for who they are - they will not change!

Even if one of your colleagues pisses you off, you should not allow your irritation to be noticeable: it is quite possible that this person does not even realize that he irritates you. Show restraint and composure, limit communication with him to the minimum required Business Etiquette, and communicate with him only on business matters. Remember that in his eyes you must look professional and positive, so that he does not have antipathy towards you.

We are often irritated in others by what we do not understand or cannot accept. Learn to monitor your emotional reaction and do not succumb to provocations. If you notice that your colleague is deliberately trying to unbalance you, get ready to remain calm: perhaps he is doing this out of boredom, or maybe he just wants to ruin your mood and is waiting for a response. In this case, it is better to ignore all the attacks and behave calmly, with a smile. This will allow you to save your nerves and avoid conflict.

Positive communication and calm discussion of the situation will help to resolve the problem without conflict. In such a conversation, it is necessary to avoid an accusatory tone and not impose your point of view on the interlocutor. For example, if your colleague generously sprays himself with cologne or loudly discusses his personal affairs on the phone, then he most likely does this unintentionally and may not even realize that his behavior annoys someone. In this case, a tactful and calm conversation without witnesses will help clarify the situation and resolve the problem.

Tip #6: Learn to manage your anger

The best way to deal with the annoyance caused by an unpleasant colleague is to focus on your immediate professional duties. Focus on work, because after all, this is your main goal of being in a team of employees. And it is precisely because of work that you cannot leave, slamming the door, never to see that person who annoys you so much again!

The following techniques will also help to get rid of irritation.

Do not suppress irritation in yourself - say to yourself mentally: "I am very annoyed, and this A.A. just pisses me off!" When you acknowledge your negative emotion, it will be easier for you to deal with it.

At the first sign of irritation, start breathing deeply - this will help to calm down.

Switch from the negative to something positive - think about plans for the weekend or about the upcoming meeting with friends, dream about a future vacation, plan a shopping trip or call a loved one on the phone.

Try to get rid of the presence of the annoying person for at least 5-10 minutes - leave your workplace and walk along the corridor, and if possible, retire at least for a while in your office.

At the end of the working day, go in for sports - go to the pool or gym and throw out all your negative emotions that have accumulated during the day. If this is not possible, you can walk down the street at a fast pace, this will also help relieve irritation.

Summarizing

Most of the time we fail to "get rid" of a colleague who irritates us, but it is important to know that relationship problems are most often caused by the inability to communicate properly. At positive attitude to all colleagues, you will be able to see them as your comrades-in-arms, and not enemies, and then even the most unpleasant of your colleagues will annoy you much less.

Hello dear Elena. Yours helped me a lot, no doubt, very much valuable advice. Thanks to them, I realized that I could change something in myself that I hadn’t paid attention to before and note how much I had moved forward from the impasse in which I had been slipping for a very long time.

Today I want to tell you about a difficult situation at work, because I’m completely confused, and I don’t have enough strength to endure all this (and I’m afraid to take it and leave, so I suffer, because I live in another city, I rent a house).

I am a kitchen worker, for 4 years now, in kindergarten. Our kitchen team is predominantly female and is divided into 2 shifts, 2 cooks, and 1 kitchen. On the one hand, it’s convenient, the schedule suits me, it seems that it’s not as hard to work as it was at first, and I perform my duties no worse than my partner from the other shift.

But from the very beginning, that shift finds fault with me on business and not on business, criticism is not only useful, but also in order to defuse me and throw off tension (sort of like vampirism). My chefs have also been tortured by criticism, everything we do is wrong!

In addition, that shift turned against us all around, they diligently make us outcasts, fools, and whipping girls. It doesn’t come to open scandals yet, they grumble at each other behind their backs. But the fact is that now EVERY DAY, the negativity of that shift goes through my ears.

I finish my work, my chefs leave after serving, and I do the dishes and clean up after myself. That shift diligently fires ours, will definitely hook me “tell Zhanna that she did something wrong” ... Why is that? Shouldn't they just walk up to her and tell her directly? Jeanne - you don't do that. Or “tomorrow we’ll say something, Natasha is a witness, we counted in front of her” (they weren’t given two loaves of white, but everything poured on me).

I am already silent, I don’t ask about anything, I don’t say anything, because any of my words is perceived with hostility. Out of their bad manners, they do not hesitate to call us "mongrels", "stupid" and other "beautiful" words. We don't say anything about them and we never get personal.

I wanted to ask your advice, what should we do? A normal conversation will not help, they simply will not hear us, it is also more expensive to fight with them. The manager listens to their complaints addressed to us, we never approached her, although I called my own, but they are afraid. I need an outside view and your opinion as a psychologist - what is happening with these people, why does everything go through me, although in most cases I have nothing to do with it?

Hello, Natalia! I remember your story. You just noticed that you have no power to influence these grumpy ladies. People in dialogue with themselves and any attempts to set up a dialogue with them will entail an even greater outburst of negativity, and you will add frustration and even more misunderstanding why they are like that and what they generally need.

As for the appeal to the manager, perhaps it makes sense. Do you think that an adequate dialogue is possible with her, what is her position on this issue in general?

I am convinced that if you cannot change the situation, change your attitude towards it. Natalya, try to look at the brawlers not as vampires draining energy from you, but as people with serious problems. You are a decent, polite worker and a sane person with a good attitude; their antics do not characterize you in any way.

But you are capable. Try to minimize meetings with them, avoid contact, plan work so that you finish faster, for example. Meet only on business, quickly handed over the shift and left. I do not know how everything is arranged for you, but you can decide something in this direction.

Try to train yourself to solve the problem. For example, don't ask yourself why they do this, ask yourself what solution I can find to not see, hear and participate in this.

Do not touch them and do not peer to understand the reasons (everything is clear with them), just protect yourself, this is what you are responsible for.

Please write comments, let's observe the dynamics and results of solutions that you can find.