Residents' meeting is when residents get together to yell

In our house every spring they paint the entrance. From this, the apartments stink of paint so that it is impossible to live. It would be nice if we needed an annual repair. But it's completely unnecessary.

We need to give it up. Management Company spends our money on repairs and torments us with it.

But in order to refuse, it is necessary to hold a general meeting of tenants and make a joint decision. And even for our small house, where there are only three entrances, this is unrealistic. Because - what is a meeting of tenants?

A meeting of residents is when residents gather at the same time in a designated place in order to yell at each other. Although they all have one common task. For example, we need to abandon repairs in the entrance. And someone needs to agree on where the parking will be. Postpone garbage containers. Block infill development in the yard. Resolve any current issues.

You can't do any of this alone. Only collectively.

But we can't. We come to the meeting and yell.

The picture is exactly the same in garden and dacha associations. The general meeting is a human bark. Everyone is run by squealing aunts and truth-tellers with a hangover. Despite the fact that this is the only mechanism by which gardeners can, for example, escape from the garbage dump, which the authorities decided to arrange near the village. Or from supposedly sanitary felling, for the sake of which their beautiful forest will be cut down to the root.

They need to organize and work out a collective decision at the meeting. And then this decision is consistently implemented.

But they don't hear each other. Everyone is blowing their own tune.

The maximum that activists can do is to write a letter in advance to the authorities on behalf of the residents and invite those who come to the meeting to sign it. And even then there will be those who disagree with one phrase, then with another: remove it, otherwise I will not sign.

Surely everyone who found himself in such a situation thought: “How unlucky I was with my neighbors. Live in our house normal people, everything would have been decided long ago.

But there is hardly one apartment house or a dacha community where residents behave differently. And it's not that they're abnormal. They are normal. They just don't know how to organize themselves.

They need someone to organize them. We need a guiding and guiding force in the form of a pot-bellied uncle in a suit and tie, so that "you can immediately see: the boss."

Such is our culture. It was worked out by centuries of authoritarianism and varnished by a seventy-year-old "scoop". The chief appears, we stop yelling and line up under him with a ladder. Whoever takes the step closest to him is well done.

Therefore, at the general meeting of tenants-gardeners, we also definitely need a boss. To give the floor and take the floor, sum up and put the bawlers in their place.

If all participants in the meeting are equal, all the same, no one is older, no one is higher in the hierarchy, the meeting has no chance.

Together they are only capable of emotional outbursts. As in Volokolamsk, for example, where the landfill interferes with the residents, and they have nowhere to go. They are tied to Volokolamsk, because the majority own property there - apartments and houses, in which efforts and money have been invested. If we were temporary guests, we would leave from the stench. But real estate cannot be abandoned. And they can’t sell it, because the landfill reduces its price so much that you can’t buy another one instead. As owners, they were at an impasse. So they made a fuss.

But the hubbub is not constructive.

In addition, they are short lived.

One or two, well, three days you need to hold out the leadership of the region where the uproar happened. Then - everything. Emotions will go out, the people will disperse, the hubbub will crumble into single squeals, and again it will be possible to crush people, deceive, poison with a dump, smelly paint and use it as you like.

Why do neighborhood meetings turn into hubbub? Why don't their solutions find constructive implementation? Why is the ability of our people to self-organize so weak?

The first answer that comes to mind is because no one trusts anyone. Which, in general, is natural. We are constantly being deceived.

They deceive the authorities: they promise one thing, they do another. They deceive the media: they tell what is not. Colleagues, employers, clients, buyers, sellers, friends, enemies, acquaintances and strangers deceive.

For the last quarter of a century, we have been living in a world of fraud, deceit and self-interest. Therefore, any proposal put forward by anyone, causes latent suspicions: do they want to deceive us here too?

Even if the proposal itself is pleasant, the thought of a possible trick hiding behind it is still present in the background. And what is on the mind of the wise is on the tongue of the fool. The lower the intellectual level of a person, the more categorical he is. And I firmly believe that he knows everything in the world.

These are the people who speak at the meeting common fears: “The chairman of the SNT contacted the merchants! He wants to deceive us! They will take our money into their hands, and look for them later!

Well, then the herd instinct kicks in. Those gathered pick up suspicions and pounce on those who offer something sensible. They are whipped, lynched, kicked and shot. Not really, thank God. In words. But it's still annoying.

Faced with such stupid aggression, reasonable people are horrified. They understand that nothing can be done about it, and they leave, leaving attempts to participate in both self-organization and self-government.

The field is freed up for marginals who are not afraid of anything. They do not care about suspicions and accusations. To any malicious attack on them, they always have an answer: the fool himself. And in general, I'm right, because I scream louder.

They scream really loud. But they are unable to solve the problem at hand. Because it is not necessary to shout in order to solve it, but to act jointly, thoughtfully, balanced, step by step and coordinated.

Fraudsters who sense their weakness, who are really full, immediately flock like flies to honey, and again deceive the unfortunate members of the SNT or residents apartment building. And they are once again convinced: yes, you can’t trust anyone.

Tenants of an apartment building are the owners of apartments.

Summer residents and gardeners are owners of land plots and country houses.

They all had private property in different time but not earlier than a quarter of a century ago. Because before that, no one had private property in our country. All property was public.

Only after 1990, the land began to be transferred to private ownership, and apartments were privatized. Accordingly, the state began to relieve itself of concern for emerging private property. Since this is your property, dear citizens, you take care of it. Look after, protect from encroachment. Now it is your interest and your responsibility.

Forms of associations of owners (gardening, dacha partnerships, partnerships of homeowners and real estate owners) were legally fixed. At the same time, legislators did not invent anything new. Every detail was borrowed from Western countries, where the owners of real estate have been uniting for a long time to jointly manage it.

This system works great there. We practically do not work. With rare exceptions. The reason is that in the West the institution of private property took shape over the centuries and at the same time a culture of interaction between private owners and with each other and with the state was formed. And our private property appeared, as we have already mentioned here, about 25 years ago.

The current newborn proprietors all their lives sat as extras at party and trade union meetings and raised their hands when they were told to vote. They did not have any culture of interaction and collective decision-making. Yes, and not now. And a lot of time will pass before it develops. If they don't help.

Is it possible to teach people adulthood speak in turn and clearly on the topic, do not interrupt each other, do not yell, listen to other people's opinions, do not be distracted from main task and come to a compromise?

Probably you can. But since our television talk shows are now teaching the opposite—interrupting, yelling, and not hearing—such efforts are unlikely to be successful.

Another thing is children. They don't watch talk shows. They can be taught to organize themselves into a team and work together towards goals.

How to do it? Just as the owners were united in partnerships. Adopt Western experience. Make "like them."

In countries with a well-established institution of private property and a developed system of self-government, children are purposefully taught the skills of working in a team.

Still starts at kindergarten. Here are some quotes from Curriculum Swedish system of preschool (!) Institutions: “In an institution preschool education lays the foundation for children's understanding of what democracy is. social development The child assumes that he will be responsible for his actions to the best of his ability. The educator should strive to ensure that the child has mastered the skills of expressing his thoughts and opinions in order to be able to really influence his position.

Bengt Eriksson, former press secretary of the Swedish Embassy in Moscow, is close to the topic of preschool education: his wife works in a preschool. “They gave the children the opportunity to decide on their own what they will do during breaks, in between lessons,” he told MK. - As a result, the children themselves painted a small school yard as a playground for different games, developed the rules for playing football on this site.

According to Bengt, preschool institutions There is such a form of classes - "conversations of friends." Children there “are trained to formulate their desires, to listen to other opinions. They practice conflict resolution and master the skills of putting forward proposals for solving situations and compromise options quite early.”

When the kids grow up and go to school, they begin to give group tasks. Sometimes they themselves can choose with whom they will be in the team. And sometimes the composition is determined by the teacher. Usually this is some kind of project, the preparation of which is given from a week to two. The team performs it independently from start to finish. Without teachers and parents.

MK talked about such tasks with Russian-speaking residents of Denmark and Sweden, whose children study in local schools.

“In the lower grades, the projects are simple. They give tasks similar to what the children have already done alone. Now five of us have to do the same,” said the mother of a nine-year-old boy. — For example, we recently had a project about the nature of Denmark. The son and four other children had to decide for themselves who would take on the birds, who - the fish, who - the animals, who - the trees. And how will they arrange the project - will it be an album or a long roll of paper on which they will stick pictures. And in what style will it all be - drawings or photos. And will the inscriptions be handwritten or printed on a computer? The children chose a roll. They stayed after classes, crawled on it on the floor, glued it, painted for a whole week. The teacher was present but did not interfere. Then the project was hung in the school corridor, and everyone went to look at it.”

Older children have more difficult tasks. A fourteen-year-old girl told, for example, about such a project. “First, all students were asked to come up with and write a detective story. Short - two or three pages. Everyone liked my story, and the teacher gave the task to make a film based on my story. Eight people wanted to participate. At first, we wrote the script together based on the story. Then they distributed the roles, who will play whom. Then they looked for suitable places in the area to shoot different scenes. Then they filmed it with a phone camera. Then they were mounted on a computer in a special program. It took us about a month to do everything. After the lessons, we gathered at someone's house and discussed everything together. We were living this film."

In another school, students themselves prepare school holidays. A team of students from different classes develops a scenario for the celebration - it decides what performances will be, who will give a speech, who will sing. If it is supposed to be a treat, then what kind. Who will cook it, who will buy it, with what money, how to collect it. Contests, disco - students are also responsible for organizing and conducting. Since everything is done on their own, the costs are minimal, and the children gain experience in teamwork.

What do we have?

“How often do students in your school receive assignments for joint work on some project without the help of teachers or parents?” - with such a question, "MK" turned to Sergei Pogodin, director of school No. 4 in the city of Nelidovo, Tver region - absolutely, I must say, wonderful, where children have the opportunity, in addition school curriculum to learn, it seems, everything in the world.

“We don’t practice this,” the director replied.

The journalist Elizaveta M. has a daughter who studies at School No. 57, one of the strongest Moscow schools, where work has been going on with gifted children for many years. “They had such projects in their history,” said Elizabeth. - We divided the class into 4 teams, and the book "Gods, Tombs, Scientists" - into 4 parts. The children themselves agreed on who teaches which part, makes presentations, and passes. Helped each other. They also have a lot team games on trips - when excursions and trips to the biological station. We are in 4th grade. In the future, I think, they will work like this more often. ”

Elizabeth M. was the only one who answered our question in the affirmative. Although, of course, "MK" could not interview the directors of all schools and parents of all students. There are probably other schools where students are given independent group assignments. However, developing teamwork skills in and of itself is not a priority. educational institutions. This is clearly evidenced by our Federal State Educational Standards - Federal State Educational Standards.

In GEF general education it is indicated that the "meta-subject" results of the development of the main educational program should reflect "the ability to communicate productively and interact in the process joint activities take into account the positions of other participants in the activity, effectively resolve conflicts.

But where do these skills come from in children?

There is not a word in the Federal State Educational Standard that they should be taught to self-organize and work in a team, entrusting independent group projects. Therefore, schools do not purposefully engage in such work.

And this means that when today's children grow up, they will also not be able to effectively manage their property and protect it from fraudsters who have merged with the authorities. Instead of interacting constructively, they will only suspect and squeal everyone.

The transition from a socialist to a market economy system was carried out in our country for the first time in history. So no one really knew how to do it. Represented in in general terms. But small ones were not seen.

Failure of the former Soviet people to self-organization as owners turned out to be one of such unforeseen "trifles". It turned out therefore as with water in the pool. Water was poured, but people were not taught to swim. And they themselves do not know how. Not because they are so bad, but because they come from the "scoop". They don't have the required skills. There is no culture of self-organization.

At first, the reformers missed this "trifle", but now it is clear that it has grown into a big problem. And you can't turn a blind eye to her. It is necessary to teach children self-organization from school, and adults to wean at least from an aggressive style of communication. From "who yells louder, he is right."

Unfortunately, none of this is being done. On the contrary, the belief is spreading that our people are special - patriarchal, infantile, and they need a father, a tsar-priest, but they cannot do anything for themselves on their own.

Although this is not true. Offensive.

But at the same time it is convenient for everyone.

Take me, for example. Instead of organizing a meeting now against the repairs that will cover our house in the coming weeks, I'm sitting here writing articles. Because I know: the meeting will result in high, I myself will be the first to run away from there.

Although if I understand everything so well, I need, on the contrary, to set a positive example social behavior. Gather neighbors, look for compromises, be a mediator. Water wears away the stone. We won't fight back this year, next year we'll succeed.

But I am inactive. I'm lazy. It’s convenient for me to be lazy, because there is an excuse: nothing will work out with such neighbors anyway.

And how convenient it is for public utilities - and there is nothing to say.

They can paint entrances not only in spring, but also in autumn. Yes, and under New Year walk on a roller. Refresh for the holiday, so that the eye rejoices.

It's strange that they still don't do that.

Hello! Tell me, please, how in his inner world a person “attracts” deceivers, cunning scammers who are able to set up, brazenly and cynically deceive, liars, into his life? Confidence in life, people is undermined, sometimes you don’t want to live because of it.

3 answers

Hello.

Why are scammers and manipulators attracted to us in life, those who lead us astray from the true path? We all ask ourselves this question when faced with any form of deception or disappointment.

Quite recently, an incident happened to me ... I ended up in an unfamiliar part of the city on business and got lost. I asked for directions from a woman who, it seemed to me, lives somewhere here and is worthy of trust. She pointed out, I went that direction and got even more lost. What is the reason for my delusion? Most likely, I did not know where to go and went at random, using the advice of a stranger. You can even exaggerate - trusted to a stranger your life for a while.

This is one possible answer to your question.

It happens that we are sure that we know where we are going and why we are doing this, but this is not so. And then there is someone who directs us in the wrong direction, leads us astray. And as in my case, to find an answer, it is worth reformulating the question. Ask yourself and the universe not WHY we are where we are, but WHY we are where we are.

It may be only the tenth time when faced with a deceiver, from hopelessness there will be courage to face the truth. To see in oneself that “honey” that scammers flock to ... maybe see how we deceive ourselves and therefore easily allow others to do it ... maybe see our own passivity in relation to our safety, our fading in such situations and, as a result, defenselessness and easy accessibility for dishonest people... one might see that such people determine our relationship with the world at large. They highlight our sacrificial role in life.

Unfortunately, I know from experience that we are often drawn not to where we can be happy, but to where the atmosphere is familiar. I think everyone has experienced a feeling of intense anxiety when faced with unusual behavior in other people. There is a feeling of impossibility to control the situation and understand how to act correctly. A similar feeling appears if from the "bad" life situation start moving to the "good". There will be a feeling of anxiety, fear, painful uncertainty and a great desire to streamline the situation and bring it back to “normal”. And we usually succeed in this ... And the norm is when we know the beginning, continuation and end of the story. Therefore, the situation is doomed to repeat ...

And all kinds of scammers "normalize" the situation. They return us to where we used to be, where we know every blade of grass, every pebble, where we know the beginning and the end.

From my words, one might get the impression that all people are masochists :-) Everyone knows everything and does nothing ...
I do not think so. Because I know that our self-awareness lies not only in consciousness, where we can use it, but for the most part in the unconscious. This is the area that is hidden from direct access and manifests itself through life circumstances beyond our control. So sometimes success can be very desirable from a conscious point of view, but at the same time the feeling of betrayal in relation to, for example, a jealous parent will slip away. And for the desire to be good son or daughter, some sacrifice their success. But it is unconscious. That's why it's so hard to deal with and it takes real courage to face the truth.

If you are ready to take the next step and move from questions to action, then I will be glad to help you with this.

I'll be waiting for your response.
Sincerely, psychologist Lyubov Lapshina
For personal consultations write to [email protected]

I really like the posing of the question: WHAT IN HIS INNER WORLD does a person “ATTRACT” deceivers into his life, etc.? And not only deceivers, but in general a variety of situations in their lives. This is very important: to understand WHAT inside our inner world requires reflection in outside world, in the reality that we see, which, of course, we are more aware of than internal, internal processes. And this is something, it seems to me, complexes, STRONGLY CHARGED FEELINGS and emotions associated with them. Some of our "sick" places that want to be realized, noticed, accepted and transformed. If you think about what in your inner world a person attracts people who deceive, then it can be a feeling of naivety, an unsatisfied need to trust and feel safe, a feeling of being a victim, because unconsciously scammers feel who can be deceived, who can succumb to their tricks. And there is also such a thing as trauma, a traumatic situation that happened a long time ago, the feelings of which remained unexperienced and this situation remained in the inner world in the form of those same complexes, around the hearth, i.e. injury. Because the situation is not completed in this way, a person also unconsciously chooses to believe those who will deceive and betray. And to some extent, deeply he feels that these people cannot be trusted. But he hopes that this time he will not be betrayed, set up and deceived for sure. And again on the same "rake". There is a retrauma and the belief that all people cannot be trusted, that everyone will be deceived and betrayed - is strengthened. Painful feelings rise again. And of course, from such a heavy feeling in life, not much good is seen at all. Although it is not. There is a way in life bad people and very good, loyal and reliable. The task in this case is to learn to LISTEN TO YOURSELF and TRUST YOURSELF, to believe in yourself. Reflect on how and in what way you deceive yourself? Maybe it happens when you allow yourself to trust those people who cannot be trusted. Or trust too much. It is necessary to live through those feelings that create such unpleasant situations, to “cleanse” your inner world. Recognize the person with whom such feelings manifested themselves for the first time. And learn to trust yourself. This is one of the main conditions that would not fall for the tricks of dishonorable people. Realize that primary situation where you believed and you were deceived. And which requires its completion - i.e. understanding and experiencing painful feelings. You can think about it, remember. Write down everything that comes: images, guesses, thoughts. The answer will come. The situation will come up for sure. With a psychologist, this process will go faster. Especially with regards to experiencing painful feelings. This requires a sense of security and trust. And this is the path of analysis and therapy. Contact. I will be glad to support you on the path of liberation from feelings of powerlessness, restoration of your self-confidence and trust in the world. Trust in that side of life and those people who can be trusted.

Hello author.
What happened to you that made your disbelief in people so great? And most importantly: HOW did you admit that you were hooked by scammers? What did this hook look like to you? Magic wand?

Such non-standard behavior of some people as fraud exists in your world. And this must be known and accepted. Also, be able to defend yourself. The actions of scammers are not just two words. This is a complex of "fraud" aimed at a specific person.

In order for the “noodle” complex to work, you need to behave incorrectly. That is, to give responsibility for their well-being to someone and somewhere. For some period of time, stop understanding yourself and not be your own mistress. It is precisely at such a broken moment in our lives that we, as it were, open the door to those same scammers. Which at first seem to us who? That's right: almost omnipotent. Wishing to help only you. Here is happiness...
Have you already got into a state where you feel sorry for yourself? It needs to be experienced right. Draw conclusions. And no longer fall for an empty, shiny and fragrant hook. Which and the most ... no. Also a figment of your imagination in anticipation of an extraordinary personal super miracle.

In a word, everything is a mirage. But that mirage from whose head came into this world?

I will be glad to help you remove disbelief in people in the background.
People can be trusted. But caution is always in fashion.

Always on your side, psychologist Marina Lvovskaya.
my e-mail for communication [email protected]
Write!!!

Do you want to know if your partner is cheating on you? You have reasons for thinking this way, and a variety of ways to find out the truth.

Disappointing statistics

If you are worried that your partner is lying to you, you may very well be right - lying is much more common than we would like. Sometimes this is not just a lie for the good or omissions, but a serious deception associated with your relationship or betrayal.
Unfortunately, there is no scientific way to determine if your partner is cheating on you. However, you can easily tell when he is cheating. Here are seven ways you can tell if he's hiding something important from you.

Ask your friends

Other people, sometimes even strangers, often have no difficulty in noticing when something is going wrong with someone else's relationship. Psychologists use a test in which a couple must create a drawing together. One participant draws while blindfolded, while the other helps him with instructions. Everything that happens is recorded on camera. Before the experiment begins, participants are asked to answer several relationship questions, including whether they have ever cheated.
After that, the researchers gave a tape recording of the drawing process to strangers who had to guess which couple was cheating. Surprisingly, the volunteers guessed incredibly accurately. This research suggests that sometimes it may be enough just to look at the interaction of partners in order to sense infidelity or conflict. People make surprisingly accurate conclusions about others in a variety of situations, and even the most brief observation is enough for this. At least that's what the scientists came to. If serious doubts begin to torment you that everything is in order in your relationship, the advice of friends or relatives can help you.

Pretend like nothing's happening and watch

People often judge other people's behavior quite badly, especially when they try to do it consciously. If you have the opportunity to observe someone's behavior for a longer time, it will be much easier for you to figure out if you are being deceived. In 2013, a team of scientists conducted an experiment in which students had to watch people testify in court and then determine whether those people were telling the truth or lying.
The students who were given more time to think before the verdict was delivered did a much better job of identifying liars. Human consciousness does not always cope with the separation of truth and falsehood. It takes time to assess the situation. If something worries or worries you, you should just give yourself the opportunity to navigate - perhaps the strange behavior was a temporary phenomenon associated with stress or other life circumstances. If, over time, you gain confidence that you are being deceived, you will have a more solid reason to sort out the relationship.

Be careful with your choice of words

In a recent study, psychology professor James Pennebaker analyzed data collected by a text evaluation program. Certain language has been found to signal that the speaker is trying to hide the truth. For example, liars are less likely to use personal pronouns, do not say “I think” or “understand,” and also use “but” and “except” less frequently. In addition, they often use negative words, such as "anger" or "enemy", as well as verbs that describe movement. Of course, all this is only relevant if the way you communicate has changed in some way - if your partner has always preferred harsh language and did not talk too much about his own feelings, such words may not signal anything.

Listen to the sound of the voice

Canadian researchers recently asked a group of volunteers to listen to several recordings of voices and rate how attractive one or the other sounded. After that, scientists were asked to evaluate how likely it is that a particular person will be unfaithful to his partner.
Female volunteers most often noted that men with a low timbre of voice are more likely to cheat, and male volunteers, on the contrary, felt that women would cheat more often if they were owners of a high timbre. Men with higher testosterone levels have lower voices, according to research. high level testosterone has been linked to the likelihood of infidelity. However, scientists could not explain where people got the psychological awareness of this. In the future, they will study this fact, but for now you can simply evaluate the voice of your partner and, on the basis of this, understand whether he is generally inclined to betrayal - the timbre will tell you about this.

Pay attention to social networks

If your partner spends more time with his mobile phone than with you, it might be suspicious. Research has shown that people who are very active on social media are more likely to experience infidelity, separation, or divorce. According to scientists, most people spend no more than an hour on social networks. Those who use social media for a longer time are more likely to fight with their partners, cheat or get divorced. The longer the time spent in social network, the worse the effect on the relationship. However, this does not mean that the phone leads to betrayal, however, there is still some connection. If this is a problem in your relationship, it's time to have a serious conversation with your partner. A seemingly harmless habit of surfing the Internet can destroy your life together in the longer term, even if no betrayal occurs.

Watch for sudden changes in behavior

If you've been in a relationship for quite some time, chances are you already know how your partner behaves under normal conditions - what he likes to eat, how he reacts to trials and surprises, whether he's a good listener, and so on. Sudden changes in body language, facial expressions, speech patterns and more can be signals of ambivalent behavior, according to scientists who specialize in recognizing deceivers during detective investigations. The human body shows certain signals if he is nervous and feels tense - namely, this is what happens when a person lies. Learn to recognize them and it will be much easier for you to navigate what is being said to you, because you will notice the truth or lie even without words.

Pay attention to silence, repetition or backlash

There is a clear sign of a lie - a sudden refusal to talk. When a person's tongue is allegedly taken away, this may be due to the fact that nervous system automatically reacts to stress, and the mouth dries up. Another sign is a negative reaction even to fairly innocent questions. Finally, people who lie often repeat question asked before you start answering it - most likely to give yourself time to come up with an answer. If you notice any of these signs in your partner, this can be considered sufficient reason for suspicion. You should not draw quick conclusions, but you definitely should not turn a blind eye to what is happening.

by Notes of the Wild Mistress

All people cheat: men, women, and children. British scientists have found that people begin to lie from the age of six months. So already six months old children are able to falsely laugh or scream in order to attract attention to themselves. Then, growing up, children learn to keep silent about something, and one-year-olds distract attention with the help of lies. From the age of two, children lie openly, moreover, their favorite phrase is: "It's not me."

The ability to tell a lie is an innate quality. And only education, the ability not to indulge, but to carefully suppress deceit, can this property of human nature be reduced - this is what psychologists think.

And what to do if you are faced with a lie, And with a conscious deception of an adult - your husband? Why do men lie? What are the motives that drive them to cheat? And, most importantly, what to do if we find that the beloved man is deceiving you?

To begin with, immediately tame the anger and do not scatter irresponsible statements, such as "I myself never lie." This is no longer true, because the most common lie is the answer - "good" to the question - "how are you." But we will not talk about the types of deception today, but in the motives male lies let's try to figure it out.

Psychologists say that there are many such reasons, and women themselves are to blame for many of them. How? Here, the simplest example: we all want to see a sort of mixture of a super macho and a prince on a white horse next to us, a person who will solve our any problem in the blink of an eye, like a magician, will disperse all the clouds over our heads.

And an ordinary man, trying with all his might not to disappoint us, invents all sorts of fables, overstates his social status, financial situation, opportunities - all in order to maintain female interest and attention. Such a man wants to appear taller, better, more competitive in our eyes. Should we blame him so severely for this? Maybe it's better to reconsider your own requirements and finally understand that there are no wizards in the world?

The second reason for male deception, called by psychologists, is the lack of attention, our female attention. All people love to be praised, complimented, appreciated and do not skimp on warm and kind words. Men are no exception, but for some reason it is considered the norm to compliment only women. So they talk about their real and non-existent successes and achievements in order to hear a word of praise, to see that we value them, are proud and admire.

Does this seem funny? But in vain, because if your man is trying to rise in your eyes in this way, to achieve attention and understanding, then he lacks this in your relationship, and you missed something, moreover, important and serious.

Often men exaggerate, to put it mildly, their employment. On the one hand, this is dictated by the desire to appear more significant, to emphasize that they are irreplaceable specialists, they are valued and considered. But this lie can also be dictated by the desire to dodge household chores and worries that are not interesting to them. If we notice this, then we should treat this behavior of the husband carefully, for example, expressly thank you for the help, explaining how important it is for you. Try to do household chores together, together, while loading the husband gradually so that he gets used to the fact that household chores are common to family members.

But there are other reasons that are important to understand in order to have time to correct your behavior and attitudes in time, before the deceit and the conflict caused by it destroyed your feelings. So, many men are inherently introverts, unable or embarrassed to open their inner world to other people, even to those closest to them. And if your pressure and irresistible desire becomes painful and too strong, then such a man will rather lie than tell what he does not know how and does not want to talk about. Such lies have no reason, except for your immoderate pressure. But for some men, the inner world is the most valuable thing in life, so their right to inner space must be respected.

As a rule, men do not like to talk about their personal lives, about the past, and even more so about former relationship, relationships with women. This is a property of male psychology, and there is nothing terrible or dangerous in this. Moreover, you yourself can be sure that your relationship, no matter how it develops, will never be made public.

One of the most common reasons men lie is having a double life. If your husband has a mistress, then the tangle of lies will grow and grow until he himself gets entangled in it, or you find out the truth in another way. At the same time, your loved one may be sincerely afraid of hurting you with the truth, or he himself has not yet figured out or is unable to understand the current situation and make a decision. And it can be difficult to give up a double life for various reasons: either the relationship on the side has gone quite far and is no longer controlled by male desires alone, or the need for adrenaline from this state of affairs has become so necessary that he cannot refuse it.

In order not to hurt a woman, men lie much more often than women think. If your loved one knows and understands for sure that the truth will disappoint you or cause anger, resentment, provoke family scandal, he will not tell the truth and will start to get out and invent anything, just to secure family relationships from conflicts and negative emotions.

At the same time, they do not think about what will happen when the truth comes to the surface. The position of an ostrich hiding its head in the sand is just about such a deception. For a man at this moment, the main thing is that the truth does not surface here and now, and what will happen later is not thought about. Suddenly it somehow blows over, or, suddenly, then it will be possible to lower everything on the brakes.

What does a woman do in this case? Realizing that your loved one is trying with all his might to get away from the scandal, think about it: maybe you swear so often that he no longer has the strength to endure it, and he is trying at least in this way to change something in your relationship?

Each person must decide for himself whether to lie or tell the truth. People who have never lied in their lives do not exist in the world, but deception to deceit is different, just as the reasons forcing a person to lie are different. If there is more deceit in your relationship than truth, if lies are all that is main and defining in human relations, it is hardly worth continuing them. And they themselves will not last long on such a foundation.

encyclopedic Dictionary winged words and expressions Serov Vadim Vasilyevich

You can fool a few people all the time, or all the people some of the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time.

You can fool a few people all the time, or all the people some of the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time.

From English: You can fool some of the people all the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all the time.

Words of the 16th President of the United States (1861 - 1865) Abraham Lincoln(1809- 1865).

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