Very often, in our work with depressed people, we come across people who have been plunged into a state of deep anxiety, despondency or even despair by misfortunes in the lives of loved ones (especially such as a serious illness or death), and sometimes even brought them to the brink of mental and physical illness. . But to be honest, all of us, people who have been in such situations, have experienced an invasion of such feelings in one way or another, which test us for psychological stability.

And it is not always clear what the strength is. In surrendering to the full will of suffering, in the name of your humanity and love for your loved one, with whom this happened or can happen? Or is it to keep a peaceful and positive state of mind, which we could share with this loved one or with his relatives, if he left us forever?

Since war gives many reasons to worry about loved ones, let's look at this issue in detail in order to be fully armed with sound ideas. Because we are not powerless pieces of broken ships on the waves of external events, but people: to a large extent, we are able to control our internal state.

What usually causes depression?

First, let's look at what causes depression in general. Not that endogenous depression, which has not fully understood biochemical causes and manifests itself in an imbalance of certain substances in the brain. And the one that has a reason in the form of a crisis situation. For example, divorce, bankruptcy, violence, death loved one.

In itself, the dramatic circumstance (or its expectation) is not the cause of depression, but rather the reason. Why a reason? Because some people in such situations fall into depression, while others, having survived the first shock, gradually recover to their normal state, and very often to a state much the best of that that preceded the crisis, because the crisis is the best incentive for personal development. The deadline for experiencing the most tragic event is considered to be a year. If a person does not experience it for a year, this is already a reason to turn to a psychiatrist or psychologist, depending on the severity of the condition.

But let's not bring the matter to the psychiatrist, let's try to correctly assess and survive the situation ourselves.

So, what is the real reason why a person does not experience a crisis situation in normal terms, does not learn from it, does not become older and better as a result, as it should be normal, but continues to be depressed?

The first explanation is at the level psychological mechanisms . Psychologists have identified several common mechanisms that cause a person to hold on to suffering.

One of these mechanisms is infantile behavior. The infantile personality type is distinguished by the fact that a person does not take responsibility for his life, shifting it to other people and circumstances. Therefore, if some undesirable event happened, such a person subconsciously perceives this as a long-awaited justification for his not very happy state. Now, finally, you can do nothing for your happiness, in conversations with others or with yourself you can always refer to this circumstance, and almost everyone will understand and regret it.

Another mechanism is guilt. A sense of guilt develops in a person in childhood if he was not loved enough, and often unfairly blamed by his parents. Guilty people tend to see themselves as the cause of even such events, the source of which they are not really. Thus, a person increases his importance in own eyes. And so, when some tragic event occurs, for example, a loved one becomes seriously ill, a person with a sense of guilt in the subconscious places part of the responsibility for this illness on himself, and he himself executes himself for his imaginary guilt, deciding that now he has no right to happiness.

The second explanation, which does not contradict psychological explanations, is at the level spiritual mechanisms . Here the main quality of a person, which is the cause of despondency, despair and suicide, is one - pride. Pride is closely related to vanity and conceit. A proud person exaggerates his importance in the life of mankind and very hard experiences all the events that are not approved by his will. Everything must be as he wants, otherwise the proud man has no rest. Accordingly, when some painful event occurs, naturally, not approved by him, the proud man cannot reconcile himself, believing that everything is lost, his life plan broken, nothing else will work. We examined the mechanisms of pride in detail in the article “Antidepressant No. 1”.

Does the misfortune of loved ones give the right to self-destruction?

And yet, the injury, and even more so the death of a loved one, seems to us something special, and infringing on our right to be inconsolable seems almost sacrilege to many.

To begin with, let's consider this issue globally, on the scale of all mankind. If the injury or death of one person caused chain reaction in the form of mental and physical illnesses of other people, their suicides, then all of humanity would have been mowed down in less than a hundred years, and long ago the lions and bears would have been the masters of the Earth. With all our love for wild nature, one can hardly call such a scenario positive.

Now consider the situation at the level of relationships between close people. Any person is closely connected with other people - loved ones, relatives, friends, colleagues. If one link of this network is weakened (a person is injured, injured) or torn (a person is dead), should neighboring links weaken and die, or should they be strengthened to make up for the loss? If a person, for example, became disabled and went to the hospital, should his relatives also quit their jobs and go to the hospital (we do not consider cases when this is necessary to help the patient) or should they work even harder, for themselves and for him?

Let's go down even lower and consider our relationship with this person with whom misfortune happened. Most likely, our love is not one-sided, this person also loves or loved us. Then what our reaction to what happened he wants? Does he want us to feel bad? For us to suffer, get sick and end our lives prematurely? If yes, then he hardly loves (loved) us. Therefore, of course not. Seeing our pain, he will suffer even more. But of course, he wants our help. Help (prayer) is also needed by the deceased. Who will pray for them and do good deeds if their closest ones cannot?

What justification can there be for our voluntary self-destruction?

Maybe a duty of compassion?

It is necessary to understand this word correctly. Compassion is not about “dying for company” or even about “getting sick together.” It's "taking on someone else's pain." To take on some of the pain of another does not mean to catch the pain from him and thereby double the pain; it means lessening his pain. If you can, make sure you do. Most likely, for this you have to be strong man. But do not destroy yourself senselessly and mercilessly! There are no excuses for this.

How to behave in such situations?

Everything that makes us suffer is a crisis. Any crisis should be seen as an opportunity to overcome certain imperfections, to become better. The tragedy in the life of a loved one, if our heart is not a stone, if we feel pain, is no exception to this. general rule: while thinking about how to help him, at the same time we must learn lessons for ourselves.

Completely without pain, easily and cheerfully, we cannot survive this event. But if we see that there is no respite from this pain, from morning to evening, day after day, we need to consider this not as a norm, a natural reaction, but as a manifestation of our psychological or mental distress. With which it is now that you need to fight, without postponing for later.

The principle of dealing with mental illnesses is very simple: you need to do the opposite of what they incline us to.

infantilism invites us to use this situation as a suitable excuse for being unhappy and passive in relation to our life, our condition. Instead, we will remind ourselves that we, having survived our tragedy in a reasonable time, should be happy, and this happiness depends entirely on us and only on us.

Guilt makes us responsible for what happened. And we will remember that although this person is very close, beloved, and perhaps the most dear, he is still a separate person. From the moment of his (or our) birth, he has always been separate and entered our life not at all in order to eventually poison it. And for some other, light purposes. And in his name, one must continue to strive to achieve these bright and lofty goals, stretching into eternity.

Pride shouts to us that all plans are destroyed, and everything will now be bad. And we won't believe her. We will humble ourselves before what does not depend on us, and do the best we can with the little that depends on us. Without losing faith in the expediency and timeliness of everything that happens in the world, and the hope that the old plans will be replaced by new ones, which will also have their own considerable meaning.

It seems that on the second day I caught myself on the fact that despair, anxiety do not let go. This state was unusual for me, abnormal. Over the years of working on myself, I got used, feeling any discomfort, to analyze its internal causes. Always, without a single exception, the cause of melancholy, despondency or “cats in my soul” was some kind of my bad deed, a manifestation of one of my passions. Always! Or envied someone, or did not put up with some trifle, or someone hurt my vanity. Finding the cause and admitting his mistake, it was not at all difficult to get rid of this discomfort, to return to his usual, peaceful or joyful state.

Habitual introspection showed me that it is not my kindness or some other wonderful qualities that torment me here. But rather, a sense of guilt and unwillingness to come to terms with what has already happened. How did I do it?

Some people will find my behavior horrendous.

I began to pray, “Thank God for everything!”

A simple reasoning led me to this decision. We should thank God for everything that happens in our life, including the unpleasant ones. (Because we are all proud, and pride is especially evident in such cases, and no best weapon against it than this prayer). Why, if we consider everything painful in our life as a useful medicine, should we consider everything painful in the life of another person as a deadly poison? It would be inconsistent, not whole...

The mental state of a person always contains an assessment of the correctness of his actions. After bad deeds we suffer, after good deeds we rejoice. After this prayer, the black clouds in me dissipated, a stone fell from my heart, my strength was renewed. I felt that this was the right course of action in such situations.

To some, this will seem callous, cruel. But such is the cunning of the enemy of the human race - he often tries to present evil as good and vice versa in order to destroy a person.

After all, the one who said, “Weep with those who weep,” he also said, “Rejoice without ceasing! Thanks for everything!”…

Now I am sure that from this rule - always rejoice! - no exceptions. No matter how much we suffer with some part of ourselves, with some other part we should always rejoice, accept everything and thank God for everything.

Previous conversation

Everyone feels the fear of loss or death of relatives and friends. Life is full of surprises. There are both bad moments and good moments in it, so everyone experiences fear, excitement or fear. Such a phobia is forced to live incorrectly and does not make it possible to carry out the plans.

Definition of a phobia

The fear of loss or death is called thanatophobia. "Thanatos" from the ancient Greek "death", the so-called god of sleep. The phobia of losing a loved one is inherent in many people. She is referred to different types behavior: suicidal people and those who are afraid of harming their loved ones. Fear of loss and fear of death of loved ones are one and the same.

Causes

The fear of losing a loved one can be quite vivid or not manifest at all. It all depends on psychological state past traumas and conflicts. The instinct of self-preservation is present in everyone, but it is expressed in different ways. Sometimes fear becomes so visible that it makes you behave inappropriately. Thanatophobia is able to control a person, it prevents him from living correctly and makes him be in constant agitation.

To understand the phobia and get rid of it, you need to understand why it appeared. The excitement may be due to the presence of a serious illness in a person, and he himself understands that he may soon die if he has a well-developed fantasy or there is symbolic dying. Such an inner feeling can make people feel the fear of losing loved ones. The causes of the appearance of a phobia are divided into several types, fear in everyone appears for different reasons.

Serious illness

If a person is very ill and knows that the disease cannot be cured. Many with the advent of the disease begin to give up, become weak. Their strength to fight the disease is significantly reduced, the result cannot be changed.

A fatal illness interferes with life and leads to constant thoughts about death. It takes time to come to terms with the disease and accept your condition. It is advisable to contact a psychologist who will teach you how to live correctly.

Fear of losing a relative or loved one

When a loved one dies, it is a strong loss and not everyone can normally survive such an event. It is always very difficult to lose relatives, but it is even more difficult to survive the loss of relatives if their departure is associated with an accident or illness. The fear of losing a loved one or the fear of losing a parent often haunts people. It happens that getting rid of the fear of losing a loved one can be very difficult.

Abrupt departure of strangers

For a person, the death of a stranger can become a psychological trauma. He becomes a witness to death and begins to notice danger in the most simple things. Terror attacks, weather disasters and many other tragedies that take the lives of hundreds and thousands of people. They can be a blow even to people who have nothing to do with it.

Fear of losing a child

The fear of the death of your child can often haunt expectant mothers; after childbirth, severe depression appears. Many women begin to fear that they can harm the child and at some point something terrible will happen. Women who have severe postpartum depression may think about the death of the baby and even contemplate his funeral. It is very difficult to get rid of such fear, because a woman must overcome her own insecurities and begin to live happily with her child.

Women who have a lot of stress after childbirth think that the mind is starting to leave them, and they imagine terrible things. Experts say that almost all women who have recently given birth have similar thoughts. 15% of women have depression after having a baby. They think and think badly, but only 3% of them need urgent medical care.

Symptoms of postpartum stress

Women with postpartum depression have the following symptoms:

  • frequent tears;
  • constant strong excitement;
  • negative towards loved ones;
  • lack of appetite;
  • the presence of many other phobias.

The appearance of depression occurs due to the fact that a strong hormonal restructuring begins in a woman. She cannot control her feelings, and also becomes indifferent to others. In times of stress, you need the help of relatives and loved ones. If relatives are unable to help, then you need to go to a psychologist who will direct the woman to positive thoughts.

Many new mothers can deny the presence of stress after childbirth. They cannot tell their loved ones about their fears and crush themselves with negative thoughts from the inside. Don't be ashamed of depression. People should be sure to talk about their problems and about what worries them a lot. The child should feel a happy mother, so do not refuse help.

Symptoms of fear of loss

Thanatophobia is a specific phenomenon that is expressed in the absence of a clear or imagined threat to life. The main signs of the disease:

  • obsessive excitement;
  • bad thoughts;
  • negative images that are present in the head.

In this state, a person has many problems and disorders:

  • bad sleep;
  • poor appetite;
  • bad dreams;
  • weight loss;
  • cardiopalmus;
  • chest pain;
  • asthenia.

Such symptoms force doctors to diagnose "vegetovascular dystonia". Many patients feel very strong emotions during the experience, lose consciousness, show strong aggression and nervousness. They tend to focus on themselves, they are very impressionable and excitable. A similar phobia can also be in a stressful state. Usually depression begins in people in their 30s, 40s, 50s.

Treatment

Psychotherapists treat loss phobia with existential therapy. It helps to overcome fear for loved ones. Fear appears because of the inability to live, a person has no idea that he exists. Fear of parental death may be closely related to own death, as well as with various life problems. Problems can be disagreements with parents or with a lover. For a child, a great loss is the death of his mother. How less baby, the more seriously he endures a negative situation.

Often people feel fear of the death of loved ones, show self-centeredness, because they are afraid of losing loved ones and harming themselves or their loved ones.

Treating the fear of losing a child

A woman should be glad that she can have children and she has a child. She should not think about negative situations. If, nevertheless, she began to feel fear for the child, then it is necessary to urgently begin treatment.

It is necessary to calm down, think and understand why the child may die. If nothing bad happens to him, he grows and develops, nothing threatens his health, then why think about his death? You need to direct your thoughts to opposite side: to think about his future, his happy future life, games with other children and walks on the street.

During pregnancy, a woman should understand that when the baby is born, she will not have much time for rest and personal affairs, but she will have a lot of happiness that the baby will bring. You need to try to get rid of the presence of fear on your own. A woman should always remain feminine, so beautiful and tender. She must not forget her appearance and always look great. If she plans her day right, she won't have time for negative thoughts and reasoning.

It will help to remove the fear of full sleep and rest, a proper diet is also required. You can relax with a cool shower or do Herb tea. If you managed to replace negative thoughts with positive ones, then you managed to overcome the horror of losing your child on your own. It is worth remembering that fear from the mother can be transmitted to the child.

Help from experts

There are several types of medical care. They depend on the practice of referral, qualifications of the doctor and specialization. Fear of loss and fear of death are treated by different doctors.

  1. Psychologist. He will help you deal with a phobia and tell you how to overcome fear in the right way. Will talk about possible symptoms and the reasons for which the phobia appeared, will show what exercises you need to do to get rid of the fear of losing a loved one or relative. All psychologists work differently and each specialist has their own approach.
  2. Psychotherapist. Psychotherapy is a rather lengthy treatment process. It helps to deeply understand the cause of fear and transform the personality. Healing therapy gently and gradually helps to overcome the disease with a simple natural method.
  3. Psychiatrist. The help of a psychiatrist is carried out with the help of tranquilizers, antidepressants and sedatives. Pills are used if fear disturbs sleep, nutrition, etc. Pills are also taken during psychotherapeutic treatment.

Conclusion

The fear of losing a loved one, child or relative is present in everyone. It is important to understand the symptoms in time and understand the causes of the disease. Prompt treatment can help prevent negative consequences that can happen to a person due to bad thoughts.

It is important to understand in time that it is possible to live without fear. Specialists or self-treatment will help remove the phobia. You can heal yourself with proper nutrition, good night and relaxation, as well as positive thoughts.

Instruction

Quite often there are people who seek to control the actions of the people around them. For an external observer, behavior can manifest itself both in a total desire to help everyone and everything, to do everything for others, in unwillingness and inability to responsibilities to subordinates, or take the form of persistent interference with attempts to control it, to be at the center of ongoing events. People often say about such cases: "Poke your nose into other people's business." The roots of such behavior lie in the characteristics of the character and individual personality that appear in the process of social interaction. Self-doubt, which manifests itself as distrust in other people and becomes a source of constant self-affirmation through the desire to be in the center of events, is the likely problem that needs to be solved in order to stop worrying about everything.

Another reason for constant experiences often comes down not to external manifestation, but to internal state person. Such a person cannot stop worrying about everything that happens to him. He avoids unfamiliar situations and is shy about non-standard solutions. He is influenced by the opinions of others. He constantly feels that people evaluate him, even in situations where such evaluation is not expected at all. He has unstable self-esteem, depending on the opinions of others. The root of this behavior, again, is a lack of self-confidence.

Surprisingly, in both situations described with such different social manifestations, the root of eternal experiences is a person’s own insecurity in himself and his strengths. It is with this quality of character that all those who want to finally stop worrying about everything and learn to see the world from a position of confidence and calmness will have to work.

Sources:

  • how can i stop worrying

Experience is characteristic of a person, even, it would seem, the most indifferent and cold-blooded. People are worried about their relatives, loved ones, upset because of injustices, failures. This is understandable and natural. But there are people in whom this quality takes obviously excessive forms. For example, they are very worried about their children, control their every step, even if they have grown up a long time ago, they themselves have become parents. At the sight of a beggar old woman begging for alms or a stray dog, they are ready to burst into tears, fall into a real depression. Such an excessive experience harms, makes it difficult to communicate with household members and colleagues.

Instruction

Excessive experience is mainly inherent in impressionable people with a heightened sense of responsibility. They treat themselves with increased demands and therefore expect the same from others. It is unbearable for them to see injustice, cruelty, indifference, they are tormented by a sense of guilt for the fact that they live relatively well when there is so much grief around. Therefore, they worry themselves and make others nervous.

Needed in everything golden mean. Try to convince yourself with an argument: no one person can be responsible for all the sins of the world. You are not able to help all the needy old people, feed all the hungry kids, shelter all the homeless animals. Even the most noble cause cannot be turned into an obsession.

Worrying about children is the most understandable, natural thing. Any normal parent instinctively seeks to protect the child from danger, to help, to give the necessary advice. But again, everything is good in moderation. Try to understand: an adult son or daughter should not be treated as a young fool. It is unlikely that you want them to become painful communication with you.

Reassure yourself with this argument: your grown-up children are smart, reasonable people, they are not enemies either to themselves or to your grandchildren. They will figure out for themselves that they need to eat right, dress according to the season, keep a close eye on children, protect their health and avoid unnecessary risks. Otherwise, it turns out that you have brought up rare fools.

It does not hurt to contact a qualified endocrinologist to check the thyroid gland. The fact is, excessive anxiety, experience can be caused by a violation of the level of hormones. Go to the examination, hand over all the necessary tests. If necessary, you will be prescribed a course of treatment.

Related videos

Sources:

  • how to live without worries

No one is immune from trouble, but some people are not able to cope with emotions on their own, increasingly resorting to solace in the form of stress eating or other bad habits. And only a few realize that what they eat at such moments is not beneficial.

Stressful situations, worries and unreasonable anxiety haunt people all their lives, and in order to become happy, you only need to prioritize correctly. You should not take everything “to heart”, for many this statement does not give anything, they do not know how to stop worrying and continue to be nervous. Helping yourself and your friends in this problem is very simple, find out how to overcome your fear and be happy in this moment not to happen.

1. Perceive yourself and your actions with optimism.

Sense of duty and responsibility for their actions are instilled from childhood, some parents, having overdo it a little, inspire a person with their complexes and a constant sense of guilt, hence the feeling of constant worry for their words and actions arises. To overcome this, you need to convince yourself of the correctness of your actions, and also adhere to the following rules:

Get rid of guilt.

Get rid of imaginary problems.

Sometimes, before important events, a person loses in his mind how everything will happen and, fearing failure or shortcomings, does not realize that he is already worried about the outcome of the event, as if the worst had happened. You don’t need to “wind up” yourself and worry in advance, you also need your actions in any situations, but look for ways to solve the problem when it arises.

Free yourself from fear.

Sometimes this is the most impossible rule. After all, every person worries about their loved ones, their health and future. Some bring themselves and others to despair about their figure, age changes or loss of a job. But if you look at it from the other side, because old age comes to everyone, it is inevitable, playing sports can do wonders with any figure, you just have to want to, and there is nothing fatal in changing jobs.

To be youreself.

Neurosis and complexes arise on the basis of self-doubt. You should not create an idol for yourself or try to be equal to someone, and even more so be discouraged by the fact that you do not correspond to him. You need to understand that each person is individual and there is a huge potential for disclosure in him, but you can’t give up and copy others. It is necessary to turn all your minuses into pluses, and not “go in cycles” on them.

2. Believe only in the best

Evaluation of the problem or incident that has arisen should be carried out only after it happens, in order to foresee the course of the event, it is better to immediately consider what could happen in the worst case. Having put everything “on the shelves”, it may turn out that there is nothing terrible in the future, everything is explainable and solvable. To eliminate such concerns, you need to determine for yourself:

Goals in life.

Even an ever-doubting person, having created an image of a successful completion of the case, will be able to achieve this if he is not distracted and worried about the failures that await his project, they can happen to anyone, you just need to think in advance how the consequences of them can be reduced or measures taken to warning of their occurrence.

Set priorities.

To understand the importance of ongoing events, one should effectively and timely solve emerging problems, without postponing unpleasant activities for tomorrow. Written planning will help determine the priority of cases, with it you need to write out in one column the cases that require intervention, and in the second how to solve these problems in the best way. Enter the identified tasks in the diary, and as they are solved, cross them out, with each completed task it will become easier to cope with the rest. After fruitful work, it turns out that all these things are not such a heavy burden.

This is the only answer to the question of how to stop worrying all the time. Finding yourself in this life is not easy, and this is not a loud statement. As soon as a person understands that this is the work of his whole life, he is transformed, every minute is occupied with thoughts of how to do something more significant, and he is considering all the options and ways how to do it, so there is no time to worry about trifles.

3. Appreciate what you have

It is impossible to expect something more from life and not make efforts for it, ideal conditions will not create themselves. Of course, sometimes favorable circumstances arise, and then only it is worth using them correctly, and unfortunately rarely anyone can do this. Most often, opportunities are hidden under far-fetched problems; after their solution, ways to solve problems are immediately visible. Take note of a few tips:

Live for today.

The past and the future are abstract concepts, some events have already left and will not return, while others may not come. If you take this into account, then you can step back from experiences and understand how to stop worrying about trifles. Today could not have come or passed much more interesting if you didn’t tune in a bad mood in advance. Better focus on problem solving the best way the future will depend on it.

Limit contact with unpleasant people.

Waste of time with people who bring only confusion and doubts into the future. People are not to blame for what they are, they just have a different worldview, outlook on life and interests that do not always coincide with those around them. As for the enemies, these people also have friends, they can only be unfriendly towards you, if some important decision depends on them, then it is better to communicate with them through friends. When nothing depends on them, then it is worth limiting yourself only to greetings, trying not to think about how to take revenge on them or about bad wishes for them, life is a kind of boomerang, and everything returns at the most unexpected moment. The main thing is to tune in internally so as not to judge people strictly, sometimes showing understanding in some contentious issues you become better inside.

Don't pay attention to the little things in life.

You can’t waste your life on trifles and react to various unpleasant little things, because there will be countless of them on the long road of life. The beginning of a quiet life will begin when all unpleasant trifles are taken for granted, without tantrums and nerves.

4. Don't feel sorry for yourself

Many, as soon as they feel tired, immediately begin to disturb those around them with their problems, inflating them to the point of incredible size. But such a feeling of injustice can become permanent, every day a person begins to sink more and more into despondency, and forgets that he himself is able to help himself. In this case, reliable friends are extremely helpful, who do not pretend to sympathize, but act tough, forcing them to move forward.

You won’t be able to stop worrying right away, but by following the tips in question, you can quickly cope with this difficult feeling and achieve any goals, as well as infect others with your optimism. The main thing to remember is that all thoughts are material, their execution gives a joyful mood and faith in a better future, for which it is worth living.

The fear of losing someone close can arise at any time. Initially, the child is afraid of losing his parents. Being already at a conscious age, there is a fear of losing a loved one. Various intrusive thoughts who do not allow to live, work, rest in peace.

The fear of losing loved ones is formed in childhood

Loss phobia native person is the result of the death of someone very significant. It is difficult to survive such an event. Having a phobic disorder, the patient can no longer control his emotions and actions that arose due to intense fear. But thanks to the development of psychology, such fears are curable.

Causes

The fear of losing a loved one can appear even in early childhood. It is the result of childhood trauma. It is important for a baby that mom is there around the clock. The baby has a special bond with the mother, which is important not to break. If mom is not around for a long time, he will begin to worry, be nervous. If this happens several times, fear will gradually form. The child will have some association and developed reaction to separation from the most dear person. This will be accompanied by hysteria and prolonged crying. If this fear is not eliminated initially, it will indeed develop into a phobia. And related phobic disorders will also begin to develop - fear of loneliness, death.

Fear of losing a loved one, being left unprotected appears due to childhood traumas, such as sexual or moral violence, constant humiliation from peers or parents, attacks from classmates, etc.

Other reasons due to which the fear of losing loved ones develops: divorce of parents, death of a relative, prolonged absence of a father.

It happens that the child is scared by older brothers or sisters. They claim that some monster will steal the baby at night and take it away from the mother. As a result, the child has panic, horror and hysteria. If the mother is gone for a long time, a panic attack may begin.

Another reason is the observation of severe depression after a breakup. Usually the objects of observation are older brothers or sisters who are experiencing the loss of a loved one. They are aggressive against everyone. Any criticism is met with anger. The child sees this and remembers the reaction of a loved one. In the future, he may avoid any love contacts that he associates with pain, disappointment and fear of loss.

When a person is in adolescence or adolescence, it is possible personal experience painful breakup. He fixates on one person and takes the loss of a loved one very hard.

Another situation is when people meet or live together for several years. They become attached to each other and no longer represent life separately. For some time they feel good together, but at one point everything collapses and the time comes for parting.

Other causes of fear:

  1. Focusing on the negative. Internal trembling is no longer normal and a person begins to panic for any reason. In any action he sees only a bad, negative outcome.
  2. Low self-esteem. The girl begins to be jealous of the guy and believes that he will soon have a mistress. She has a feeling of guilt before her beloved. As a result, obsessive thoughts develop. She tries to keep her husband by any manipulations, causing a feeling of pity for herself. If a man suffers from fear of loss, he begins to overly control his beloved. Forbids leaving the house late, forces to change the style of clothing to a very discreet one, often calls or writes SMS.
  3. News in the media. Lately reports of death or missing people appear more and more often. Very emotional people begin to worry about family and friends. They try to control their every step in order to protect them from danger, but because of this, the situation can only get worse, and contact is broken.

Some reasons are related to the characteristics and personal qualities of a person. Fear of losing a person occurs in people with excessive emotionality, suspiciousness. It also often manifests itself in people who have difficulty with trust. They are afraid that a person will deceive them and begin to worry for no reason.

signs

Fear is formed gradually due to frequent and strong experiences. Initially, a person is often visited by obsessive and disturbing thoughts. He often begins to get nervous, to be afraid of something.

Then he becomes very obsessive. Daily makes several calls to loved ones, constantly asking if everything is fine and if anything bad has happened.

Any news about the disappearance of children or adults in the news causes panic and hysteria. After such news, the patient cries for a long time. The disease develops gradually. Panic attacks may become more frequent. They have the following manifestations:

  • cardiopalmus;
  • bad feeling;
  • dizziness;
  • labored breathing;
  • high or low blood pressure;
  • slight trembling;
  • increased sweating;
  • frequent headaches, etc.

The patient has trouble sleeping. He can fall asleep, and if he falls asleep, he often wakes up in a cold sweat. Dreaming nightmares.

If the disease progresses, nervous breakdowns can occur. For example, with parents, when their child is at a distance and for some reason stops answering calls. This could become initial stage a disease called mental neurosis.

The patient obsessively calls relatives several times a day

Consequences

The result of the formation of fear of loss is the fear of harming loved ones or yourself. Most often it develops in people with vegetovascular dystonia (VVD). In psychology, it refers to obsessive-compulsive disorders.

Manifested as a panic fear of harming others. Various inappropriate thoughts arise. The patient may begin to hallucinate. It seems to him that he did something terrible, although in reality this did not happen. The result is that he constantly lives in fear for his life. Tries to isolate himself from others. He is afraid in a fit of anger to harm others or even kill someone.

The fear of harming someone close often appears in lunatics. Being in a sleepy state, they cannot control their actions. Being under the impression of sleep, they may begin to crawl on the floor with a knife or other piercing object.

Such behavior causes panic in the household and prevents the patient from living. Some send the patient to the priest, explaining sleepwalking as obsession. But since sleepwalking is a psychological and neurological deviation, the help of a qualified psychologist is needed.

Often the fear of harm appears in the mother. Worries that someone will offend her child. This is how overprotection gradually develops. Mom does not allow the child to make a choice on his own, which spoils the relationship with him. You need to learn to control yourself.

Fear arises for almost the same reasons as the fear of loss. Only the reaction to these causes differs. The fear of losing a beloved man or woman is replaced by the fact that a person is afraid of becoming unprotected.

Sleepwalkers are often afraid of hurting loved ones

Effective Methods

If the patient at the initial stage noticed something strange in his behavior and discovered the presence of a fear of loss or harm to himself, you can try self-treatment. Usually it gives a good result, but short-term.

Main ways:

  1. Breathing techniques. Deep inhalation, slow exhalation - the basic rule of any breathing exercise. Inhale and hold your breath for 3-4 seconds. Exhalation lasts 2–3 s. The interval between breaths is 2–3 s. The number of repetitions is no more than 7 times. Breathing techniques It is appropriate to use when fear has just begun to appear. This will help you get over it quickly.
  2. Affirmations. Every time you feel a panic attack coming on, remember positive affirmations. Repeat that everything will be fine, fear recedes, and nothing bad will happen to loved ones. Think that life is beautiful and trouble will not affect loved ones. The technique works by self-hypnosis. Since thoughts are material, the technique really helps a person to calm down and come to his senses.
  3. Set to positive. Reading will help drive away obsessive thoughts interesting books or watching movies with a good, upbeat ending. This will make it clear that life is filled with positive events. It is advisable to limit yourself to watching the news.

Every day you need to drink herbal decoctions and teas. Especially before bed. This will help you calm down.

Do aromatherapy sessions. It is convenient to do this at home. Fill the aroma lamp with lavender, chamomile, lemon balm, mint or other floral aroma oil. Turn on soothing music, take a comfortable position, close your eyes and imagine something good.

Remember that such procedures will not help to completely get rid of the disease. It is better to seek help from a specialist in order to recover as quickly as possible.

Watching funny movies will help you tune in to positive

Help from a psychologist

You need to turn to a psychologist if the disease does not allow a person to live in peace, and the feeling of anxiety has not left for a long time. Initially, the doctor will determine the stage of development of fear in order to correctly prescribe treatment. It is usually implemented through a combination of cognitive behavioral and exposure therapy. Additional medications may be prescribed. Most often, these are antidepressants.

At the first session, the psychologist wants the patient to answer the following questions:

  • what happens if I lose a loved one;
  • What is this fear about?
  • what I experience when I can't contact a person;
  • what happens if a loved one hits or hurts himself in some other way;
  • what happens if I harm someone;
  • why do I care so much for my loved ones;
  • who said that something would happen to my relatives, etc.

This will help a person to realize the essence of his problem and understand what the experiences are connected with. The patient will see himself from the outside. This stage also involves describing the sensations that arise when the fear of loss or harm is activated.

In subsequent sessions, the doctor helps the patient get rid of fear by immersing himself in a dangerous situation. He asks the patient to close his eyes and imagine something that frightens him very much. This may be the loss of loved ones, harm to oneself or relatives. It is important that the main signs of fear appear.

After that, the terrifying picture in the subconscious mind changes to something pleasant. It can be a visualization of dreams or an idea that gives a feeling of joy and happiness.

So there is a sharp change in thoughts and behavior. This exposure therapy lasts about 20 minutes. The goal is to teach a person to cope with their fears and be able to switch to something positive when the phobia is sharply activated.

According to doctors, the manifestations of fear in women are more pronounced. Therefore, treatment takes longer than in men. The average number of sessions is 7-8. But girls often need 10-12 sessions to fully recover and stop worrying about trifles for their relatives.

Conclusion

The fear of losing a loved one is the result of childhood trauma, divorce of parents, and frequent scandals in the family. The child is afraid of losing his parents, which is why mental disorders develop. The disease can form at a conscious age due to the negative influence of the media, low self-esteem and personal qualities of a person.

The main symptoms are dizziness, hysteria, heart palpitations. Sometimes panic attacks occur. You can try to get rid of fear on your own, but this will only give a temporary effect. It is better to seek help from a psychotherapist in order to forget about such a problem forever.