Every person is emotional. Someone is more clearly showing the release of emotions, someone is weaker, but sooner or later everyone allows themselves to break loose on others. If a person has an explosive temperament, then such breakdowns appear quite often.

To release emotions, a person does not have to get into a difficult situation, the slightest reason is enough for him. A person defends himself, his freedom, fights injustice in the ways available to him.

If a melancholic can build a web and slowly take revenge on the offender, then the choleric needs to immediately throw everything out. Tantrums, scandals, rudeness are usually caused by the fact that a person is dissatisfied with his life and sees only that the whole world is against him. He defends himself with rudeness and gnaws out his happiness. And then there is the banal bad manners. A person communicates with rudeness, for him these are just words seasoned with spices of emotions.

Why does a person take it out on you? Often you don't even need to look for the cause. He breaks down because he is ill-mannered, offended or a cowardly introvert.

So how do you respond to unfair attacks against you? In the first seconds, it is difficult to pull yourself together and begin to implement an intelligent victory plan. Or just admit defeat and wash your hands? Maybe answer the same?

Responding with rudeness to rudeness, a juggling in which two are guilty simply begins.

No one from the outside will recognize the correctness of one of the two, but will consider the two rivals equally ill-mannered. The battlefield will eventually become a battlefield, which means a fight, beatings and a protracted showdown. From the “victim”, which was undeservedly attacked, you will become the same boor and rude person. Therefore, it is necessary to find the right way out of the current situation. Gracefully, intelligently, sharply and quickly. This is already a piece of jewelry and it is better to know the script in advance.

Delete from life

This method is simple and affordable, usually applies to random people. Well, you got rude on the bus, turn away and forget.

A person splashes out aggression on outsiders in case of complete dissatisfaction with life. Such people should simply be pitied.

They walk in lines, rush through crowded places and spew rudeness at anyone. They live like that, and thank God, they are strangers to you. So there is only one way out - turn around, leave and forget. Sometimes close people have to be deleted from life. If your spouse is constantly rude to you, then think about whether you are going through life with the right person? If the boss is rude, humiliating and rude all the time? Think, is it really on this work that the world converged like a wedge?

The remaining four methods relate to the situation when you decide to live with a boor, but make sure that his rudeness towards you stops.

regret

A person is rude because he is dissatisfied with himself, and not with you. He shouts out something that hurts him very much. He thinks he will put pressure on your pain points because he knows about his own. What does the person want? Just to feel sorry for him. It's like a child who rolls up a scandal to be picked up.

If boor is your loved one and native person, and this does not happen often, then just know that he is feeling bad now. And he breaks down on you because you are dear to him.

It seems absurd, but it's true. Most of all gets the most favorite. If you love a boor, then be with him not only when he feels good, but also when he feels bad.

Give him care in return and you will see that in a few minutes he will gratefully accept your support and apologize for his attacks.

When such a “boor” is rude, he complains, talks about his pain. Love? Take pity.

mirror

The “mirror” method always works in many psychological techniques.

If you want to achieve the location of the interlocutor, mirror his movements. If you want to attract the attention of a guy / girl - mirror their laughter, look and facial expressions.

You can do the same with hams. The "monster" must see its reflection. Mirror the boor completely: repeat after him the meaning of what was said, gestures, postures, timbre of voice, etc. One exception - replace all obscene words with literary ones.

Try as intelligently as possible, but just as loudly and emotionally to convey to your opponent the meaning of his claims without the color of offensive words.

You address the boor with emphasized and even pompous politeness, remember as before: “Would you be kind, sir.” Maybe it's too much, but sometimes it works like a tub cold water on a hot head boor.

The second version of mirroring is when you, like a parrot, pronounce everything behind the offender, endowing the words with brightness, laughter and sarcasm.

Bring everything to the point of absurdity. “You say that I am a fool, well, you probably know better with your secondary education.” “You say that I haven’t had a woman for a long time, well, there’s no need to keep candles at home.” The phrases are given taking into account the literary, but we think you understand which direction you need to swim.

Put in place

Bite him for a sore spot, but as if playfully. You can invent this place, you do not need to know the pain points. The main thing is to keep a smile on your face, and mark the place loudly and clearly.

For example, to the most banal “places”: "What fly bit you?". Let the boor know that his place is in your eyes when he is rude, somewhere between cattle and Down. Show him that you do not consider him worthy of communication. Lower it with disdain.

Parents teach their children to be polite to other people. The children are instilled with the rules of cultural behavior: do not be rude to the elders, respectfully treat the younger ones. But, unfortunately, not all people follow such recommendations. For some, rudeness is the main way to prove to another person that they are right. Such a situation can be encountered anywhere: in transport, in a store, at work. Harsh words hurt deeply, and it’s not always easy to figure out what to answer the offender. And the mood for the whole day is spoiled. To avoid such situations, you should know

What are the reasons?

Rudeness is a special desire to offend the interlocutor or others with an act, a word. At the same time, it is based on irresponsibility and anonymity. If you ask a boor for his position, place of work, last name, the tone of his conversation will noticeably change.

It is because of impunity that rudeness flourishes so. Previously, a person encountered unpleasant treatment in a store, at work, in some public places. Today, with the growth in the number of cars and the expansion social networks misbehavior is on the rise.

To know how to respond to rudeness, you should understand what are its causes. So, psychologists believe that rude behavior is characteristic of the following categories of people:

1. Persons who did not receive enough love in childhood. In this case, a person tries to be noticed by those around him. After all, he always experiences a lack of attention, love, communication. These are people who were not praised in childhood, did not take time to communicate with them. After all, every child needs the love and understanding of parents. Not receiving the necessary caress and warmth in the usual, natural way, the baby resorts to rude, terrible behavior. And it is at this time that parents fulfill what they want - they react to it, begin to indulge it. Such a method in the mind of the child is formed as the only way draw attention to yourself. Accordingly, in adulthood, a person continues to use it.
2. People striving for self-affirmation. This picture is observed if the interlocutor cannot adequately answer. In this case, the brute rises in own eyes and with even greater force continues to humiliate a person. Thus, he tries to assert himself. Often this situation develops if a rude person is a boss with even minimal power, or a boor, for certain reasons, causes fear in the interlocutor.
3. A state of despair, disappointment, fatigue. In such a situation, even man of culture can break and get nasty. Of course, this will be followed by an apology. And here it all depends on the culture of behavior of the interlocutor. well-mannered man will accept an apology and the conflict will be settled. But if the collision happened with a boor, then he will already be on edge. No amount of apology will help here.

In addition, the inability to clearly argue one's arguments can lead to rudeness. Sometimes you can observe the following picture when two people argue. The first provides concrete evidence to support his point of view. The other, being sure of his rightness, cannot argue it, but strives to go through the dispute to the end. Often in such a situation, without having good arguments, he breaks down and turns to rudeness. And it usually fails. At the same time, in the eyes of others, this person demonstrates how low her culture of behavior is.

Hams on the roads

Any driver knows that there are normal and inadequate traffic participants on the track. The second category includes those who undercut, move from one line to another, demand an immediate pass, honk for no reason, constantly flash their high beams, or are eager to figure it out and prove, sometimes even with the help of their fists, their case.

How to respond to rudeness? And in what language to communicate with the road rude? Unfortunately, there is no universal instruction. Because inadequate situations are always unpredictable. However, psychologists recommend adhering to certain rules. Their observance will allow not only to nullify rudeness on the roads, but also in some situations to protect life.

How to behave in difficult situations? Psychologists give the following recommendations:

1. Inattentive driver. Sometimes a situation happens that the green light turns on, and all the cars stop because of one participant in the movement. The driver was distracted or thoughtful, and simply did not notice how the traffic light switched. People who are in a hurry start honking frantically. This is a simple situation, but it is very annoying. If you find yourself in the role of a “sleeping” driver, then the best thing you can do is say thank you to those who honked you. Once in the role of an impatient driver, try to "wake up" softer. For example, blink your headlights. Thus, the fight against rudeness should begin with you. Stay on the road always adequate.
2. Save time. Not only nerves are spent on dealing with a rude man, but also precious hours. Two drivers, who are not inferior to each other on a narrow road, are very reminiscent of sheep from a children's fairy tale. If you don't like this comparison, give way to your opponent. At the same time, reassure yourself that, unlike him, you can drive well in reverse. In addition, sincerely smile at the boor, and good mood you will be provided for the whole day.
3. uncontrollable situation. If you could not avoid meeting with an inadequate driver, know that you will not find a common language with him. Therefore, it is best to prepare carefully. Close windows and doors, turn on the DVR in the car, or mobile phone. So you can fix the illegal actions committed against you. Do not try to explain anything to the impudent driver yourself. It is very easy to break loose and use improvised means, fists. But it is difficult to prove later that you acted in self-defence. It is best to try to attract the attention of others with a beep or an emergency gang. You can call the police or loved ones for help.
4. Removal of stress. After meeting with an inadequate driver, there is always an unpleasant feeling in the soul. Psychologists recommend calling your loved ones and telling them what happened to you. Just complain. Getting support and understanding loved one, you will quickly get rid of the negativity and be able to calmly continue moving.
5. Required rest. Sometimes you yourself may experience irritation at the sight of other road users. If everyone around you is perceived as racers or non-driving drivers, you need to take a breather. In such a situation, it is very important to follow the following advice from a psychologist. Get out of the car for fresh air. Do 10 squats. If such a discharge did not help, then do a dozen more exercises.

Roughness at work

Unfortunately, this is not uncommon today. Rudeness at work on the part of the boss is very common. The “victim” often tries to ignore the rude statements of the leadership. After all, to make a remark to a higher colleague without negative consequences for yourself is not always possible.

Of course, you can not always ignore unpleasant statements. However, how to stop the rudeness of the boss? In certain situations, if the behavior of the management or statements go beyond the norms of the permissible (the framework established by law), such persons may be brought to court.

But often the rudeness of the leadership manifests itself in constant ignoring. In communication, raised tones are used, derogatory intonation is used. Sometimes a subordinate feels neglected. In such situations, it will not be possible to bring the rude person to legal liability. Here it is better to apply the recommendations of psychologists.

Rudeness or constructive criticism?

But before you use the advice of a psychologist, you should carefully understand the situation. Some people, as a result of their emotional anxiety, may perceive criticism as rudeness. In this case, they lose very valuable and important information about themselves.

How to distinguish rudeness and insult from constructive criticism? The answer is very simple. Rudeness is aimed at the destruction of psychological integrity and hinders further development. Criticism allows you to recover personality. She motivates to improve.

How to behave at work?

If boorish treatment of subordinates is a leadership style, then it is best to take it philosophically. After all, it just trains your endurance.

In such situations, the following advice from a psychologist will help you:

1. Answer the management mechanically: “I will do everything”, “You are right”.
2. You can honestly admit that you are lost from screaming. Most importantly, do not switch to a sarcastic tone. Otherwise, the boss will think that you are mocking him.
3. Tell your boss that you value his opinion. Therefore, you want to understand what he is angry about and discuss it in a calm atmosphere. Such behavior simply disarms boors.

Many people try to resist rude people. At the same time, they make mistakes that even more cause rudeness, rudeness of the boss in response. Consider them:

1. Justification. This behavior is like a child. In addition, justification is an admission of guilt. It's also quite humiliated. This situation will only irritate the leadership. Remember: absolutely no one needs excuses, they don’t want to hear them and they don’t wait.
2. Rudeness in response. It is very easy to get involved in a scandal. In this case, the boss will receive even more than expected. The only exception may be a sarcastic response to the wit.
3. Silence. It is often seen as a dismissive disregard. This behavior causes even more aggression. Be sure to answer. At the same time, maintain a cool, polite tone. Answer briefly. And then you can shut up.
4. The interruption of the authorities. Be sure to let the boss speak. And only after waiting for a pause, answer.

Rudeness in the store

Very often, rudeness comes from incompetent strangers. They are trying in this way to emphasize their importance and raise their status. They should not be taken seriously at all. And even more worry about it.

Of course, it is very difficult to restrain yourself if you hear public insults in the store. Rudeness of sellers puts in an unpleasant position.

So, if you are faced with rudeness in a store, how to respond to rudeness? The advice of psychologists allows you to adequately get out of the situation:

1. universal phrases. Having heard rudeness from the seller, it is necessary to answer him, citing facts that cannot be disputed. In doing so, use common phrases: “People are different. They live differently. They are interested in a variety of things. Different events evoke different reactions.” An excellent example illustrating how to use such phrases is the following. Rudeness of the seller: "Why are you poking tomatoes with dirty fingers?". Answer: "Different people check the ripeness of tomatoes in different ways."
2. Contact higher authorities. If the seller begins to brazenly be rude to you, this is regarded as an infringement on your rights. It is completely useless to answer him the same. This is a waste of energy and effort. But how to protect yourself from rudeness? It is better to check with the manager who is the leader and contact him with a complaint. You can't leave rudeness unpunished. You can request a book of complaints and describe the situation in it.

1. Try not to let the rude person take control of the situation. No matter what the status of your opponent is, you have the right to demand respect for yourself. Let this be understood by the insolent.
2. How to respond to rudeness if the rude person is so passionate about his game that he completely loses control? In this case, replace it. Try to temper the ardor of this person. Do not accumulate negative emotions. Otherwise, you will throw them out at home on relatives and friends. In addition, many rude people completely believe in impunity. Try to dispel this myth. However, do not cross the line of the permissible, do not lose control. Otherwise, you will sink to the level of an ill-mannered person. Your "performance" should not be indicative. Do not wave your arms or shout loudly.
3. Do not take all negative phrases personally. Just sympathize with the brute. Such a person is dissatisfied with life. Therefore, it deserves pity. A person who descends to rudeness has weak character. Therefore, how can one take her insults seriously? Completely ignore all the negativity that has been addressed to you.
4. Respond to rudeness with humor. Try to make fun of the person's attempts to offend or humiliate you. You can even smile in response to impudence. By doing this, you will make it clear to the rude person that his comments are indifferent to you. Your sly smile will provoke a storm of indignation. Just laugh in the face of such a person. He will understand that he was defeated, and did not cause a negative reaction from you in response. You can “finish off” your opponent with such phrases: “Something hurt you?”, “Why are you so nervous?”. Try to the last word left behind you.
5. Show pity. The rude man is fueled by the energy of the conflict. Therefore, a polite, intelligent and completely adequate person, having heard rudeness, will not respond in kind. He will ignore such a request. A great way to suppress negativity is to feel sorry for such a person. Do not forget that often such people in childhood did not receive proper upbringing and care from their parents. They are usually unsuccessful in life. They are not loved by the opposite sex. They deserve compassion. Therefore, your non-standard attitude to the situation will completely destroy plans. energy vampire"feed off" experiences and nerves.
6. Turn on your fantasy. If a rude person tells you everything he thinks to your face, try to imagine that this person is behind glass. You don't hear what he says. This technique is quite a fun tactic. After all, you see how the rude moves his lips, waves his arms, but you do not catch a single word.
7. Talk to the person. Sometimes there are situations when it is impossible to ignore, let alone ridicule, rudeness. This applies to communication with relatives, friends, acquaintances, colleagues. In such cases, it is better to speak frankly with the person. Try to find out what happened to him today, how is his health. You will understand what provoked such behavior. Also, allow the rude person to look at themselves from the outside and rethink unworthy communication.
8. Tune in to the positive. Rudeness is the lot of people with a negative outlook. So try to control your thoughts. Don't attract disrespect.

And most importantly, be confident! Only such a model of behavior makes it possible to beautifully get out of any situation, while fully maintaining one's own dignity and not feeling like a victim.

How to deal with rudeness? At the bus stop, in a nearby store, in the office, on an airplane, on parent meeting and even in the queue for tickets to the theater - it seems that we are rude everywhere. Rudeness has long been feature our society as a chronic disease that cannot be cured. We asked experts how to protect yourself from the consequences of this disease.

Step 1: understand

“The first reaction to rudeness can be emotional, but if you abstract, you almost feel sorry for these boors - this is how much negativity you need to carry in yourself,” says Andrey, 25 years old.

In order to develop the optimal tactics for communicating with a boor, you first need to understand the reasons for his behavior. The motives may be different, but they almost always speak of a lack of self-respect, a desire to assert oneself or prove one's strength to others.

“Ham compensates for internal weakness, conquers living space through a collision with others,” explains Nadezhda Kazarinova.

Or he is testing the boundaries of what is permitted.

“This is how small children behave towards their parents:“ Is it possible with you? And like this?" At first glance, this is a demonstration of strength, but it comes from self-doubt, ”says Ekaterina Dubovskaya.

In rudeness, they often “run away” from situations of uncomfortable communication - they shy away from clarifying relationships, claims from superiors, or awkward moments.

Why should we understand the boor, instead of defending ourselves against it? The fact of the matter is that understanding protects us in many ways - and allows us not to take rudeness too close to our hearts.

“You need to remember that many cases of rudeness do not apply to you personally. Then, in the first place, why be upset? And secondly, it is easier to respond to an impersonal attack, ”explains Ekaterina Dubovskaya.

Step 2: gain distance

“When confronted with rudeness, I always feel confused, I don’t know how to respond to rudeness,” says Valeria, 37 years old. “Understanding how one should behave comes much later.”

This is how most people feel. A witty remark comes to us when the boor has already disappeared around the corner. This is a painful blow to self-esteem, but responding to the aggressor at all costs should not be an end in itself.

“The fact is that rudeness does not imply dialogue, it is destructive for relationships. Rudeness indicates a lack of contact, Ekaterina Dubovskaya warns. “Two people who are trying to resolve a conflict in this way are going down parallel paths.”

A preventive cure for someone else's rudeness is the cultivation of self-esteem and, above all, respect for oneself.

Hama should not be afraid, let alone show him your fear

An effective tactic is the right distance.

“Hama should not be afraid, let alone show him your fear. Remember that its main goal is to engage you in a dialogue built according to its rules. Ham feels unpunished because his “victim” cannot immediately violate these rules,” comments Nadezhda Kazarinova.

“The ability to build a framework that cannot be violated, - important characteristic an adult, ”says Ekaterina Dubovskaya.

Step 3: Change the Script

Before you "teach" a boor good behavior, think about what you want to achieve with your reaction. Show him how disgusting his behavior is? This will put you in the cycle of rudeness.

It is unlikely that a stranger will say: “Thank you for pointing out my faux pas. I won't do that again."

In this case, the main thing is to clearly convey to the boor the idea that he has no right to behave in this way towards you. Of course, without aggression and attacks.

Psychologist Anna Mstislavskaya suggests considering this situation from the point of view of transactional analysis:

“According to transactional analysis, in each of us there are 3 states of “I” - Parent, Adult, Child. From the position of the Parent, we are accustomed to teach others, to show what is good and what is bad. But do not forget that the Parent not only criticizes (Critical Parent), he also cares for others (Caring Parent).

The reaction to rudeness from the position of the Critical Parent will be: “What do you allow yourself? How can you treat me like this?" Such a reaction does not lead to further constructive dialogue. A caring Parent wants to help another, tries to understand his needs. This is a more constructive approach.

From the position of the Caring Parent, we can say: "I see your dissatisfaction with my behavior / my act, I'm sorry" or use the somewhat manipulative phrase: "How can I help you?"

This is how we show our strength and at the same time do not stoop to rudeness.

The desire to protect ourselves will provoke us to aggression

An adult, when confronted with a boor, is more likely to evade a direct conflict - he will remain silent or apologize (depending on the situation), without excuses. Being in the Adult state, we are able to understand what drives a person, why he is so rude to us.

From a childish state (Child), we are unlikely to be able to resist the boor: the desire to protect ourselves will provoke us to aggression. And this will only lead to an escalation of the conflict.

Therefore, if we want to show another that we cannot be rude, it is better to focus on the position of an Adult or a Caring Parent.

No strength to be silent?

In the manual “How to protect yourself from rudeness. 7 simple rules ”psychologist Vladinat Petrov describes verbal self-defense techniques in dealing with boors. Here are some of them:

1. All situations when you are attacked are similar to each other: the aggressor arrogates to himself the right to judge us and invade our lives.

Any aggressor, no matter how high his position, can be put in his place by pointing out to him the discrepancy between his real status and the role that he has assigned to himself: “On what basis are you asking me these questions?”, “On what basis are you asking me these questions?” are you examining?"

2. If you were told something obviously unpleasant, but you find it difficult to find words, to express what exactly hurts you and what exactly you disagree with, ask: “Is this a question?”, “Is this a statement?” or “Is this an indication?”, depending on what the retort with unpleasant content is more like;

3. What to do if unpleasant communication drags on and the aggressor won't leave you alone? “In this case, you should ask the rude person a question with a verb in the passive voice, for example:“ What made you say (do) this?

This technique is a variation of the “Put a boss over the aggressor” method. With such a question you will show the attacker that he has become the plaything of his own passions, which control him;

4. If you want to make a comment to the one who behaved disrespectfully towards you, do not reproach the enemy for actions and qualities that cannot be represented with the help of sight or hearing. If you say, "You shouldn't raise your voice at me," that will be a remark to the point. Or, for example: "I ask you not to talk about me in the third person if I am in the same room."

If you say: “Stop talking boorishly”, you will attribute to the interlocutor actions that are not visually representable, abstract, the real content of which can be argued. The fact that your abuser behaves "ugly" or "boorish" is only your personal opinion.

Priority - Relationships

In general, all our experts agree on one thing: verbal aggression as a response to rudeness is an extreme and not the best way out. And it only works in situations that are out of life. Having put in place an ill-mannered waitress or a boor in the subway, we can feel satisfied for a moment - and we will never see the offender again.

But in a situation of long-term relationships - with colleagues or relatives - such methods are not constructive. You need to understand that conflict situation always means a bad rapport. In this case, you need to step aside for a while in order to realize its causes.

We complain about rudeness in shops, impudence in transport and aggression on the roads. But how often insults await at home, when the closest people, those who, it seems, should protect each other, are rude and snarl worse than tram boors. An unexpected way to combat everyday rudeness is offered by psychologist and writer Galina Artemyeva.

Now I want to write about what is, alas, the norm for us! It's all about the same thing: behavioral problems. How many times have I observed: in public, a person looks very decent, civilized, well-mannered. And at home... Relaxes at home. That's what we call it now. That is, at home a person (gender is not important in this case) becomes himself, confidently believing that this is his (her) right. At home, you can tell your wife if she did not immediately respond to your call:

- Are you deaf?

- Yes, how much can I repeat to you so that you ...

- Look, dressed up! What did you put on yourself?

Or someone close to you:

- Shut up!

"They don't ask you ..." - "None of your business" (option "None of your damn business"), "infection", "schmuck", "goat", "What ... you put here ...", " Well, staring like a goat at a new gate "... Does it make sense to continue on? Everyone knows replicas and phrases of this kind.

Once in the temple, after the service, I was sitting on a bench, and next to me was a young Mother dressed my son four years old. And he, apparently tired, did not put his hand into his jacket very quickly. To this, the mother said: "Move, come on, faster, otherwise you will get in the ass!"

And we all just took communion. I usually never meet. It's not my business. And then she gasped:

— What are you? How are you?

And she didn't understand me at all! She said it was not a mat. And that she is loving. All! There was no point in talking further. The man did not hear me, did not understand and was not going to understand. She didn't see anything wrong with her words. It's a pity. Here it is, domestic rudeness in its purest form.

Debauchery at home. So keeping up appearances in public is a mask? And behind her ... not human face. Erysipelas. And at home, the mask breaks off (it's too tight, you need to give yourself a rest - and where, if not at home?) So the person remains at home with a mug. This also applies to home appearance, and there are manners (champing, blowing your nose at the table, taking food with your hands, getting your spoon into a common dish ...), and behavior ... And how disgusting it is - I can’t convey! You can talk a thousand times about decent behavior, but a child in such a family will still grow up to be a boor - because the most important thing is an example. Everyday rudeness corrodes the soul, even if it seems to the family that they are used to this.

Word - powerful weapon! The visual range (expressions of parents' faces, their home outfits, postures, etc.) have a strong impact on the child. And if they are negative, then a person grows up with disgust for life and people.

We are all drawn to beauty. And we want to earn a lot of money in order to make the house beautiful. "Monograms, squiggles, mansions ... But believe me, you don't see or notice anything if you're a boor. Because the soul shrinks. And the monograms don't help her in any way.

I always say: the most important people in our lives are those who make up our family. Why should rudeness be poured out on them? Want to unwind after a hard day? Let off steam on a husband, children? So ask yourself at least: what are you trying to achieve? You are grinding own world! You are destroying goodness and peace. By my own behavior, out of nowhere...

Need to unload. But not in these ways. Tired, irritated, angry?

• Under the shower!
• Jump (one hundred rope jumps).
• Climb the stairs of the house several times (from the first to the fifth, sixth, seventh floor...) Exercise stress great stress reliever.

I call now the most available ways stress relief for the city dweller. And there is also a pool, walking, jogging, etc. Irritation in the process of movement goes away. New forces appear.

Also, remember to be polite. For some reason, we forgot this word. And without it, nowhere! An impolite person looks like a cave boor. Politeness is both a facial expression, and turns of speech, respectful with whomever you communicate, and intonations (much depends on them) ... Politeness is by no means a weakness. On the contrary: power! This is control over your emotions, over your own inability to behave... Over how you look, even if you feel bad now...

Here is a quote from Ariela Sef's book Born in the Ghetto:

“Having arrived somehow to visit my parents, I was waiting for people with a package for their relatives and came out not too tidied up. Mom began to saw me, and I:

“Do you think who they are that I should dress up in front of them?”

What difference does it make who they are! It matters who you are."

Here! Exactly! It is very easy to notice shortcomings in the behavior and appearance of outsiders. But look at yourself ... You must maintain your dignity!

Understand and remember these words: "What difference does it make who they are! What matters is who you are."

It's never too late to learn. Step by step. You will see how the situation in your family will change. Because politeness is one of the manifestations of love for one's neighbor. And love works wonders. You know!

When I posted a post about everyday rudeness on my blog, it immediately received responses full of sadness. Yes! Exactly! Yes, we collide! Yes, the soul shrinks. And what to do? And can something be done? Answer: You can try. Even if everything is very running.

Although, if you have lived with your partner for several years, enduring his rudeness, it can sometimes be very difficult to change the established relationship model. Here, or initially, you need to make it clear that you are not satisfied with a certain tone, some turns of speech, or ... And most importantly - for your part, always be extremely polite and worthy person. And yet I repeat: you can try. But you will need the strictest self-control and patience. The ability to achieve goals: we have set a task for ourselves - and we do not turn off.

So what to do? yell? Cry? Take offense? To be rude in response even more? Obey and swallow resentment? Or just drop everything and leave? In general, the topic of quitting and leaving seems to many the easiest and simplest. Actually, it's about murder. The murder of a family, the murder of relationships - for some reason, what we, who do not know how much (sorry, but a fact), seem to be the easiest.

Look - here's the situation (an absurd example - don't be scared): your friend says hurtful things. Well - not the most offensive, usually habitually boorish. And you just kill him in response. All. No person, no problem. Horror! But we are often determined to kill. In a figurative sense, of course. We simply remove a person from our lives. We kill relationships. And we still remember evil at the same time.

What if you don't kill? That is, to tune in to maintaining relationships? In this case, it makes sense to do the following (this is where patience is required):

1. You do not react in any way to boorish questions, antics, etc. You just don't notice it at all.
2. You react to the good, to the positive with affection and warmth.
3. You are behaving impeccably! At the same time, without requiring a partner to match you. But he, simply seeing your systematic amazing behavior, will begin to feel uncomfortable in the role of a boor (but it will take him time to understand this!).

- Are you deaf?

Silence. If she thinks she is deaf, then she is deaf.

Are you deaf, I ask you?

Silence. He fits. You:

“Did you ask something, dear?” I did not hear you.

If he changes the form of the question, you answer him very gently and lovingly. Well, and so on. Just for boorish intonation, words, etc. there should be no reaction. Respectful behavior is strongly encouraged. And submit yourself right example. Try it. It is difficult, but many succeed, although not immediately. Remember: your own courtesy, smile and decent behavior work wonders. This has been proven over and over again!

And I wrote here about this serious problem because in a family where domestic rudeness reigns, mature, kind, reliable relationships cannot be built. This is the law. Rudeness destroys. And relationships, and health, and beauty, and hope for the best.

Don't want to be trampled on? Don't deal with boors. No matter how innocently you were rude at first, believe me, it will develop into something more when the boor feels his power over you.

Discussion

Very nervous and emotionally can be rude. I read a lot of literature, but I never learned to control myself.

By the way, I learned a lot from the article. My husband is just like that - a boor by nature, and I just despaired of re-educating him. She even threatened divorce.

It's easier with a husband. As they say - the dog barks, the wind carries. Let him walk around and I'll have a cup of tea for now. But what about with children? If you politely say something like this 5 times to do something, but it doesn’t. And if you roar or give a pendel, he flies to follow instructions and asks others.

yes, very useful, especially for those who have a second half, and you yourself are very quick-tempered. Need to be able to navigate the situation

but it’s true, how much of this “everyday rudeness” is next to us .. it’s sad and insulting ... It’s hard not to react with rudeness to rudeness - it’s hard, it’s hard to restrain yourself, to save, so to speak, face, you want to immediately splash out in response, snap back . And how NOT to do this - well, we will learn ... Thank you very much to the author for the advice!

Comment on the article "Caution - rudeness in the family! How to fight - and save relationships"

My rudeness lies in the disapproval of the great goodwin and his silence during the transition to the individual. Deleted as proof: Especially fresh, April, a quote from Shenderovich's blog, which has already become an aphorism, but the Goodwins did not like it))): "the evolution of Russian celloism from Rostropovich to Roldugin." \The transition to personalities in society is not moderated, from this rudeness has become an integral part of every topic, where an alternative opinion sometimes dares to emerge.\ \This is not because of a specific topic, but ...

Discussion

I was actually stunned when I saw that you were removed. Listen, well, what a moderator's arrogance, there is no strength to endure it anymore. If when I delete my reg, it's because of the moderators a fact) Well, how can you discuss something in such an environment?

How, regardless of appearance and age, to become a real queen for your man, breathe passion into your relationship and stop worrying about the presence of competitors forever? [link-1] Men don't understand women at all! You can continue to blame them for this, but it will lead nowhere. Unlike you, a man is not in contact with his inner world. Between a rather narrow area of ​​it logical thinking and his inner world (emotions and innermost experiences) is ...

Discussion

for all men? A whore, that is? :)

even if we assume that I would need it for some reason, it would be strange to want to become a queen for men who do not understand me, and even who are not in contact with their inner world. who might need the attention of such inadequate types, I wonder?

Family psychologist Family hearth is not always harmony and comfort. A family psychologist can help deal with protracted conflicts, translate communication into a constructive direction, show their care and love in a way that does not cause negative emotions from other family members. Family psychology can offer effective tools to resolve difficulties at any stage of conflicts, will help to achieve harmony and mutual understanding. Marital Relations Even with passion and love in ...

Millions of women experience domestic violence every day. And many of them endure humiliation and beatings in order to save their families. But they put themselves in danger, because in anger a man can do a lot, including murder. Domestic violence is often a reason for divorce, but not everyone wants to destroy the family, and in order to save it, such a person needs help. If a person realizes that he needs help, and is ready to do everything for this, then the help of a psychologist will be the one ...

Rudeness in the family. Tell me what to do? The husband is rude, rude, provokes, offends and the further - the more. It is important to save (restore) the relationship, in any case, he is the father of your children.

Discussion

and he didn’t get your grandmother? and wants his wife to run away herself, take responsibility

it's good that you understand about the vicious circle.
this gives hope that you will understand - if you become gentle, caring, loving, kind, then your husband will answer you in the same way, since the circle is closed.
and if you continue to expect money from him - and - everything - the rest - too, and with an offended face - I don’t know what you will wait for. Well, you will probably wait for the money, if the person is responsible. But no more.

A year ago, Avon, with the assistance of the ANNA National Center for the Prevention of Violence, organized the All-Russian Free phone line trust for women subjected to domestic violence (8 800 7000 600). Helpline specialists support women who are faced with the problem of domestic violence and help them get out of this situation. The launch of the helpline was the first initiative social program Avon Say No to Domestic Violence in Russia. Home...

Hello everyone who is not indifferent to the fate of children in DD. We live on the Black Sea coast and in 2008 we took a boy from Orphanage Nizhniy Novgorod. [link-1] The story "Seryozha believes in a miracle" And so some time passed and we decided to give our love and care to another child. We decided to take the girl this time. We started collecting documents in August and received them on October 20. Submit an application to the Department. We received a referral to visit an 8-year-old girl. And then we find out that the child ...

Discussion

yesterday I'm going to work, morning, minibus, a long ride (well, by our standards) - 40 minutes
a conversation between two teenagers aged 16-17 (studying at a school)
- yes, I heard that Kolyan's parents refused, they passed him to DD
- yes, nope, you didn’t understand, they sent him to a closed boarding school (in our region)
- that's it, horror
- yes, no, nothing, he says - it's fine, only there are no cigarettes
- Well, did you quit?
-that’s not, they hang out under the fence, they shoot at the passers-by men, as they say that they are from the orphanage - there the men also give them money
-well, and here, damn it, how you try to shoot, so instead of a cigarette you will get faster on the neck, and you won’t beg your mother for 10 on the phone

something like that:(

You don’t know everything, maybe the girl has relatives and they occasionally visit her. I met with such children and never fought, especially with blood relatives. IMHO, you will meet another child!
I don't know about the director. accuse in absentia stranger- Don't want. But children, as they wrote below, do not decrease. So it makes no sense to stick to one.

The fifth podcast "Crisis of family relations: how to deal with them?" has been published. Is it possible to strengthen a shattered marriage, what are the causes of family conflicts and how to turn the negative aspects of crises to the benefit of family relationships? Practical Tips spouses in our podcast.

Your 15-year-old is not rude, not because "there has never been rudeness towards him in the family," but because he is such a boy. So, discuss with a psychologist how to deal with this, so that instead of gingerbread, "hedgehogs" come out. 03/26/2011 02:46:04, Horse.

Discussion

I don’t know, my mother just endured this period without spoiling relations with me, I myself was not sweet from what “carried” me, I didn’t dare to be rude, the upbringing was not that, we generally don’t have rude words in the family were used especially, so now you hear exactly what your girl once heard .. mine is now also 15, he can also yell with or without, but he is not rude, again due to the fact that in relation to him there has never been rudeness in the family, he just doesn’t know how to do it, well, either he doesn’t consider it possible to do it in relation to me .. at the expense of relations with my sister - don’t poke your nose, I think that she’s jealous for a reason, I was also terribly jealous of middle (and, believe me, there were plenty of reasons that my mother did not see or did not consider reasons at all), we had a 5-year difference with her and we had a bad relationship with her until her adolescence, only then we found a common language and supported neutrality, and then became friends .. if the mother intervened then, the chances of a good relationship we wouldn’t have had it with my sister .. Yes, the period is not easy, often you hug your girl, just like that, even when she screams and is rude? It would stop me in 2 seconds..

Depriving the company is useless, right, only anger will be.
Talk about how suicide (and the possibility of suicide) is perceived by society as a complete mental abnormality (such people are immediately put on a psychiatric register, limited in a number of opportunities - you can’t drive a car, work in many areas, study too not everywhere, etc.) . +Suicide- terrible sin in all religions. Here the religious assessment and the secular assessment coincide. Say you don't want to live - let's go to a psychiatrist. Continue - go, at least, to a psychologist (there, without a girl, say that this is a form of blackmail, as it really is). This cannot be left as it is, if there are thoughts, there may be attempts at demonstrations that are not dangerous, from the point of view of a teenager, and in fact then it turns out differently (in Russia, doctors still often start not with formal rules, but with explanations of the stupidity of actions, but you - Don't know).

rudeness in the family. Wife and husband. Family relationships. I started the situation, I admit it, now I rebelled and started to fight. I'm like you? Does no one have rudeness in the family?

Discussion

Just look at how a person communicates with friends and relatives. I just wouldn't get into a close relationship with someone who might say "shut up" to mom or grandma or sibling buddy. And I do not allow anyone to swear in my presence. The only thing I forgive myself and my husband is sarcasm and an annoyed tone, although I try to fight it. The teenage son, however, manages to bring me to the expressions "fuck you." But very rarely, and then I apologize.

neither I, nor my parents, nor any of my friends-relatives had heard. I guess I have a different globe :)

Conference "Family Relations". Section: Wife and husband (how to wean a husband to be rude). I think that it is necessary to quarrel correctly, without rudeness, he purely theoretically agrees, but this is not for himself. Build communication in such a way that this manner of talking in the family is unsuccessful.

Discussion

If he is such a wit, then write it down. Say, "Honey, say it again, I gotta keep it!" Make a site called "How beautifully and witty to make a woman mad", mb also earn money ...;)
Take care of yourself:)

Read about perverted narcissism, abuse, etc.

Conference "Family Relations". Section: Divorce (how to deal with ex-husband). how to deal with ex-husband?! maybe someone here can advise helpful advice. in the "incomplete family" so far no one has thrown ideas.

Discussion

If there is an opportunity to move - move so that he does not know where you live ..

thanks everyone for the advice! think. very interesting ideas about creating problems for him :)) I don’t want to involve my friend, although he knows everything and is eager to fight :)) a fight will not solve problems, it will only get worse. turning off the phone at night - hiding your head in the sand? about declaring to the police about hooliganism - but how to prove his calls?

14.10.2005 14:57:07, mother of her son

I want to build relationships. By nature, I am a gentle person, but I will not let myself be humiliated. In my group, sophomores supported the whole family (parents, in the sense, and their wives). you ask the question: how to deal with rudeness / insults of overage ...

Discussion

Good afternoon, I found your correspondence on the Internet. The situation is the same with my son. Tell me, please, how did you get out of the situation. Thanks a lot

01/28/2017 02:03:15 PM, studio

yes. familiar.
1. do not wash, do not cook, do not wash dishes. in short, do nothing for him.
2. do not allow yourself to be offended. be offended, do not talk to him, in short, give a response.
3. take care of yourself. dress, paint, go to friends, to exhibitions, to the pool, to a lover, to work, to hell with a bald head, just to entertain yourself with your beloved.
4. understand once and for all: You don't owe him anything else! All. 18 years is the time when children are able to take care of themselves. Take it off your neck.

I understand perfectly well that you won’t do all this, but you’ll whine that how is it, you can’t do this with a boy, he’s a good boy, but I’ll be patient. Yes? Well then, you only have yourself to blame.

how to deal with rudeness?. Psychology, transitional age. In general, it seems to me that in your family there is a NORMAL process of growing up a child and an attempt to defend him with all his might and prove his "adulthood".

Discussion

In my opinion, the main mistake is that the question arose about the struggle. Why fight, you are not enemies. Why shut up, especially physically. This is a completely dead end option, and this is the result. But it is certainly never too late to reconsider positions. It has already been correctly noted here that we must act gently, but strictly. No need to arrange a confrontation with your son, you are on different levels. In some ways, they need our help, even in order to realize what is happening to them, but in some ways they need to give in, many things are not so important, clothes, food, for example. If you don't like what you have cooked, please go ahead and cook something of your own (not with a challenge, but with a creative initiative). I don’t argue with clothes, I don’t like wide, wear narrow, or vice versa, it’s unprincipled. But when you go somewhere with me, please wear what I like. With lessons or other important matters, not even negotiable, business first, then entertainment. This foundational principle is instilled from the first grade, at least. The main thing is not to impose, but to convince him that it is better for him. And make sure that he is comfortable precisely in the case when the rules are respected by him.

It will pass. Be patient, don't react.
My child went to study in another city. Yesterday I came for vacation. I cry when I see the difference between him now and him when he lived at home.
There is everything! Yesterday I went into the kitchen, and he was drinking milk, the plate was empty in front of him. He gets up and says: now I will clean everything. He asks how much it costs if he downloads songs, how much he can surf the Internet, can he quickly call long distance. Snow on the garage recline good went. He asks to drive the car, but does not require it. Prior to that, such thoughts had never even crossed his mind. In short, gold, not a guy (pah-pah-pah). Independent living is beneficial.

Conference "Family Relations". Section: The situation ... (how to respond to the rudeness of her husband). So you have to be careful with your tone. I think a couple of days - and you will be fine. and in your family, before the birth of a child, the words were considered normal - insignificance, nerd, etc ...

Discussion

nda
Well, firstly, if your daughter cries without you, then nothing will happen to her, she will cry and calm down.
secondly, you mutually insulted each other.
Well, the girl is crying and what is she 3 months old ???? you were afraid to leave her with husband - husband nerves left to act.
In short, learn to have a cultural dialogue and learn to understand each other, to speak like a human being and not be rude. Happiness and luck.
And the daughter beh you that never happens at all ?????

To name certain words is just to open Pandora's box. Say "rudeness" - you will be answered EXACTLY rudeness, even if before that there was a borderline situation.

The rest was said without me. What would you do if you were alone on the train? I take my child to the toilet with me. Yes, the trains have unhygienic toilets, but in the delicate age of "attachment to mother" it is sometimes easier to neglect hygiene. It also happened that I tried to leave the child with dad in some situation, but it didn’t work, and I took it with me.
If you are absolutely independent of them (in the present and in the future, that is, there are no hereditary apartment cases, for example, there are no cases) - tell your father-in-law everything that you think about him.
To listen to any garbage - you need to know in the name of what ...
and if someone said something about my parents .. would criticize ..... I would bite on the spot, no matter what ...

Byl by my svekr zhiv..Uvy..
Teper detki zhivut bes deda.
Svekry raznye nuzhny.U menya so svekrom byli takie horoshye otnoshenia,luchshe dazhe,chem s rodnym otsom.
A muzhu ya nikogda o moih trudnostyah so svekrami ne soobschala,zachem svaru ustraivat?
Vy ne tolko za muzha vyshli, no i za ego semyu tozhe.
Ya gde-to slyshala odnu vesh, esli zhena vstanet mezdhu svekrovyu i synom, i zastavit pereshagnut ego cherez mat, to zavtra on pereshagnet i zhenu.

Maybe work is to blame, maybe a relationship with another person, maybe something in the family ... Rudeness is ignorance, to some extent a character trait, in my opinion. You can't fight it.

Discussion

And I think that it’s not your husband who is a boor, but these people who got him. I do not mean you and your mother - here he really took out his anger on you. But your tenants and the girl in the elevator are just a nightmare!!! Yes, you should be glad that your husband is not a mattress, ready to swallow insults (but shit on the floor in your apartment and smoke in the elevator - I consider offensive to you). I would generally kick out such tenants right there. I wouldn’t have the heart to tell a girl, I’m too polite, but I myself hate it when people smoke in an elevator. I have a dog, while traveling from the 8th floor to the 1st in a smoky cabin, he sneezes all over and his eyes water, and so do I. What an idiotic habit of smoking in elevators!!!

21.11.2000 17:48:25, Marina

I can’t say that I have a recipe, but ... Once we had the same sweet moment. He screamed, squealed, stamped his feet, but I don’t know what I saw there in his place, but I burst out laughing, in short, it was a wild hysteria, after 5 minutes of laughter, and there were already four of us, we slapped vodka very nicely, ate mushrooms, Well, it really wasn't like that anymore. It can remove the excess of tragedy, it can stun him with something, some kind of surprise, but in a good way.

11/21/2000 00:44:05, Galya

How often do you have to deal with rudeness and rudeness from people? Our advice and prepared phrases will help to keep calm, which will calm down any raging person.

Don't take what is said personally

Rudeness is the problem of the one who is rude, and not the one who is forced to listen to offensive words. Imagine the situation: before work, the boss quarreled with her husband, so all her discontent spills out on employees, makes comments, criticizes ideas. As you understand, it's not about you or your colleagues. you fell under hot hand. The barb was uttered at you, but directed at another person.

Treat rudeness like a habit

A person who is chronically rude is often unaware that he is being impolite. He enters the room and does not say hello. He starts a conversation and behaves as if no one is listening to a private conversation. Most likely, your interlocutor always does the same, regardless of the environment. Often boors - boors under any circumstances.

Understand the reasons for rude behavior

It will be much easier for you to deal with your emotions if you remember that there are always reasons for irritability. Maybe the person didn't have a good day, so he didn't think about manners. If you do not like the behavior of someone close, then say: “I think this is rude of you. What is the reason?" The answer can clarify a lot or become a reason for an apology. If they do not follow, then the wisest decision is to reduce communication.

Know when it's best to leave silently

If strangers are rude to you, it is better to turn around and leave so as not to aggravate the situation. Why do you need extra problems? You never know if the offender will attack you with fists if you answer him. Safety first. Sometimes you need to leave, even if colleagues, acquaintances or relatives showed rudeness. Sooner or later they will realize that you are not going to be a whipping girl.

Kill with Kindness

Be kind and forgiving to those who are rude. This does not mean at all that you should endure or follow the biblical saying and substitute either right or wrong left cheek. Be emphatically polite, ask if you can help the person with something, smile. Behave like Dr. Aibolit with a robber. Your opponent does not count on such a reaction, so you will come out of this situation with a sense of inner triumph.

Show empathy

Try to console or calm the person. For example, in a crowded transport, you accidentally stepped on someone’s foot, apologized, but the “victim” still flared up. In this case, you can say: “I understand you, I also have difficult days.” If rudeness is not a habit for this person, he will definitely ask for forgiveness for his reaction.

Do not discuss rude behavior with others

Your conversation won't change anything. And from the outside, it will look like gossip if it concerns a mutual friend. When someone came to you with a complaint about the behavior of a colleague, husband, boss, then say that you sympathize, and then change the subject. The advantage of such a strategy is that you will not receive a shock dose of negativity, since retelling and listening to stories about rudeness for your psyche is tantamount to experiencing them in reality.

Use blanks

Sometimes a conversation with a rude person knocks the ground out from under your feet, and you don’t know how to react or make an appropriate joke in order to maintain self-esteem and not worry about what happened. In this case, you will need template phrases that will help out at such moments.

I appreciate your point of view. This will show that you are ready to communicate in an adult way and do not want to stoop to the level of tactlessness. It will become clear to the interlocutor that you will continue the conversation only if you see a show of respect.

This conversation is over. This phrase is suitable for when you feel like you can't contain yourself. Maintain dignity and do not allow yourself to act impulsively. A senseless argument should always be stopped. Do it first so you don't feel cut off.

You almost managed to offend me. The phrase must be pronounced with a touch of irony. She has an amazing effect. Rude people usually hope to unbalance the interlocutor, but when they realize that they cannot do this, they stop being rude.

You're right. Another phrase built on sarcasm. You will disarm a person when you agree with everything he has said.

Leave this rhetoric for a more appropriate audience. This is an intelligent and at the same time arrogant phrase that would perfectly suit Professor Preobrazhensky. Pronouncing it with the appropriate intonation, you begin to see Sharikov in your interlocutor.

I love you. This reaction is applicable only in the circle of family and close friends. Everything said before instantly loses its power.