Is your family happy? On whom does family happiness depend? Very often they talk about the role of a woman as the guardian of the family hearth. But let's talk about men today.

Someone interestingly remarked: "To be a male person is a matter of birth, and to be a man is a matter of decision." The poetess sings the role of a man like this:

In a beautiful name - a man

There was courage and to become,

Ability to think and dream

Be inspired and be strong

Know how to appreciate, know how to give

Love and friendship without fail

And to be a support for the family,

And a true example for children!

I want to ask you brothers and sisters: are you really happy people?

Brothers, do you think your wife is happy to be married to you? Someone interestingly remarked: “Marriage is not Family status. This is a medal. It's called "For Courage".

Sisters, are you really your husband's helper? And he's being pulled home? Does he run home because you are there? Or is he running away from home because you are at home?

Think: are you happy or unhappy people? Many of you started your family life in the House of God at the altar of the Lord. And then they felt happy, but how are they today?

Unfortunately, this is not a figurative parable, today some couples also gave up, admitted doubts that their marriage was a mistake, and do not believe that you can be happy!

The Word of God says that an extremely great responsibility for the family lies with the man. Let's now take a serious look at what the Bible says to men.

According to Scripture, a man in a family should perform three functions:

  • firstly, he must know and remember that he is a priest,
  • secondly, he must be a husband and only then - a father.

These priority roles Holy Bible takes the man.

Priest

Let's first deal with what it means to be a priest. Who is a priest?

Malachi 2:7 says, "For the mouth of the priest must keep knowledge, and seek the law from his mouth, for he is the messenger of the Lord of hosts."

1. Maintain Awareness - Knowledge

2. They seek the law from His mouth

3. He is the messenger of the Lord

The word priest in Latin means "builder of the bridge". So the priest is the one who builds the bridge!

Why are bridges built? To connect two shores: the shore of the family with the shore of God. How should it be done? First Timothy 2:6 says, “Therefore, I desire that men pray in every place, lifting up clean hands without anger and doubt. Modern translation of this passage: "... I want men everywhere and everywhere to raise their hands in prayer with pure thoughts without anger and disputes."

We turn to the answer to the question, what should a priest do?

The priest had to make sacrifices. What are the victims?

1. Burnt offering. It is a sacrifice when we consecrate ourselves to God. The victim of the renewal of the Covenant for himself, for his wife, for his children.

2. Sacrifice for sin and guilt. This is a sacrifice of confession, repentance, leaving sin for oneself, for a wife, for children.

3. The sacrifice is peaceful. This is a sacrifice of praise and thanksgiving for yourself, for your wife, for your children.

These are the sacrifices expected from the priest daily at the family altar, morning and evening.

An example to follow is the biblical hero, Patriarch Job. See what he is like and how he acted as a priest, husband and father of a large family?

Taking care of his family, the priest Job made sacrifices and prayed, saying: “Maybe my children have sinned in some way…”.

One of the sacrifices expected of the priest as the head of the family is to offer God a sacrifice of praise and thanksgiving for his family. Men, have you thanked God today for your wife and children? If you don't, then I want to tell you that you are sinning. You need to repent today. Some men, however, begin to understand this only when the wife is no longer alive.

It is also our responsibility to intercede before God for our wife and our children. I want to ask you: did you do it today? Brethren, begin to do this with perseverance, every day.

I will give an example of another biblical hero: a priest, husband and father - Patriarch Noah. At that time the whole earth was living in sin, and God in His plan made a decision to destroy everything that had the breath of life. God told Noah that he would not die: “...with you I will establish my covenant, and you will enter into the ark ... and your sons, and your wife, and your sons' wives with you” (Gen. 6:18).

Can you imagine this happy person? Noah was a priest in his house, he was an authority for his family: for his wife, sons and daughters-in-law. They built the ark with Noah, they believed what God told him to build. I would like everyone to ask themselves the question: “If I started building a model in my yard spaceship, and would tell my family that God told me to build this ship, and on it I and everyone who wants can fly into space, would my wife and children believe me? Would they build with me? Would they come with me to the ship? That is the question.

I will give a negative example of Lot, who was not a priest for his family and did not enjoy authority in it. As a result, firstly, the family members did not believe him, and secondly, he hesitated to fulfill the Word of God and leave the city. Well, in the end, Lot left behind only shame and two warring peoples.

Men, are we priests? IN Old Testament we read that the care of the priest of the house was to keep the family from destruction. The doorposts and crossbars had to be anointed with blood so that the destroying angel would not strike anyone in the house - this was the duty of the priest. It is our responsibility that everything in our home should speak of our priesthood.

Husband

Dear sisters, let's try to draw a portrait of an ideal husband. So, the ideal husband: kind, attentive, sympathetic, caring, devoted, spiritual, sociable, athletic, smart, wise, cheerful. I will add one more thing: "an ideal husband is the husband who has an ideal wife."

Is there an example of an ideal husband in the Bible?

- Adam? Blamed Eve for everything;

-Abraham? Disowned his wife twice

- Isaac? He also disowned his wife

-Jacob? Polygamist

- David? No comments!

- Solomon?- especially!

And yet, we must strive for the biblical ideal. And what is he?

A man is, first of all, a man. This is very important to understand. In the book of Genesis we read that when God created the first family, God gave the husband a task: he was to tend the garden and be close to Eve. But he did not even notice how the devil in the form of a serpent came to Eden and talked to his wife...

Today, the role of every husband in relation to his wife is to protect and protect. Are we doing it, brethren? Today, the main sin of men in families is irresponsibility and inaction.

What does the Bible say and advise husbands today?

First, “Love your wife as Christ loves the church” (Eph. 5:25:28). And how did Christ love his Church? He gave himself up for her!

Husbands should love their wives as their bodies, as themselves. The Bible also says that the man is the head of the wife.

Love always starts with giving. And in the Gospel of John (3:16) we read: "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have eternal life." What if God just said “People, I love you!” but did nothing for us? But He gave the most precious thing! Every woman expects this from her husband. Sometimes it is easier for a man to give his wife a present than to give himself to his wife. But a wife becomes happy and knows that her husband loves her only when she is dedicated to her husband's life, when she is a part of her husband's life.

We are very different people: men are not very talkative, and the wife needs to talk. And when a man comes home from work, his wife really wants to talk to him. I want to ask: men, when in last time did we set aside a special time to sit next to your wife and talk to her, show her care? Ask how she is spiritual state? Maybe some experience?

To take care of his wife, to pay attention to her, to protect her, to protect her, to keep her - this is what God has ordained for a man.

Here is another sign loving husband who truly fulfills the Scriptures: "Husbands, love your wives and do not be hard on them" (Col. 3:19).

My dear brothers! Who among us can boast that he has never been rude or harsh with his wife?

There is a wonderful quote so that men can think: "Even if you are 1000 times right, what's the point if your woman is crying."

The Bible says it this way: “Husbands deal wisely with their wives, showing honor as with the weakest vessel, as joint heirs of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7).

If a husband wants his wife to be a queen, then the husband must be a king.

And one more biblical advice to husbands: “The husband shows his wife due favor” (1 Cor. 7:3-4).

Father

True fatherhood is about more than just having children. Fatherhood is responsibility, dedication, service, sacrifice and personal example.

Someone interestingly remarked: “Bringing a person to Jesus Christ means more than reproducing him into the world. Happy is the parent who not only reproduces the child into the world, but then leads him to eternal life. Then he will be his parent TWICE."

In the Bible, we find the following instruction, "Fathers, do not provoke your children, but bring them up in the discipline and admonition of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4).

Unfortunately, many fathers have lost their families. In these families, there was Civil War”: on one side is a wife with children, on the other side is a husband ... This is a very, very difficult situation. Men rarely cry, but I have seen men cry because they lost their children.

Once a father came to me. He confessed and told me: “My son, who was 17 years old, came up to me and said: “Father, I want to tell you something, now for the last time in my life I call you father, you are no longer my father. I've been waiting for you all my life. I needed you. I wanted you to talk to me, I wanted you to play with me, I wanted you to spend time with me, I've been waiting for you all my life! I have been waiting for you all my life ... You are not my father!

Do they get the image of a caring, attentive, kind, reasonable, sociable, loving father who really is: a priest, a husband and a father.

Men, listen carefully: if we only play the role of a husband and do not play the role of a priest and a father, then we have renounced the faith and we are worse than an infidel. If we fulfill only the role of husband and father, but do not fulfill the role of a priest, then we have renounced the faith, and we are worse than an infidel. If we perform only the role of a priest and nothing else, then we are worse than an unbeliever, because the Bible says: “If anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Tim 5:8).

If you feel guilty, take courage, go to your wife, to your children, say: “Forgive me! I want to be a priest, I want to be the kind of husband and father that Scripture teaches!” Do this in order not to perish, in order to lead the whole family to salvation. There's a lot more to fix - today is a day of grace.

Let us pray that biblical standards Christian family were in each of our families and that we were actually happy people.

Fedor Koltuk

New hope | February 2016

I need to divorce my husband. and he's a priest. I feel terrible. I just hope every day that tomorrow won't come, that I just won't wake up, that's all. Behind three with an extra year trying to fix everything. Daily reluctance to return home, knowing that they are not waiting. They will NOT hug .. and still wait for this, knowing that it will not happen. I just feel with my whole being how much I annoyed him with myself. The fact that I am the way I am, I could not become the one he needed, I could not give him anything that he needed. We haven't lived together for the last couple of years. Mutual decision. In fact, there is no family. How long this will continue, I don't know. I understand intellectually that you need to file a divorce, but for me it's like killing someone. Every day I cross the road and I hope that I will just be hit by a car. I know the advice will be to go to church. But you think I wasn't there? And someone will support me there? Apparently, they will say, just be a wife without a husband. That is, the way it is now. But for me, this is not life. For me, in general, life ended at the moment when I realized that my husband did not love me.
Support the site:

Marusya, age: 34 / 03/20/2014

Responses:

The right decision to live separately ... This is a serious question. And you really need to pray to God to get an answer on what to do in this situation. And it doesn't matter if someone in the church supports you or not.
You need to ask God for a solution to the situation.
Did you and your husband talk about divorce? Did you tell him the reasons why you feel bad with him?
IN difficult situations the best thing is to pray. Until it gets easier.
Hold on. Let's hope everything works out

Age: - / 03/20/2014

Mary, God bless you! I understand it's hard for you, but forget about suicide. Thoughts come into my head - pray to the Lord, Mother of God!
Try to consult with an experienced priest or with several, with mother. They should help you with competent everyday advice.
Help God!

Elena, age: 36 / 03/20/2014


My husband does not love me either. But in Lately I don't blame him in any way, because I realized that he is somehow different, maybe he has Asperger's syndrome. He perceives life in a completely different way. Of course, this does not make it easier for his relatives. He does not feel the emotions of another person, does not feel the need for communication, hugs and touches. He does not even strive for cozy domestic comfort and does not understand delicious food, can't have pleasant conversations about anything, workaholic. Why did they agree? For some reason, I was also rejected by almost all the people before him. Apparently we were worth each other, although I always felt a hell of a hunger for love. Apparently, he learned signs of attention to a woman from observing other people, maybe from films. IN professionally And work collective fully adapted, successful, although many also notice unpleasant communication. The last time he said something unpleasant to me, I invited him to leave without malice, without blaming him for anything. She just said that it was very hard for me with him, that I would never make him feel worse somewhere because of me, even if we parted, I would help in business and support the house. And with all her heart, not hypocritically, and with some ease and without pathos, she said: "Forgive me for everything." And somehow, for the first time in the entire relationship, I felt with all my heart that he was not to blame, and maybe he was suffering more than all the people around him, because he did not understand what kind of love everyone was talking about. You can part, but without anger and accusations. Sincerely offer him help, although it seems that you need to help, because in such a life without love, vitality. But don't ask or demand love and relationships, and find out why they didn't happen. Parting PEACELY is the only right decision.

Irina, age: 51 / 03/20/2014

Marusya, it hurts you that you don’t see a happy future for yourself with this person. But to love means to think not only about yourself. Maybe it's not easy for him right now.
Believe me, such problems can arise in a person’s soul that he himself cannot admit, all the more he is a spiritual person. he wants to live alone. Do not rush to get a divorce, if he does not firmly insist, you will always have time. Maybe just live separately for a while? Time will tell.

Larisa, age: 50 / 03/20/2014

I also know what it means to be unloved and the path to this understanding is long and painful, because all those who love to the last are blind in their love. You just isolate yourself from any reminders, communicate more with people who sincerely love you - it always warms, like a balm soothes the heart, especially parents. Then the understanding will come that the world is much larger, wider and more multifaceted than one person who did not reciprocate ... there are so many of them walking on the streets, and among them is one who is sure to love you mutually. when we mourn for lost love, we spend all our strength on it, and in this situation, of course, we must move on. I hug you and send a bit of love, you deserve it!

Liza, age: 33 / 21.03.2014

My poor, and I fought for 4.5 years ... I felt it with my soul, but only this month I realized with my head that they do not like me as a woman. I understand your feelings. This is a complete hopeless bottom, being in a black timeless space, emptiness, and in this emptiness is PAIN. The life of a woman without love loses its meaning, it is some kind of deadness already during life. And the love of a man and a man will not replace anything! And for me, too, to leave on my own is like killing ... But it’s unbearable to live like this any longer. It is even more terrible to realize that over these 4.5 years he has etched out my former feelings for him in me, etched out my love. I endured too much, waited too much, but they only used it, and they only proved to me month after month, year after year, that there was nothing to wait for. Complicated story. At the same time, all this time we were close! I felt like the wife of a priest first, and then a monk in general ... It's scary. Hard. I can understand you, my dear ... Yes, affectionate words, I'm sure, they don't tell you either, just like me. I've been telling myself these years)) To survive... there is no one to support me. I don't know, maybe you'll feel better knowing that someone understands this hell. I hug you tightly...

Anna, age: 25 / 21.03.2014

Marusenka, your husband is a priest, but not a saint at all, but an ordinary man. And let my words be too banal and not new, but both are to blame for the fact that the marriage did not take place. File a divorce as soon as possible and do not torture yourself and your husband. I am a non-believer, and even more so a non-church person, which may be why many readers of this site will not agree with me. But I want to give you my women's advice - build your life as you wish, do not be afraid to become happy. It seems to me that now you have weighed all the mortal sins on yourself and believe that you do not deserve happiness. What is your fault, your sin? What did you want affection, tenderness, love, understanding from your husband? And what, isn’t that why they get married, except to carry a heavy cross, and there are tons of salt? Think for yourself, who needs it, why? Three years is enough time to understand whether you need each other or not. Moreover, you write that divorce is your mutual decision. Then why pull, why torture each other? It is obvious that your husband is having a hard time with you. Start your life over again, Marusya. It's never too late, and even at 34 years old and even more so (and don't argue with me about age, please!). You deserve both love and female happiness, and there is no sin in this.

inna, age: 51 / 03/21/2014

I will dilute the female opinion. Marusya, it's hard to live without love. But I will give you an example of my wife: she had the strength to accept me the way I am. It must have been difficult for her. She probably just loves me, since she had the strength to understand and forgive me. Does it really bother you that your husband is a priest? Is it important? It is important that he should pay attention to you. You see, quite a lot of time has passed when your life together cannot be called family. Why do you think that you will not be told anything in the church? It is possible that they will say so, but these are only assumptions, or is it still what they told you in the church ?. You need to talk to your husband's spiritual advisor. And it had to be done yesterday. And understand, dear, that it hurts to lose love, family, but losing life is the wrong thought. Think, you are a young woman, and even in the event of a divorce, you have the hope that you can meet your man. But think about what you can glue. The main problem is that this suits your husband and he does nothing to make you feel married. This is not your fault. What you came up with for yourself will kill you, and fly like a boomerang to an innocent driver. Always remember that su is chain reaction misfortune! God bless you.

Oleg, age: 51 / 03/21/2014

Dear Marusya! Your divorce has already taken place. The longer you delay with the registration of a fact that has already taken place, the more pain you do to yourself. This is called "chopping the tail piece by piece."
I don't know what the church will tell you. Depending on which priest you turn to.
Ours, for example, believes that if something has ALREADY happened, then it would be a lie to pretend that everything is as it should be.
If the family actually does not exist, then it does not exist. Who is there to deceive? Of people?! They won't get any better than this. God?! - He sees everything. God does not need the appearance of a family, a facade, a tick in the passport. He wants essence. If it didn’t work out, repent, He will forgive EVERYTHING and cover everything.
It turns out that you are only deceiving yourself ... To kill someone ... Admit it honestly: this someone (your love, hope to fix everything, living together) ALREADY killed a couple of years ago, as you parted.
Failed - openly admit that you could not. It will become easier for you, because from this moment you will begin to learn to live in a new way. Start looking for where to direct your unspent love. How to implement natural need someone to love. A holy place is never empty. You will definitely find.
One can't be guilty. Two failed. There is no need to look for the guilty at all. Love is not a duty. It's voluntary.

Elena Ordinary, age: 38/22.03.2014

Sorry, but you didn’t write if there are children in marriage? ... this is very important .. because children are the link between husband and wife ... if they exist, it’s one thing, but not - quite another ... therefore, it’s difficult to- or advice without knowing the full situation ...

Irina, age: 53 / 03/22/2014

Thank you very much for your kindness. And for your support. Anna, yes, it seemed to me that in the whole world only I had such a situation. Now I know it isn't. As for children, we don't have children. Probably due to the fact that I kept waiting for a favorable moment in the family .. We often quarreled, after each quarrel I hoped that this would not happen again. Sometimes I thought that if I could live without a scandal for at least a few months, then I could decide to give birth to a child .. But I couldn’t. I hoped, when I got married, that I would have the most best family in the world. After all, I really loved him madly. Like, probably, only children. We have known each other since we were 18. This explains a lot. Probably, it would be easier if not all conscious life was together.. Every day I suffer from memories. I know that nothing can be returned. I know that last years only torturing each other. I understand that this is the only way out. That it is better to remain good friends than to live like this and poison each other's lives. But how much pain comes the thought that he will never have a family.. Because of me.. What he wants and probably will become a monk. He will even have a different name. I .. I just don’t know how I can survive all this. He says that he will always be my friend. Only now I do not always have the strength to even just see him.

Marusya, age: 34 / 23.03.2014

Hello Marusya! I understand you perfectly, I have a similar situation with you, only I have been suffering for 9 years, and all this time my husband suppressed me morally as a woman, humiliated, insulted me, and I tried to endure everything patiently, but when he began to set the child against me, I said enough, you can’t allow yourself to be humiliated like that, I filed for divorce. Sorry for wasted time with him, it should have been done as soon as possible. If you feel that something is going wrong, you should not allow it, because it harms our health. In the name of what is it necessary to endure bullying?

Elena, age: 33 / 06.11.2014


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A woman has everything to do with it. A married woman also cares about everyone - especially the members of her large family. […]

A woman has everything to do with it. A married woman also cares about everyone - especially the members of her large family. And even in spiritual matters: does the husband fast? How often does he take communion? Does he read patristic books? Does he have soul-saving conversations with the priest? Whether the head of the family wants or not, these questions are his faithful companion will worry. How to worry correctly and without distortions, on the day of the memory of the patron saints of the marriage of the martyrs Adrian and Natalia, an experienced family man and father of many children- Kyiv priest Vladimir Tukalo.

On the way to Christ, they both experienced the unthinkable... “I beg you, my lord, the servant of Christ,” said Natalia, “while you are still alive, stretch out your hand to beat it off, and then you will be equal to the other holy martyrs who suffered more, than you!” St. Adrian held out his hand to her, and she, taking it, laid it on the anvil. The tormentor, striking hard on the hand with a hammer, cut it off, and immediately Saint Adrian gave up his soul in the hand of God from great suffering.

Such a poignant example of how a wife can become a real spiritual mentor for her husband precedes our conversation.

– Father Vladimir, here is the situation: the wife sees that her husband rarely takes communion. Cooled off in faith, or something ... Should she care?

“It will concern her anyway, whether she should or should not. Women are the guardians of the hearth, and at home they have everything under control. A reasonable arrangement in the family is when the husband determines the strategy: "where to go", and the wife determines the tactics: "how to go." “In 1945 we will take Berlin,” says the husband. And the wife replies, “Okay. It's 1941 now. So, here we dig trenches, we build bunkers there, we take weapons like this ... ”And the husband, if he is wise, will not embarrass his wife in matters of tactics. His task is to ensure that she does not deviate from the strategy, because her desire for "the best" often leads astray, and then the strategic direction of the family changes.

But in matters of “how to go,” the wife has the right to control everything. At her discretion - household, family cash desk, clothes, food and so on. And suddenly such a zone emerges - a spiritual one, which turns out to be beyond its control. If there is no money, you can “shake out” a bonus from your husband, persuade him to go work somewhere, or earn it yourself. If the children "do not have enough" knowledge, you can hire tutors. And here is the problem: the spiritual dispensation is violated - what to do? And the woman rushes headlong into solving this puzzle.

We have a stamp: the more often you go to the temple, the more grace affects, a person is corrected, and life is getting better. Often we try to squeeze our family members into these iron frames. But the question is not in quantity, but in the quality of visits to the temple.

If a person goes to church, opens his heart there, he comes into contact with the grace of God. Even if he stood for 10 minutes and talked with God, this may be enough: he felt a response in his soul, the Lord touched his heart, and over time, a person will want such contact again. And if the husband stands in the church “not for the sake of self-interest, but only by the will of the wife who sent me,” as Father Fyodor from “12 Chairs” said, a problem arises: the heart does not turn on. On the contrary, the "obligation" works.

According to the law of physics, the force of action is equal to the force of reaction. So it is here: than more woman will press, the more domestic will resist. Even children - up to 14-15 years old - will still somehow obey, walk with strength, make the sign of the cross and bow their heads, but then they will begin to resent, freak out, come up with excuses. And at 18-20 you can’t even drive them into the temple with a stick, because they associate worship with violence against their will and freedom.

And so does the husband. He is ready to accept the fact that his wife is the first in the kitchen. Agrees with her in everyday, applied things. He will even obey when he is told what shirt to wear and how to button his jacket. But he will never reconcile himself to his wife becoming his spiritual guru.

– A woman judges by herself, and if someone in the family stops fasting or going to church, she is afraid that her falling away will happen. native person from the Church. But, apparently, the frequency of temple visits by men does not at all indicate any falling away. But then why is this happening?

- There is a joke about a boy, a son english lord who has been mute since childhood. And on the day of his 13th birthday, the family sits in the morning at breakfast. Lord says: Good morning". The boy does not answer. They serve oatmeal. Father and son begin to eat. Suddenly the lad says: "Unsalted." Everyone is in shock: what is it, how can it be! Relatives came running and asked him: “Can you talk?” - "Yes I can". “But why didn’t they say a word in all 13 years?” - "There was no need".

So it is in some families. A woman tries so hard to please her husband that he simply does not need anything. Is there a wife? - Eat. - Is he listening? - Like yes, a believer. - Do I make money? - I'm making money. In general, everything is fine.

Often women, especially young Christians, surround their husbands with such care, well, they just spread it from all sides. You look at all this and think: really, why should he go to the temple - fed, watered, put to bed ...

“We won’t blame the woman for this. And what to do in this case? If the wife is not a spiritual authority, how can she influence? Maybe leave this question to itself?

- No, you can't do it on your own.

The main thing a woman can do is her personal prayer. You can come to the priest, ask him for a rule so that the husband becomes churched, becomes closer to the Church.

In my priestly practice interesting case. One parishioner, a young girl, met a guy who was a perfect atheist. He once read the Bible, but he scoffed at faith.

She comes to me and says: "Father, he is very good, I love him, but I'm afraid to associate my life with him." “You have,” I answer, “two ways: either you refuse it, or you fight for it.” - "But as?" - "We must pray." And I gave her the rule.

We talked a lot about this situation with her. “Perhaps you can instruct him somehow?” she asked. But how to instruct, if a person is a psychologist by education, writes a candidate's dissertation, is educated, well-read - you cannot argue with him. “You know, if I start to be smart, he plugs me into my belt in no time. And then I’m so ashamed… It seems that I didn’t defend my faith either, and I take offense at him,” she said.

The girl relied on the will of God, fervently prayed. I read one akathist 40 times, then a second, a third. Six months, a year has passed, and then one day this guy comes to me. He asks: “Why does she come here?” In the sense that he sincerely became interested in why she needed the Church and faith.

The girl did not peck the guy with conversations, she did not force him to go to the caves, to the Lavra. But if he asked, she answered according to her understanding. She did not try to enlighten him, but shared what she knew and felt. I advised her: “You just answer what you think. If he asks beyond your comprehension, say this: since you have so many questions, let's go to the priest.

- What should you never do in order not to cause the very opposition that you spoke about?

- The most incorrect attitude: "I will church him." Or: “I will change it. He will be different." Not a fact. In such a formulation of the question, confidence in oneself is already laid, selfhood is manifested.

To think that “I will change him” is madness, because only God can change another person. Creation cannot change creation, but God the Creator can do everything. So, you need to start by turning to the Creator.

We want to change the other person with our words, actions, suggestions, camping trips or pilgrimages. We think that we are bringing him to such and such an elder or an authoritative priest ... And the elders and fathers are not authorities for this man. Well, yes, the old man broadcasts something. So after all, you still need to read on the Internet what they write about him ...

Therefore, you need to leave dreams and tune in to work. If you love a person and want to change him, this can only be done through sacrifice. A girl, a wife, can beg with her love by sacrificing part of her strength, energy, time to pray for her fiancé or husband. And gradually, little by little, it will change. It won't happen right away, the Lord will test her faith. But then the person himself will be gradually transformed, and the whole family will receive great consolation and joy. But all this is only through work.

And with regard to actions, it will definitely be wrong to pull him to church: “you are obliged”, “you must”, set limits, conditions. You need to start praying and slowly offer, interest.

Often husbands, as I said, don't see a reason why they should go to church. The wife read the lives of the holy fathers, learned that if you confess, take communion, then you will become separated from sin, the Lord will give mercy, will sanctify the mind and enlighten the heart. She knows this, but her husband does not have such knowledge. If he begins to tell him, he will not pay any attention to it, because a wife for him is not a spiritual authority. Now, if he says to salt the borsch in 15 minutes, he will do it unquestioningly. Why? Because if you don’t do as she said, there won’t be borscht, but slop, and you won’t be able to eat it. And if you obey her, it will be good for the womb.

Men have more developed rational perception. So the most the best option for the wife - to find a priest who would gradually reach out to his consciousness, talk and explain.

In such cases, I invite people to a prayer service for success in business. Even the most distant man from faith, “success in business” is understandable. "How long do you have to stand?" - "15 minutes". “Oh, okay, no questions…”

So they prayed, I say a short parting word - I cling to his life, I tell him why he goes to church, what his goal may be. I'm not saying you have to, you must. But I suggest. IN Orthodox Church The Lord Jesus Christ is our patron, helper, and role model for us. The Lord does not force the will, does not force, He offers: come, accept. So I say: “Do you want this and that? No? Please…"

We must always remember: only the Lord changes people. The priest does not "set the brains", he sows. Often women, when they ask me to talk to their husbands, are afraid: “He won’t listen…” So we don’t need to listen, we need to sow. The priest sowed, the wife fertilizes with grace. Grace is given through prayer. So she quietly prays for her husband, asks God to open her heart, generously sprinkle this grain with grace.

The most important thing is to avoid coercion. Violence has no love in it. Love is long-suffering, merciful, does not envy, does not seek its own, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth. Where there is boundless trust in each other, love will operate.

If a husband loves his wife, he trusts her: she wants it that way, so it’s better for her, let her go to church and pray. If he sees that his behavior hurts her, he will simply come to the temple for her sake, take this step of love. And mutual sacrifice - her humble prayer and his sincere concession - will gradually intensify feelings, thereby giving the opportunity to act in the hearts of God.

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If Catholic priests have celibacy, that is, they take a vow of celibacy, then in Orthodoxy clergy are allowed to marry. This rule was enshrined as early as 325 at the First Nicaean Ecumenical Council. But, of course, the marriage of an Orthodox priest has its own characteristics.

Who can a priest marry?

The future priest is offered to decide on marriage until the age of 30 - by this age he must already take the rank. If by the age of 30 he has not married, then he must take the veil as a monk.

Most often they marry as seminarians. The bride, according to existing canons, must be Orthodox and always a girl. If she is divorced or has children, such a woman cannot become the wife of a priest.

As for the profession of the future mother, there are fewer restrictions. The main thing is that it professional activity did not violate God's commandments. For example, she cannot work as a stripper, sell alcohol or tobacco products. Previously, priests were forbidden to marry actresses, as this craft was equated with prostitution. Now there is a different way of looking at these things.

However, the families of clergy usually have many children, since in Orthodoxy it is customary to give birth, "as much as God wills." Therefore, far from always a mother can afford to work, often she is forced to manage the household and raise children.

Can a priest get a divorce?

Divorce is no longer possible. If a mother behaves unworthily, for example, she cheats, the priest may not live with her as a wife, but still does not have the right to divorce. Even if she dies, he cannot remarry and must spend the rest of his life alone. If he wants to create new family, he will have to lay down his dignity. IN Ancient Rus' the priest, left without a wife, had to go to the monastery.

How should a priest's wife behave?

Mothers also have their own rules. A priest's wife should be an example of spiritual life. After all, parishioners often perceive her as an intermediary between them and the priest, they can ask, ask, consult about something ... Of course, she must observe the Orthodox canons, behave modestly and restrainedly, as befits a believing Christian.

Concerning appearance, short skirts and bright makeup are not strictly prohibited, but they can create a certain impression of a woman. In the church, they are clearly out of place.

How should a priest and his wife behave in a family?

Everyday life in the family of a priest is regulated in the same way as for all believers. However, the priest and his wife should not forget that they, as servants of God, bear much greater responsibility for every word spoken and every deed. Between them, ideally, there should be no quarrels, scandals, conflict situations should be resolved by the world. As a rule, in the families of priests, divine commandments and religious canons are carefully observed for all members, for example, fasting and prohibitions on working on holidays.

Of course, the priest and his family are not required to spend free time only prayers and soul-saving conversations. They can spend their leisure time by going for a country walk, to the theater, cinema, to a classical music concert. Going to decent restaurants is also allowed. But visiting nightclubs, discos and other entertainment venues is completely excluded for them.

It is difficult for a non-Orthodox person to explain what place a priest's wife occupies and what role she plays in the life of her husband, in the life of his parish.

I converted to Orthodoxy from Protestantism when I was already married. We have been married for forty years, thirty-five of them I have been a priest. And I can't imagine my life or my ministry without my wife.

There are also married priests in catholic church, although Catholic priests are required by statute to be celibate. In Orthodoxy, the opportunity for priests to marry was approved as early as the 7th century, on the 6th Ecumenical Council. Discussions about whether a priest can be married or he must take a vow of celibacy were constantly going on in the Catholic Church, but de facto celibacy for priests was legalized only in the 11th century, after the Gregorian reforms. In England, for example, priests were allowed to marry up to Norman conquest countries in 1066 - after that, celibacy began to be planted everywhere.

And one of the first gains of the Reformation was the abolition of the vow of celibacy for priests. The initiator of the Reformation, Martin Luther was a monk and priest. However, he was married to a former nun and they had six children. One of the fathers of the English Reformation, the Archbishop of Canterbury, Thomas Cranmer, was also married.

And in this regard, I deeply agree with the fathers of the Reformation.

In Orthodox parishes, married priests are quite common. All that is required of them is that the wedding takes place before ordination, and also that this is the first marriage for the priest's bride. And this marriage is for life. If the priest's wife dies, then the priest becomes a widow. This is clearly stated in the letter of the apostle to Titus: "If anyone is blameless, the husband of one wife" (Titus 1:6). It happens, of course, that priests who have taken a vow of celibacy serve in parishes, but this is relatively rare.

Thus, Orthodox tradition weddings of priests for two thousand years. And this is not an innovation and not an adaptation to the needs of human nature.

When I came to Orthodoxy, I found that the figure of the priest's wife was surrounded by customs and traditions - which was not the case in Protestantism, for example. These customs and traditions reflect the inner life of the church. For example, the priest's wife has a special name - "mother" in the Russian tradition, "presbyter" in the Greek, etc.

The very fact that there is a special name for a priest's wife in Orthodoxy indicates her role and the honor of this role. She is not a clergyman and does not participate in divine services, but Matushka is always deeply involved in the life of the parish. Of course, each manifests itself in its own way, in accordance with its talents. But in any case, she is not just a wife and mother. She is, to a certain extent, a spiritual mother for parishioners, like a priest - spiritual father his flock. And, like any parents, they take care of their spiritual children in different ways. But it rarely happens that the matushka does not participate in the life of the parish.

Over the years of my ministry, I myself have not made practically a single decision without consulting with my wife. Especially when it comes to important decisions. After all, the consequences of these decisions will affect both my ministry and her life. And the wisdom of my mother is extremely important: she not only knows our parishioners well, but also knows me very well. And if I am mistaken in something, then it is she who will point out my mistakes more accurately than anyone else.

I think that the disrespect for the Mother of God in Protestantism is also connected with the fact that in it the priest's wife is just a woman. During my time as an Anglican minister there was a tendency to make the priesthood a profession. And the priest's wife was perceived simply as a spouse, and church affairs did not concern her. I didn't like it. But it is the veneration of the Mother of God that opens the heart to what is neglected in the same Protestantism. I see this in my parishioners, although for a long time I could not formulate what the matter was.

In Alaska, the priest's wife, Father Nikolai Michael, and mother Olga are greatly revered. Revered almost like a saint. She is not canonized, although I think she will be. Mother Olga was a midwife for the residents of nearby villages, everyone knew her immense generosity, miracles were performed through her prayers. They are being done right now. I am looking forward to the canonization of Mother Olga.

On October 7, I received a letter with the news that mother Katerina (Sissi) Yerger had passed away to the Lord. Her husband, an Orthodox Church in America priest, serves in Clinton, Mississippi. My wife and I met Matushka Katerina several times, even before we converted to Orthodoxy. She and her husband, Paul, were living examples of true Orthodox life. Her soft southern accent, her cordiality and hospitality - all this made the Orthodox faith native to those parts. She was deeply loved by all who knew her and we will all miss her greatly.

Everywhere in the Orthodox world there are women who bring the fullness of being into the life of the parish. Often referred to as "parochial family". And in this family, the role of the mother is just as important as the role of the father. On reflection, I suddenly realized that I had never thought of Father Paul Yerger apart from his mother. And I won't. I mourn with my brothers and sisters in Clinton. Kingdom of heaven to mother Katherine.

Translation by Anna Barabash