- a mental disorder, which is manifested by a sense of one's own "feature" and grandiosity with a suppressed feeling of insignificance and inner emptiness. The development of the syndrome of narcissism is associated with the formation of a false "I" in childhood, due to the early assessment of the feelings, actions and character of the child, combined with excessive admiration or, on the contrary, coldness and neglect. The severity and external manifestations of the disorder may vary. The diagnosis is made on the basis of a conversation with the patient and the results of special surveys. Treatment is psychotherapy.

The syndrome of narcissism is pathological narcissism, a sense of one's own grandiosity, combined with inner emptiness, suppressed feelings of envy, guilt and shame. The narcissistic syndrome is one of the most actual problems modern psychotherapy and clinical psychology. Specialists in the field mental health it is said that in recent decades the number of daffodils has increased several times. Some Western psychologists are even proposing to revise the diagnostic criteria for narcissism syndrome, since signs that were previously considered pathological are now being detected in many people of young and middle age.

It is assumed that the increase in the number of patients with the syndrome of narcissism may be due to the changed attitudes of society: the priority of external success, increased competition in all areas of life, etc. Despite the objective circumstances, this state of affairs cannot be considered the norm, since the syndrome of narcissism entails constant dissatisfaction personal and social relations, an increase in the number of single people and unhappy married couples, and also increases the risk of developing depression, alcoholism and drug addiction. The treatment of narcissism syndrome is carried out by specialists in the field of psychotherapy and clinical psychology.

Causes of Narcissistic Syndrome

Experts believe that this disorder is inherited, however, such transmission is not due to genetic characteristics, but to psychological deformation as a result of close communication with a parent or other significant adult suffering from narcissistic syndrome. The reason for the development of this pathology is the early assessment of the child, an explicit or implicit requirement to meet certain standards. Such evaluation can manifest itself in two main ways - in excessive admiration and in rejection and neglect.

In both cases, the impetus for the development of the syndrome of narcissism is the non-recognition of the baby as a person, the rejection of his character, temperament, abilities, feelings and needs. The expressed conditionality of parental love becomes the reason for the formation of a false "I". The child feels an implicit (in case of excessive admiration) or explicit (in case of excessive demands) threat of rejection. Parents devalue him real personality, and the patient suffering from the syndrome of narcissism, trying to maintain love and intimacy, gets used, following his parents, to reject and devalue his “bad”, “wrong” part.

The “wrong” part is repressed; deep down, the narcissistic sufferer feels miserable. Success does not bring joy and peace, because the patient does not recognize and does not satisfy his true needs. In place of repressed feelings, an inner emptiness arises. The life of a patient with the syndrome of narcissism turns into a pursuit of external confirmation of his success, exclusivity and uniqueness. A pronounced external locus of control causes extreme instability of self-esteem. The patient constantly "swings" between insignificance and grandiosity.

Symptoms of Narcissism Syndrome

The main signs of the narcissism syndrome are negatively expressed doubts, indicating narcissism, vanity, selfishness and indifference to others. Narcissists have a need for constant attention and adoration. They exaggerate their achievements, consider themselves special, unique and inimitable. “Ordinary”, “ordinary”, “just like everyone else” in the eyes of a patient with a syndrome of narcissism looks like an unbearable insult.

Patients fantasize and set unrealistic goals. The subject of fantasy usually becomes an incredible life success, admiration, wealth, power, beauty or extraordinary love. To achieve their goals (both large and small, everyday), they use other people. Patients with narcissistic syndrome are arrogant and incapable of empathy. They do not understand or do not recognize the feelings, needs and interests of others, they assume that other people must unquestioningly agree with their desires and point of view.

Patients with the syndrome of narcissism are sure that those around them envy them. They are easily hurt, extremely sensitive to criticism, resentment and failure, and often show aggression on minor occasions. Shame in narcissism syndrome is unbearable. The inability to recognize and accept one's own feelings, combined with excessive demands on oneself and others, activates whole complex protective mechanisms. Patients with narcissistic syndrome tend to judge themselves and others. They criticize, express contempt and regret, devalue or ignore. At the heart of this behavior is repressed envy, the need to destroy what others have and what the sick lack.

Other traits that are characteristic of the narcissistic syndrome are perfectionism and frustration. These are closely related methods of protection. On the one hand, people with narcissistic syndrome try not to become attached to anyone in order to avoid disappointment, since they consider any close relationship potentially traumatic. On the other hand, they create ideal images of the future in their imagination, and then become disappointed by the discrepancy between reality and the ideal (they alternate between idealization and depreciation).

The inner experiences of a patient with the syndrome of narcissism are contradictory, extremely ambivalent. He feels either self-sufficiency and superiority over other people, or shame, envy, falsehood and emptiness. This phenomenon is associated with the lack of a full-fledged holistic image of the "I" in the syndrome of narcissism. The patient's personality cannot simply be, it is considered with opposite positions and emotionally evaluated in the categories of "absolute plus" (grandness) or "absolute minus" (insignificance).

On the rare occasion that a patient with narcissistic syndrome succeeds in achieving his goal, a grand outcome occurs. This outcome fuels a sense of uniqueness and gives you the opportunity to be respected for your accomplishments. In case of failure, the patient with the syndrome of narcissism is exhausted, "falls" into insignificance, a sense of his own defectiveness. Throughout life, patients constantly try to protect themselves from feelings of insignificance by avoiding feelings and actions that may contribute to the realization of their inadequacy and dependence on other people.

Diagnosis and treatment of narcissism syndrome

The diagnosis is made on the basis of a conversation with the patient and test results using special questionnaires. Many patients with narcissistic syndrome perceive the diagnosis as an accusation. Resentment, aggression and refusal of treatment are possible, so the doctor reports the diagnosis carefully, extremely carefully, focusing on acceptance and non-judgment. Treatment of the narcissistic syndrome is carried out on an outpatient basis by a psychologist or psychotherapist. Long-term consistent work is needed to recognize repressed feelings of envy, shame and fear of being ordinary, "like everyone else."

In the presence of relatives suffering from the syndrome of narcissism, a study of relations with a significant adult is carried out, during which the patient learns to identify manifestations of the disorder in a relative. He becomes aware of his feelings about judgmental, manipulative behavior, and other issues that people have when they come into contact with a narcissist, and then develops new, healthier ways to respond. Over time, the patient learns to monitor the manifestations of the narcissism syndrome not only in a relative, but also in himself. This, along with awareness of envy, shame, and other negative feelings, provides resources and opportunities for behavior change.

Transactional analysis and gestalt therapy are considered the most effective psychotherapeutic methods for the syndrome of narcissism. It is possible to use other long-term methods, for example, classical psychoanalysis or Jung's depth psychotherapy. The prognosis depends on the severity of the disorder, the age of the patient with the narcissistic syndrome, and the level of his motivation. With constant active cooperation with a psychologist or psychotherapist, a significant reduction in narcissistic manifestations and an improvement in the quality of life is possible.

Many people believe that the narcissistic nature is exclusively narcissistic and self-important. However, this person has much more signs. Often, people with excessive demands on themselves and others, as well as people who are eternally dissatisfied with their life, because it is, become narcissists. A test for narcissism can show that most people have this nature. The reasons for this often lie in education, and treatment can help a person get rid of his suffering.

To the reader of the site psychological help site to understand who a narcissist is, he just needs to think about the ideals that are put forward by society. So, there are certain ideals in the world, according to which, a person is promised that he will be happy. Ideals exist in human qualities, his appearance, a loved one, and even in work. A narcissist is a person who is always striving for ideals. It becomes his weak point which can be hit to make the narcissist weak and suffering.

Narcissism is a quality of character in which a person loves himself so much that he does not notice anyone else around. This is a rather contradictory nature, which, on the one hand, is very selfish, and on the other, dependent on the surrounding opinion.

What is narcissism?

Narcissism is the quality of a person's character in which he is completely preoccupied with his personality. He is also called selfish, narcissistic and living by high standards that do not correspond to reality.

Narcissism takes its term from the mythological hero Narcissus, who was so enamored with his appearance that he rejected the love of the nymphs. For this, he was punished by forever loving only himself.

A narcissist is a person who loves himself. Origins of development given quality taken from childhood, when the child is at the stage of narcissism. All people go through this stage. However, if the child does not satisfy his need to love himself and be loved by others, then he gets stuck in it, becoming a narcissist.

A narcissist is a person who has ideals. He sets high standards for himself and those around him. He strives only for the ideal life. Accordingly, he is always upset when he himself does not live up to his ideals, or people prevent him from achieving an ideal life.

Since the narcissist strives for ideals in everything, he is very dependent on society for two reasons:

First, the narcissist does not come up with ideals himself, but society. He takes precisely those ideals that are promoted in society.
Secondly, the narcissist is happy only when he reaches the ideal established in society, and those around him admire, envy, because he has reached perfection. If the narcissist does not receive admiration and envy from others, then he feels miserable.

The words "ideal" and "ideal" have become something familiar and quite natural in the everyday life of people. women dream of ideal men, men - about perfect women. Businessmen dream of an ideal business and income from it. Society wants to see ideal dads and mothers, as well as ideal workers and hard workers. In other words, there are some images that all people must conform to. But questions arise:

All people are different, but why should they conform to the same ideal?
Who, in fact, determines the criteria of ideality?

The ideal person - who defines him? If you think about it, you can understand that society dictates to each individual how he should be in the eyes of his boss, his children, his beloved partner, neighbors, etc. You must be perfect! And no one cares whether you want to be him or not, and whether you even need to be just that perfect.

Let's look at an example. Many women experience a fear of motherhood, and it lies in the fact that they are not sure if they can be ideal mothers for their children. "Ideal mom" - who defines it? If we judge what criteria a woman uses and how she evaluates herself, whether she is perfect or not, then we can understand that she is trying to match the image of an ideal mother that society offers her. But the question is: to whom should a woman be an ideal mother - society or a child?

If a woman has not yet given birth to a baby, and she is already afraid that she is not an ideal mother, then she simply succumbed to the opinion that prevails in society. According to public opinion, a woman is not an ideal mother. But when a child is born, grows up and asks him, “Do you think your mother is perfect?”, He will answer: “Yes.”

You should take a sober look at the world and see that all children love their parents, even if they are alcoholics, parasites, criminals, etc. Not all fathers and mothers are ideal, judging by public opinion. But for some reason, their own children still love them, no matter how bad and imperfect they may be.

Thus, maybe you should not listen to society, but the opinion of those people for whom you want to be perfect? If you want to be an ideal wife, then ask your own husband whether he is pleased with you or not and what you need to change in yourself so that you become ideal for him personally. You do not have to be ideal for society, but personally for your husband. If you want to be the perfect friend, then ask the friends you want to be friends with if they think you're perfect and what you need to change about yourself to make them happy with you. It is not society that needs to be indulged, but your friends with whom you are directly friends.

The ideal person - who defines him? Those people for whom you want to be perfect. And the fact that society considers you imperfect in something, do not think about it and do not worry about it. The main thing is what those people with whom you are in direct contact and want to be liked think about you, and not society as a whole.

Causes of Narcissism

Psychologists see the development of narcissism in the upbringing of a person through which he went through in childhood:

Man with early childhood heard only appraisal expressions. He was approved and encouraged only when he did everything right. Over time, he gets used to self-assessment.
A person did not receive maternal love and care, so he begins to achieve what he wants. To do this, he creates a certain ideal image, which he must correspond to in order to receive what he wants from his mother.
The person was brought up according to the principle "We love you only when you are perfect." From childhood, he saw that his parents approve of him, understand him, pay attention only when he does something right, and always punish him, ignore him when he starts doing something wrong. Even in childhood, a person begins to understand that he must be perfect in order to be loved and accepted.

"Be perfect people!" - promotes modern society. Everything should be perfect. But what does it mean to be perfect? What does striving to be perfect in everything lead to?

There is a difference between being a specialist who follows all the orders of the boss, and a professional who solves work issues on his own, without "kicks" from the authorities.
There is a difference between being in good mood and to smile at everyone, and to smile when everything is bad in the soul.
There is a difference between being healthy and handsome man, and putting on make-up that makes you look healthy.

In human understanding, to be perfect means to be always friendly, smiling, good, pleasant, beautiful. It's like it's always summer and never winter.

According to nature, perfection is when you harmoniously fit into all the circumstances of different moments of life, get out of them with ease and understanding, continue to grow and develop. It is like a tree that has withstood a strong hurricane and continues to grow.

Human understanding is based on the following idea: always be friendly and cheerful, even if you feel bad. That's why ideal people, ideal relationship, perfect job It is an illusion, a falsehood, a lie, a deceit. Such in real world cannot exist. But you can pretend that it is. It is this pretense that leads to the fact that ideal people soon turn into the most unfortunate.

What is the reason for this phenomenon? Perhaps they understand how they live. They cannot afford to be themselves. They do not allow their negative traits to manifest, which sometimes harms the very same people who sit on the neck and who are used because of their kindness. They do not allow themselves to cry and show negative emotions, which allows others to be sadists without receiving any punishment for it.

Being perfect means turning a blind eye to many things and not allowing yourself to show those traits and emotions that are considered negative. Why are they negative? Because they interfere with others. However, the fact that negativity is a consequence of the wrong attitude and behavior of others is omitted and ignored.

Continue to strive for those ideals that are promoted in society. This is the path to the rejection of ourselves and the ability to defend our opinion, position and the right to personal desires and life.

The signs of narcissism are:

Vanity.
Narcissism.
Excessive selfishness.
The pursuit of self-love.
Cold attitude towards other people's problems.
Striving for success.
The desire to live a beautiful and vibrant life.
Idealization and instant devaluation. The narcissist strives only for the ideal. And everything that does not fit into the framework of the ideal instantly depreciates and loses interest.

Psychologists believe that narcissism is inherent in all people to one degree or another. Men are focused on career and material success. Until the age of 35, they try to achieve it, and then they begin to understand that there is no happiness if they do not achieve it. If happiness is achieved, then it is not for a long time pleases the narcissist.

Usually the narcissist does not know how to build relationships with other people, predominantly suppressing them with his suffering emotions.

Narcissistic women are ambitious, intolerant, demanding. They do not know how to rejoice in beauty and simplicity. They need ideals. They always demand a lot from children and do not know how to calmly relate to their imperfection.

Narcissists are not always active and sociable. Among narcissists, there may be introverted personalities who are silent and create the appearance of calm people. But the only thing you cannot understand is that next to this person you feel inferior. He demonstrates his superiority despite his silence.

By what signs can you identify a narcissistic interlocutor (narcissist)?

He is not interested in your words, or he considers them absolute nonsense. He may not talk about it, but demonstrate it with his appearance or transitions in the topics of conversations.
Makes hasty conclusions and hangs labels. Everything you say is considered “nonsense”, “not interesting”, “stupid”, etc. in his eyes.
Does not show sympathy or pity, does not support you, especially when something needs to be done.
Shows passive aggressiveness. He responds to any of your indignations with aggression or discontent. He considers any of his actions to be right.
Defiantly offended. If you didn’t support him or said something bad, he will turn away and start playing silent, forcing you to make excuses and ask for forgiveness.
In words, not in deeds, he speaks of his uniqueness. If he does not try to prove it, then he waits for someone to turn to him for help, so that he answers “Am I too smart to talk about these topics?” or something different.
Shows indifference. He is infatuated with himself. He will never take an interest in your affairs, thoughts and hobbies. Will go about his life without taking the initiative to see or talk to you.

The above symptoms can partially be observed in each person. But it's one thing to show love for yourself and sometimes think only about your interests, and another when everything revolves only around the interlocutor. In the latter case, it is about pathological self-love.

If a married couple make up two narcissists, then there will always be a competitive struggle between them. Each of them will prove to the partner that he is better and more worthy of love.

Narcissism in psychology

Narcissism in psychology is a quality brought up in a person. With such a person it is difficult to communicate, be friends and have love relationship because he mostly thinks about himself and does not think about others. Such a person cannot be said that he is ordinary, because then he will react aggressively to this remark.

The narcissist is driven by two postulates:

He is ashamed that the real does not correspond to the desired, ideal.
He envies other people who seem to be more whole and ideal in the eyes of a narcissist.

The psychological protective functions of the narcissist are idealization and devaluation. Moreover, to devalue another person, the narcissist does not need convincing circumstances and arguments.

The narcissist makes excessive demands on himself and others. That is why often he is quite attractive, smart or working in a prestigious position. He is admired if he becomes perfect, brings himself closer to the ideal, and competes with other people who are also ideal in his ideas.

The narcissist resorts to criticism and contempt if he is envious. And it arises only to those people who, in his opinion, have what he would like to have.

Perfectionism is the quality of narcissists who set unrealistic goals for themselves. If they do not achieve them, then they feel defective, and not people with weaknesses, because of which depression develops.

Treatment for Narcissism

It is almost impossible to recover from narcissism, since the person needs to recognize the presence of a narcissistic nature in order to do this. And what kind of person is ready to say that he is imperfect, while he spent his whole life to achieve perfection? It is almost impossible to get rid of narcissism when a person has to give up his ideals.

Outcome

Narcissism can manifest itself not only as selfishness, but also as the perception of other people's troubles as one's own fault.

Do you feel guilty about the bad things that happen to other people? You were just standing by, but the man slipped and broke his arm. You hired workers, one of whom sprained his leg at your construction site. You put a chair through which another person got hooked. Do you feel guilty about the damage done to others? If so, then you are narcissistic.

The narcissist thinks the whole world revolves around him. Troubles happen to other people, and he blames himself for inaction or hindsight. If it is customary to assume that a narcissist is someone who loves himself, then in this case, narcissism manifests itself in the fact that a person believes that the world will cease to exist without him. Troubles have happened, are happening and will happen to people. Will you be to blame for all of them?

If a person cannot love himself, then he is not immune from the fact that he will consider himself a messiah. Someone manifests their narcissism through selfishness, selfishness, self-contemplation, and others through self-sacrifice, controlling the lives of other people and taking on someone else's guilt and responsibility. All this different forms narcissism, when a person in one way or another positions himself as the center of the universe.

Narcissism is understood as such a personality trait as excessive narcissism, narcissism. This term comes from Greek mythology(the legend of Narcissus) and was first introduced by Z. Freud. At the same time, to a small extent, narcissism is characteristic of mentally healthy people. Only the overdevelopment of the trait is considered a psychiatric illness and requires treatment. Narcissism in women is manifested more often than in men, and less often turns into a pathological form.

Signs of female narcissism

Narcissists are usually referred to as people who love themselves more than any other person. At the same time, inner confidence in one's superiority is accompanied by admiration "from the outside" and requires confirmation from the environment.

A narcissistic person combines the following traits:

heightened self-esteem;
confidence in one's own exclusivity (talents, attractiveness, charm, intelligence, etc.);
a sense of independence from external rules;
expectation good relationship and at the same time submission, envy from others;
seeking admiration from other people;
inability to sympathize and empathize;
fantasies about their successes.

For women, light narcissism is characteristic in an unconscious form: periodic admiring oneself in the mirror, the desire to decorate oneself, showing off to friends, seducing men. Conscious narcissism is present in the form of deliberate theatricality of behavior. Such "daffodils" demonstrate to others their exclusivity and require attention, regardless of the circumstances.

The dangers of narcissism

Narcissism as a personality trait has positive and Negative consequences. The positives include:

desire for self-improvement. This applies to appearance, education, success in work or creativity;
external attractiveness, regardless of the initial data - such people know how to "apply themselves";
charm, eloquence.

Negative characteristics of a narcissist:

an unjustifiably high opinion of one's own data and an unjustifiably low opinion of others;
unwillingness to listen to someone else's opinion, criticism;
inability to work on oneself in accordance with other people's needs, including in the professional sphere;
rapid idealization and devaluation of others;
focus on yourself, your needs and desires.

Wherein positive features the nature of narcissistic people is overshadowed by their negative properties. With age, problems with an adequate assessment of oneself and those around them are exacerbated. This makes "narcissists" unpleasant, cold, selfish and intolerant people.

Psychology data

According to psychologists, narcissism in men is more focused on achievements, in women - on appearance. Achievements that allow a female narcissist to be exaggeratedly proud of herself are more often related to her spouse and / or children.

Manifestations of narcissism in women in relation to themselves look like frequent admiring the reflection, excessively careful selection of clothes and accessories, cosmetics and hairstyles. In addition, narcissistic women can concentrate on achieving a harmonious (from their point of view) appearance of housing, workplace, and the appearance of loved ones.

Especially dangerous is perverse narcissism in women. Signs of such a personality disease are manifested when communicating with other people: this is an attractive, significant person for others. At the same time, its attractiveness is perverted (the term "perverse" is associated with the Latin word perverere - to pervert, to twist). Such a woman exalts herself by humiliating others. This happens hidden, masked by outward benevolence and charm.

Perverse narcissists are aggressors who "feed" on fear, doubt, and the suffering of "victims".

Self-admiration and self-exhibition

Close in appearance and destructive consequences to narcissism in men and women exhibitionism. The desire to prove to oneself and others one's own exclusivity and attractiveness leads to covert or overt posing, displaying one's appearance or achievements.

A striking example of exhibitionism as part of a narcissistic nature is multiple selfies. The popularity of self-photography, video is associated with the insecurity of young and mature people in its attractiveness to others.

Showing off in in social networks, on public and private sites, looking through photos and videos taken personally, narcissistic personalities are convinced of their exclusivity. Example: a girl takes selfies, posts them on Instagram or Facebook, and judges her popularity and ability to charm men based on the number of likes and reposts.

Phallic narcissism in women

The association of the term "phallus" with the masculine principle in psychology is not unconditional. Under "phallic narcissism" in women is understood the desire to increase, "inflate" some of their features to the state of "erogation". This desire to stand out from the team, to become unique. Under the influence of such a desire, women make plastic surgery, modifying the body and face to an absurd look, blindly follow fashion or try to create it. Narcissism also includes the desire to show superiority over other women (and men) with the help of expensive, inaccessible to most things.

When a female person is obsessed with work, narcissistic disorder manifests itself as a manic desire to build a career, get a position / salary / opportunities that exceed those of colleagues.

Conclusion

Reasonable and moderate love for yourself, the desire to improve your data and capabilities is the engine of personal progress. However, at the same time, the inability to adequately perceive criticism, build relationships with people on the basis of equality and balance, strengthening the ego through belittling others is reasonably considered a mental disorder and requires treatment.

When a person realizes psychological problem or qualified outside help (psychoanalyst, psychotherapist), narcissism returns to a rational framework, allowing a person to live a full life and be accepted by society and the inner "I".

In ordinary consciousness, a narcissist is a person who is in love with himself. A kind of egocentric who does not see anyone and nothing and is only busy praising himself. People imagine that a narcissist is a person who looks at himself in a mirror, considers himself irresistible and great in every way.

How do psychologists view narcissists?

To begin with, it is worth noting that normal narcissism is not a disease. This is the personality structure. That is, it's just a way of building the psyche. It is determined by the main, central conflict within a person. This conflict is basic. It is he - the starting point for the formation of all other character traits and ways of behavior.

More important point. Talk about a narcissistic component. This implies that this component, generally speaking, is present in all of us. It is simply expressed to varying degrees and plays a greater or lesser role in overall structure character.

I mentioned the internal conflict that is central to the narcissist. What is this conflict?

The central drama of Narcissus

In short, the problem is self-identification. The key question, the question of the whole life of a narcissist, is "What am I?"

Imagine a situation. You woke up one morning and you are doing everything as usual. But suddenly all the people around you tell you that you have changed a lot in appearance. You have a different face and body. What will be your first impulse and strongest desire?

Find a mirror! See what's wrong with me? Find out "Who am I?" To rejoice, to be upset or to accept is the tenth thing. First you need to know, see, study, form an idea.

Now imagine that there is no way to do this. Mirrors do not reflect you, photo and video cameras do not shoot, and you yourself do not see your body.

This is roughly the state that a narcissist experiences throughout his life. The eternal search for the answer to the question "What am I?" and the inability to get a reliable answer.

Of course, the narcissist has some knowledge about himself, ideas. He collects feedback from the world and sees the results of their activities. He can rely on something. But all the same - the general picture "I am such and such" - is not going to.

This is the center. This is the key to understanding daffodils of all kinds and colors. Everything else is already "implementation details".

Another feature of the narcissist is the eternal doubt in assessments and characteristics. Even when receiving an answer to the question "What am I?", the narcissist is always in doubt and thus does not allow himself to appropriate the answer. Even if it is purely "positive". Failure to fully appropriate this feedback - feature daffodils.

Idealization - devaluation

These are characteristic defense mechanisms, which narcissists often resort to. It is clear that the narcissist will seek to idealize the person who gives him what he needs and devalue the other. Another type of narcissist will idealize their false self-image and devalue everything else, including their real manifestations. For example, he can devalue his real fears, depriving them of meaning, annoyed that they even exist.

Idealization and devaluation touch everything that fills the life of a narcissist. With a borderline personality, the whole world of the narcissist is likely to be divided into ideal and insignificant.

At the same time, as we understand, the ideal does not exist. So the eternal companion of the narcissist will be disappointment. It will come every time the illusion of an ideal object collapses. More often than not, to avoid this disappointment and the accompanying experience, the narcissist will devalue what they previously idealized, as well as the entire experience of interacting with this object.

Compensation and benefits of the narcissistic nature

This same addiction causes narcissists to be envious. And envy, with a constructive approach, is the strongest motivation for one's own achievements. Often productive narcissists achieve high altitudes. Significantly, heights are usually determined socially. That is, if the rejection of material values is considered valuable in society, then the narcissist will be a legendary poor man. Since the narcissist is aimed at the approval of society, he tends to take values from it.

Narcissists can be quite open, as they are prone to psychological exhibitionism.

The narcissist may develop the ability to quickly approach others. At the heart of this ability is the desire for security. The consideration is: "If you and I are very close and understand each other well, if we let each other close and become vulnerable to each other, then the likelihood that one of us will hurt the other decreases." Since the narcissist is not initially set up to hurt another, but rather is set to get his approval, intimacy becomes an opportunity to somehow secure the narcissist himself. If this dynamic is present, it allows the narcissist to very quickly enter into trusting contact with different people, understand them well and establish long-term close relationships.

Because main question"What am I?", a narcissist may often have good ability for reflection and introspection.

Article Limitations

In this article, I have tried to briefly describe the narcissistic dynamics of a predominantly healthy narcissist. Or rather, neurotic. It is worth considering that there are no completely healthy people in the psychological sense. And the degree of neuroticism can vary.

A neurotic disorder can also be found in people with a borderline or psychotic personality structure. In these cases, it acquires individual characteristics and is tolerated, respectively, worse, causing more suffering both to the narcissist himself and to people in contact with him. At the same time, the overall dynamics and drama is preserved.

little daffodil

This article aims to give a deeper understanding of the narcissistic personality structure and make it more voluminous, different from the simple "Narcissistic type".

As I said above, one speaks not only of the narcissistic structure of the personality, but also of the narcissistic component. The fact is that this component is somehow represented in each of us. In everyone there is a small daffodil that may show more or less.

When you comb your hair or choose an outfit that suits you better. When you strive for the best result. Or, for example, feel shame when your clothes are dirty. When you want your work and you to be noticed and appreciated and complain when this does not happen.

It's all your little narcissist.

Narcissistic personality disorder is a single diagnosis, but it combines three varieties of narcissism.
People with these disorders are categorized based on how they interact and treat other people.
Some experts believe that identifying a person's type of narcissism makes a relationship possible, while others believe it is The best way maintain clarity in relationships.

To be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, a person must display at least five of the nine special characteristics. People with these disorders are different low level empathy, an exaggerated sense of self, and a need for admiration.

Many narcissists live by similar patterns of behavior, such as flattery, manipulativeness, and rejection of people who do not benefit them, but at the same time, they can behave very differently.

Many psychotherapists and therapists divide narcissists into three different categories based on three types of actions: openness, closeness, and toxicity.

According to Eleanor Greenberg, the therapist who wrote the book Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations: The Need for Love, Admiration, and Security, the form of human narcissism is largely dependent on upbringing.

Open daffodils are a stereotype

For example, open-minded (or pretentious) narcissists have the “look at me” mindset that children often have.

Children don't immediately get the hang of understanding their parents' problems, "so they lack empathy in that regard," says Greenberg. “If you outgrow this life stage with a normal level of attention, then you can overcome this barrier.”

But some people, she says, grow up in families where children are raised in a narcissistic manner—for example, their family members may position them as special and claim that they deserve success because “it’s in their blood.”

An open narcissist is a stereotypical image of a narcissist, says Shannon Thomas, a licensed clinical social worker who wrote the book Treatment for Hidden Offenses.

“They think they are incredible – they find themselves smarter, more attractive and stronger than other people and truly believe in it,” she told Business Insider. “Even in the company of friends or close colleagues, they put themselves one step higher.”

Open daffodils are not defenseless, says Thomas. If they do not praise themselves, then they try to humiliate someone else. Often they are rude, inconsiderate and angry towards other people. They choose to ignore or even not notice how others react to their actions.”

Closed narcissists have different personality traits

Some people with narcissistic personality disorder grow up as such in families where they had to constantly compete for love or in families where they were constantly hindered, says Greenberg, in such cases people receive approval only when they themselves bow down.

Closed (or hidden) narcissists want to be special, but this causes them internal conflict. Like open narcissists, closed narcissists also consider themselves incredibly distinctive, but they are much more defenseless.

"Closed narcissists don't directly say they're special," Greenberg says. "They choose someone else—a person, a religion, a book, a fashion designer—who they think is special, and then they start to feel special when interacting with them."

She also added: “When someone feels special because of the designer things on themselves, then others define it as an associative feature. Closed narcissists are often insecure, so they look for someone they can idealize."

Their behavior can often be described as passive-aggressive. For example, they try to keep their love partners in constant disappointment. They may promise something and then fail to do so in order to enjoy the reaction of others.

“They do what they want, when they want,” says Thomas, “and then they try to make themselves the victim.”

Constantly saying one thing and doing something completely different, people with a closed type of narcissism bring people close to them to insanity, forcing them to doubt the reality of what is happening and their own adequacy. Closed narcissists may blame their partners for things they never did, but partners can easily believe their words, as their own reality begins to distort.

While open narcissists are quite consistent in their actions, closed narcissists may exhibit different personal qualities. In certain situations, they can behave differently - in public they can present themselves as charismatic and sweet, and in relationships with their own partners - cruel and evil, which causes them even more uncertainty.

Toxic narcissists crave chaos and destruction

Toxic (or spiteful) narcissists go up another notch. They not only crave attention to their own person, but also want others to feel in submission. They tend to be sadistic and enjoy the pain of others.

"Toxic daffodils are like the Ice Queen from Snow White," says Greenberg. "When the mirror says that Snow White is prettier than her, the Ice Queen decides to kill Snow White and hide her heart in a box."

Toxic narcissists find it incredibly exciting to inspire people and then watch them fail. Thomas calls this behavior an additional layer of sadistic behavior.

"This type of narcissism borders on antisocial personality disorder," she says. "People who enjoy ruining other people's careers feel great about ruining other people emotionally, physically, or spiritually."

Toxic narcissists tend to have a lot of chaos around them, says Thomas, so they enjoy bringing chaos into other people's lives.

“Harmony is not their goal,” she says. “We are very worried about its abundance, but, on the contrary, they receive energy during its deficiency. That is why such people often themselves provoke problems and dramas in the lives of others. They always say they hate drama, but they always end up in the middle of it."

Relationships with narcissists can be risky

People with narcissistic personality disorder suffer from a lack of consistency. This means that, for example, when they show anger towards their partner, they do not see it in the context of the relationship and continue to show hatred or a desire to hurt their partner.

This leads to relationships with narcissists—whether romantic, familial, or professional—becoming very draining.

Greenberg argues that it is possible to build relationships with narcissists if you identify their type of narcissism and understand how it functions. Many relationship experts, one way or another, argue that it's best to stay away from narcissists.

However, this is entirely your decision, so it's worth researching what you're getting into first.

businessinsider.com, translation: Artemy Kaidash