Let's talk about emotions. About feelings. About how to live in general - based on the mind or on feelings? How is it better? How "correct"?

Our feelings and reason are not always in harmony. Here, let's say you came from a date. You really liked the young man. The next day, in the morning, you are waiting for his call (or at least SMS - it doesn’t matter). But he doesn't call. And your heart is beating, beating: call him yourself, call him. And the mind - do not you dare! Girls don't call first! Here's who to listen to here - the heart or the head?
Or take, for example, a wife who is infuriated that her husband consistently does not close the tube of pasta (scatters socks, is late, splashes the bathroom floor, does not keep promises, substitute his own). And her irritation flares up in response to another tube, sock, etc. She starts yelling at her husband. Why so many emotions? And what is it about - her irritation?
Let's figure it out.

Very often we hear: live with your heart! Living with the heart means living with emotions and feelings. Emotions and feelings are different things, you know? Emotions are short-lived, simple and uniquely colored. The basic emotions are joy, sadness, anger, disgust, contempt, fear, shame, surprise, interest, grief, guilt.
Feelings are longer, persistent and complex emotional states. But the most important thing is that feelings are by nature very contradictory and ambivalent. Well, for example, Love. She brings happiness. And she brings suffering. Or envy: it can devour a person from the inside, or it can activate and inspire to actions.
From this we can conclude that it is difficult to live with feelings. Since feelings are contradictory and ambiguous, it is not easy, relying on them, to act consistently and not be tormented by doubts. And have you noticed that people whose lives are governed by emotions are very impulsive (i.e., they act in obedience to the first inner impulse)? And this impulsiveness consistently leads to a bunch of broken firewood.

But this does not mean at all that feelings and emotions should not be trusted. Need to!
Emotions never lie!

First of all, emotions serve as a signal to us about meeting our needs. Well, for example: you set yourself some kind of goal (say, in new apartment move out from your parents, because it’s not life for you and your husband with your parents, because of them you constantly quarrel). Saving, saving money, looking for options. We have moved. The goal has been reached. What emotions arose? If you feel joy, satisfaction, peace, then the goal was correct. This is what you were aiming for. What if there is no joy? If you have quarreled before, then quarrel. The need for an equal relationship with her husband is not satisfied. So, it was not about the parents, and not about the apartment. And now you have to think What other means can satisfy this need?.

Those who are skeptical about life with their hearts suggest “turning on your head”, i.e. live with reason. However, "reasonable behavior" does not guarantee success and does not exclude mistakes. Because clear mind without the promptings of the heart, he is unable to recognize and satisfy our desires, unable to correctly understand those around him, and incapable of much else. The "correct" life, where everything is logical, thought out and weighed, will never make us completely happy.

The truth, as always, is somewhere in between.: For harmonious functioning, a person needs a well-coordinated union of emotions and reason. You just need to understand the nature of both, and do not forget why we need them.

The main function of emotions- to give us subtle information about our condition and the condition of another person. Any emotion is a signal that something is wrong (or vice versa “so”). Here you are at the party. Everyone around is having fun, and everything seems to be fine. And somehow you are not very good. Everyone asks: what's the matter with you, what's wrong? And you don't know yourself. And here, on this milestone when you feel some kind of internal discomfort, and should turn on head: to understand what's wrong. feel what is wrong is not possible. This can only be understood by sorting through many options.

Emotions are more than eloquent. Let's return to the example of the wife who is pissed off that her husband consistently doesn't close the tube of pasta (scattering socks, being late, splattering the bathroom floor, not keeping promises, etc.). Her irritation - what is it about? On the unmet need for contact. In other words, she misses him warmth, inclusion maybe even respect And acceptance. And this inclusion, this respect is sought in a completely inadequate way, because emotions have accumulated - for a whole atomic explosion.

There is another interesting point in this example: there is no purpose as such in this behavior of the wife. She simply does not realize her need for warm emotional contact and does not seek to fulfill it in any way. It poke like a blind kitten. He did not close the tube, and she yells at him. And she yells, in fact, from impotence to understand what is wrong with her, what does she need to be happy with him? I often ask my clients: why are you yelling at your husbands? what are you looking for? They cannot find an answer to this question, except: well, is it difficult, or something, to close the pasta? And what will this closed tube give? Happiness in your personal life? Will this make contact with your husband warmer? Yes, nothing of the sort. There is no goal, so the behavior is aimless, and therefore useless.

Which exit? Do not accumulate emotions in yourself, but track each one. Every! Felt - tracked - reacted in a socially acceptable way. Those. they saw another unclosed tube (sock, wet floor, unfulfilled promise) and went yelled into another room. Then they spoke their feelings, thought about what, what unfulfilled need they are talking about ... Usually it is very difficult for us to figure out what we really want and what we are dissatisfied with. And here psychologists come to the rescue :).

If the function of emotions is to suggest what is wrong (or vice versa “so”), then the function of the head is to make a decision. It is very important that feelings remain only an instrument, and the last word still remained in the mind.
If the mind fails, you can listen to the heart. It will undoubtedly tell you the right decision, if only its wise whisper is not drowned in cries of emotion.

If the heart and head are in obvious conflict, then ...
Let's go back to our very first case - calling someone you like. young man or not?
Here you sit in front of the phone and suffer. You listen to the beating heart (call! call!). What does it mean to you to call? - About the fact that the young man liked. Very. You feel great sympathy for him, maybe even love.

And at this wonderful moment, as we have already said, ideally, the brain should turn on. And ask you a question: what, in fact, stops you from calling? Indeed, if the affection was mutual you would it and knew and felt. Then the question, to call - not to call, would not have stood at all. You would live with your heart. And since there is conflict and doubt, then some of your senses is telling you that your liking is more than his Or there is no sympathy on his part at all. And if there is no sympathy, you are unlikely to be able to achieve his location. That is, the time spent on it will be empty, the relationship that you dream about will not work out for you.
What is the conclusion? You know in your mind that you don't need to call. But consciousness does not understand the entire chain that we have just traced here. Therefore, only a vague trace remains in it (consciousness), such a quiet inner voice that whispers: do not call.

And then only you can decide what to do next. Listen to the heart that drives you into the trap of a dead end relationship. Or listen to your head and let your heart suffer a little. This is useful. It's tempering. It teaches you to understand people.

person prone toresentment is inclined to see offenders in everyone:

  • Resentment is a defensive reaction to negative events. It is designed to reduce emotional stress capable of harming the brain and internal organs human...
  • Resentment tries to simplify our lives. Why understand the reasons for what is happening, is it not easier to be offended and it will become easier for us ...
  • A strong person responds to an insult with aggression, while a weak person, on the contrary, responds to aggression with an insult ...

The persistent feeling of resentment will force us to look for offenders in order to remind us of our persistence:

  • Try to put yourself in the place of the offender and understand what reasons pushed him to cause you suffering.
  • If we expect something from people, but do not get what we expect, we are offended ...

Resentment with tears says goodbye to tension:

  • Tears color a person only after they have been cried out ...
  • Tears remove from the body energy traces of stress and substances that generate these stresses.
  • Sometimes, in order to forgive, you need to move away from the source of resentment.

If we for a long time offended, but forgiven in one minute, then we are either very capable, or we deceive ourselves ...

  • The more a person is dear to us, the more we offend him or take offense at him. The less a person means to us, the less resentment against him. We are not at all offended by inanimate objects that have caused us physical pain…
  • Objects can only bring us physical pain. People are physical and emotional. But if an inanimate object causes us emotional pain, such as if we trip on a step or hit a branch, will we get angry at those objects? If yes, then you should take care of your mental health.

A person should cry not from resentment, but from the fact that this resentment has such great power over him that it can make him cry ...

Exercise to neutralize the emotions of resentment and anger.

Trust paper. Pour out all your pain from resentment and anger on her. Write everything that comes to mind, any thoughts and emotions, do not think and do not argue. Then burn this sheet.

If we have guilt for the negative actions committed in the past and the confidence that we have not yet suffered for them, changes are impossible until we deal with this feeling ...

  • Don't look for someone to blame. If you are not to blame, neither is anyone else.

For a woman, the emotion of respect is important; for a man, self-respect.

Being inposition of the victim, a person even asks for approval for his life.

  • If we have the conviction that in this world everyone owes us: God, the universe, those around us, and we deserve more. And if this does not happen, we fall into the position of the victim. There is a feeling of resentment, anger, envy and disappointment ...
  • Being in the position of a victim, a person does everything possible not to be angry with him, but all these attempts of his cause just the opposite effect.
  • Resentment at oneself and at everyone is a basic and constant feeling that is present and makes life unbearable. It leads to loss of vital energy.
  • A person who is in the position of a victim, on a subconscious level, can have a so-called secondary benefit from such a state, which is expressed as follows:
    • To prove to yourself and others that life is unfair and any problem is a confirmation of this.
    • Fear of doing something, making a mistake and then reproaching yourself for it. Therefore, it is better to do nothing than to make a mistake.
    • Attract the attention of those around you.
    • Revenge on any particular person for something. Sometimes this is done on a conscious level, sometimes on an unconscious level.
    • Revenge on oneself for being unworthy of a good life and not being able to achieve it.
    • AND the desire to remain in the "position of the child."

Remembering grievances in the past - we will not solve the problem in the present.

Fear from the past attracts doubt from the future:

  • Fear is ignorance and misunderstanding of the laws of the universe...
  • Fear of death is one of the most important reasons hindering human development...
  • Irrational fear is when a person is afraid not of what he knows, but of what he does not know, but what can happen. And the unknown is what scares me the most.
  • It is necessary to learn how to translate fear into mild excitement. Excitement will give you the necessary energy and adrenaline to perform some specific actions and make decisions...
  • Fear is the parent of anger, anxiety, discontent, irritation and greed.
  • In the process of life, 90% of the events associated with our fears and anxieties are groundless. And only 10% have a real basis. Consequently, we often waste our energy on events that may never happen...
  • Fear is a habit of consciousness ingrained in us as a result of negative events happened in the past...
  • If we are afraid of a person because of our complexes and prejudices, we transfer part of our negative energy, which can provoke him to a negative action in relation to us. This process is not controlled, and occurs regardless of our desire and understanding ...

We don’t like that the energy is colorless, and we always try to tint it with our emotions…

  • If we do not want to communicate with a person so as not to tell him trouble, this indicates that we have a certain complex and we only strengthen it with our decision.
  • It is known that trouble does not come alone. The same is true for fears.

The fear of poverty attracts the fear of losing a job, the fear of losing a job attracts the fear of illness, the fear of illness attracts the fear of hopelessness, the fear of hopelessness attracts the fear of death ...

  • Getting rid of fear, we get rid of many others negative emotions. There are two ways to get rid of fear: the first is psychotherapeutic, the second is spiritual.

An exercise in overcoming customer fears.

Try to stage the situation. Several employees choose for themselves the negative emotions and character traits inherent in "bad customers". Then, for some time they attack the person with questions, claims, emotions. If he is able to withstand at least 15 minutes of continuous assault, his fear of really "bad clients" may disappear. And most often, such clients will no longer come across to him in the future, since we attract what we are afraid of.

Aggression is a reaction to a stressful situation caused by the instinct of self-preservation:

  • Aggression is inherent in each of us. It is not a constant value. Aggression depends on the events taking place in our lives and our reaction to them.

Equality breeds envy - inequality breeds aggression...

  • Aggression arose in antiquity as a defensive reaction to a possible threat. Emotions are ahead of the intellect before a possible threat. Only then does consciousness turn on and analyze the situation. And if there is no danger, emotions are reduced to a normal background. In modern conditions, when all this is no longer so relevant, but the sequence of reactions to a stimulus has remained the same. Our emotions, if they are out of our control due to constant stress, continue to be present even after consciousness determines that the situation is absolutely safe.

To make the truth offensive, it is enough to tell this truth to a person who is not ready to hear it ...

  • Aggression leads to conflicts. She is dangerous increased energy and the ability to infect others...
  • Aggression appears in teams in a competitive environment ...
  • Crisis and conflicts are a signal that something is going wrong and it is time to reconsider your views and draw conclusions. Perhaps it's time for a change.

A man's anger comes from a lack of confidence, a woman's anger comes from a lack of attention...

  • Who does not know how to be offended, he does not know how to be angry ...
  • Resentment and anger are considered the same feeling, with the only difference being that anger is directed outward, and resentment is directed inward.

Categoricalness, from "desirable and preferable" - makes "necessary and obligatory" ...The recommendation to vent your anger and calm down only partially works. It is necessary to learn how to manage anger, otherwise splashing out anger will become a habit. As often happens, we stop noticing the habit and become unbearable for others. This is how we destroy the energy of the relationship.

An angry woman becomes a man...

To remove anger or irritation, we usually work not with ourselves, but with the cause of anger. But according to the laws of nature, this anger will return to us again and again in different guises, until we deal with it within us or until the anger deals with us.

No one likes to be pressured, even emotions hide in the subconscious when they are trying to suppress ...

Outbursts of anger narrow the field of reason, reduce visual acuity and hearing threshold. But the most important thing is that it reduces the status of a person as a person ...

An unrealizable dream will not cause a desire to fulfill it. And if it still causes - treat yourEGO…

To be offended, you need not a reason, but an internal readiness for offense ...

The false ego identifies itself with the body.

If you want to never be mistaken in anything, "turn on" your egoism. In case of success, he will immediately explain the reason for success, in case of failure, the reason for failure and you, regardless of the result, will always be right.

Helping a person from an ego position is not help, it can be anything, but not help.

A proud person cannot develop. Why develop if he already has something to be proud of ...

  • For every offensive remark, the opponent will find the same, only more offensive ...
  • A proud person often considers all the events that happen around him through the prism of their influence on him, although in fact, all these events may have nothing to do with him ...
  • Recognizing oneself as one of many is acceptance, recognizing oneself as chosen from many is pride ...
  • A proud person, denying problems, relies on the nature of his pride, which, however, does not make these problems less significant for him. By themselves, they will not disappear from his life ...
  • Defending itself so as not to be hurt, pride as a shield will always put in front of itself resentment, pain, claims, which a person who considers himself proud will experience ...

Exercise. Find out if you are a proud person or not. First, offer a passer-by on the street a certain amount of money. Then ask another random passerby to give you money. If you manage to give money, but fail to ask, you are a proud person.

Knowledge acquired in a state of pride takes pride in the information it contains...

Pride is neutralized by humilitym.

Humility is the accumulated energy that maintains the integrity of a person ...

  • Humility is a strength, not a weakness.
  • True humility is due to internal processes. False - external.

Pride solves problems - humility will solve ...

  • Humility is the highest form of dignity.
  • Serve each other, and together serve the other...
  • Humility is accepting situations and people with peace.

Reconciliation is achieved through humility...

Greed is a feeling that arises from a lack of understanding of the fact that in this world there is enough for everyone ...

  • Greed is one of the most negative traits men…
  • A greedy person will not even give up his misfortunes...

If a person has envy has not been eliminated, and we are trying to provoke it with our actions, then this can be considered an underlying form of bullying ...

  • A person who suffers from other people's successes is not necessarily envious. It is likely that this is a neurotic with high self-esteem, and this is being treated ...

As long as we envy, we will never become like those we envy ...

Lying is telling someone what you yourself think is wrong. A delusion is to tell a person what you think is true, but in fact it is not true ...

  • Lies are conscious and unconscious.
  • When deceived, there is a violation of the energy circulating along the meridians. However, the same thing happens with other negative actions and processes.

It is easy to deceive, it is more difficult to understand that by deceiving another, you will deceive yourself ...

Pity is like acid that can corrode relationships...

Pity is a product of the ego. Compassion is a gift of the heart.

Stubbornness brings a man closer to the goal, and a woman moves away ...

  • You can achieve a lot with perseverance. The most important thing is to be able to control this feeling so that it does not become "stupid".
  • If a man combines stubbornness with the ability to go towards his goal, he can achieve great heights.
  • Stubbornness has an unfeminine face.

Uncertainty is not dangerous until it is formed in the form of a statement: "I can't do it," "I can't do it." Uncertainty embodies, with the help of the subconscious, the meaning inherent in these phrases into reality ...

One of the most dangerous vices is revenge.…

Revenge can be everyday, deliberate, symbolic and pedagogical:

  • Household revenge - if you were offended, you can break something, not talk, or vice versa, quarrel with the offender.
  • Deliberate revenge - carefully thought out, implying punishment for committed crimes or misdemeanors. Deliberate revenge is characteristic of vengeful, aggressive people with negative energy - eternally angry and dissatisfied. The extreme form is "blood feud".
  • Symbolic revenge - or, in other words, psychological revenge - is characterized by the fact that innocent people suffer for the insults that were once inflicted on us. Which we choose in life and make them deputies of offenders who once inflicted psychological trauma on us. Although we may not remember it, but on a subconscious level, resentment has been fixed and continues to feed our emotions. The danger of symbolic revenge lies in the fact that we are trying to take revenge and make a person more painful than we ourselves suffered and, in accordance with the law of cause and effect (karma), in the end, revenge will return to us again, in the form of the energy of suffering. This energy will teach us, destroying our physical and mental essence.
  • Pedagogical revenge - in small doses, even useful. More precisely, this is not even revenge, but a justified and deliberate retribution for committed misconduct in order to fix them in the mind of a person, so that in the future he would draw certain conclusions from this.

Depression is a persistent negative association that is overshadowed by memories...

  • When responding to stress, a woman needs to talk and she needs communication. A man to keep quiet and he needs privacy. And accordingly, stress is relieved in women through emotional pronunciation, in men through detached thinking.

A woman's emotion is faster than a man's logic...

  • If there was stressful situation, it is necessary to accept it, not to resist or ignore it, but to recognize that it exists, whether we like it or not. In case of non-acceptance, an internal process called "chewing" (multiple scrolling of the situation in the mind) occurs, which is associated with a large loss of vital energy.
  • One of the signs of impending stress is the feeling that everything is out of control.
  • A person in a state of stress loses the energy field and begins to feed on others. Becomes so called energy vampire". Therefore, next to a person who is in depressed state, you feel uncomfortable and want to leave the place where he is.

God gave us bright colors of emotions to color our lives, and we mostly use only black and gray colors...

  • To control feelings, you need to be aware of them.
  • If a person does not restrain negative emotions, he harms others, if he restrains them, he harms himself. The only way out in this situation is to deal with the reasons that cause these emotions on a subconscious level and remove them.

Exercise:

  • Step one: learn to evoke emotion. At the beginning, you just feel it, and your task is to shortest time, in a fraction of a second, bring it from zero to the maximum value.
  • The second stage: learn to keep it at its maximum value for a long time without dips and hesitation.
  • Stage three: learn to get out of emotional state. As a rule, it is more difficult to do this than to enter it. It is necessary to get out of this state completely.

After some training, you will be able to use all the emotion management skills. In the event of its occurrence, you will be able to manage it, reduce its pressure or not manifest it at all.

If we're working with a negative emotion but can't reproduce it, chances are we've already solved the problem with that emotion...

In life, a person makes a choice guided by the prompts of the senses. There is a disease in which there is a violation of some of the functions of feeling. And if this person is offered to choose one of two objects, at his discretion, then this confuses him and he is unable to make this choice.

Unexpected emotions are just waiting for a person to be left alone to immediately keep him company ...

And now we will pay attention to the question of what exactly this state gives us, and why.

Article navigation "Here and now: what will we get if we live with feelings?"

What gives us the state of "Here and Now"

Firstly

Being "here and now" you will receive the effectiveness of the reaction and action. We have already said that it is impossible to predict everything 100%. How then to react to what was not part of the plan, what went wrong as you expected? If you are still in your own mind, ideas, fantasies - any deviation from the plan will plunge you into a stupor and generally slow down any action.

“I get lost when something goes “wrong”, I lose my power of speech, I don’t know what to do, and often I generally stand silently, trying to collect my thoughts, and realizing that I look dumber with every second .... »

If you are in Here and now, you can easily feel what you want for this moment. And you can easily express your feelings about what is happening, act in accordance with your natural reactions. And, accordingly, if you are in contact with yourself, there will be no stupor and clouding of reason.

Many fear that their response will be "inappropriate" or "wrong." In sessions, hearing this, I always ask - wrong for what?

What standards of good behavior do you follow? Are you sure that these standards are suitable for this particular case? Why do you put standards above your feelings and your goals? Who and when told you that live by feelings- inadequate?

Naturally, we are forced to comply with social restrictions, but they are quite simple in general.

Read the Code administrative offenses It doesn't involve too many restrictions. Everything else is your own speculation about whether this particular group of people will consider you "normal".

The most important thing here is that if in any society you constantly think hard about how to respond “correctly”, then you will only increase your chances of a negative assessment. Because it's hard in any society with a tense, tense, dejected and frightened person.

Even if you try to hide your tension, no one has deprived those around you of the original ability to feel. And therefore, even if unconsciously, any person next to you is able to catch your true mood here and now.

Recall the example of cracking eggs. This applies to everything you do - work, sports, sex, household chores, creative self-expression, communication. If one part of you - here, another - is thinking about who will think what and how this or that might turn out, and the third is generally thinking about tomorrow's meeting at work, it is unlikely that any of these actions will be effective enough.

Moreover, what was done in the “autopilot” mode is poorly remembered. Even if this action does not require attention and special skill, then you will hardly be able to remember in detail what exactly you did and where, for example, you put this or that thing. Sometimes this kind of everyday absent-mindedness becomes an endless source of irritation and loss of time.

Secondly

Being "Here and now" you will reduce the likelihood that it will be the same way. When you are in your assumptions, your consciousness filters new possibilities, that is, "does not notice" them. Look again at the scheme of reproduction of the old experience.

If you do not expect anything in particular, but actively notice everything that happens in Here and now, you begin to see new possibilities and live new feelings. And respond differently. And accordingly, you get a new experience. Which is often much better than the old one.

Most people try to do a lot of things "ahead of the curve", while based on old experience, someone else's experience, negative expectations and other "suddenly". Let me give you an example from real life.

The girl tries "just in case" (because she already had such a negative experience) to provide for all the options for the situation "a partner can cheat on me."

To do this, the following actions are taken: purposeful survival of friends of the opposite sex from the partner’s environment is carried out, his mail is checked, social media, telephone (depending on what is more available).

Restless and unnecessary body movements occur, for example, calling for no reason (because this is the fifth time in a day, and it’s hard to think of a reason), attempts to constantly “be there”, dictated by the fear of leaving him alone, inventing some, according to the girl, “ incendiary” situations (for example, provocations on jealousy on her part, which most often degenerates into a banal hassle), etc.

All this is intended to help avoid betrayal.

But in fact it is achieved reverse result- the partner feels limited to the extreme, gets tired of constant control and the presence of another person, cannot relax, be alone with himself or communicate with friends the way he wants, he is constantly forced to delve into provocations and spend his emotions on various “checks”. The result is that he leaves.

And now a simple question - where, in what reality did that girl live? In anything other than today.

Partially - in the past, where she had a negative experience. Partially - in the future, regarding which she was visited only by fears and gloomy fantasies.

All this had nothing to do with reality, with finding “here and now”. And it didn’t work out to live with real feelings for a partner. And sometimes you have to assume that they were not. After all, what kind of love can we talk about if one does not feel any trust in the other?

If we talk about how to draw conclusions from the past, then first find out why there was a betrayal in the relationship and how the responsibility of each of the participants was realized in that situation.

Only by realizing the measure of one's responsibility (and not just the "guilt" of the partner), one can really draw conclusions. And the most reliable guarantee that the likelihood of cheating will at least decrease can only be an understanding of what actions in a couple led to this. The actions of both, I emphasize.

But in reality, that girl could rely on the facts of today. And if there were no obvious signs of ambiguity, then in this particular relationship there was no reason to suspect treason. And perhaps the relationship would have developed in a different way.

Third

Being "here and now" you will be able to fully contact with reality and learn a lot about it. For example, you can spend weeks thinking about "what he meant when he looked at me like that."

If you, having caught a glance, immediately went into fantasies and assumptions, you flew into that very abstract plane, where there are a billion assumptions, theories, “on the one hand” and “on the other hand”, but not a gram of truth about this reality.

If you continue to be in Here and now, you can hear your own feelings. And they will deepen and develop in contact with the reality of this view.

Perhaps you will immediately feel what is behind it. Perhaps here and now you will feel a growing bewilderment, but it is precisely this that will allow you to ask immediately about what is behind the look. So your interlocutor will understand that you feel him. And your contact at this level will continue to deepen - this is the skill live by feelings.

And if you go into the plane of abstractions, you will not be able to understand your feelings and will not have time to react. And you will be left day after day to chew on assumptions about what it could be, not one iota approaching reality.

Live feelings: are they telling the truth?

I propose to conduct a simple experiment here and now. First, at the level of sensations.

Run your hand over a surface and tell me what it is? For example, soft, warm, fleecy. Do you have any doubts that this is really true? Hardly. Your fingers transmit a very specific signal to your consciousness.

If someone comes and tells you that your warm and soft surface is actually cold, slippery and smooth - will you believe him? If, again, do not go into any abstractions - no. Perhaps you allow a person to have perceptual distortions or a different perception - let's say they have hot fingers and therefore the surface temperature really seems cooler to them than to you.

But neither in relationships nor in your life is there any general and “objective” truth. Objective truth, if you can call it that, exists only at the level of the basic laws of nature and objects of the material world.

And sensations are the primary way by which we can learn something about the world. But each person is different to some extent. And there is no single standard of sensations for all. And, accordingly, the conclusions and conclusions drawn on their basis, each person will differ even more than the sensations themselves.

You have your “likes” or “dislikes”, and what you feel is your reality that you can rely on. Here and now she is. Even if you decide that it is better not to express feelings in this situation, this is your right. But you can see them. And draw the appropriate conclusions within yourself. Which will be your today's truth about your condition and the state of affairs around.

To begin with, in any situation, try to pay attention to bodily sensations. Are you comfortable? Do you feel any tension? What do you think is its source? Where exactly is this feeling in your body? What do you want to do with it?

At first, this practice of listening to yourself may seem cumbersome. But over time, you will become much faster to determine what is happening to you at the moment. And this knowledge about yourself will become so obvious over time that there will be no question for you - can what I feel be considered true and can I live with feelings?

Moreover, your feelings will become more vivid. Recall all the strongest moments of your life. What are they related to? With feelings. Even if the event was associated with obtaining important information, it evoked feelings.

And “thinking” and fantasies in the same circle cause only regrets about the killed time and the fact that fantasies have not yet been given a chance to become a reality. But how can something become a reality if you do not actually try to do it, but only scroll through it in your head?

Live in feelings - live in reality

I often hear this statement: “What difference does it make whether the brain receives stimulation from fantasy or from reality? After all, the sensations can be the same!

Imagine, for example, how you are waving your arms here and now. Imagine this for 2-3 minutes. Are you tired? Do you feel a pleasant stretch in your muscles? Do you have an increased heart rate? Is the tension gone?

Now try to wave your hands in reality for the same 2-3 minutes. Even if in the first case you had some kind of heart palpitations, some kind of tension and relaxation, then the contrast with reality will still be striking.

Yes, we can evoke emotions through fantasy and imagination. And by itself, this mechanism helps a person, for example, to "ignite" a certain idea, and then begin to implement it. But for some reason, most people do not enjoy living exclusively in fantasy.

And here everything is simple - while we live in our body, we somehow make up a common whole with it. The mind, feelings and body are all our reality, and the separation of one from the other and the third is fraught with at least a loss of sensation and general dissatisfaction.

In the here and now, we tend to be collected. At least more than usual. We feel our body, we are aware of our feelings, which are directly related to our sensations, and the mind is ready for analytical work if needed.

It is unlikely that you want to experience love without physical contact, a trip to the sea - only on TV, communication with friends only through text on the Internet, and sports - from photographs. Can you live in books all the time? And will such a life suit you?

Most of them say “no” unequivocally.

But when it comes to saying goodbye to their beliefs and judgments about the world, albeit based on experience, but hindering further progress, and to admit that the present may differ from the past, the majority, nevertheless, chooses to continue to exist "in the head ”, skipping over and over again new opportunities to live feelings in reality.

And he waves his arms exclusively in the imagination, while hoping that such an action will help strengthen the muscles of the hands.

Statistics is the new religion

Separately, it is this phenomenon that “helps” a person never come to his senses. Statistics were intended, in fact, to explore trends in order to change something or draw conclusions. However, most for some reason perceive it as a new form of dogma.

The entire Internet is filled with jokes about British scientists, however, joking at the notorious figure of speech, many continue to sincerely believe that they are determined by statistics.

Here is a paradox - statistics has always been a study of the already existing state of affairs. As in economics, demand first gave rise to supply. And then it happened that supply began to form demand. And statistics began to dictate to many how to behave and what will happen to them.

Some only I do not hear statements based on this new form religions:

- I won’t be able to get married, because according to statistics, there are less men than women, by so many percent, and according to the same statistics, at 30 years old, most of them are married ....

– I won’t find a good job for myself, because according to statistics, specialists of my profile are in demand only in such and such a segment, and it makes up only so many percent of the total number of places, and in another, according to market research, slightly different qualities of applicants are needed, which I don't have...

- I will not be able to improve my health, because for the majority, according to statistics and the opinion of doctors, this disease is incurable ....

What does all this have to do with you? Why did you identify yourself with some faceless group of people? Who collected these statistics? Does it accurately reflect the real state of affairs? And even if it reflects - after all, it was there and then, but here and now you yourself can create new trends in statistics.

The statistics don't say anything. She doesn't predict. It only explores current trends. And she cannot predict for you personally, in your particular life, whether you will get married, improve your health and find a job.

Interestingly, according to the same statistics, alcohol consumption per capita in Russia is growing catastrophically, while alcoholism is getting younger, and the death rate from it is increasing.

But for some reason, crowds of those who believe in statistics refuse alcohol, and every Friday, or even more often, they go to “drink the norm”. But for some reason this part of the statistics is ignored. Apparently she doesn't want to believe it. But then why believe in other gloomy forecasts?

The point, of course, is that belief in statistics is sometimes a poorly conscious resistance. A person may have his own set of fears (health care, marriage, or looking for a job), but he lacks the knowledge or determination to isolate these fears and start working with them.

And then, unconsciously, such an “excuse” is chosen - “there are statistics!”, Which, in fact, only justifies the lack of actions to improve the situation.

But the simplest action that could be taken right here and now is to refuse to measure yourself by other people's standards. Yes, something happened to someone somewhere. And to be completely blind to what is happening around is unwise.

But what will you lose if you start looking for a husband, regardless of the statistics? What if you start trying the healing systems available to you, despite what "most people think"? What if you go through interviews trying to find what you like, despite the fact that "British scientists" ...?

And if you are afraid to lose time and act without guarantees, then what are you wasting your time on now, today? Perhaps if you begin to live with feelings, they will tell you how unsatisfactory your reality is for you. But perhaps this feeling will become an impetus for you to start doing something?

To develop the ability to think, the ability to think logically and be objective, try to look at life without emotional and subjective filters - and you will see everything true in front of you. Properly used, the mind is a powerful tool that keeps your soul on its path of evolution. It is the channel through which you see the world and interpret it. Nothing feeds your intuitive consciousness and spiritual development like a sharp, analytical, rational mind - the one that carefully monitors everything, records everything exactly and measures the necessary portions of information.

Problems arise when you confuse the objective mind with illogical or automatic conclusions, concepts and dogmas - or opinions gleaned from other people. This is a common mistake.

Observe everything and know everything, including your feelings, but do not let them take over you. They are too intense, and in the heat of a feverish reaction everything loses its clarity. However, feelings cool down slowly, and it is very difficult to remain in a state of such ardor all the time. Physical body gets tired under the pressure of strong emotions and the amount of adrenaline that they inject into him, so when you reach the point of satiety, you simply close yourself off from them. When in this state, never try to resolve the situation and do not plan your actions. Your perceptions will be inaccurate, and access to the Higher Self will be blocked. - only then can you see everything clearly and act intelligently and creatively.

All of you have so-called "blind spots" - that is, places where you are not able to see the bigger picture. These zones are the result of your upbringing, the influence of social conditions and even past lives. The lesson of your soul is to remove these mind barriers. Strive to see what is hidden from you. Where exactly does your mind get stuck due to an inability or unwillingness to see more objectively and accurately global picture phenomena? What behavioral emotional responses are blocking your access to Inner Wisdom? Think about these questions - and your Higher will tell you the answers.

Ignore the point of view of the ego. It is too short-sighted, subjective and unsure of itself, it is constantly on the defensive, justifying itself, judging and criticizing others, angry and afraid of everything. Instead, look at life from the point of view of the Higher Self - it is always calm, objective, aimed at creativity and making reasonable decisions, does not judge anyone and loves everyone.

A poorly developed rational mind is often the result of inadequate vision - not only visual vision, although it also plays its role, but also insight and observation. Have you ever heard the proverb: “You only see what you want to see”? Whether you wear rose-colored glasses, filter out all the troubles, see the world as a half-empty glass, or see only the dark, negative aspects of a situation - none of these ways of seeing gives an accurate picture of reality, and therefore you are unable to change it.

Check your eyesight for clarity. If vision is devoid of clarity and sharpness, then so is your mind. Focus on your observations so that your vision on all levels is unclouded and clear. The more objectively you discern current conditions and the less prejudice you put into your own perception, the more ready you are to reconnect with your Higher Self, which will lead you to positive decisions and effective creative achievements.

A client of mine once recklessly accused his wife of cheating and demanded a divorce just because he saw her kissing another man in a restaurant. And it does not matter that at this time she was at home with the children. He refused to accept her categorical assurances that she was not cheating on him, preferring to believe to my own eyes. The problem was that he was terribly nearsighted and although he thought he saw his wife, it wasn't really her, but her little sister. He admitted his mistake and apologized only three weeks later, when his wife's sister came to visit them and introduced her fiancé, who turned out to be the "other man". Funny, isn't it? However, don't be fooled - these things happen all the time.

Too emotional reactions bind your Creative skills. Don't let the poison of feelings poison you, don't let your feelings manipulate your perception. Ventilate, feel, express your impulses, listen to them, and then bring to a calm state. When they calm down, reexamine the situation with a clear mind before deciding what actions to take and in what direction.

Prejudices, blind spots, opinions, and obsessions of a closed mind cripple your ability to artfully create what you want. The Divine Spirit hides nothing and condemns nothing. The mind, when skillfully engaged and properly attuned, becomes the bridge that connects what exists now with what you expect from the future.

Now you can put this lesson into practice.

  • If you are emotionally ardent or too tearful and ready to shed tears for any reason; if you rarely remember precise details about people, places, or events; if you take everything personally and wonder why the world is so cruel; if you are bogged down in life collisions that follow one after another, and according to the same pattern; if your reactions are thoughtless, if you are too hasty and immediately take off, and are often prone to immature judgments and actions, then you are new to this lesson.
  • If you are endowed with the gift of high sensitivity in relation to people and phenomena and quickly close from them; if you are too vulnerable; if you are very reluctant to accept the views of other people; if you hurry and start speaking and acting without thinking, as a result of which you often misjudge the other person's point of view; if you keep a diary and are not averse to visiting a psychotherapist in order to better understand yourself, then you are a student.
  • If you never rush into making decisions and, before doing anything, thoroughly study the situation from all sides; if you call trusted friends and reliable advisers to help you figure out the problem when clarity of thought leaves you; if you pay close attention to people, places and objects and sharply notice all their details; if you give yourself the trouble to think before acting, and prefer to express your opinion only when you are calm; if you wait for answers to any questions only after you have carefully studied this subject, then you are an apprentice.
  • If you are endowed with a photographic memory, if you do not skim the surface, but are able to penetrate the essence of things; if you refrain from making conclusions and making decisions before you get all the necessary information, sort and comprehend it; if you have an open mind and always strive to learn more, especially in those areas of knowledge where you consider yourself quite knowledgeable; if you pray, meditate and wait for prompts and instructions from your Higher Self, then you are on the way to mastery in this lesson of the soul.

If you are a beginner:

Slow down and calm down.

  • Before drawing conclusions, collect as much information as possible and make sure that its sources are objective and reliable.
  • Notice as many details as you can when interacting with people or going to new places.
  • When you feel over-emotional, take a deep breath, take a walk or take a shower and relax.

If you are a student:

  • Join a support group to find like-minded people and gain new perspectives.
  • Open your mind and try to perceive not only your own point of view, but also the point of view of other people.
  • Reveal your blind spots by exploring recurring issues with the help of teachers, therapists, and open-minded Friends.
  • Check your vision, change your glasses, and do exercises that train your eye muscles.
  • Every day try to notice new phenomena and when meeting familiar people or visiting familiar places, reveal all the new details.

If you are an apprentice:

  • Ask your Higher Self to show you blind spots and increase your awareness. Do physical and meditative exercises for a few minutes a day.
  • When you find yourself in the face of life's collisions and changes, count to ten and take a deep breath and exhale, and do not immediately go all out.
  • Ask questions, do research, or enroll in an appropriate school that will help you learn all about a particular situation, recurring problem, or area of ​​your creative interests.
  • Trust your life guides, those who will listen to you and help you sort through all the information you've gathered so you can get the clearest and most accurate picture possible.
  • As soon as you study and systematize all the data, turn to your Higher Wisdom for a specific answer or solution.

If you are on the path to mastery and complete mastery of this lesson:

  • Read new books on old favorite topics.
  • When you enter into a dialogue with someone, carefully monitor the state of your head and heart and do not refuse additional information whenever your spirit offers it.
  • Take time to be alone, thinking, weighing and sorting what you have learned.
  • At the final stage, entrust absolutely all matters and problems to your Higher Self for making a final decision.

Soul Lesson:

Refine and clear your mind.

Soul Purpose:

By using Supreme Intelligence to see the presence of the True Spirit in all people, at whatever stage of development they may be.

based on materials from the book: Sonya Choket - "The Soul, Its Lessons and Purpose".

Is the mind subject to something? I think not, and even feelings are not capable of forcing a reasonable and strong personality. I think that a person who is not deprived of reason, a priori, cannot have any debt to feelings, because the sense of duty itself is imposed to a greater extent by society, and man of sense I don't think it depends on society. So, talking about "debt" in this situation is not entirely appropriate. However, if we do not start from the word “duty” itself, we can try to delve into the question of whether feelings are necessary for someone who has reason, and can feelings and reason exist simultaneously in the life of one person?

Feelings are both joy and sorrow, euphoria and depression, disappointment and admiration - and together all this makes up a person’s happiness, if happiness is, in principle, possible to somehow interpret. Should an intelligent person be happy, or does happiness become a vestige when intelligence appears? It seems to me that it should, because only a person deprived of reason can deprive himself of already rare joys and turn life into a routine and an empty existence. However, many examples are known when a person, reaching certain level mental development, simply ceased to see the meaning in feelings, was afraid of them, or simply did not have the opportunity to enjoy them. This is the power of the mind and the paradox of our existence: a person can force himself not to feel feelings, fearing negative consequences, and may even lose the ability to feel, the ability to enjoy life and experience satisfaction from it, without wanting it.

So it happened with the hero of Jack London's novel "Martin Eden". Martin began his mental activity thanks to feelings: love for the well-bred and educated Ruth pushed him to stubborn mental development: in a year he completely changed his worldview and turned from a sailor, a representative of the working class, into an educated writer, whose works became bestsellers and gained worldwide popularity. However, simultaneously with the development of thinking, feelings of admiration for the “higher” class, for the bourgeoisie, began to disappear, feelings for Ruth began to fade away, she no longer seemed inaccessible. celestial body, and her mental capacity and horizons began to have a completely different color. In other words, Martin was disillusioned, and disillusioned with everything. Having achieved money and fame, having achieved high level mental and creative development, the hero no longer experienced the same feelings and emotions and even ceased to feel zeal for life - it seemed to him that he understood and experienced everything, which means that his life would lose all meaning in the future, and, realizing his own helplessness in this situation, he found a way out only in suicide.

However, the true fool is the one who misses the opportunity to feel, voluntarily dooming himself to loneliness and unhappiness. Main character novel by A.S. Pushkin's "Eugene Onegin" had the so-called "spleen" - the lack of zeal for life, for communication, for feelings, for emotions, but he had the opportunity to bring more colors into his existence. If the hero had reciprocated Tatyana, if he had decided to accept her feelings and enjoy them, maybe his life would have at least some meaning, and maybe he would not have done those fatal mistakes from which he later fled. Should Eugene take advantage of Tatyana's confession, accept her love and, who knows, perhaps give her reciprocal feelings over time? I think I should have, however, he realized this too late, which became the tragedy of his whole life.

Thus, we can conclude that a reasonable person should live with feelings, if he has such an opportunity, because feelings are what makes a person happy, but is there any point in being consciously unhappy? However, the paradox lies in the fact that along with the mind often comes "apathy", the rejection of the need for feelings, the atrophy of emotions, and this is the tragedy of some thinking people.