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The climate at work and at home is shaped by attitudes towards each other. Emotional abuse occurs when one person suppresses another. At the same time, he uses ridicule, connects threats, resorts to blackmail. Children or women are most often the victims of such exposure. Signs of psychological abuse do not appear immediately. But, the consequences of moral suppression are more dangerous than when using physical strength... How to recognize and deal with emotional abuse?

Emotional abuse of children

Social and psychological behavior the adult depends on the skills laid down by the parents. Children perceive cruelty and insult from mom and dad painfully, because they consider parents to be the closest people. Emotional abuse of children manifests itself in the following forms:

Child protection. They don't pay attention to him. The child lives by himself, deprived of affection, kind words, emotions and love. Children, deprived of normal emotions, shield themselves from others, become withdrawn. At school, they are ridiculed. As a result, a personality is formed that is not able to listen to or understand those close to him.
Insulation. The child is not allowed to walk on the street, meet friends, invite peers home. As a punishment, parents resort to such methods: they lock them in a room, prohibit them from attending school discos, or make phone calls.
Humiliation of the child. Parents make fun appearance, actions. They regularly take the child's peers as an example, claim that he is worse than others. Abusive words are addressed to the child.

Using the methods described, the emotional abuser gains power over the child. At the same time, it destroys and forms a loser, an introverted personality. Children oppressed by their parents grow up.

Types of emotional abuse in relationships

Family relationships are built on understanding, respect and love. If one of the partners uses offensive words, hits sore spots, interferes with work, meeting with friends, then this speaks of psychological impact.

Types of emotional abuse in relationships:

Partner chooses weak spots and constantly reminds of them. Women react painfully to barbs about their appearance, the stronger sex does not take jokes about male dignity. The tyrant's task is to completely suppress a person and instill an understanding that no one else needs him.
Intimidating the victim. The tyrant does not proceed to destructive actions, but achieves his goal by means of blackmail. Threatens to commit suicide, break furniture. Does not allow the partner to be at home calmly, constantly pushes, hurts, grabs the clothes. In such a situation, it is close to physical violence.
Economic violence. One of the spouses puts the other in. Gives out money for payment, requires a report. She scolds for every little thing she buys.
Fencing from society. It follows from the partner's pathological jealousy. The tyrant prevents meetings with friends, forbids going to work. Resorts to different methods: "Accidentally" locks houses, forgets keys, does not transmit information about an important call.

A person prone to emotional abuse will not miss the chance to make fun of a loved one, both in private and in the presence of other people. The psychological impact also includes the pressure of relatives about the time to get married, have children, change jobs. The only way out is to protect yourself from free advice, move, and keep communication to a minimum.

Emotional abuse: signs

The psychological impact will not leave bruises and abrasions on a person, but will have mental trauma. The victim gets in and is not able to cope on his own. Constant pressure leads to mental disorders.

What Are the Signs of Emotional Abuse?

Stiffness in the presence of a partner. When a person appears in the room, everything inside contracts. You are afraid to move around in his presence, talk, eat or drink.
Tendency to change decisions. To please a loved one, adjust to his opinion. You are afraid to anger the tyrant, so you change your mind regularly.
Closure and secrecy. You do not tell what is happening outside the walls of your house. The feeling of shame and fear that someone will find out how your life is going does not leave.
and . A driven person refuses friends, spends all the time at home. He lives in a state of fear, fearing that the children will be taken away, they will not be given money, or they will be hit.

The right way out is to get away from the tyrant and start new life... But, regular bullying of a person leads to. Psychological wounds heal hard and for a long time.

How can you prevent emotional abuse?

Admit bullying. The first step is to admit that you are a victim of emotional abuse. It is important to understand that oppression will result in serious problems, including driving a person to suicide.
To push back. Tell the tyrant that you no longer want to endure bullying. When attempting emotional pressure, contact the appropriate authorities. Don't make excuses for the tyrant's actions and actions.
Don't believe it. If you fight back, the oppressor will not swear. Pleads will follow, requests to believe that everything will change. The tyrant is not ready to part with the victim. Do not give in to the requests and promises of such a person. Change will only happen when the emotional abuser genuinely admits to being wrong and asks for help.

Emotional abuse leaves a mark on a person's entire life. Do not allow such an attitude towards yourself, especially if children are watching. You become an accomplice in the upbringing of an unstable and notorious personality. Get some support before tyrant. Tell your relatives about the painful problem, contact government services, consult a psychologist. Prepare a care plan: pack your things in advance, warn your friends, find a place to live, collect finances.

March 31, 2014

Psychological abuse: what it is and how to fight

The tyrant husband is a common topic of discussion. If tyranny is accompanied by physical violence, then everything is clear - you have to leave. The sooner the better. This is the kind of advice that most women will receive from friends and family when they complain about beatings. However, in addition to physical violence, there is also psychological violence.

Psychological violence is discussed extremely rarely, but meanwhile, psychologists claim that it is even more dangerous for the psyche of the victim than physical violence. If physical violence cripples the body, then psychological violence cripples the soul and the very personality of the victim.

First, you need to figure out what it is psychological abuse.

Psychological (moral, emotional) violence is a way of non-physical pressure on the human psyche. Typically, this pressure is carried out at four levels:

Behavior control (the tyrant controls the victim's social circle and his actions, makes him accountable for being late, can arrange interrogation in the spirit of where he was, with whom and why for so long)

Thought control (tyrant attitudes are imposed on the victim)

Emotional control (emotional swing, provoking emotions - from positive to sharply negative, manipulation in order to evoke certain emotions)

Information control (the tyrant controls which books the victim reads, which music he listens to, which TV shows).

How does this manifest itself in practice?

Recognizing a psychological tyrant can be tricky. The first sign is that the relationship is very emotional from the very beginning. They quickly develop into serious ones. They will tell you about crazy love, that only you are able to make him happy ...

Problems begin a little later - the tyrant partner begins to speak critically about your actions, friends, work. Often he insists that you leave work, they say, his funds are enough to support you ...

Careful!

In fact, under the guise of love and care, you will receive total control - the tyrant seeks to control your social circle, your actions, even thoughts. The means are not so important - it can be a poisonous ridicule, or, on the contrary, a demonstration of such sincere grief that you yourself begin to feel guilty that you have upset this wonderful person ...

Constant pressure results in the abandonment of our own attitudes and the acceptance of the partner's attitudes. The psychological tyrant destroys the victim's personality, breaks his attitudes, lowers self-esteem. The victim more and more often feels worthless, stupid, dependent, selfish - fill in the necessary. She is increasingly dependent on the tyrant. And he, in turn, diligently cultivates in her the conviction that if it were not for him, no one would need her anymore.

The tyrant can behave emphatically sacrificial. But this position has nothing to do with real acceptance and sacrifice. This is a kind of emotional bondage in the spirit of "I will give you everything - but you will always owe me."

Distinguishing psychological tyranny from real care can be tricky. Focus on your feelings. If you are haunted by a feeling of guilt towards your partner, but at the same time you cannot clearly understand for what exactly you feel guilty, this is sure sign that you are experiencing psychological abuse.

Why emotional abuse is dangerous

The danger of psychological violence is that nothing special happens when viewed from the outside. What pair does not have quarrels? Attempts to complain about a relationship rarely meet with understanding from loved ones - from the side of the tyrant they always seem to be the nicest people, and the victim herself cannot clearly explain why she feels discomfort. "You are mad about fat" - she hears. On the other hand, the victim is handled by the tyrant, who tells her that everything is in order, they have great relationship- but she feels bad only because she is selfish herself, or does not know how to be happy, or does not know how it should be ...

Naturally, the victim begins to think that something is wrong with her. After all, everyone around insists that her partner is wonderful person and loves her very much, and she, ungrateful, is dissatisfied with something ... The victim ceases to trust his feelings, her critical attitude to the situation disappears - she finds herself in complete emotional dependence on the tyrant. And it’s in his best interest to continue to instill in her a sense of guilt and a sense of her own inferiority in order to continue to maintain control.

What if your partner is a psychological tyrant?

Do not try to convince yourself that everything is in order - that you yourself are to blame, that in fact he cares about you ... As soon as you understand that there is a tyrant next to you, you need to leave. The longer you stay in such a relationship, the more destructive your psyche will be exposed to.

Unfortunately, realization usually comes quite late - the boundaries of the victim's personality are completely blurred, she does not have enough strength to fight back, she does not believe in herself and is sure that she deserves such an attitude. Therefore, first you need to understand that the problem is not in you, but in the one who asserts himself at your expense, imposing a false sense of guilt and complexes on you.

The next step is to find support. Someone who supports your decision to leave the tyrant, someone who can remind you of the reasons for your decision if you suddenly falter. Otherwise, it will be difficult for you to withstand the pressure of the environment and the tyrant himself.

And finally - try to remember how you lived without him. What they believed then, what they thought, with whom they were friends, what they were fond of. Were you happier then? If yes - forward to change!

It is very important, at least for the first time after leaving, to protect yourself as much as possible from communication with your former partner - you need to gain strength and remember who you really are, outside the relationship with the tyrant. This need is due to the fact that the tyrant is always trying to return the victim.

Only by finally returning to your personality will you be able to soberly assess attempts to pressure and manipulate your feelings, separate your own attitudes from those imposed by the tyrant.

The best remedy for the consequences of psychological abuse is a new romance with an adequate partner. Work with a competent psychologist works just as well.

Remember: the main criterion for the correctness of what is happening to you is the feeling of happiness. If this feeling is not there, it means that something is going wrong. Trust yourself, don't ignore your feelings, value yourself - you deserve happiness just like any other person.

Clinical psychologist, cognitive-behavioral therapist

Psychological or emotional abuse, as opposed to physical abuse, is not always obvious both to others and to the participants in the relationship. It often occurs in a latent form and is perceived as something normal. At the same time, emotional abuse can affect any relationship, not only marital and partner relationships, but also parent-child relationships, and even friendships.

The aggressor in such dysfunctional relationships can be both a man and a woman, as evidenced by the data of many studies. Either way, emotional abuse and dysfunctional relationships are extremely damaging to a person's self-esteem and self-esteem.

Emotional or psychological abuse is a style of relationship in which the abuser constantly humiliates, insults, criticizes, shames, intimidates and manipulates the victim in order to gain control over another person and maintain their own unsteady self-esteem. Emotional abuse does not automatically entail physical abuse, but in most cases precedes it.

Reasons for the behavior of the aggressor lie in his personal trauma. Aggressors are often those who themselves suffered from emotional abuse in childhood. They are overwhelmed with self-doubt, suppressed anger, anxiety, depressive attitudes and feelings of helplessness.

The aggressors have no idea what a healthy relationship that is established in the parental family is, and they do not know how to cope with negative emotions otherwise than dominating and suppressing a partner. In most cases, emotional abuse is common in people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, or Antisocial Personality Disorder.

The victim is often unaware of his or her sacrificial stance, also having experience of dysfunctional and traumatic relationships during childhood. This is "promoted" by:

  • Various defense mechanisms psyche. For example, one of the most common is denial, when a person does not allow negative experiences into the sphere of conscious awareness, simply "swallowing" emotional aggression directed at him.
  • Weak and penetrable personality boundaries. A person is not fully aware of what he wants and what others demand of him. He easily neglects his needs for the sake of the desires of others, he cannot say "no", is easily manipulated.
  • Alexithymia. A person hardly understands and describes as his own emotional states, and strangers. As a result, he is easily infected with other people's emotions, for example, fear, anxiety or anger, which again makes him vulnerable to manipulation.

How does psychological abuse manifest in dysfunctional relationships?

The aggressor constantly humiliates and ridicules the victim one-on-one and in the presence of other people. The aggressor makes the victim feel incompetent, inept and talentless. It points out real and perceived flaws in the victim, causing the victim to feel ashamed and embarrassed. The aggressor gives nasty nicknames and nicknames to the victim. If the victim is trying to object to something unflattering remarks, the aggressor convinces her that she "takes everything too close to her heart."

The victim tries by all mental and unthinkable ways to predict what will upset the aggressor, and tries to prevent it. But the behavior of the aggressor remains unpredictable for the victim, and any word, action or some kind of external event can cause a flurry of criticism and insults to the victim.

The aggressor systematically neglects the victim's feelings. He ignores the opinions, needs and wants of the victim. The aggressor controls all areas of her life. This includes not only financial dependence, but also the dependence of the victim in choosing how to spend time, with whom to communicate, what to wear, what films to watch. The victim is forced to ask permission when making any decisions.

The victim cannot discuss problems in relations with the aggressor, since any adequate remark is perceived by the aggressor as hostile. The victim feels helpless and trapped. She is paralyzed by fear and self-doubt. The victim has no idea how he will live outside the dysfunctional relationship.

Emotional closeness is absent in dysfunctional relationships, as there is no basic condition for its occurrence - a sense of security. It is in this that dysfunction, that is, a violation, of relationships is manifested, since the task of forming any pair (husband-wife, parent-child, friends) is to form intimacy.

The first step in solving any problem is realizing it. This requires the victim to break through their own defense mechanisms and recognize signs that they are in a dysfunctional relationship and are subject to emotional abuse.

What should a person do when they realize they are in a dysfunctional relationship and are suffering from emotional abuse?

There are only two ways out.

First, the victim, together with the aggressor, should seek help from a psychologist. The process of healing a relationship will take time, most likely a long time. But, if the aggressor nevertheless agrees to psychological assistance then the couple's quality of life will improve rather quickly.

The second way out is the end of the dysfunctional relationship, which, of course, requires enormous moral strength from the victim. In this case, it is also recommended to consult a psychologist, so as not to step on such a rake again. And work through those psychological difficulties that have kept a person in a dysfunctional relationship for so long.

In either of the two proposed options, the victim (and in the first option, the aggressor) will need to mobilize all their resources to begin the path to self-respect and dignified relationships. Therefore, here are some tips for the victim in order to do this. important step to mental well-being.

  • ​Set boundaries. Tell the aggressor that she will no longer tolerate screaming and insults. The victim should take care of a safe (psychologically and physically words) a place where she can retire in case of conflict with the aggressor.
  • Take care of your needs. The victim must stop thinking about how to please the aggressor, but must find ways to fulfill his own needs. It's not just the basic needs for sleep, food and rest, which are important too. But also organize time to meet with friends and family. Dedicate time to yourself and your interests.
  • Keeping calm. Usually the aggressor knows the victim's pain points and easily provokes them into quarrels. Therefore, the victim should not be emotionally involved in the discussion, not try to justify himself or calm the aggressor.
  • Delineate responsibility. The victim must understand that emotional abuse is a matter of personal choice for the aggressor, and that it is the victim's choice to endure this abuse. It is not the victim's fault that the aggressor behaves this way. The victim cannot change the aggressor. But she can change her relationship with this person and end the psychological abuse.
  • Find help and support. The aggressor often prevents the victim from communicating with other people, therefore it is important to restore the previous circle of contacts with those people who make the victim feel needed and valuable.
The above tips seem self-evident, but at the same time impracticable in a situation of emotional abuse. But one must understand that the aggressor is not as terrible as it seems. You have to understand that deep down he is vulnerable and insecure. Usually, the aggressor does not come into conflict with someone who exudes confidence and strength. He is in no way ready to meet resistance from the victim, which gives her a certain advantage. Other articles by the author:

The content of the article:

Emotional (psychological) domestic violence is a form of influencing the emotions or psyche of a partner through intimidation, threats, insults, criticism, condemnation, and the like. According to the majority of scientists, such actions should be carried out on a regular basis. Many women highlight this effect as the most painful side of relationships in the family or simply with a partner, which gives rise to a feeling of helplessness and oppression.

Causes of Emotional Domestic Violence

Of course, nothing arises from scratch. Any actions have their reasons, as well as their consequences. Sometimes one of the factors listed below can work as a detonator, but most often their action is observed in aggregate, which provokes the development of events according to a certain pattern.

Most of the reasons lie, first of all, in the man. The key ones include:

  • ... And due to the influence on the emotions and psyche of the wife, the husband is trying to assert himself.
  • Mental disorder... It manifests itself as narcissism, borderline states, sociopathy. The reason may be actually suffered psychological trauma. Although it is not uncommon for women to be emotionally abused by the well-to-do and co- happy childhood men.
  • The need for self-affirmation... Low self-esteem can lead to psychological abuse of a partner.
  • Communication problems... Lack of education or inability to express one's thoughts often prevents stability in family relationships with words, normal communication.
  • Past experience... The upbringing and development of a husband as a man in a specific environment can contribute to violence. And not only in conditions of a negative or rude attitude towards oneself. But also when he was raised in permissiveness, extolling his apparent or perceived virtues. As a result, a person feels his (often contrived) superiority over other people. Of course, not last role relationships in the family of the man himself, when he was still a child, also play. After all, children tend to build their adult relationships in the image and likeness of their parents.
  • Self-realization at the expense of sacrifice... A banal desire for power at least (or including) in the family. As well as uncertainty about the strength and stability of family relationships.

Key Signs of Emotional Domestic Abuse

There are quite a few signs of this type of influence on the personality (from one and a half to two dozen). All of them can be divided into three large groups which can also be characterized as forms of violence.

Verbal emotional aggression in the family


Its shape is perhaps the most striking and aggressive. In addition, it can be easily identified even after a short conversation with the tyrant.

The main features are:

  1. Criticism... Rough or caustic assessment of a woman's shortcomings, both in private and in the presence of strangers. For example, offensive remarks about the figure, manner of dress, mental abilities etc. Such statements can be accompanied by insults, but they can be without them.
  2. Contempt... Negative statements about a woman's work, her hobbies, beliefs, religious views. A derogatory assessment of performance homework, childcare and more.
  3. Despotism... The man uses an arrogant tone in communication, instead of requests - orders and instructions.
  4. Humiliation... Addressing a woman using offensive words. For example, "hey you ..." or other similar statements. Constant direct insults for no reason (meaning, not even during a scandal or other stressful situation).
  5. Verbal bullying... These can be threats of a ban on communication with children, beatings or other physical violence against the woman herself or her loved ones, including children, of a sexual nature. Quite often, emotional abuse manifests itself in the fact that men threaten to commit suicide. In all cases, to enhance the effect, detailed description action.
This also includes accusations of their own or family failures, shifting responsibility for everything that happened exclusively on the wife.

All of these actions, as a rule, have one specific goal: to cause a feeling of resentment, irritation, and in some cases, a sense of guilt in the victim.

Dominant Behavior in Emotional Domestic Violence


The fact that a man is a leader is absolutely indisputable. However, some of them need to prove to themselves daily that they are the main ones.

You can identify a tyrant man by the following signs in behavior towards a partner:

  • Communication ban... The deprivation of the opportunity to contact relatives, friends, work colleagues in free time... For this purpose, the telephone can be seized in one way or another, and obstacles to the use of other means of communication can be created. For example, via the Internet (Skype, social networks etc). A man can deprive his wife of the opportunity to use family or personal transport (take away the rights, keys, drain gas from the tank, and so on). Destruction or damage to property (phone, clothing, car, and so on), including in some cases his own, is also part of the tyrant's usual “circle of duties”.
  • Surveillance... Here the range of actions depends on the technical and material capabilities of the man. Starting from the banal checking of messages and the list of calls in the mobile, Email through normal access and ending with the use of such means as wiretapping, the installation of a special software on Personal Computer, tablet, smartphone. Covert video surveillance (or vice versa, open surveillance) can also be used. And even in special cases the husband can hire people to control his wife's behavior and communication outside the home.
  • Permanent presence... The husband does not leave his wife alone, he always strives to be with her. At the same time, he can simply be silent and go about his business. For example, reading a book, talking on the phone.
  • Restriction on contact with outside world ... It happens that the husband establishes his dominance by prohibiting or in some other way preventing the woman from working or engaging in some kind of activity outside the home. In addition, in order to leave the house for any of her needs, the wife must obtain the husband's permission.
  • Assigning the role of breadwinner... There is a situation, and vice versa, when the wife is charged with the responsibility to fully provide for the family financially. At the same time, the husband may not work or earn minimal earnings, but the number of reproaches and rude attitude from him comes constantly.
  • Abstinence... One of the manifestations of dominant behavior can be considered the deliberate disregard of the wife sexually.
In addition to these signs of emotional abuse, expressed through domination, there may also be complete control over all financial issues. However, some specialists in psychology and family issues distinguish this behavior in a separate category - financial abuse.

Other forms of emotional abuse in the family


Jealousy, which manifests itself in constant accusations of adultery. This will be closely intertwined with some of the violent behaviors from the first and second groups. The husband's strict control over the contacts of his wife at work, in his free time and even at home, regular questioning, reminiscent of interrogation (where was, with whom, who can confirm, and the like). Often, all these manifestations of behavior are completely unfounded, the wife does not give a reason, but she regularly hears reproaches and accusations against her.

Some experts identify another form of influence on the psyche. loved one similar to domination - manipulation. This form of influence is milder, but at the same time has the same goal characteristic of the previous three forms - the subordination of the wife's feelings and actions to his personal convictions. In this case, "quiet" emotional abuse occurs, the signs are difficult to recognize, because all actions on the part of the husband occur secretly and fully consciously.

The following characteristic features will indicate this:

  1. Bragging... Self-glorification of the husband and exaltation of his qualities, achievements over those of his wife.
  2. Oppression... Provoking the wife's feelings of guilt for the slightest mistake.
  3. Demanding admiration... Flattery and ostentatious praise from his wife in order to evoke the same actions in his address.
  4. Pressure... From the previous point, the following occurs: lies and hypocrisy, withholding of specific information, information in order to make the wife worry, show nervousness and do something in exchange for providing complete information.
Despite the fact that in different situations almost every man can do any of the above, not always such actions can be qualified as emotional abuse in a relationship. Moreover, there are quite definite signs of a psychological rapist.

The mechanism of development of psychological violence in the family


In general, violence is a rather complex psychological process. Very often it initial stage neither the rapist himself nor his victim notice. Indeed, as a rule, in a young (recently formed) family, both partners are under the influence of strong emotions, absorbed in sensory experiences in relation to each other. This is especially true of women as romantic and emotional natures compared to men.

However, when the feeling of euphoria of the newlyweds passes, sometimes minor disagreements and reproaches begin, which give a start to the further development of the stages of violence:

  • Removal from the pedestal... Accusations in the style of "you are not like that", "you are not so". Constant remarks of this kind should be alarming, but many women still feel in love or, under the influence of upbringing, seek to please their husband, which, in turn, only intensifies the attacks from the other half. Emotional violence begins to escalate without resistance. This stage lasts on average up to six months. Gradually, a woman's self-esteem changes, she becomes disoriented and projects a negative image onto herself, imposed by her husband. After that, the next stage begins.
  • ... The transition from "you are not like that" to "you are a complete insignificance", arousing feelings of guilt. At the same time, constant nagging not only continues, but also intensifies. The woman no longer doubts that she is doing something wrong. She is already just sure of it. She begins to look for reasons in herself, tries to change her behavior, to please her husband, but her condition is only oppressed by new reproaches.
  • Complete submission... At the next stage, a woman is firmly convinced and self-convinced that she, as a person and a wife, is a complete insignificance and a failure. And if the psychological rapist demonstrates dominant behavior, limiting contact with friends and relatives, then the feeling of guilt only increases. After indulging the desires of her husband, the wife feels that by breaking off old friendships and contacts with relatives, she is committing treason. Moreover, when trying to tell the other half about her experiences, the woman is subjected to even more pressure and the belief that she is acting mean and disgusting. This is followed by a fracture.
  • Breakpoint... This is a state where the wife as a person is completely disoriented and crushed. She is completely devoid of the ability to give a sober assessment of her actions, she is ready to completely come under the control of her rapist husband. During this period, in order to completely subordinate the victim to his will, a man can periodically show participation, be affectionate, express feelings similar to those that were before or at the very beginning of marriage. This will become the carrot that will not allow the wife to leave her husband, even if there was such an intention. And under the influence of all this, and also often under the influence of education and public opinion, a woman acquires a firm conviction that it is better to have a bad marriage than to be alone. Of course, such a "thaw" will be followed by a new stage of humiliation and domination.
Against the background of such emotional upheavals, psychological disorders develop, which often provoke physical (diseases internal organs on nervous soil, exacerbation of chronic diseases).

Important! The abuser often behaves with others in an extremely courteous manner, he hides his true nature. Therefore, quite often even the girl's family does not believe her, does not support the desire to leave the “ideal” son-in-law. The consequences of such pressure can be dire.

Traits of a psychological aggressor in the family


People who are prone to moral violence of loved ones seek to control their relatives (of course, those who are weaker). They differ in the following character traits: jealousy, a tendency to frequent unreasonable mood swings, suspicion, lack of self-control, a tendency to justify aggression or violence towards anyone in general.

Psychological abusers have the ability to attract to their side not only friends or strangers, but even relatives of the victim (wife). In addition, sometimes these men may suffer from some kind of personality disorder.

It is worth noting that initially the relationship with the future rapist resembles a "Hollywood melodrama":

  1. ... From the very first dates, the partner behaves as if he has been waiting for this particular girl all his life. He tells how special she is, how she perfectly understands him, that he just never met better.
  2. Rapid development of events... Literally after a very short period of time, the guy proposes to go into a serious relationship in order to spend as much time together as possible. Gradually, lovers delve so deeply into their relationship that they completely forget about communicating with friends. And after that, the guy offers to sign or start living together.
  3. Gradual build-up of pressure... As soon as the girl moves or falls deeply in love, the partner gradually begins to manipulate her. He controls calls, meetings. Shows how unpleasant her absence was to him. Sometimes he blackmails her with phrases like “I really missed you while you were away”, “Is our family really not as important to you as meeting friends”, “We are so good together, but what else do we need to be happy?”.
  4. Full control... After a while, the girl herself no longer understands when she can laugh. After all, the guy thinks the film is sad, and she is obliged to be sad too. You can not express your opinion, distinguishable from his. After all, she was erected on a pedestal of perfection, so it is necessary to correspond.
  5. Blackmail... If suddenly a girl tries to get out of control, she is usually reminded of a difficult childhood, problems with parents, past grievances. Thus, the partner evokes a feeling of guilt, a desire to repent and return.

Results and consequences of emotional abuse


Of the above discord physical health may not be. However, psychologically, problems cannot be avoided. Victims of emotional abuse that continued long time, as a rule, experience depression, a state of post-traumatic (psychological trauma) stress, constant or periodic, but frequent feelings of anxiety and fear.

Suicide attempts are also not excluded. A syndrome of emotional dependence appears, an over-need for love. Against the background of a feeling of self-doubt, neglect of one's own needs can arise.

Women who are victims of psychological violence often develop alcohol and even drug addiction.

Psychological violence in the family and on children, if any, is reflected. After all, they regularly observe a frightened mother, who is under constant control. As discussed among the reasons, children tend to build their future families on those principles of a victim-abuser relationship. And part of the younger generation will obey meekly in adulthood, and the second will become a rapist herself.

The consequences of such relationships for children cannot always be completely eliminated. Therefore, it is worth knowing how to resist and prevent their causes.

Features of confronting emotional abuse in the family


Knowing how to fight back is not enough. It is necessary to find the strength to do this. Every woman is able to protect herself from such influences. An exception can be made only in those cases when, due to some national or social traditions, such a model of relations is the norm.

You can act in stages like this:

  • Detailed analysis... First of all, you need to carefully and extremely honestly analyze your relationship with your husband, remember all the forms and signs of psychological abuse and be able to admit that they appear regularly (if this is really the case). In addition, you need to remember about their consequences for the victim herself. A woman should think soberly and realistically. If the husband deceived or did not change his behavior after one time, then the same will follow.
  • Opening eyes to relatives... You can't pretend that nothing is happening, put up with your role as a victim. Practice shows that to prove the very fact of such psychological impact very difficult. Moreover, as already mentioned, the rapist is able to easily turn friends and even relatives against the victim himself. However, the search for permanent excuses for the husband's actions and forgiveness only contributes to their continuation.
  • Care... Relationships that bring emotional distress to a woman are best broken up. The sooner the better. Sometimes you don't need to look for ways to deal with emotional abuse, but simply find a new partner.
  • Recovery... Do not hesitate to contact a specialist. Professional psychologists help regain control of own life and give recommendations for action.
As already mentioned, the relationship with the psychological abuser must be severed. However, there may be various obstacles (finances, children, shared property, and so on). Therefore, it is necessary to build a detailed plan and carefully work out each point in order to firmly know, for example, on what means to live on, where to live, how to be with children.

How to Resist Emotional Domestic Violence - watch the video:


Exists different kinds emotional abuse. Its manifestation in families is quite common. The development of events occurs gradually, and at first the victim, and often the aggressor himself, does not understand what is happening. The consequences for the personality and body of a woman can be catastrophic, and therefore, if it was not possible to avoid a relationship without psychological violence, it is necessary to take measures to get out of this situation.

Emotional abuse is any non-physical act that can have negative emotional and psychological consequences for another person.

Emotional abuse often occurs in relationships when one person feels dependent on the other and endures a lot out of fear of losing him. Most often, the victims of psychological abuse are children and women, but women can also be abusers and use psychological violence without even knowing that their actions are so called.

Signs of emotional abuse

1. You feel that your partner behaves with you as if you were a child, criticizes and corrects your actions that seem wrong to him, requires that you ask permission for your actions.

2. Your partner often hints to you that you are worse than him: you are not so well educated, you earn less money, or you are not so beautiful in appearance.

3. Your husband or wife laughs at your opinions and suggestions, criticizes them and considers them unreasonable.

4. You feel as if you are walking on tiptoe and make sure that your partner is good mood before touching on any topic.

5. You stopped seeing many of your friends or relatives because your partner does not like them, because you are ashamed in front of them for the way he treats you, or because you are ashamed that you are still with him, after how you have complained so much about his treatment of you.

6. Your husband or wife punishes you with silence, deprives you of approval, affection, sex or money if you do not drive yourself the way he or she wants.

7. The partner insists that you do everything the way he or she wants, do what he sees fit and the way he wants.

8. You hear threats to leave you when you do your own thing.

9. It seems to you that it is impossible to please your partner, that no matter how hard you try, he will find something to be dissatisfied with.

10. The partner often blames you for his actions, that he lost his temper, got drunk, got fat, did not realize his dream, etc.

11. Your partner loses his temper suddenly and has sudden mood swings, from love to hate in a few minutes.

12. You are often ridiculed, teased, and when you are offended, they say that you have no sense of humor and you are too sensitive.

13. You are forced to have sex or to have those types of sex that you do not like, threatening that they will find someone else to do this.

Emotional abuse is the most common form of child abuse.

Emotional abuse of children by parents or guardians is considered rejection, ignorance, terrorizing, insults, name-calling, being left alone as punishment, forcing.

When children become witnesses domestic violence it is also considered a form of emotional abuse. The consequences of such evidence can be anxiety, depression, dissociation, and impulsivity and aggressiveness.

Emotional abuse results in a variety of emotional and behavioral problems, both in childhood and adulthood. In childhood, such consequences can be a tendency to physical aggression and difficulties in communication, as well as the formation of various personality disorders: borderline, narcissistic and obsessive-compulsive.

Emotionally abused children develop insecure attachment styles, negative attitudes about themselves and relationships, lack of social skills and inappropriate strategies for coping with stress, and low self-esteem.

Adults in relationships where they are constantly emotionally abused are often mentally, physically, or sexually abused during childhood, resulting in maladaptive behavior patterns that interfere with their ability to protect themselves.

If you think you are being emotionally abused and you feel unable to change the situation on your own, see a therapist to clarify and work through childhood traumas and develop more adaptive behaviors.