Do you dream of becoming an interesting conversationalist and always being the center of attention? Effective Tips from a psychologist will help you become an interesting conversationalist today!

Well, who does not dream of being liked by everyone around?!

Agree, there is hardly such a person on earth.

We all want love, universal recognition and worship, but we don’t know how to achieve this at all.

So here's to become an interesting conversationalist, must be:

  • clockwork;
  • charismatically active;
  • interesting;
  • and a great listener.

It is worth understanding that it is simply impossible to please everyone!

After all, not everyone likes even the chic Brad Pitt.

However, not everything is so bad.

And if you cannot please all the people on earth, then you can easily.

Of course, it is not easy, but it is quite real.

And if you decide to become an interesting conversationalist by all means, then the following tips will help you in this difficult task.

A bore will never become an interesting conversationalist

Believe me, no one will ever be able to interest you with tediousness.

Yes, because people will quickly get bored of hearing for the hundredth time the story that your ex is a goat or how you chose a battery for the kitchen.

Other bores may find this story exciting, but your goal is to be an interesting conversationalist, not to create a club of bores.

Charismatic person = good listener

Remember, all charismatic people are good listeners.

Don't feed us bread - just let me tell you about your beloved!

We absolutely do not like to delve into other people's problems.

Knowing this feature and starting to listen to the interlocutor, you will instantly turn into a good listener, with whom they will share experiences, and with whom they will consult in any trifles.

Talk about the interests of your interlocutor


Ask your interlocutor about his hobby, ask leading questions.

You can even discuss his interests.

A study conducted by psychologists showed that when talking, the main attention is paid to facial expressions and gestures.

Often with a confident tone and with the right gestures, you can carry such nonsense that the listeners will pray for this person!

And this clean water Truth!

Note that at the university it often happens that losers who confidently carry bullshit get a higher grade than stuttering crammers who answer correctly to all questions.

Each of us thinks about how to make good impression on interlocutors, to be remembered by them, to arouse interest in further communication. Is it possible to develop such a skill as effective communication? Yes, even at home. Many people ask a question, the interlocutor, and there is a very clear answer to it, expressed in the form of recommendations.

Secondly, imagine that the interlocutor constantly talks about topics in which you absolutely do not understand anything, and they, according to you, by and large, not interesting. Naturally, such a conversation will not be long, and it is unlikely that you will want to return to the same person. Now we project the situation on ourselves. How to become an interesting conversationalist? Discuss those topics that are familiar and close to another person, but do not neglect own desires otherwise you will just get bored.

Thirdly, effective communication says that an interesting interlocutor is not removed during discussions, he reacts to what is said (nods his head, gesticulates), but, most importantly, he looks not around, but at the one with whom he communicates. This is very important, because harmless curiosity (“What is happening to my right?”) can lead the interlocutor to consider you ill-mannered, because you do not show respect and do not listen to the thought.

Next, consider another important aspect how to be an interesting conversationalist. The one who knows at what stage the relationship is and does not cross a certain boundary. It is not necessary to get too close to unfamiliar people and communicate with them “face to face”, it is necessary to maintain a public distance, as it is called in the special literature. At the same time, you can communicate with a loved one at a social or even intimate distance.

Also important is the manner of communication, which depends on the goals of the conversation, and on the relationship between people. Select styles like friendly communication; creative (when the interlocutors have common goal); flirting (the desire to make a good impression on the audience, and this desire is aimed at gaining false, cheap authority, not supported by long relationships); distance and mentoring (emphasizing the difference between partners, whether it is the position held,

The manner of communication - mentoring - assumes that one interlocutor takes on the role of a mentor (shows a difference in experience) and considers it necessary to teach another person something, in his opinion, correct and important.

Of course, no one likes when teachings are involved, so this style should not be used in a non-close circle, especially with unfamiliar people. It is important to choose the manner that suits the situation, the environment and the goals you have set. It is hardly worth arousing false sympathy with an audience that is not configured, for example, to accept your point of view. Here, public distance and a friendly, but more “cool” style will suit.

Thus, it is obvious that there is no supernatural answer to the question of how to become an interesting conversationalist. To begin with, be attentive to those who are in this moment surrounds you, show emotions about the statements made and do not try to win the interlocutor from the first second - get to know him better. Of course, it is very important to communicate more with different people, but if a person does not understand you, then why waste your energy on him.

It is much more pleasant to have conversations with friends or with those who are “on the same wavelength”. You can train on them various topics, and even if in situations with unfamiliar people everything is much more complicated, but you gain experience, thanks to which, although not immediately, the fear of saying something wrong will disappear. The most important - lexicon, it must be replenished by reading books, otherwise no tricks and techniques will help you become an interesting conversationalist.

In the life of many people, the process of communication takes up a very large part of the time. After all, the ability to speak, listen, read and write are the most important abilities that help to achieve success in life, provide effective joint activities of people. Therefore, it is very important to be able to conduct a dialogue correctly in order to achieve good results in the process of work, in personal life, in communication with relatives and friends. Becoming a good conversationalist, you will attract many people to yourself, learn to win over interlocutors, achieve the results you need.

1. Smile. After all, any communication started with a smile already wins a person over to you. With a smile, you show that you are sincere and open for a productive dialogue. It is worth mentioning that even in a conversation on the phone one can feel a smile.

2. There is something to talk about with any person. It is necessary to determine what interests a person, and start a conversation on this topic. There are very few people who are not interested in anything. In any case, we can talk about this man himself. Show attention to him, show sincere interest, and you will find many topics for conversation later.

3. If you are not understood, it means that you did not express yourself correctly and clearly enough. Build your speech so that the interlocutor is very clear. Then you will stop getting annoyed and angry at a person who did not understand you or misunderstood you.

4. Give compliments. Feel free to show yourself positive person and cheer up the people around you. Remember that compliments must come from the heart. Blatant flattery will only push people away from you. However, do not be afraid to praise someone who did a great job. Thank those who have a good joke . Give a compliment to someone who is stylishly dressed. But we must not forget that everything should be in moderation.

5. Reception of active listening. You will show in such a way that you hear the interlocutor and understand what the conversation is about. Look at the person with whom you are talking, nod your head, comment on his story, but do not interrupt. You can help find the necessary words and phrases when the interlocutor stumbles, ask questions, continue the thought. This will let you know that you are interested in the person. And this will cause a desire to continue communicating with you.

6. Try to call the person you are talking to by their first name more often. Psychologists have proven that sound own name- the most pleasant and sweet sound for the human ear. After all, a name is given to a person at birth and he carries it throughout his long life.

7. Speak clearly and simply. Even if both you and your interlocutor have several higher education, do not use complex scientific terms and turns in a conversation. There is no need to try to give yourself some dubious status by the form of an abstruse conversation. Any clever man will still understand how smart or stupid you are.

8. Do not interrupt the interlocutor and do not give advice that you are not asked for. Listen to the person until the end, and then comment on his words. This will show that you are interested in talking to him. By interrupting, you show your bad manners. If you have a desire to give unsolicited advice, suppress this desire. Otherwise, the person will think that you consider yourself smarter than him, and this is an obstacle to successful communication.

9. The conversation should be interesting for you. If you have to keep up a conversation about something that you are not interested in, try to delve into the topic of the conversation. Otherwise, a person, not feeling feedback, end the conversation.

10. Remove the pronoun "I" from the conversation. Everyone knows that all people by nature are selfish. And, as a rule, everyone wants to hear mostly about themselves. But this approach to communication is wrong. Try to use other shades of statements instead of combinations with the pronoun "I". For example, instead of "I want" to say: "I want" or "I would like to." This will slightly change your speech and to you.

A good interlocutor can be a person who is interested in the most various areas life, from fashion and style, to hunting and fishing. If there is no thirst for new knowledge, curiosity, interest in life in all its vivid manifestations, then it is quite difficult to become a good conversationalist. After all, only by showing interest in the interlocutor, maintaining a conversation on any topic, showing your disposition towards him, you thereby form interest and great attitude to yourself.


Sometimes we do everything for others. We spend so much energy, we give everything of ourselves. And in response? No thanks! Is it really that hard to just say "thank you"?

Perhaps you should not do good deeds for people, because they would never do something like me? Tired. It's time to be the same. As they are to me, so am I to them.

Every time we come to this conclusion. Already read a large number of Literature that teaches you to say "no". But as soon as someone once again asks us for something, and we undertake to fulfill his request, completely forgetting all the memorized advice. It is better to agree than later to experience a heavy sense of guilt and suffer from the fact that you are not loved.


You do something for a person, and for a moment it becomes easier. And then a feeling of resentment and injustice arises, an understanding comes that the act done was contrary to our own interests. We were used again and forgotten.

It seems that it has always been like this, since childhood. Everyone is just waiting to use our kindness and reliability for their own purposes. It's time to stop this. It's time to learn to say no! But how to do that? How to become bad?

Who is a good girl?

Before answering these questions, we need to understand why this is happening? Why are some people unable to refuse any request, trying their best to please others?

The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan calls this behavior complex good girl. As this science of the mental explains, this complex is inherent in the owners of the anal-visual bundle of vectors.

A vector is a set of innate properties and desires of a person, which is responsible for his preferences, way of thinking, value system and behavior. Modern man has an average of three to five vectors. Some of them create stable bonds that manifest themselves in certain life scenarios.

There are people whom nature has awarded with a phenomenal memory. They are necessary for humanity to accumulate the acquired experience and knowledge and pass them on to future generations. They become good teachers and teachers, professionals in their field, experts. We are talking about people with an anal vector.

These are responsible, decent people who want to be good in everything. And people with an anal-visual bundle of vectors especially. In childhood, these are the most obedient, "golden" children.


Firstly, for children with a visual vector, more than for anyone else, emotional ties with their mother are important, so they are ready for anything, so long as these ties are not interrupted. These are very emotional children who can hardly stand their mother's coldness or neglect.

Secondly, the value of the anal vector is a positive assessment of actions, praise, especially from the mother, because the mother is no less valuable for them. Therefore, they make every effort to please their mother and receive well-deserved praise.

But sometimes adults abuse praise, praise undeservedly or, on the contrary, do not praise deservedly, using for their own purposes the child's desire to be good in everything. By resorting to the manipulation of praise, parents develop in their child an endorphin addiction to it. Such a person, even in adulthood, will strive to please others in everything.

We are all different

The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan says that for a person with an anal vector, it is important that everything be equal, fair. If he did something, made efforts, then these efforts should be appreciated.

We look at other people through ourselves, we believe that what is valuable and important for us is just as important for other people. For example, praise and gratitude are valuable to us, and we believe that this is the case for everyone. But for others, it may be very different.

For example, people with a skin vector are not used to saying "thank you", because they act from a position of benefit-benefit. The best gratitude for them is expressed by something material. And people with a sound vector in serious conditions may not hear us at all, not pay any attention to others.


When people don't behave the way we expect, we resent them. We do not understand how you can not thank or praise for a good deed. resentment do not let us live in peace.

But at the same time, when it seems to us that we are doing too much for people, that it is time to stop, and denying something, a heavy feeling of guilt flares up in us. Even when we do something not good enough for others, we feel uncomfortable. Life turns out in constant distortions: at first we are offended by the fact that we are being used, then we suffer from guilt that we did not. This causes great discomfort and ruins life.

In the visual vector, the reason for the desire to please everyone can also be an increased importance emotional connections. People with an anal-visual bundle of vectors may feel that if they are not kind and good to everyone, they will not be loved, which is a lot of stress for them.

How to find a way out

We cannot change ourselves or others. What to do? How to live with it? Becoming bad is not a way out. After all, this will not solve the problem, but only worsen our condition.

The way out is shown by the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan. First of all, you need to understand yourself, your desires and aspirations. Realizing where the need for someone else's approval came from, we begin to understand what drives us at such moments. And we, not needing praise, do not strive to please everyone. We also begin to love ourselves, and not seek love and approval from everyone in relation to ourselves.

At the training in system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan, childhood traumas are worked out, the mechanisms of our behavior become clear, the good girl complex disappears. This is evidenced by the opinions of people who have completed the training.

How to interest the interlocutor? How to become interesting in a conversation? How to attract people and be able to communicate with any interlocutor? We will talk about all this in our article.

If you want to be interesting to the interlocutor - talk to him about what he is interested in, copy his demeanor and be like him. After all, people like interlocutors who have similar interests - this is a simple theory that everyone can understand. And really, what's so difficult about that?

But, as often happens, in theory one thing comes out, but in practice - quite another. Not all people can find common interests and common topics for communication, and simply do not always understand the topic that the interlocutor is talking about. Therefore, if you suddenly have such a problem, below are a few practical advice in order not to be a boring person and to interest the interlocutor in a conversation.

1. Your interlocutor's area of ​​interest consists of several categories: "people", "place", "time", "values", "process", "things". Usually people have a few favorite things they like to talk about, and the rest are not of particular interest to them.

2. To be interesting interlocutor it will be useful to identify those categories that are of interest to him. To do this, listen to what the interlocutor is saying if you have not started a conversation yet, or alternatively, unobtrusively take an interest in his interests, try to prove to him your similarities and find common ground.

3. In a conversation, try to determine the character of your interlocutor (just do not succumb to first impressions) and his mood at the current moment. This will help you avoid conflicts and making yourself look bad.

4. It is better to imagine your shortcomings as a continuation of your virtues, emphasizing them unobtrusively, even with humor. This will help you not to scare away a person and create a positive image of you as a person who does not hide his shortcomings, but does not flaunt them either.

5. For a better understanding in practice, it is also worth getting to know each type of people individually in order to determine the type of interlocutor in time and adapt to it.

So let's go:

1. An interlocutor who is interested in people will first of all talk about the environment, some personalities. It is important for him who he communicates with, how they communicate with him and what his environment is like. He likes to express opinions about other people.

2. An interlocutor who is interested in a place is primarily interested in the space in which he is, and the things that surround him. He may have traveled a lot and likes to talk about his favorite sights and places in your city.

3. An interlocutor who is interested in time will, oddly enough, be interested in time and timing. Everything related to the passage of time is his forte. Can you hear it in conversation last story about how he left the house late and almost missed work, or nostalgia for the old times in which he lived.

4. An interlocutor who is interested in values ​​will tell you about his view of the world and, perhaps, compare them with others. He can both act in his own way, if he values ​​\u200b\u200bpersonal freedom, and do unpleasant work because "it is necessary." Usually such people look at the world pragmatically, looking for some benefit in everything, for themselves and, perhaps, others.

5. An interlocutor who is interested in the execution process and the sequence of execution will ask you not about what he needs to do, but HOW he should do it. He can have good collation and analysis skills, and sort things out step by step. In addition, keep in mind that for most people, the pleasure and emotions received from doing a task also matter.

6. An interlocutor who is interested in objects will pay attention to the objects around him. He will certainly pay attention to where the TV is and what kind of TV it is, in his speech you can often hear the names of any things, perhaps not only material, but also spiritual.

It is worth noting that the interests of people can be combinations, and you will not find a completely pure type anywhere.

And the main advice that can be given in this article is more practice and own experience. Use the theoretical knowledge you get, but draw your own conclusions.