"Yes" and "no" do not say, do not take black and white ... "
children's counting.

"Whoa, no, no." This saying epitomizes the process that psychologists call "passive aggression."

A combination of two contradictory processes. Passivity for us personifies an extreme form of inaction, and aggression is nothing but the embodiment of an active principle.

Thus, we are dealing with two oppositely directed processes that manage to get along together.

A friend of mine told the story of how she found herself alone with a young man in a compartment of a night train and struggled all night with his harassment. Can you imagine? All night "no whoa, no well." This is how it was necessary to refuse, so that the other continued not to hear and not understand? After all, it was not about an insane rapist, but an ordinary man who showed his desire and was persistent in this.

Another example occurs in my teaching work. A capable and intelligent listener cannot begin the practice in any way. She has everything for this. And it's not about self-doubt, it's just a superficial excuse.

In practical sessions, she demonstrates good skills and knowledge, asks the right questions and accurately notes deep processes. She has already filed a patent and even rented an office for work. But he doesn't give advice.

To define passive aggression, I want to immediately point out the fact that it can be both a habitual psychological defense in a person and a persistent personal characteristic, an important part of the personality that determines his character and life. Therefore, you can meet the features of the described process both in yourself and in many people at different moments of life.

What are the main characteristics of a passive-aggressive personality?

Before us is a rebel, a professional revolutionary, a partisan who does not give up. He is always against. Even when it doesn't work for him. The proverb "to spite my mother, I will freeze my ears" is about them.

When entering a room (in a process, in a relationship, etc.), he is the first to notice the flaws. He immediately sees that this is not the case and will not remain silent. He will say in a sharp, ironic, caustic manner. Will hook you up. True, he will do this not directly, not personally, but in an indefinite form to a third party. For example: "Well, of course, it never occurred to anyone to ventilate the room before classes."

His ability to see inconsistencies might delight you if all this was presented in an ethical manner. But the task of a passive-aggressive personality is not to correct the shortcomings. She doesn't care about the outcome. She needs a process. And this process is a struggle. Not an open battle to win. Namely, the struggle, better hidden, but stubborn and endless.

He will fight everything and everyone. If not with anyone outside, then with yourself inside. The price is not important. As I said, the process is important, but not the result.

These are people of the process, fighters of invisible fronts with invisible enemies.

In contact with them, you may wonder how simple things turn into irresistible. How an easy step becomes impossible, and a simple action turns into an endless intricate process. You are surprised and outraged that the task was not completed, although there were no obstacles.

Why instead of simple solution and actions, the person continues to ask clarifying questions that lead away from the meaning. Why, having agreed yesterday, nothing happened today.


Next to him, you will inevitably begin to feel anger. You seem to be provoked and teased. And when you break down, you are immediately pointed to bad character or lack of proper education.

Let's look at each component. Let's start with anger or aggression. It is there, but it is looking for indirect exits. Sarcasm, irony, teasing, provocation. Everything to give vent to anger is used. The main thing is to do it indirectly.

So, let's emphasize the first significant component. There is anger, and a lot of it. This means that the person has energy. There is plenty of it and enough for everything he needs. Therefore, when our character asks for support and asks for advice, help, support, be careful! Whatever you give him, it won't work.

Favorite psychological game (Eric Berne, psychological game theory, Transactional Analysis) is called "Yes, but ..." It looks like this: you were asked for advice, you gave, and immediately an objection follows. Yes, the asker says, but I have already tried it, done it, etc. AND NOTHING GOOD HAPPENED.

If you continue to give other advice and recommendations, then prepare for the fact that they will meet the same fate. Until a brilliant idea comes to your mind, the interlocutor does not need a result. Then what does he need? Here it is time to reveal the second component - passivity.

Passivity in the behavior of a passive-aggressive personality is rather not inaction, but resistance, which is expressed in resistance to those actions that will bring results. Outwardly, it seems that a person simply does not do anything for the sake of a goal. But in fact, there is a struggle going on inside him.

He wants a result (well, who doesn't?) and resists it. And all his energy, and we remember that there is a lot of it, goes to resist this action. Why, you ask, and you will be right? It's strange, to say the least.

To answer this question, we need to delve into the past of such a person, at the time when this part of the personality is being formed. We are in the age of active action from the moment we acquire our strength. But we can understand our strength and master it only through contact with another.

Example from practice:

Maxim grew up as an obedient boy. His mother was an extremely anxious woman, full of fears associated with her son. These fears made her active in her relationship with him. She knew what a good mother's child should be like, and that's why she didn't listen to Maxim much. Well, perhaps a little boy know what he needs? And mom always knows.

Therefore, her attitude towards the child resembled more violence than care. Starting from feeding, ending with the choice of friends. Swallowing the hated porridge, and then playing the hated scales in the hated music school, Maxim began to look for ways against which his mother was powerless.

For example, he could clench his teeth or pull out. He could just sit silently over the violin without touching the strings. At these moments, my mother exploded and yelled, but Maxim clearly felt his victory. He felt his strength when the teacher almost sobbed from impotence and anger, and he just stood silent at the blackboard.

And in his childish mind he deduced the formula: "Strength is not in action, but in resistance." Since he was not allowed to realize and feel his own power in what he wanted to do, the only opportunity to enjoy his own power was guaranteed to be when he resisted something. Sometimes later, in adulthood, he caught himself thinking that he was not opposed to what he opposed, but he could no longer do anything.

In childhood, the passive-aggressive personality has a dramatic experience of such "soft" and sometimes quite hard abuse in the form of care and control from parents. And they decided to take revenge. Revenge by preventing the parent from seeing the result. Therefore, the best thing you can do is not reach the goal and not get the result.

To hurt the parent so that he, in secret hope, understands how bad the child is. To ask what you want, instead of forcibly stuffing what seems right to the parent. Is not aerobatics Revenge parents - this not become happy? After all, one of the important results of parenthood is happy child. And depriving a parent of this reward becomes the very unconscious goal that a passive-aggressive personality strives for.

And the price is not important here. After all, we are talking about the inner Child, to whom he himself is not yet important. The parent is above all, he is the source of life and love. Therefore, it is not a pity to freeze your ears.

Thus, two birds with one stone become a trophy in this battle: the ability to feel one's strength (through resistance) and revenge on the parent (through failure to obtain a result).

Let me remind you that this process is unconscious. And a person can be sincerely surprised at the lack of results of his actions until he sees that he is his own biggest enemy. That subconsciously he builds the process of actions in such a way that the result is impossible. He chooses the wrong people, he does not feel the situation, he does not notice important details, he does not hear recommendations.

Such people are often late, miss decisive matches and quarrel with the right people. And they always find excuses and explanations for their behavior. They even sound convincing. Most often, he sees the cause not in himself, but in other people, in circumstances.

Their problem is to express their needs directly, using the power of anger. But they are afraid to show anger, because in childhood it was impossible and dangerous. Therefore, anger, and with it strength and energy, are blocked and turned 180, that is, against oneself.

Life becomes a continuous overcoming of difficulties. As in the famous video in which the client complains about headache and problems, while he does not see a huge nail in his head.

Another important trait of a passive-aggressive personality is being stuck in an either-or trap. "Either you eat this porridge, or you are not my son," my mother said. The parent left the child no choice. Either you do as I say, or you lose my love. This trap gets stuck in the way of thinking, which makes the selection process extremely difficult.

Such personalities make good critics and detectives, investigative journalists and satirists. Their sharp eyes will not miss anything.

They are often good and faithful friends, with a subtle sense of humor and a willingness to help. By the way, humor is also theirs distinguishing feature. They are extremely ironic. The thing is that anger and humor have one similar function: they relieve tension. And since anger is blocked in the passive-aggressive personality, a lot of energy can come out through humor. Here they are polishing it.

IN in social networks the passive-aggressive personality is easy to spot. Their scope is comments. The fact is that they rarely take the initiative. They are already inclined to jump in and ride on a "foreign horse", to become noticeable at the expense of another. Their comments are critical and sarcastic. They provoke the audience and, in the end, disappear, confirming that the world and people are imperfect.

As clients, the passive-aggressive personality is a test for the consultant. The game "Yes, but" will bring anyone to hysterics. Therefore, the main principle in the work is to give the initiative in determining the goal to the client.

Until you get an answer to the question "What would you like?", do not offer anything. The transference therapist will become the very parent to be avenged. And it will be extremely difficult to wait for changes and advancement in the life of a client.

The fact that a passive-aggressive person is often very capable and talented gives hope for a quick result. In the event that a person abandons the idea of ​​​​revenge and begins to master his power through a direct expression of anger. Learn to say "no" directly, instead of going into ambush and building catacombs for guerrilla operations.

Instead of "either-or" will begin to use the pronoun "and". Both, instead of either-or.

I hope that this information will help you to better understand people and yourself, which means it will provide an opportunity to improve the quality of life.

Surely, you have met people in your life who, it would seem, do nothing special, but involve them in interaction with them.

For example, on an airplane, a man sat down next to you who could not sit down in any way. He does not directly tell you anything, does not ask for anything, but you constantly pay attention to his sighs or indignation, grumbling and grumbling.

Or in the subway there is a lover to listen to music loudly or accidentally fall on you, or completely accidentally push.

Or maybe among your friends there is the King of irony and sarcasm, who is not averse to making fun or making a caustic comment on every convenient occasion?

Or there is one among your colleagues who will always be late for an important event and will try to come in so “quietly” (sincerely trying!) that everyone will pay attention to him.

Or maybe you have had a friend for a long time who is trying, trying to start a business or find a job, but there are no achievements. He is very fussy, often forgets something, seems to do a lot, but as a result he gets nothing, feeling and expressing, basically, irritation. And you listen to his complaints, for the time being, sincerely try to help him, find a way out of the impasse, save him with all your might, but then you start to get very angry, give advice in a rude didactic form, or simply give up on him!

Or, at each meeting, one of your girlfriends will casually ask something: “Why don’t you and your husband still have children?” Then she will sigh sympathetically and say: “Actually, I feel very sorry for you!”.

Caution: Passive-aggressive behavior!

What unites all these different people?

And what such people have in common is their form of behavior, which in psychology is called passive-aggressive.

Term "passive-aggressive" first used by an American military psychiatrist, William Menninger.

And it was used in relation to soldiers, during the Second World War, who sabotaged the execution of orders, but never did it openly. They either did everything half-heartedly, inefficiently and unproductively, or they were secretly indignant about the order or the commander, playing for time ... But, they never openly expressed their anger or unwillingness to do it.

Shortly thereafter, a special type of passive-aggressive disorder was included in the famous clinical reference book - DSM, but due to insufficient clarity of description clinical manifestations it was removed from the list of personality disorders in the fourth edition.

But, nevertheless, in psychology and psychotherapy, the term has remained and continues to be used to describe a special type of personality behavior.

In addition, some psychologists argue that each of us tends to behave in this way during difficult periods of our lives, when, not finding other ways to defend ourselves, define our boundaries, express our opinions, we resort to a passive-aggressive form.

How is passive-aggressive behavior manifested?

  • In refusing to communicate, ignoring (a kind of “boycott”, which “makes” feel guilty to the one to whom it is addressed);
  • In depreciation: feelings, achievements, abilities (“come on, you get upset over trifles!”, “Don’t cry, you’re a man!”, “Only fools can’t do it”);
  • In accusation or criticism: (“You are not succeeding because you are not doing the right thing!”, “Here again because of you, I lost a lot of time”);
  • In a constant invasion of privacy, disguised as care (for example, a mother, with whom an adult son still lives, picks up his clothes every morning and straightens his tie or collar);
  • Control through third parties (as an example, a mother-in-law calls her daughter-in-law with a request to check whether her son bought winter trousers for himself, because it is already cold outside);
  • Scolding yourself for some action or inaction (Example: a granddaughter visiting her grandmother asks for socks because her feet are cold. Grandmother gives them to her, but then she begins to scold herself for not keeping track that her granddaughter's feet are cold and did not give socks before)…

In fact, there are a lot of manifestations. And this is not all of the possible options.

The main thing to understand is that their main essence is to avoid direct contact and intimacy, not to show oneself openly, not to state one's needs directly, not to defend one's boundaries, not to take responsibility, but at least to somehow express oneself and stay in a relationship.

As a result, a person who is in a relationship with someone who behaves in this way may begin to limit himself in some manifestations of thoughts, feelings, plans, desires. He may begin to feel uncomfortable for the manifestation of his life. There may be a desire to justify one's actions or to hide them altogether. Not rare feelings that arise are anger, resentment, guilt, shame.

How to deal with your own passive aggression or resist it if it is directed against you?

The first thing to remember and work on is personal boundaries! Learn to identify and defend them! You are not responsible for the feelings that your partner or interlocutor experiences, for the thoughts that he has.

The limits of your responsibility are in your feelings, thoughts and behavior! Talk about them directly (For example, to your mom’s excessive concern for your nutrition, you can say: “Thank you, mom! successful experience in that!").

Do not forget that advice, help that is not asked for is violence! It is impossible to change, re-educate someone who does not want it himself! Therefore, it is better to answer complaints, grumblings with a question: “Can I help you with this?” and if the answer is yes, then measure how much you can realistically accomplish this without hurting yourself.

Learn to express your feelings even if they seem “bad” or destructive to you, don’t hoard them (As an example, after a partner has broken promises for the umpteenth time, it’s important to tell him that you get angry when he does this).

Noticing someone's implicit feeling (for example, the wife washes the dishes very abruptly and loudly or cleans the kitchen), it is important to clarify , thereby recognizing the right to its existence and inviting to a dialogue (“I see that you are angry. Has something happened? Will you share?”).

And most importantly, it is important to clarify what constitutes such behavior, what stands behind it, what unsatisfied needs, forbidden feelings underlie it. Naturally, an experienced specialist will safely help you figure this out during psychotherapeutic work with your request.

Passive aggression is the behavior of a person in which he expresses his negative emotions in a socially acceptable form, in other words, suppression of anger occurs. A person can refuse to perform any action, he is dominated by pessimism and absolute inaction. In a moderate manifestation, such a phenomenon is normally tolerated by both the person himself and his environment.

But the ICD-10 also noted that there is a passive-aggressive personality disorder. That is, the constant suppression of anger and aggression as a result can lead to a pathological condition. Negative emotions must find a way out so that a person can be freed from psychological dirt.

Interestingly, this personality trait manifests differently in men and women. Hidden aggression in men is manifested by the following behavior:

In women, passive aggression is the spread of rumors, gossip, they do not seek to take responsibility for their own behavior. The fair sex with a passive-aggressive personality type wants to live the way they want it, do not tolerate various restrictions and submission. In the case of inactivity, they justify it with forgetfulness.

People with this type of aggression tend to:

  • be afraid of responsibility;
  • experience fear of addiction;
  • try to find the culprit of the current problem situation to blame him for their failures;
  • quarrel with people around you in order not to let them near you;
  • switch from a hostile attitude to repentance in their actions and thoughts;
  • look gloomy;
  • don't even say "no" critical situations;
  • avoid eye contact with the interlocutor;
  • ignore appeals to them, the fulfillment of their own promises;
  • discontent, sarcasm, contempt, irony and grumbling.

Some psychologists do not agree with the view that there is a special type of people with this behavior. They note that many people with these qualities grew up in conditions of disharmonic upbringing, irrational attitudes given to them in childhood by parents or other adults.

Let us consider in more detail what features of education lead to the development of passive aggression.

Causes of latent hostility

There are different periods of formation of such passive hostility, but in any case, passive-aggressive or assertive behavior is formed in the family, the place where the child learns to control his emotions. We will talk about assertiveness later, consider the factors that influence the formation of passive aggression in a person.

When does this behavior become pathological?

With pronounced manifestations of the symptoms of this behavior, it is considered a pathology and has a certain diagnosis. To make a diagnosis of passive-aggressive personality disorder, it is necessary to analyze the patient's behavior, if 5 criteria are similar to those listed below, then the person suffers from this mental disorder.

In this disorder, a person is characterized by other forms of dependence or manifestations of somatic disorders. Often these people are in alcohol addiction. Another comorbid psychiatric disorder is depression. In this case, antidepressants are used in addition to psychotherapy.

For the diagnosis of mental pathology, the emotional severity of the symptoms of the disorder is extremely important. In its manifestations, it is very similar to hysterical and borderline disorders. But passive-aggressive disorder is not as emotionally expressed as the mentioned pathologies.

Living with passive-aggressive people

Living with such people is quite difficult, since at any moment they can let you down, take a person out of inner balance, shift responsibility at the most inopportune moment.

Conflicts inevitably arise in a married couple, since not everyone can withstand prolonged neglect, indifference and the burden of double responsibility for themselves and a passive-aggressive spouse. In married life, it is important for partners to agree and understand each other. If they are determined to build relationships, they will work on their character traits. But in case of loss of initial feelings, the spouses urgently need to contact a specialist so as not to bring each other to neurosis, irritation and nervous exhaustion. In the process of psycho-correction, a passive-aggressive person learns to adequately evaluate himself, his behavior, control his actions and adequately perceive the people around him.

Correction of passive-aggressive behavior

The fight against passive-aggressive personality disorder begins with psychotherapy. In some cases, the use of antidepressants is indicated, they are especially relevant in case of too pronounced melancholic behavior of the individual, a suicidal threat. It should be noted that by threatening suicide, a person can also manipulate relatives or a psychotherapist. Such a reaction should be interpreted as an expression of anger, and not depression about the loss of love from relatives. Therefore, the psychotherapist should direct the person to a more adequate expression of angry reactions.

Behavior with hidden aggression is devoid of assertiveness. Passivity in the expression of aggression (if any) appears due to the person's acceptance of the role of a victim (and everyone owes him, as a weak one) or a manipulator (and everyone owes him, as a strong one). The psychotherapist has an important task to formulate new installation in behavior - assertiveness - the ability of a person to make decisions independently, to be able to say "no", not to depend on external conditions, assessments and influences, be responsible for decisions and behavior. In the new role of an assertive person, the principles of passive-aggressive behavior are replaced by adequate communication with the message: “I don’t owe anything to another, and the other person doesn’t owe me anything, we are partners to each other.”

Treating passive-aggressive disorders is difficult because the patient is not motivated to do so. It is very difficult to establish the right relationship between the therapist and the patient to achieve a therapeutic effect. If the doctor yields to covert manipulators, the treatment will fail. If the patient's demands are denied, psychotherapeutic contact may be lost. To work effectively with such patients, a highly qualified specialist is required.

Of all the psychological approaches, the cognitive-behavioral one is the most effective. In the process of therapy with the techniques of this approach, the patient realizes what the social consequences of his passive-aggressive behavior can be.

Conducted group and individual work by training coping (coping behavior), social skills are developed. If the client has taken a defensive, oppositional stance, this can also be used by the therapist. For the desired result of therapy, it is necessary to give instructions opposite to what he wants to achieve.

Tips for communicating with such people:

  • in working relationships, it is necessary to clearly monitor the actions of a passive-aggressive colleague;
  • do not rely on such people in responsible tasks;
  • no need to get involved in their manipulation games;
  • in the family, sometimes it is necessary to involve a qualified specialist with severe symptoms;
  • avoid joint performance of a responsible task;
  • it is necessary to firmly convey a different, alternative point of view;
  • to remain calm during confrontation so that a person sees that it is not so easy to piss off others.

Passive-aggressive personality disorder is a condition in which people express anger and negative feelings hidden through their actions instead of directly throwing out aggression on others. It is characterized by a tendency to obstructionism, constant procrastination, stubbornness, feigned forgetfulness, and deliberate inefficiency in all matters. People with a passive-aggressive personality type constantly complain about everything, are depressed, actively express their pessimistic attitude and are uncompromising in everything. Very often they try to realize themselves in dependent relationships, finding satisfaction in resisting all the partner's attempts to achieve adequate performance, productive independent work, equivalent returns in household chores, etc.

When was passive-aggressive personality disorder first diagnosed?

It was first described as a clinical case by Colonel William Menninger during World War II. He noted a peculiar deviation in some of the men, undermining their military conformity. Menninger pointed to the obviously defiant, but not contrary to direct orders, behavior of the soldiers. It was expressed in "passive opposition" such as deliberate slowness, inability to understand orders, making mistakes, general inefficiency, and passive obstruction. The colonel himself did not single out the disorder as a separate ailment and explained it as "personal immaturity" and a reaction to military stress.

For the first time about the classification of passive-aggressive personality disorder as separate group disorders were discussed back in the 50s of the last century, and this problem was widely discussed in the late 80s and early 90s, when, thanks to the capabilities of the World Wide Web, the mass prevalence of such behavior in the communication of Internet users was noted. And although not all emails, notes and messages with characteristic content indicate that their authors have this problem, sociological and clinical researches showed that ~96-98% of persons belonging to the passive-aggressive personality type implement their usual behavior in network communication.

Causes of Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder

According to the majority modern researchers In most cases, the roots of the problem begin in childhood. Analysis of data from different groups of subjects, depending on age, gender, race, nationality and social status, did not reveal a pronounced correlation, and the indicator varied depending on the research methods used. At the same time, there is an unambiguous relationship with a violation of the incentive system in early childhood. Most often this happens in dysfunctional families where the child does not feel safe enough to freely express frustration, anger and other feelings.

The same applies to overly conservative families, where the role of the dominant head of the family is pronounced and physical and psychological punishment is actively practiced. Under such conditions, honest expression of feelings is forbidden, and children unconsciously learn to suppress and deny their emotions, using other channels to express resentment and disappointment. Not finding opportunities for natural relaxation, the child eventually begins to consider them the norm, and in the process of growing up they become a kind of cliche, according to which a personality is formed.

Signs and main symptoms of passive-aggressive behavior

Individuals with passive-aggressive personality disorder are irritable or even agitated most of the time. They have a low tolerance for disappointment and mood swings that change in very rapid succession. Such people are impatient with others, and their interest in communication, as it should be, is sharply replaced by antipathy or boredom and complete disregard.

In passive-aggressive disorder, people feel dissatisfied all the time, accuse others of abuse and deceit, believe that they are underestimated, and attribute any failures to circumstances.

Individually, these signs may simply be traits of a person's character and do not indicate a specific deviation, but in the aggregate they often accurately indicate a problem. In particular, passive-aggressive disorder is indicated by the simultaneous presence of symptoms such as:

  • constant resentment at everyone;
  • opposition to any demands of other people;
  • postponing work for later in order to disrupt the deadlines for its implementation;
  • slowness and making deliberate mistakes in any activities;
  • cynical, sullen or hostile attitude towards everyone;
  • frequent complaints of a person that he is betrayed, deceived and underestimated;
  • unwillingness to solve their problems;
  • complete rejection of criticism and cruel nit-picking in anyone who tries to give advice;
  • envy and contempt for all people who are in power or generally more successful.

If they are accompanied by self-doubt, the inability to express their needs and desires directly, as well as the inability of a person to ask the necessary questions to find out what is expected of him, then this is 99% likely to indicate the presence of this disorder.

Classification of passive-aggressive personality types

Since much attention has been paid to this problem in the last two decades, a more or less accurate classification of "negativistic" or "passive-aggressive" personality types has already been drawn up today. For example, the famous American psychologist Theodore Millon identified four separate subtypes of this disorder:

Subtype

Character traits
wavering uncertainty and confusion; the inability to name the exact reason for their own capricious behavior; indecision both in interaction with others and as the main subjective feature of the course of all processes in the psyche.
dissatisfied Grunting, petty nit-picking, irascibility over trifles, capriciousness, anger, complaints about anything, irritability, pretense to avoid open confrontation.
disguised Opposition is expressed in a veiled and ambiguous way. Most often, this is feigned slowness, forgetfulness, inefficiency, disregard for charters and rules, stubbornness. The person also becomes very tortuous and tries to use only indirect methods of sabotage in order to avoid direct claims of sabotage.
sharp (rough) Controversy, intransigence, uncompromisingness, capriciousness, grumpiness; the character becomes caustic and irritable; a person takes pleasure in humiliating and insulting others.

is popular and detailed classification by category, which was proposed by the American professor Preston Ni from the University of California. The study of issues of interpersonal effectiveness, professional communication, as well as intercultural understanding and organizational change prompted him to pay attention to this issue. In total, he identifies ten general categories that people with passive-aggressive disorder fit into and, in his opinion, most exhibit at least a few of them on a regular basis.

  1. General verbal hostility. Examples: spreading gossip; unreasonable criticism of others; non-recognition of generally accepted rules and norms; condescending treatment of adults as children.

What is guided by: humiliation of others helps to feel in a dominant position. Inflicting moral suffering on others and depriving them of emotional balance is done to alleviate one's own lack of peace and security. The main desire is to support one's false sense of importance at the expense of criticizing others and make everyone suffer "for the company". In the family, this is expressed in the form of competition for power over the household and complete control in relationships.

  1. Ridicule. Examples: sarcasm, hostile jokes towards others, the desire to tease people to the point of pissing them off. characteristic feature is the need to humiliate a person as much as possible, avoiding an open conflict and showdown, referring to "just kidding."

What is guided by: taking out one's own hidden anger and discomfort on a suitable victim for this purpose. The main desire is to marginalize someone else's human dignity and authority to their own level.

  1. General disguised hostility. Examples: demonstrating disdain and resentment towards people, sullenness, a desire to inflict emotional pain by reproaching or ignoring.

What is guided by: an attempt to compensate for one's internal insecurity by deliberately creating a negative emotional background in the immediate environment and unbalancing people.

  1. Psychological manipulation. Examples: duplicity, a pathological tendency to intrigue, the desire to deliberately frame a person at every opportunity (for the sake of pleasure and often without any benefit to oneself), ostentatious sacrifice, twisting the same information in a conversation with different people, disclosure or concealment important facts depending on the situation. Characteristic feature is pretense and desire protect yourself from disclosure.

What is guided by: divert attention away from own problems through endless interference in someone else's life with the help of intrigue and deceit. Achieving a false sense of superiority by manipulating others.

  1. Bullying. Examples: unfounded accusations against someone else with an attempt to find the most vulnerable spot victims and cause her maximum mental pain.

What is guided by: the achievement of a false sense of happiness and one's own usefulness against the background of the suffering of others.

  1. Sabotage and blaming others. Examples: ostentatious slowness, lethargy, forgetfulness, "dullness"; the desire to create a maximum of red tape around yourself and upset as many other people's plans as possible. The need is pathological and compels a person to act even without any personal gain.

What is guided by: creating the illusion of self-importance and authority; the desire to put everyone in a position dependent on oneself in order to block the success of other people. Often feels burning envy towards those who are more successful, which is expressed in unfounded accusations and harsh baseless criticism.

  1. Automatic countermeasures. Examples: stubborn intractability, rigidity, inefficiency, tendency to complicate things, the habit of leaving any business unfinished, attempts to sabotage the work of others.

What is guided by: compensation for own insolvency. In this case, "victory" is achieved at the expense of the victim's frustration and negative emotions.

  1. Behind the scenes sabotage. Examples: disruption of the implementation of any tasks, projects and activities; causing material losses or overspending resources; pathological sabotage; destruction of well-established work and personal relationships of people around; deliberate dissemination of harmful information.

What is guided by: obtaining moral satisfaction due to revenge and "punishment" of other people; achieving emotional pleasure from observing the result of their “works”.

  1. ostentatious sacrifice. Examples: exaggeration of the importance of personal issues; manipulation of one's own health; deliberately inventing imaginary problems in order to bind the victim to himself and enjoy his sympathy and favor; taking on the role of a martyr who sacrificed his well-being for the sake of others (usually with the reproach that this sacrifice was not appreciated).

What is guided by: the desire to use the goodwill and care of the recipient and to cause a strong emotional attachment on his part to perform manipulation.

  1. self-flagellation. Examples: intentionally creating a situation in which the status of a victim could be achieved; groundless reproaches and reproaches; self-harm and suicide blackmail.

What is guided by: the desire to intimidate or cause suffering to emotionally dependent people, causing harm to oneself. Love for creating dramas to focus attention around you.

However, according to the professor, the latter sign itself cannot be considered as a separate symptom of the disorder, since it can also be a kind of cry for help, being evidence of other mental illnesses.

Treatment for Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder

The complexity of the treatment of disorders of this group lies in the fact that in most cases people are simply unable to get pleasure and moral satisfaction in other ways. The normal system of incentives does not work in this case, so the main program is reduced to psychotherapy and psychoanalysis, during which the patient is taught to isolate "harmful" thoughts and incentives for their conscious replacement with "useful" ones.

According to the results of clinical observations, the following set of automatic attitudes and thoughts is most often typical for passive-aggressive disorders:

  • "they don't dare tell me what to do";
  • “I will only do what I want”;
  • “I will do everything to spite them”;
  • “no one is grateful for the work I have done”;
  • “everyone around is just using me”;
  • “I will never be able to achieve real success”;
  • "People don't want to understand me";
  • “My life is unhappy, and nothing can be done about it”;
  • “I still can’t do anything”;
  • "being honest and frank is a weakness";
  • "others want to limit and suppress my personality."

The therapist finds out exactly what pathological thoughts and stimuli act in a person on an “automatic” level and teaches them to consciously block them. The course of treatment, as a rule, lasts at least one year, and during this time the doctor and the patient go from the stage of understanding the causes and consequences of such behavior to the development of methods of mild confrontation. The best results can be achieved if the immediate environment also participates in the process and gently, but decisively, ceases to indulge the patient's weaknesses, using the substitute templates created by the therapist. In especially advanced cases, the elimination of acute symptoms (depression, anxiety, outbursts of anger) is allowed. medical methods followed by conventional therapy.

Prognosis and possible complications

In general, with adequate treatment, the prognosis is quite good. If a person has been able to open up and understand the causes of the problem, supportive psychotherapy usually brings excellent results. Of course, having been established in early childhood, this personality disorder tends to persist for a very long time. But with the patient's constant volitional efforts to overcome it, it can "burn out" with therapy and be replaced by a positive life experience.

However, there is such a thing as individual tolerance, on which the success of the entire event depends greatly. Even if a positive result seems stable, a person may not fully accept new ideas and balance on the edge. The “dominant thought base” is too deeply rooted in his personality, so even the slightest push is enough for such a person to fall back into a state of chaos and dissatisfaction. Often complications arise when there is an imaginary or real lack of stability in life. This applies to any area: social, professional, spiritual, legal, financial, etc. Complications can also arise when the patient weakens control over negative thoughts, and the immediate environment does not pay attention to this and indulges his behavior or, conversely, expresses strong opposition. After all, the key component of psychotherapy is precisely the soft opposition to negative ideas.