How to support a person in a difficult situation: advice from psychologists. How to help a loved one, when he feels bad, in his experiences

Sometimes to support the person in difficult moment- means to save his life. V difficult situation there may be both close and unfamiliar people. Absolutely any person can provide help and support - moral, physical or material. To do this, you need to know which phrases and actions are most significant. Timely assistance and sincere words help a person return to their previous way of life and survive what happened.

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Helping people in difficult situations

There are many situations in a person's life that require psychological, moral and even physical assistance... In this case, the presence of people is necessary - relatives, friends, acquaintances or just strangers. The degree of intimacy and the duration of the acquaintance does not matter.

To support a person, it is not necessary to have a special education for this, a sincere desire to help and a sense of tact are enough. After all, correctly chosen and sincere words can change a person's attitude to the current situation.

How to learn to trust a man

Shared experience

How to cheer up a guy

Understanding

A person in trouble should know that he is understood. It is very important during this period to have a like-minded person nearby. If the situation is related to the loss of a loved one or a job, remembering a personal example will be the most effective medicine. It is recommended to tell how difficult it was during this period and how successfully it all ended in the end. But do not focus on your heroism and quick problem solving. You just need to say that everyone has such problems, and a friend will definitely cope with them.

How to deal with anxiety

All will pass

You need to convince the person that you need to wait a little, and it will become much easier. The realization that everything will be fine will create an atmosphere of security and peace.

Guilt

In difficult times, it is natural for a person to blame himself for all troubles. He tries to shift responsibility for actions to which he has nothing to do. In this case, the task of close people is to dissuade a person from this. Try to refute all possible positive outcomes of the situation. If there is still a person's fault in what happened, you need to try to make amends. It is recommended that you find words that will help convince a person to ask for forgiveness, which is necessary for his own good.

Solution

The direct question of how you can help a person in this situation will be very effective. You can offer your own solutions without waiting for his request. Sincere interest and taking action will give you a feeling of support from the outside.

In no case should you use the phrases: "forget", "don't worry", "don't cry", "it's even better this way." Attempts to "bring to life" with the help of shouting, accusations and sudden movements will lead nowhere. Such "help" can complicate the situation.

How to support your beloved man

Representatives of the stronger sex try to restrain their emotions, therefore, most often they withdraw into themselves. From this experience they become even stronger, and a mental wound brings not only psychological experiences, but also physical pain... The girl at this moment should be as attentive and caring as possible, but by no means intrusive.

If a husband has problems at work, which are accompanied by material losses, it is necessary to say the most important words for a man: “Money can in no way affect our relationship. I will always be there. " This should be said as calmly as possible, with a smile and tenderness. Excessive emotionality or nervousness will confirm a man's fears that the relationship is purely mercantile.

If the problems are related to relationships in the work collective or relatives, here it would be appropriate to reassure that the girl is on the guy's side. He does not need to reproach himself and feel guilty. The beloved woman fully and completely shares his point of view and will do everything necessary to successfully resolve the situation. It doesn't hurt to tell a man that he is strong and that he will definitely cope with problems. Self-esteem will not allow him not to justify the hopes placed on him. SMS with words of love or poems during the working day will cheer him up. An example of such a message:

Words of support for a beloved woman

To help your beloved woman, you should start with affection and tenderness, the essence of the problem does not matter. First of all, you need to hug her, kiss and calm her down. The most necessary at this moment will be the words: “Calm down, I am near and I love you. Trust me". Then you can continue hugging, drink tea and wait for complete calm. Only after that is it recommended to calmly sort out the situation, be sure to take the side of your beloved woman.

Help should be provided, both mental and physical. You may have to talk to the offenders, deal with cases, take some action. In a word, to shift some of the work onto yourself. Feeling strong male shoulder and real help, any girl will calm down, no matter how difficult the situation is. A small gift, a trip to a restaurant or theater will quickly bring her back to her old life. Phone calls throughout the day, SMS in the form of words of love and support in prose or poetry will be very appropriate. An example of such a message:

How to comfort a sick person

Support for a sick person can be given in the form of words and actions. But this is not always possible, since people can be at a distance from each other.

Kind words

The most valuable way to help a suffering person is through words of encouragement. To calm the patient down, you can:

Speak words of love. They must be repeated sincerely, with genuine sympathy. Having voiced the phrase: "I love you very much and will always be there," you can calm the person down, create an atmosphere of security.
To compliment. Sick people are very vulnerable, so they listen to every word and gesture of others. Notes on the smallest changes in appearance in better side will sound like compliments. Even if these changes do not exist, it is recommended to say about their presence. A sick person is not able to perceive reality objectively. In oncology, this will give the sufferer hope for a miracle; in severe non-fatal illness, it will accelerate recovery.
To praise. Praise of a sick person follows every little thing, even a spoon eaten or a sip of water. A positive attitude will help a speedy recovery or relief of the patient's condition.
Maintain at a distance. It would be appropriate phone call or a Skype conversation. It is very important for the patient to hear his own voice, to see a familiar face. Further actions will be constant SMS, written poems, pictures sent and all those things that the patient likes. But the most significant will be the phrase: "I'm on my way."
Talk about abstract topics. It is worth moving away from boring topics and preferring easy and fun ones. We must try to remember interesting story, anecdote, tell funny news. You can try to discuss neutral topics: a book you have read, a movie, a recipe for a dish - anything that will interest the patient at least a little.

Forbidden words

Some phrases can harm a sick person. You shouldn't talk about the following topics:

Disease. You should not discuss the symptoms, look for their confirmation, give similar examples from the lives of familiar people. The only exception can be happy cases of successful healing.
The reaction of friends. It is not at all necessary for a sick person to know what reaction his illness has caused in those around him. If anyone is touched by this, let him visit him personally (you should not notify him in advance, since the visit may break down and the patient will be disappointed). A smart solution would be to simply say hello and share the news about someone you know.
Personal impression. It is categorically not worth telling what reaction the illness caused in the helping person or nearby relatives. Trying to demonstrate your compassion, you can upset the patient even more, since he became the culprit of the worries and continues to torment loved ones with his position.
Distance. If the terrible news about the illness of a loved one overtook him far from him, the best solution will urgently hit the road. It is imperative to inform about this. Resolution of issues, negotiations with the authorities regarding departure and other problems should remain secret. The patient should not be aware of matters that may be more important than him. If it is not possible to come, then you can refer to the lack of tickets, bad weather and other factors. Here, a lie will be salvation, since waiting can prolong the patient's life.
A pity. If the disease is fatal, the pity of loved ones will constantly remind of this, causing Bad mood and deterioration of health. If the disease is not so serious, then there is a risk of its complication, since the patient will think that something is not being told to him. Sometimes the patient may have a reluctance to get well, since constant pity is addictive and even pretending.

Useful actions

Correct actions in relation to the patient promote recovery or can alleviate the course of the disease:

Care. Some patients need constant care because they cannot do anything on their own. But even if a person does not need enhanced care, attention and care will only benefit him. It would be appropriate to simply offer to lie down and make tea. Cleaning the apartment or preparing dinner will be a good help. The main thing is to correctly assess the situation and help only if necessary. It is not necessary to forcibly remove the patient from his usual duties, persistently sending him to rest. Sometimes it's enough to just be there and allow yourself to be courted. This will allow a sick person to forget about his illness for a while and feel needed.
Abstraction. It is helpful to distract the patient from treatment and talk about pills. If a person has the ability to move, it is necessary to persuade him to take a walk in the fresh air. You can visit some events, exhibitions, museums, creative evenings, etc. A changed appearance should not be a hindrance, main task will convince the patient that now positive emotions much more important than the perception of others.

Condolences after the death of a loved one

The irreparable loss of loved ones causes severe suffering that a person cannot cope with without outside help. In order to provide the necessary support in a timely manner, it is recommended that you familiarize yourself with the main phases emotional state in this situation:

Shock. It can last from a few minutes to several weeks. The inability to perceive reality is accompanied by a lack of control over emotions. Attacks can be accompanied by violent manifestations of grief or complete inactivity with stone calm and detachment. The person does not eat anything, does not sleep, does not talk and hardly moves. At this moment, he needs psychological help. A reasonable decision would be to leave him alone, not to impose his care, not to try to force-feed, drink, strike up a conversation with him. You just need to be near, hug, take the hand. It is important to closely monitor the reaction. Do not start conversations on the topic: "if only they found out earlier, would have time, etc." It is no longer possible to return anything, so you should not provoke feelings of guilt. There is no need to talk about the deceased in the present tense, remember his torment. It is not recommended to make plans for the future: "everything is ahead, you still have time, you still find it, life goes on ...". It would be much better to help in organizing funerals, cleaning, cooking.
Experience. This period ends after two months. At this time, the person is a little inhibited, poorly oriented, almost unable to concentrate, from every unnecessary word or gesture he can burst into tears. The feeling of a lump in the throat and sad memories prevent sleep, there is no appetite. Memories of the departed evoke feelings of guilt, idealization of the image of the deceased, or aggression towards him. During this period, you can support a person with kind words about the deceased. This behavior will confirm positive attitude to a departed person and will become the basis for a common experience about his death. Do not give examples of other people who have experienced greater sorrow... This will be perceived as tactless and disrespectful. Walking, simple activity, a simple release of emotions in the form of joint tears will be very effective. If a person wants to be alone, do not disturb him. In this case, you need to constantly be in touch, call or write messages.
Awareness. This phase tends to end one year after the loss. A person may still suffer, but he is already aware of the irreversibility of the situation. He gradually enters his usual mode, it becomes possible to concentrate on working moments or everyday problems... The attacks are unbearable heartache visit less and less. During this period, he almost returned to ordinary life but the bitterness of loss is still there. Therefore, it is necessary to unobtrusively introduce him to new activities and recreation. This should be done as tactfully as possible. You should control your words and treat with understanding possible deviations from his usual behavior.
Recovery. The person fully recovers after a year and a half after the loss. Acute pain is replaced by quiet sadness. Memories are not always accompanied by tears, it becomes possible to control emotions. A person tries to take care of loved ones, now living people, but he still needs the help of a true friend.

If the described phases are delayed or do not come to replace, it is necessary to urgently seek help from specialists. This condition is dangerous and fraught with serious illness.

How not to get hurt

Sincere help has its own nuances. It is necessary to help, but within reasonable limits:

You need to help only if you have a sincere desire.
In case of grief, you need to objectively assess your strength. If there are not enough of them, friends or specialists should be brought in.
To reserve the right to personal space, not to become hostage to the situation.
Do not allow yourself to be manipulated at the slightest refusal to fulfill the request.
Do not sacrifice your interests, work, family happiness for the sake of reassuring a friend.
When moral or material help takes too long, it is necessary to tactfully talk with the person, explain that everything possible has already been done to overcome the difficult situation.

Timely assistance and a sense of sincere compassion will help return a person to their former life.

And a little about secrets ...

The story of one of our readers Irina Volodina:

Especially depressing for me were the eyes, surrounded by large wrinkles plus dark circles and swelling. How to remove wrinkles and bags under the eyes completely? How to deal with swelling and redness?But nothing ages or rejuvenates a person as much as his eyes.

But how to rejuvenate them? Plastic surgery? Recognized - not less than 5 thousand dollars. Hardware procedures - photorejuvenation, gas-liquid pilling, radiolifting, laser facelift? Slightly more affordable - the course costs 1.5-2 thousand dollars. And when to find all this time? And it's still expensive. Especially now. Therefore, I chose a different way for myself ...

And which ones are not worth it? the site will tell you how to provide moral support to a person in a difficult situation.

Grief is a person's response to a loss, for example, after the death of a loved one.

4 stages of grief

A person experiencing grief goes through 4 stages:

Shock phase. Lasts from a few seconds to several weeks. It is characterized by disbelief in everything that happens, insensitivity, low mobility with periods of hyperactivity, loss of appetite, sleep problems.
The phase of suffering. Lasts 6 to 7 weeks. It is characterized by weakened attention, inability to concentrate, impaired memory, sleep. Also, a person experiences constant anxiety, a desire to retire, lethargy. Stomach pain and a lumpy sensation in the throat may occur. If a person is experiencing the death of a loved one, then during this period he can idealize the deceased or, on the contrary, feel anger, rage, irritation or guilt towards him.
Acceptance phase ends a year after the loss of a loved one. It is characterized by the restoration of sleep and appetite, the ability to plan your activities taking into account the loss. Sometimes a person still continues to suffer, but attacks are less and less frequent.
Recovery phase begins after a year and a half, grief gives way to sadness and a person begins to relate to the loss more calmly.

Do I need to comfort a person? Undoubtedly yes. If the victim is not assisted, it can lead to infectious diseases, heart disease, alcoholism, accidents, depression. Psychological help is invaluable, so support your loved one as best you can. Interact with him, communicate. Even if it seems to you that the person is not listening to you or not paying attention, do not worry. The time will come, and he will remember you with gratitude.

Should you comfort unfamiliar people? If you feel you have enough moral strength and desire to help, do it. If the person does not push you away, does not run away, does not shout, then you are doing everything right. If you are not sure if you can comfort the victim, find someone who can do it.

Is there a difference in comforting people you know and people you don't know? In fact, no. The only difference is that you know one person more, the other less. We repeat once again, if you feel the strength in yourself, then help. Stay close, talk, involve in general activities... Do not be greedy for help, it is never superfluous.

So, let's look at the methods of psychological support in the two most difficult stages of grief.

Shock phase

Your behavior:

Don't leave the person alone with you.
Gently touch the victim. You can take your hand, put your hand on your shoulder, you can pat your loved ones on the head, hug. Monitor the victim's reaction. Does he accept your touch, does he not repel? If repulsive - do not impose, but do not leave.
Make sure that the person being comforted rests more, does not forget about meals.
Keep the victim busy with simple activities, such as organizing a funeral.
Listen actively. A person can say strange things, repeat themselves, lose the thread of the story, and now and then return to emotional experiences. Refuse advice and guidance. Listen carefully, ask clarifying questions, talk about how you understand it. Help the victim just talk about their experiences and pain - it will immediately become easier for him.

Your words:

Talk about the past in the past tense.
If you know the deceased, tell us something good about him.

You can't say:

"You can't recover from such a loss", "Only time heals", "You are strong, be strong." These phrases can inflict additional suffering on a person and increase their loneliness.
"Everything is God's will" (helps only deeply believing people), "Exhausted", "He will be better there", "Forget about it." Such phrases can greatly injure the victim, since they sound like a hint to reason with their feelings, not to experience them, or even completely forget about their grief.
"You are young, beautiful, you will still get married / give birth to a child." These phrases can be annoying. A person is experiencing a loss in the present, he has not yet recovered from it. And he is offered to dream.
“Now, if the ambulance arrived on time”, “Now, if the doctors paid more attention to it,” “Now, if I hadn't let him in.” These phrases are empty and do not carry any benefit. First, history abhors subjunctive mood and secondly, such expressions only increase the bitterness of loss.

Suffering phase

Your behavior:

In this phase, the victim can already be given the opportunity to be alone from time to time.
Give the victim more water... He should drink up to 2 liters a day.
Organize physical activity for him. For example, take him for a walk, do physical chores around the house.
If the victim wants to cry, do not interfere with it. Help him cry. Don't hold back your emotions - cry with him.
If he shows anger, do not interfere.

Your words:

How to comfort a person: the right words

If your ward wants to talk about the deceased, bring the conversation into the area of feelings: "You are very sad / lonely", "You are very confused", "You cannot describe your feelings." Tell us how you feel.
Say that this suffering will not last forever. And loss is not a punishment, but a part of life.
Do not avoid talking about the deceased if there are people in the room who are extremely worried about this loss. Tactful avoidance of these topics hurts more than the mention of the tragedy.

You can't say:

"Stop crying, pull yourself together", "Stop suffering, everything is over" - this is tactless and harmful to psychological health.
"And someone is worse off than you." Such topics can help in a situation of divorce, separation, but not the death of a loved one. You cannot compare the grief of one person with the grief of another. Comparative conversations can give the person the impression that you don't give a damn about their feelings.

It makes no sense to tell the victim: "If you need help - contact / call me" or ask him "How can I help you?" The grieving person may simply not have the strength to pick up the phone, call and ask for help. He may also forget about your offer.

To prevent this from happening, come and sit with him. As soon as the grief subsides a little - take him for a walk, take him to the store or to the cinema with him. Sometimes this should be done by force. Don't be afraid to sound intrusive. Time will pass and he will appreciate your help.

How to support a person if you are far away?

Call him. If he doesn’t answer, leave a message on the answering machine, write sms or a letter to e-mail... Express condolences, communicate your feelings, share memories that characterize the departed from the brightest sides.

Remember that helping a person get through grief is necessary, especially if this is a person close to you. In addition, it will help not only him to survive the loss. If the loss touched you too, helping another, you yourself will be able to survive the grief more easily, with less losses for your own mental state. And it will also save you from feeling guilty - you will not reproach yourself for what you could help, but did not, brushing off other people's troubles and problems.

Throughout life path each person has to face different difficulties. It can be minor scrapes at work, a quarrel with a loved one, illness, or the loss of someone close to you. And in these difficult circumstances, it is so important to know that there is someone nearby who will not regret warm words of support. After all, one spoken word can heal a bleeding wound, or, conversely, cause even more harm.

Today, unfortunately, people underestimate the importance of the spoken words. But it is in them that is hidden tremendous power, which is capable of both giving life to a person and taking it away. The Bible says: “ Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will partake of its fruits". Prov. 18:22 As you can see, language has power, and, despite the fact that it is a small member, but it is he who governs everything.

Why is it so important to express words of support in difficult times?

The fact is that when a person is supported and said that together they will cope with any problem, that there are those next to him who love him and will help, then by this they strengthen the one who is in a difficult situation and give him strength. However, the lack of understanding and support can kill even the slightest hope that everything will be fine.

Words of support to the patient

Unfortunately, in life it happens that diseases come into our life. Some of them are easily cured, others have more serious consequences, and still others are fatal. And when we learn about the illness of a loved one, it plunges us into shock and bewilderment. However, what does the patient himself feel at this moment? Of course, he suffers more than others. Different thoughts may arise in his head, and at this very moment words of support to the patient can help him feel not alone and that there is still hope.

Faced with such a circumstance, everyone understands that something needs to be said, but more often than not people cannot find the right words, and begin to show pity. This is the last thing the patient needs. Our participation and kind word are what a patient needs. This is what will help him not worry so much, knowing that he is still loved.

What words of support can you say to the patient?

You need to tell a loved one that you love him and no matter what happens, you will always be there.
Give compliments, praise for some merit, even the smallest. For a patient, this merit can be a real feat.
There is no need to talk about the disease itself and how shocking news it has become for you, it is better to distract the patient with some good news or, in last resort, a funny anecdote.

Any sick person needs words of support and attention. This is what will help him recover faster and recover sooner.

Condolences of support

The loss of a loved one is, perhaps, the most powerful test for everyone. And in this difficult period, a person needs help and attention so that he can walk this path and start living a full life again. In this case instead of words of support words of condolence will be appropriate. However, condolences can be different. For example, let's compare two options.

"My condolences! Everything will be fine!" - such support seems completely indifferent and sounds more like a formality. How can everything be good if everything is very bad?
Or: “Please accept my sincere condolences! Know that you can always count on my help. If you need something, I am always there! " - from such words it really becomes warmer in the soul. After all, knowing that there are people who are ready to help in any situation helps to cope with many difficulties.

So what are the words to speak in difficult circumstances?

First of all, these should be thoughtful words. What we say can change a person's life for the better or for the worse. After all every word we say will definitely bear fruit.
If a person is in a difficult situation himself, then there is no need to dwell on his condition and constantly tell everyone how bad everything is. After all, these words will bear fruit. Difficulties will come across more than once on our way, so we must learn to extract something positive and good even from the worst. And that's exactly what to talk about.

The Bible says: “I said: I will watch my ways, lest I sin with my tongue; I will bridle my lips, while the wicked one is before me. ”Ps. 38: 2

Our wild words can be a blessing or a curse to someone. Therefore, even speaking to someone, it is worth controlling yourself. Unfortunately, very often it turns out that you wanted the best, but it turned out as always. Therefore, sometimes it is better to remain silent at all than to say some kind of stupidity that hurts a person to the core.

Words of Faith in Difficult Times

There are circumstances in which you cannot speak words of unbelief.

When you're under pressure at work.

When there is no money

In no case should these words be proclaimed into your life.

"Why?" - you ask. And ask right. Remember research? God created the entire universe with a word. And we are created in His image and likeness.

And therefore, what we say in our life is what we have.

For example.

Example 1. Business.

When I started doing business, the first 4 months I had practically no orders. Only small ones, or from relatives.

I remember my birthday. I have no orders for 48 days, a warm March evening. A friend called me, congratulated and then casually asked:

"How's business?"

How many flashed through my head at that moment. But in response, I boldly replied:

"All perfectly!".

Instead of words of disbelief and despondency, I said what I believed in.

Isn't that a lie?

No. For the reason that it happened.

Example 2. Relationship with a person.

The principle is very simple.

Saying is not what the soul feels. Because the soul is always like a roller coaster, sometimes good, sometimes bad.

But saying what you believe in your spirit.

And soon what you see will agree with what you say.

An example from the Word of God.

Jesus did just that.

One day a man approached Him, the head of the synagogue, whose daughter was dying. Imagine his grief. The girl, whom he raised with love, lies with a disease for which this man had no medicine. He turned to God.

22 And, behold, one of the rulers of the synagogue, by the name of Jairus, comes, and seeing him, falls at his feet 23 and begs him earnestly, saying: My daughter is about to die; come and lay your hands on her so that she will get well and stay alive. 24 Jesus went with him. Many people followed him, and they oppressed him.

The Lord God always answers the need of man. Jesus followed the ruler of the synagogue.

But an event occurred on the road that made Jesus stop. Time is precious. The daughter is dying, the head of the synagogue is terribly worried.

And Jesus at this time is talking with a woman who was healed by touching Him.

35 While he was yet speaking these things, they came from the ruler of the synagogue and said, Your daughter is dead; what else are you bothering the Teacher? 36 But Jesus, hearing these words, immediately says to the ruler of the synagogue: Do not be afraid, only believe. 37 And He did not allow anyone to follow Him, except Peter, James, and John, the brother of James.

See how important words are. The man still believed. But they came from home and said that the daughter was dead.

Jesus' first reaction was: "Don't be afraid, just believe."

And the head of the synagogue obeyed. He did not utter a single word of disbelief in the most difficult circumstances. He did not fight in hysterics, did not shout at subordinates and did not get angry. He gave the situation to Jesus.

And when Jesus said to him the words "Do not be afraid, only believe" - he did it.

He did not succumb to fear. He submitted to faith.

38 He comes to the house of the ruler of the synagogue and sees confusion and crying and crying loudly. 39 And coming in, he saith to them: Why are you confused and weeping? the maiden is not dead, but she is sleeping. 40 And they laughed at Him. But He, having sent them all out, takes with Him the father and mother of the maiden and those who were with Him, and enters where the maiden lay. 41 And taking the girl by the hand, he said to her, "Talitha Qumi," which means: girl, I tell you, get up. 42 And the girl immediately got up and began to walk, for she was twelve years old. Those who saw were in great amazement. 43 And He strictly ordered them that no one should know about it, and said that they should give her something to eat.

There are some amazing things about this story.

The way Jesus behaved.

In the East, there is a profession - a mourner. Such people are invited to mournful events. But Jesus sent them out, even though they laughed at Him.

And then Jesus spoke words filled with faith and what He proclaimed was happening. He did not beg his daughter to get up. He proclaimed this “ girl, I tell you, get up ". And it happened.

But most of all I want to draw your attention to this man.

But the situation is really terrible. The beloved child is dying. Nothing can be done. Since he is the head of the synagogue, he is not a poor man, and he has tried everything he can. But nothing helped.

But notice his behavior around the Lord.

During all this time, he uttered the words only once. And these were words of faith. "Come and lay your hands on her so that she will recover and stay alive."

He spoke words of faith when he came to Jesus... And when it was very difficult, he just kept silent.

But during all this time, he never uttered a word of disbelief, words of fear or doubt. HE did not lament: “Ah-ah-ah, Jesus, my daughter is already dead, lying in the house. How am I going to live now. And you didn’t come. ”

He was silent. And believed.

Sometimes faith is expressed in words. But there are times when it's hard to even say. But be quiet and keep believing. And this faith will materialize into the fact that you will see the result of faith.

A word of encouragement for difficult circumstances.

First ... Your words of support are very important to your neighbor.

Second. In difficult circumstances, don't let your tongue speak words of doubt and disbelief. because what you say surrounds you.

Everyone has difficult periods. Sometimes troubles concern people close and significant to us. What to do and how to help them? What words to pick up in difficult times? Let's try to figure it out together.

Listen and hear

Paradoxically, you shouldn't rush at a person with words of support right away. Template blanks will lead nowhere. The main thing is to understand what is going on inside him now; from this, the necessary words will be found.

But, just the ability to listen and hear is not given to everyone. “Well, let him fail!”, - say two women after the breakup. Only one of them is really angry, which will raise her to unprecedented feats in all areas. And the second - a cry of despair, a convulsive attempt to drown out the understanding that without him she would be lost.

Or another example: “My boss is a fool and I left work,” three men stun the household. Only one in his mind has long matured a plan to try something of his own; in the second - complete depression and a feeling of not being needed by anyone; and the third in general is happily going to "rest for a week or two" before starting to look for a new job.

Hence, there is the main first point: understand how significant this problem is for a person: it completely breaks him - then it will be necessary to console him and "resurrect"; she is an impetus to drastically change life - support and believe in his undertakings; but if this problem is just a screen in order to "get away" from the case, do not overdo it with "wiping the nose."

Men don't cry or complain

This point especially applies to the stronger sex, although some women have also set themselves a number of taboos, from which they may then suffer. Negative emotions must be discarded. If a person keeps them all in himself and does not let them out, he actually begins to "burn" himself from the inside. Many experts believe that it is our domestic attitude that "men should not cry and complain, otherwise they are not men, but rags" that led to this a huge number heart attacks and strokes in middle-aged men. And, if in Europe representatives of the stronger sex go to a psychologist, in eastern countries- relieve stress through physical activity, then our man goes to the bar, where the problem does not find a way out, but the liver also strains.

An important tip - try to lead the person to an explosion of emotions: let him pay out his pain, resentment or disappointment; let him speak out, swear at all offenders. If he does not succeed, make him move: go home with him on foot through the whole city, fight pillows, write the name of the offender on a piece of paper and make him tear and trample this paper.

A good exercise for relieving acute stress: a person claps and stomps with all his might, until vibration in the limbs and a tingling sensation occurs. If the client is completely in a state of incredible depression, be sure to bring him to a psychologist.

It so happens that a person now cannot retell and say anything: the grief is so strong. This often happens with the sudden death of a loved one. And just in this case, it is necessary to cry. You can also hug a person, thus expressing support and swing a little with him. Such a pendulum movement is absolutely natural, it is laid down by our body to relieve over-scale stress. By the way, many do it instinctively during periods of excitement, without even realizing it.

The main thing is that there is a reliable shoulder nearby

Offer the person to help. Often in critical situations, a person is afraid to be left alone with a problem. Perhaps he will not turn to you, but this will instill confidence that there is a person nearby who is able to support and help.

Well, if besides you - then there is no one closer - you should not only offer help, but also take on urgent and urgent matters: prepare food, clean up, arrange Required documents or make orders.

Try to distract from annoying thoughts.

The constant return to its collapse, makes you miss a bunch of new opportunities. Getting hung up on a breakup prevents us from noticing a new person who may actually be destiny. Distract the person: take him to a new place, to a cinema, park, cafe. Although, of course, such proposals must be timely and adequate: it is not worth dragging the ward to a night disco right after the funeral. But, if after a week you are told that “I'd rather sleep curled up,” you should not postpone active intervention. Likewise, depression with suicidal thoughts does not take long to earn.

Caring, indulgent and understanding are what a person needs. Do not flaunt: "I warned you!" or "I told you so!" The person already feels disgusting, and you reinforce his shaky position even more. Offer the person advice, but so that he comes to him himself. If you press and demand to do something immediately, then a person can simply “close in his shell”.

Everything in this life is not for nothing

This is a wisdom or axiom that must be constantly kept in mind. Any problem and negative situation, after a while, must be considered from the point of view: why was it given to me? What conclusion should I draw from it? It is better to learn to understand people, try another industry, become more persistent. "After all, what does not kill us necessarily makes us stronger!"

Trampling on a rake

And the most difficult thing: someone else's soul, as they say, is darkness. Sometimes people don't want to draw conclusions and learn from mistakes. They like to return to their previous relationship a hundred times and again leave with broken heart, or find the same tyrant boss. But, it is worth remembering: this is their life, not yours. And, therefore, they enjoy to some extent the experiences, emotions and consolations, as in a soap opera. Don't be annoyed about this. Each person chooses his own happiness. In this case, try not to get so emotionally involved.

The same goes for the elderly. Are you already sick of all the negativity that flows in a continuous stream? Do not argue or contradict. Just imagine how sad it is for a person to give all his strength and drag out a not quite worthy existence or feel like a burden. Think it's yours dear soul, without which you would not exist. So just say in response how you love, appreciate and worry!

So what are the words to choose?

So what are the words to pick with all this? Only sincere! If in front of you really significant person, you can safely tell him how important, beloved and valuable he is to you; and what are you willing to do to help him. And also frankly, not for pathos. But, remember that accepting or not accepting your help is a matter of the person himself. He may not be ready yet. But how to be there, at the right time - no one will tell you except your inner voice. But the reward of such efforts will be a closer connection and, proven by troubles, relationships.