A person's self-esteem is his attitude towards his own personality, which is formed by evaluating his bad and good qualities. However, such an opinion is formed not only from the individual's subjective view of himself, but also from a number of factors that affect the development and assertion of self-esteem in different ways. Underestimated ideas of a person about his own person are fraught with quite serious problems, as in his Everyday life as well as psychologically. That is why increasing self-esteem in psychology is considered a very important factor in achieving harmony with oneself and a happy existence of a person as a whole.

What gets in the way of self-esteem

Before considering the most effective ways to increase a person's self-esteem, it is necessary to understand what are the main reasons that prevent a person from feeling self-confidence.

It should be noted that sometimes the origins of unjustifiably low self-esteem lie in childhood a person, which is usually due to the attitude of parents to the child and the methods of education. But it also happens that such a complex develops over the years, that is, it is provoked by various life circumstances. And if a person does not find the strength to deal with the problem, over time it only gets worse, actively contributing to the development of an inferiority complex.

Consider the most common reasons that hinder the increase in self-esteem of the individual:

  • Negative mood of others;
  • Criticism of people around;
  • Fixation on one's own failures;
  • Constant comparison of oneself with others;
  • Too high priorities.

In fact, there are much more negatively minded people in society than those who try in every possible way to cheer up and inspire confidence in their neighbor. Therefore, increasing self-esteem in psychology is often associated with a person's environment. If he is constantly convinced that he is doing everything badly or incorrectly, gradually he begins to believe in it.

The same goes for criticism. No matter how, qualitatively or not, the work is done: there will always be those who will criticize it. Here the question is already in the critics' own complexes: in this way they, as it were, assert themselves, but they do it at the expense of others. You should avoid communicating with such people or not attach importance to unfounded remarks.

An increase in self-esteem is also hindered by fixation on past failures and mistakes, which leads to unnecessary generalization: a person begins to think that if something did not work out for him, then the next time it will be the same. This threatens that he will generally stop trying his hand at something and prefer not to take on anything.

Comparing yourself to other people is also one of the main causes of low self-esteem. Often, against this background, such a harmful quality as envy awakens in a person. He constantly thinks that if he had the same ability as another, he would achieve better results. In fact, you should rely on your own capabilities and set goals based on them.

Improving self-esteem in psychology is often associated with the ability to meet your priorities. When the goals and plans are too difficult and it takes a lot of time to implement them, a person decides that they are beyond his power and begins to blame himself. Such an experience leads to the fact that he soon abandons planning own life, relying on the opinion that he still does not succeed.

A fluttering gait, a proudly raised head, a chiseled posture, eyes that radiate confidence and charisma: these qualities are inherent in women who have been able to become self-confident and increase their self-esteem.

To become a successful person, to have many fans and friends, it is important to work on yourself, constantly strive for the best. And for this it is necessary to cultivate in oneself the qualities of absolute confidence and firm convictions.

What influences self-esteem in a woman's life?

According to psychologists, problems with self-esteem can affect all areas of a woman's life:

  • success in the professional field;
  • communication with friends, colleagues and relatives;
  • well-being of family life;
  • physical and psychological health.

How to become a confident woman and increase self-esteem? Psychological advice will help

Statistics show that the fair sex is more prone to low self-esteem than men. The interesting thing is that almost every woman knows if she has problems in this matter or not.

Test to determine the level of attitude towards yourself

Psychological tests help pinpoint whether a person has self-esteem issues.

If it turns out that self-esteem is underestimated, then it is necessary to carry out work to improve the personality.

The test below will give precise definition level of self-relationship. You must honestly answer all questions and immediately count the points scored. At the end of the test, all scores are added up. The resulting figure will show what level the survey participant belongs to.

Test: Determination of the level of self-esteem

Do you often think that you shouldn't have done or said something?

  1. Yes, often - 1 point;
  2. No, not often - 3 points.

When communicating with a witty and excellent interlocutor, you:

  1. Do everything to surpass him in wit - 5 points;
  2. You do not want to participate in such a competition, thereby showing the superiority of the interlocutor -1 point.

Which opinion suits you best?

  1. No luck, anything can be achieved only by hard work - 5 points;
  2. Success comes only by a happy coincidence - 1 point;
  3. In difficult situations, luck and perseverance will not help. Real help comes from a person who can comfort and encourage - 3 points.

How will you feel when you see your funny caricature?

  1. Laugh heartily, paying attention to the good resemblance - 3 points;
  2. You will be upset, but don’t give a look - 1 point;
  3. Start joking with the interlocutor in response - 4 points.

Do you often do work alone that should be done by several people?

  1. Yes - 1 point;
  2. No - 5 points;
  3. I don't know 3 points.

What perfume will you choose as a gift for a friend?

  1. Those that you like - 5 points;
  2. Those that you do not like, but, in your opinion, your friend will like - 3 points;
  3. Those who have recently seen in the commercial - 1 point.

Do you often imagine situations in which you behave in a way that you would never behave in real life?

  1. Yes - 1 point;
  2. No - 5 points;
  3. I don't know 3 points.

Your young work colleague has achieved better results in the service than you. Will it upset you?

  1. Yes - 1 point;
  2. No - 5 points;
  3. Not very - 3 points.

Do you find pleasure in arguing with someone?

  1. Yes - 5 points;
  2. No - 1 point;
  3. I don't know - points.

Close your eyes and try to imagine any of the colors. You submitted:

  1. Blue, blue, white - 1 point;
  2. Green, yellow - 3 points;
  3. Black, red - 5 points.

How to read test results

  • If the score is between 38 and 50 then your self-esteem is too high. You are a confident and satisfied person. Both in social circles and in everyday life, you often emphasize your “I”, put your personal opinion above others and try to dominate your interlocutors. Criticism of others is your usual thing, but you don't care what they think of you. "I don't love others, but I love myself." The closer your number is to 50, the more this phrase fits you. Inflated self-esteem prevents you from accepting criticism.
  • If the score is between 24 and 37, then your self-esteem is adequate. You completely trust yourself, and your life is filled with agreement with yourself. You can always find a way out of difficult situations. You are usually satisfied with yourself and the people around you. You can always be a support for your loved ones and colleagues.
  • If the score is between 10 and 23 your self-esteem is low. You are not at all happy with yourself. Your intellect, appearance, achievements, abilities, age and even gender provoke dissatisfaction and doubts in you. It is difficult for you to succeed at work and the opinions of others seriously affect your life.

Any woman, having understood that she belongs to the third group, must do everything to become self-confident. To improve self-esteem, you need to understand the reasons that led to this.

Causes of low self-esteem and how to eliminate them

There are many reasons that will lead to a decrease in self-esteem. Among the most common are the following:

  • improper upbringing in childhood;
  • frequent failures in childhood;
  • no specific goals in life;
  • unhealthy surrounding society;
  • various diseases and defects of appearance.

It is necessary to analyze each cause in more detail in order to find a way to eliminate it. Only by getting rid of them, you can come to the result.

Improper upbringing in the family

The bulk of psychological defects originate in early childhood. Poor self-esteem is no exception. Unnecessarily high demands of parents, reproaches, criticism, lack of affection and praise lead to it. If a child gets used to such an attitude, then in the future he will already behave as if he deserved it.

Frequent failures in childhood

If parents do not support their child, in case of his failures, then their child's attitude towards themselves will only worsen. The excessive demands of the father and mother usually lead to the fact that the child begins to evaluate himself according to adult criteria. This leads to loss of self-satisfaction and self-disappointment.

A significant role in this issue is played by the attitude of peers, who tend to make outcasts out of losers. This contributes to the loss of self-confidence and negatively affects self-esteem.

Lack of goals in life

In the absence of clear and realistic goals, both a child and an adult can become a person with a negative attitude towards themselves. If a person ceases to set himself tasks, his life loses colors. These people usually do not want to pay attention to their appearance, do not want to change something, stop dreaming, and as a result, the level of self-esteem decreases.

Unhealthy social environment

The social circle plays a significant role in the formation of self-esteem, both in adults and in children. A healthy attitude towards oneself is formed where there is good example to emulate. But if you have uninitiated friends who constantly complain about life, criticize others and do not want to change anything in their lives, self-esteem will only worsen.

In such cases, it is necessary to radically change the circle of communication and get closer to people who strive for success, try to make their dreams come true, know how to overcome difficulties and constantly improve themselves.

Defects in appearance and health

In the case of defects in appearance and with certain health problems, many children develop poor self-esteem. Such a child usually feels different from others. Often the situation is aggravated by the ruthless ridicule and bullying of peers.

In such cases, improving self-esteem will help eliminate these shortcomings. If this is not possible, it is necessary to develop qualities in yourself that will help you become self-confident, more developed and attractive to others.

Techniques to increase self-esteem and self-confidence

The following are methods that will help every woman become more confident and increase her self-esteem. This work can take only a few months - this is the assertion of psychologists. The main thing is to have the desire and desire for results.

Yes, a woman needs confidence that she deserves the best - self-respect, love and respect from others, personal growth, life success. It is important to develop this confidence in yourself, and there are proven methods for this. Take action!

Stop criticizing yourself

Can not be ideal people and you are no exception. But you can’t constantly criticize yourself for your shortcomings. Self-criticism is a useful quality, but within reasonable limits.

To overcome negative attitude to oneself, psychologists advise to draw up detailed list its merits and periodically reread it. Stop criticizing yourself, learn to praise yourself. A self-confident person is distinguished not by the absence of shortcomings, but by the ability to ignore them.

Learn to accept praise

The ability to accept praise is an essential quality of a confident woman. Excessive modesty is just as harmful as its lack. A compliment received with dignity and gratitude is pleasing to both parties.

stop making excuses

There will definitely be someone who doesn't like something in your life. There are two possible scenarios here. If you're wrong—for example, your boss is unhappy with a poor-quality project—don't look for excuses. Admit and correct the mistake. The ability to admit one's wrong is a sign of a strong person who is able to answer for his actions.

But you don't have to try to please everyone around you. For example, if someone doesn't like the way you dress, you don't have to make excuses. It's your life and it's up to you to decide whose opinion matters to you.

Learn to ask for help

The ability to ask for help is not a sign of weakness, but of strength. Weak person does not ask for help because of fear of rejection, fear of being in debt, false shame and other fears. A self-confident woman is not afraid to ask, calmly endures the refusal and thanks for the help with a sincere smile.

Start small - ask to hold the door, bring a heavy bag, explain some nuance. Even if you hear "no", this is not a disaster, but a new experience that will make you stronger. Feel free to ask for help. And help yourself.

Bring your business to an end

You cannot succeed if you give up after the first difficulties. Unfinished business and unrealized plans significantly reduce self-esteem. Successfully overcoming difficulties is a great way to increase it.

A few rules to help you with this:

  • consider motivation. Morning work-out – a slim body, completed project - received award, etc.;
  • don't try to do everything at once. For example, teach new language 20 minutes, but - every day. The main thing is to start taking action;
  • find like-minded people. Or an example to follow;
  • Don't forget to praise yourself - even for small successes.

Learn to love your body

IN modern society appearance plays a big role. But you don't have to have a perfect body to be successful in life. There are enough examples of successful charismatic people on the Internet, whose appearance is far from perfect.

Accept and love yourself - you are unique. The state of harmony will give you confidence - and this will certainly affect the attitude of others.

Lead a healthy lifestyle, exercise

healthy image life and regular physical exercise necessary for a woman deciding how to become self-confident and increase self-esteem. It has been scientifically proven that physical activity stimulates the production of dopamine - the “hormone of joy”. A healthy lifestyle and sports improve the quality of life, improve health, improve appearance have a positive effect on the state of the nervous system.

Take care of your appearance

A self-confident woman is distinguished by grooming. She loves herself and takes care of herself. Going to a beauty salon is a great remedy for depression. Get an elegant haircut, update your wardrobe. Consider it an investment in your successful future.

Hang out with optimists and successful people

If there are people in your environment who live by inertia, then they will ridicule all your ambitions. Limit such contacts to a minimum.

Look for successful, active and inspired people, like-minded people. Where? In the gym, at exhibitions, seminars, trainings, online. Purposeful, confident, strong people serve as a great motivation for personal growth.

Learn to get out of your "comfort zone"

The "comfort zone" is a place not so much comfortable as familiar. For example, the usual nightly watching TV shows on the couch. In the "comfort zone" it is stuffy and cramped, but familiar and safe.

Break the comfortable stereotype. Start small - return home on an unusual path. Instead of lying on the couch, go to the pool, go to the theater, sign up for courses. New sensations, knowledge, acquaintances are a powerful incentive for the formation of self-confidence.

Read positive literature

Once you decide to make your life more positive, shield it from negative experiences whenever possible. Do not read news full of negativity. Yes, and serious, but too realistic literature should be avoided.

Now it is quite possible to treat yourself to "fairy tales for adults" - novels with good ending, humorous detective stories, etc. It will be very useful to read specialized literature on the education of self-esteem.

Find your dream job

Changing jobs is a very serious step, which can be decided only after preparation. First, give yourself a break - say, a week of vacation. And only by dropping the accumulated negativity, you can make a decision. Maybe you like the work, but not a very close-knit team? Or did you not get along with your superiors? Then submit your resume and look for the same vacancy, but in different conditions.

And if you realize that you are doing something wrong? Again, don't rush. Decide what you like and get started. Attend courses, study literature, meet specialists. And life will definitely give you a chance.

live desires

Do you want to fly on a hang glider? Look for information, experts - and it is quite possible to spend your next vacation in the sky.

Don't be jealous of other people's success

You should not compare your life with someone else's. Glossy life so easy to watch in in social networks, may be beautiful packaging hiding a bunch of problems. Someone else's success should not frighten or cause envy, but inspire and teach. Do not compare yourself with someone else, compare yourself - yesterday and today.

discard laziness

Water does not flow under a lying stone - this saying is still relevant today. A confident woman will not let laziness ruin her life. If you want to achieve something - act. There are many ways to deal with laziness: break things down into parts, accompany work with music, come up with rewards, and so on. Choose your way and implement it.

To understand how to become a confident woman and increase self-esteem, you should take the help professional psychologists. Special techniques, trainings, and exercises have been developed to solve these problems.

Use your positive qualities

Make a list of your positive qualities and analyze them. Realize how much potential you have. Consider how you can use these qualities in your daily life. Work on their development.

listen to affirmations

Affirmations are a brief statement of your desires as a fact that has come true. This effective form self-hypnosis, programming of the subconscious, carried out by concentrated repeated repetition of verbal phrases.

Affirmations should be formulated very carefully, laying in them the quintessence of your desires, so that their repetition forms the desired setting.

You can repeat them or listen to the recording. Examples of wording: “I am self-confident”, “I love and I am loved”, “I am talented and successful”.

Diary of successes and achievements

A diary is an effective tool. Every day you need to record all your achievements, regardless of their scale. Keeping such records and their subsequent analysis is a good incentive for a woman, helping to become self-confident and increase self-esteem.

Practical exercises

Meditation

You should meditate in a calm environment, without external stimuli. Get into a comfortable position, take a few deep breaths in and out to focus. Now, with each exhalation, get rid of negative impressions.

Visualize negativity and imagine how it dissolves, giving way to calmness and optimism. Having tuned in a positive way, imagine yourself the way you would like to see. Take your time, carefully draw the image.

Movement, intonation, facial expressions, posture - work out every detail. Try to convey love and support to the created image.

This exercise takes 10-15 minutes. You can do it in the morning or in the evening, without haste. Regular meditation will gradually fix this ideal in the mind, transferring its features to the real image.

Autotraining

Auto-training can be effectively used to calm down in stressful situation, tune in to solving a difficult task, gain self-confidence. For this, the appropriate affirmations are spoken aloud or to oneself.

For maximum efficiency, auto-training is best done in a calm environment, completely relaxed, saying affirmations aloud for 10-15 minutes. But this technique can also help in the workplace: even in crowded places, you can calm down by simply closing your eyes and repeating affirmations to yourself several times.

Psychological trainings

They are aimed at adapting to society, or rather, at developing immunity to public opinion. Of course, the opinions of others must be taken into account, but it should not completely subordinate your personality.

For this, it is necessary inner strength self-confidence, self-worth. Here are three easy workouts:

  1. Learn not to be afraid of the public and even manage it. And for this, do not hesitate to speak in front of a large audience. Use all the possibilities: a song with a guitar by the fire, a joke in the company, a report at work, a product presentation to customers. Gradually, you will get rid of complexes, feel confident, learn to own the audience - an excellent quality for career growth.
  2. "Double". This is where imagination is needed. If you don’t feel comfortable in public and you can’t overcome this complex, imagine yourself in the role of your favorite “star”, for whom communication is an everyday reality. Carry yourself with the same effortless freedom. Maybe not right away, but it will work. And over time, a double will not be needed.
  3. Confidence no matter what. This training requires props. Add a ridiculous detail to your look (old-fashioned glasses, curlers, a defiant jacket) and go outside. Go shopping, socialize, walk around with a completely unflappable air. This is a powerful tool, so start with small details.

10 books that will tell you how to raise self-esteem

Books can tell you how to become a confident woman and increase self-esteem.

  1. Louise Hay "Heal Your Life";
  2. Larisa Parfentyeva "100 ways to change your life";
  3. Brian Tracy "Self-Esteem";
  4. Dale Carnegie How to Stop Worrying and Start Living
  5. Dale Carnegie How to Build Self-Confidence and Influence People by Speaking in Public;
  6. Vladimir Levy "The Art of Being Yourself";
  7. Sergey Mamontov "Believe in yourself. Self-confidence training";
  8. Helen Andelin "The Charm of Femininity";
  9. Rafael Santandreu "How not to turn your life into a nightmare";
  10. Sharon Wegshida-Kroes “How much are you worth? How to learn to love and respect yourself.

Movies for motivation and self-confidence

Cinematography has addressed the theme of a strong woman more than once.

  1. The Devil Wears Prada, USA 2006;
  2. "Eat, Pray, Love", USA 2010;
  3. "Another Boleyn Girl", UK 2008;
  4. "The Barber of Siberia", Russia, Italy 1998;
  5. "Moscow does not believe in tears", USSR 1979.

How to become confident in communicating with a man?

A confident woman attracts men. She knows how to communicate without being afraid to express her point of view, which makes her an interesting conversationalist. Like all strong people, she knows how to give in, not considering it a sign of weakness. She knows how to emphasize her strengths, and leaves her weaknesses in the shade. She knows how, if necessary, to insist on her own, but at the same time she will be able not to offend her partner.

A confident woman always knows her worth. She will not tolerate the unacceptable behavior of a man, and will be able to say this delicately, but firmly. She will not grumble about anything, but will clearly articulate her dissatisfaction, remaining polite. Even in difficult situation she can keep calm.

Perhaps not everything works out as planned. Do not despair, Develop confidence in your abilities, and everything will definitely work out!

How to gain confidence after a breakup or divorce?

This is a tough time even for strong women. To survive it with the least loss will help:

  • close people. It is desirable that during this period they are nearby, able to listen and support;
  • hobby. It will help you relax;
  • new impressions. Walk, go to exhibitions, to the cinema - new impressions will gradually replace the bitterness of the past;
  • trips. It's great if it's possible. The sharper the change of scenery, the better.

Parting with a man is not a reason for disappointment in yourself. Your life goes on.

How to become a confident mom?

The birth of a child changes life drastically and forever. What can be advised:

  • do not lose calm and confidence, despite the lack of experience. You will quickly learn how to care for a baby, your experience will grow with the child, and soon you will be able to give advice yourself;
  • gratefully accept the advice and help of the older generation, but the final word in the process of education remains with you;
  • don't forget about yourself. Involve your husband and other close people and find time for yourself - go to the hairdresser, take a bath, get enough sleep;
  • value communication with the child. Rejoice in his smiles, first teeth and steps, and discover this wonderful world with him.

Life modern woman varied and rich. To become self-confident and succeed, it is enough to believe in yourself, in your strengths, and start acting.

The successes achieved will increase your self-esteem, strengthen your self-confidence - and inspire you to new achievements. After all, you really deserve it!

Video on how to change life for the better, become more confident and successful

Tips from psychologists: How to become more confident in yourself:

How to love yourself and increase self-esteem:

How to become more attractive:

Ecology of life. Psychology: It is a fact that low self-esteem is harmful to a person, as it leads to various unpleasant consequences, and in this publication we will look at effective ways to increase self-esteem

It is a fact that low self-esteem is harmful to a person, as it leads to various unpleasant consequences, and in this publication we will look at effective ways to increase self-esteem. The article will be of interest to a wide range of readers, as it contains wise advice that will benefit every person. The following methods will also help you gain self-confidence and make your life more positive and harmonious.

© Victoria Ivanova

Why is self-esteem low?

Because we live in a selfish society, where everyone, striving to be better than another (or at least look like that - in the eyes of other people or in his own), tends to "lower" others.

A person lowers the self-esteem of another only because he himself has it underestimated - and he tries to compensate for this by suppressing others, using all kinds of available ways, direct or indirect. People with normal self-esteem will not make others "lower" or "worse"; they understand that we are all different and everyone is unique in their own way, and everyone has their own place and role in life. The idea "I'm better than someone else" is a sign of an inflated ego and ignorance, nothing more.

How to properly evaluate yourself?

Before we look at how to increase self-esteem, a few words should be said about proper self-esteem in general. To properly evaluate yourself, you need to discard emotions and look at the situation sensibly, connecting the mind. And it happens that a person, having read "smart" articles about increasing self-esteem with the help of various ways self-hypnosis, begins to imagine himself almost as God, which, naturally, from the outside looks ridiculous at best, and at worst creates even more problems for a person.

Evaluate yourself sensibly. Do not think that life can be deceived by self-hypnosis: cunning can work, but, in the end, everything will be balanced - everyone will get what they deserve. The losers are the people who past life they tore off a fat piece of the pie for themselves, but they tore it from their own future, so now that the future has become present, they are left with nothing. People say correctly: for every tricky nut there is a tricky bolt.

Therefore, the best way to increase self-esteem, a trouble-free and reliable means, is to work on yourself: by improving your character traits, improving in one activity or another and doing good deeds, a person really appreciates himself higher than when he says and does all sorts of stupid things, and therefore receives more on merit. The conclusion is simple: you need to be a good man and do more good, then problems with self-esteem will not arise. The idea that life can be cheated is completely crazy, and it is better to abandon it immediately.

The methods listed below are bits of wisdom collected on the Internet.

How to increase self-esteem: 20 ways

1. Refuse any destructive criticism and self-criticism. Destructive criticism is a negative assessment of a person, actions or events, which implies an attempt to impose one's point of view on the world. Imposition is violence, and life does not like violence, so do not waste your energy on something that will turn against you. If you can't live without criticism, change it from destructive to constructive and corrective.

2. Refuse negative thoughts, stop terrorizing yourself with destructive installations. Thoughts create our future - what we think about constantly, we attract. We think about the bad - we attract the bad, we think about the good - we attract the good. Feed on positivity and spread it around - this is effective method boost self-esteem.

3. Stop blaming yourself and making excuses. If you have done something wrong and you are accused of it, just admit it as a fact. Why the extra emotions and excuses? Yes, I'm guilty, yes, I'll fix it. Do not drive yourself into feelings of guilt and do not look for excuses - this is all in the past. Be in the present and think creatively and positively about the future - this way of thinking is the most optimal for a person.

4. Hang out more with positive and confident people who don't try to pressure you or make you feel "lower". Choose or rearrange your social circle, as your self-esteem and self-confidence directly depend on this. They say, "Whoever you go with, that's what you'll get."

5. Engage in activities you love that bring real joy or satisfaction. If this is not about your work, then you need to find a hobby that will give you the feeling that life is not lived in vain. By doing what you really enjoy doing, you gain self-confidence and perhaps even meaning in life, and this significantly raises self-esteem. you can get through free test to the destination, to understand what activity will bring you success and real happiness, and start doing it. When a person knows his destiny and does what he loves, he lives happily, using his abilities and talents, and he simply does not have problems with self-esteem.

6. Be patient with yourself. Changing ourselves and introducing a new positive model of behavior into our lives, we want an immediate reward for our actions, but it should be borne in mind that in the material world the effect is separated from the cause by some amount of time, and the reward does not always come immediately.

7. Plan your future. Set realistic (quite achievable) goals for yourself, write down realistic steps to achieve them, and regularly put them into practice - this is an effective way to achieve success and gain self-confidence. Don't procrastinate and don't let the mind think more than it really needs to, because the mind tends to overthink, doubt, and make excuses, "why not do it." If the mind (and for women - intuition) says "it's necessary" and "it's better like this", then it's necessary, and that's it.

8. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and others. If we regret, then we agree that a person cannot cope with the problem, that life is unfair, and that I can be the victim next time. If you can help a person, help, but do not tune in to a negative wave of sympathy and pity, because you will make things worse for yourself and others. Attempts to get pity and sympathy (instead of real help) is a manifestation of a subconscious desire, "that others should not be better than me."

9. Accept gifts of fate with gratitude. Very often people think that blind fate sends blessings to people like me - unworthy. Fate is never wrong - there is simply a delay in time, and we can not always track why this or that benefit has come to us. Accepting the gifts of fate, continue to do good deeds, share positive things with others, and more and more goodness will return to you, according to the law of karma. This way of interacting with the world is the most reasonable.

10. Do not be presumptuous: "one in the field is not a warrior." Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of wisdom. The weak is embarrassed and loses, and the strong, when he feels that he needs support, asks for support, because he himself never refuses to help, if it is in his power and does not contradict common sense. We can solve the tasks that life sets before us, but no one says that this should be done alone. On the contrary, interaction with the world around us is the key to success. Find your support - and you will become many times stronger, gain self-confidence and learn to trust the world around you.

11. Love your shortcomings and troubles. Any difficulties and problems make us stronger if we overcome them, and do not resist. Resistance to the situation only strengthens it, because we do not try to accept it, but push it away. Therefore, there is no solution, and the situation can be corrected only by accepting it. Cope with emerging problems and situations, this will greatly increase your self-esteem.

12. Take care of your body, because these are not clothes that you can change at will at any time. Keep the body clean, treat and prevent diseases. A sick person is always weaker than a healthy one. Why create unnecessary difficulties for yourself? Eliminate the causes of diseases as soon as they are discovered, without delay.

13. To bring all things to the end, as unfinished business reduces self-esteem and self-confidence, reminds us of defeat and weakness. Never drop things halfway - then you will have nothing to reproach yourself with. This wonderful way gradual increase in self-confidence.

14. Don't obsess over possession. Any thing that belongs to you can suddenly disappear or break. And the more expensive it was, the more difficult its loss, and the more this loss will weaken you. Also, the people we are trying to appropriate to ourselves can leave us at any moment, but the dependence remains. Ultimately, everything belongs to God and is only temporarily in our use, don't forget that. So be grateful for what you have, but don't get attached to these temporary things.

15. Stop showing your importance and pretending that you are better than others. If you do not match the image that you demonstrate, others will put you in your place, and you will look ridiculous. In addition, by such behavior you will attract someone who wants to measure with you in what is usually measured, and you can shamefully lose, which will not contribute to self-esteem in any way.

16. Overcome your fears. Fear is the biggest destroyer of your self-confidence. Try to do things that you were afraid to do more often, but do without stupidity, unnecessary heroism and unjustified risk. It may turn out that overcoming fears is the best way succeed.

17. Help people, benefit society and set others on a positive wave. This will give you confidence; and when you realize that you are helping people, you will no longer consider yourself a failure.

18. Act decisively and purposefully without looking back or worrying about past failures. Concentrate on the goal and boldly go to it; and when you reach it, there will be no need to raise self-esteem.

19. Study wisdom by trying to penetrate the most important secrets of life.(“Who am I?”, “What am I doing here?”, “How does it all work?”) and get answers to these questions. As self-knowledge and spiritual growth, complexes, self-doubt and other problems of material existence disappear.

20. Love yourself now and always. You are a unique person, with a unique set of qualities and abilities, you are an integral part of life, you have a unique role and place in life. God created you just like that; if he wanted you differently, he would have made you different. The Creator accepts you exactly as you are at every moment of time, so there is no point in not accepting and loving yourself. Understanding this greatly improves self-esteem, doesn't it? Therefore, never wait for that bright moment to come when you deserve your own love, otherwise this minute will simply never come.

23 212 0 Self-esteem. What it is? Can we say that self-esteem determines who we are, our life, the relationships we build with others, our professional achievements? Of course yes! Self-esteem helps us solve everyday problems, make decisions. How we cope with difficulties, how we interact with other people, affects our sense of self.

Many people throughout their lives seek false ways to boost their self-esteem by hiding behind expensive things, striving for perfect figure. If you think for a second and remember some famous and successful individuals, who were seen in simple clothes and hardly looked like the successful, more like "hipsters". It is unlikely that they suffer from low self-esteem, because their bank account says otherwise.

Everything comes from our consciousness and subconsciousness, from how and what we think and what feelings we experience at this moment.

Of course not last role plays our physical health. The way we eat, whether we exercise. After all, if we feel unwell, we are unlikely to be sure of everything.

1. Fear.

Often, before making a decision, we experience fear. Fear protects our body from danger, leaving us in a comfort zone, as a result of which we do not dare to change something. Everyone dreams of something they can't start doing, someone has always wanted to learn how to snowboard or open their own cooking, and maybe even have a baby. But at the stage of thinking about it, we already experience fear, although we have not even taken a step to implement the plan.

One of the first goals on the path to self-esteem is to get rid of fear.

Sit at home in a quiet room, relax and think about your fear. Think of it like a picture in a frame. Then imagine how this picture moves away from you and becomes less and less noticeable, eventually turning into a dot that disappears altogether.

The next way to get rid of fear is to feel the insignificance of fear, as well as the fact that it does not deserve your worries. And then erase this picture with your hand, as if you were rubbing your hand on a misted window.

2. Flexibility of character.

Develop the flexibility of your character. Everyone has probably noticed a sharp reaction to a minor event - for example, friends decide to cancel a meeting at the last minute. Scientists believe that this comes from our childhood. To begin with, clearly define in what cases you begin to overreact. Are the circumstances so terrible that they would react in such a way? Is this situation worth it to react so sharply? If these questions make you feel defensive, then you are indeed overreacting to the situation. The first step towards overcoming such reactions is to recognize their nature and understand what in your past caused them. Another way is to intentionally, consciously change your habits. Ask yourself how attached you are to your usual plans. Can you take a different route from work? Or go to the store on Wednesday instead of Thursday as usual? Can you change your plans without disorienting yourself? This is your chance to become more flexible. Flexibility in one area makes it possible to develop flexibility in other areas.

3. Set goals for yourself and solve them.

Set realistic goals and achieve them. Choose the most important of everyday things and solve them. You will experience a sense of satisfaction and ease if you start with the most challenging tasks and you will gradually move towards the easier ones. Perhaps success will not always be, but this should not oppress you, on the contrary, remember the tasks that you have already completed. Feel confident that you can achieve everything (“the foundation was poured, the walls were installed, the ceiling remained, but there are not enough resources. It’s okay. But how quickly the foundation was poured and how well everything else was done”). Always think about what you are good at. If something works out, then you deserve it. Self-confidence will come when you realize that the tasks are completed, even if they were small and simple.

How to learn to appreciate yourself?

Each of us is a unique personality, each of us has a certain set of personal qualities, skills, achievements. Everyone perceives the world in their own way. In order to notice your uniqueness and enjoy it every day, write down on a piece of paper everything that you consider to be the best in yourself. These can be beautiful eyes or certain professional achievements (“I have a lot of experience in a certain field”), as well as character traits (“responsive”, “I can listen”). If you think of something you don't like, don't write it down. Do not limit yourself to one day, constantly re-read and add to the list.

You can also ask your relatives and relatives about how and under what situation they could turn to you as a specialist, a person with experience. Write it down and read it periodically. This will give you confidence and also peace of mind that there are people you can turn to for support.

4. Find something that gives you strength and confidence.

Perhaps this is yoga or a walk along the embankment, or maybe these are minutes spent reading your favorite book, or just pleasant memories that fill you with a sense of satisfaction, after which you feel a surge of strength and joy.

Fill your life with colors. Do not leave the gilded service for the holidays, take it out and use it every day, enjoying its beauty.

Also, psychologists advise to develop what gives you strength and confidence. If you are not given foreign languages ​​(and you have already signed up for courses in foreign language) and at the same time you are in a depressed state, the success of others can only aggravate your condition. Instead, focus on what works best for you. Awareness of one's own mastery strengthens self-confidence through positive emotions that you experience (pride, joy, lightness of mind).

5. Keep and emphasize your uniqueness.

No need to drown in the problems of her husband and in caring for children. You can love a person, perform various “feats” for him and enjoy it, but you cannot live for him, and he cannot live for you. Your loved one fell in love with you for who you are, do not lose your uniqueness and individuality.

Now you know how to raise a woman's self-esteem! If you have your own ways, then share them in the comments!

Video by a professional psychologist on how to increase self-esteem. Where do legs grow from and how to deal with it?

Low self-esteem can be compared to a bad habit: a person understands that it bothers him, but it's hard to get rid of it. The problem can be found in many people, so the question "how to increase self-esteem" remains relevant.

There are many ways to deal with low self-esteem. The article contains rather non-trivial, while highly effective methods. It’s also good to get acquainted with them for those who have everything in order with self-esteem (in preventive purposes), and for some people, leadership will be the first step to a fulfilling life.

Know how to face your fears

People with low self-esteem have had many situations, the mere thought of which causes panic. It can be a fear of speaking up: suddenly someone will say an offensive phrase, another will criticize to the nines, a third will reject feelings ... Some are even afraid to go out and get to know each other in order to avoid a potential “failure”. It is necessary to fight with fears, otherwise they can thoroughly spoil life.

Of course, it is worth reasoning sensibly, objectively assessing the risks. But more often than not, the problems turn out to be far-fetched. Nothing terrible will happen if a new acquaintance is not interested in communicating. It is painful to understand that sympathy is not mutual, but such feelings pass sooner or later. In addition, if you are afraid to confess, you may not know that the other person is experiencing the same thing in response.

To become bold, decisive and respect yourself, you need to act. Few things can destroy self-esteem like blind faith in your own failure. After a succession different situations an understanding comes - not everything is as scary as it seemed initially, other people are not aggressive, ready to communicate and are not going to criticize for trying to establish a common language with them. Other problems also turn out to be frivolous, far-fetched. It is important not to stop after the first step, to continue on the path to your goal, rejecting fears.

Learn to say "no" and not feel guilty about it

The advice is far from new, but it really works. The most important part is to stop feeling guilty after the rejection. Some people who have learned to say "no" do not cope with it. There may be a feeling that by refusing a person brings someone down, deceiving other people's expectations. But first of all, you should focus on yourself. You can go all your life on the occasion of others, not paying attention to your own negative feelings.

Another option is to strike a balance between what is done for oneself and for others. For the sake of some cases, you have to sacrifice something. However, justifying the expectations of everyone else, forgetting about yourself, is a rejection of a full-fledged happy life in favor of those who can use someone else's reliability.

Break the ties that pull you to the bottom

This advice can be considered a continuation of the previous one. A person who has learned to say "no" to preserve his interests may hear unpleasant things addressed to himself. Friends who constantly asked for help will wonder why this time they are denied. If you do something for others for many years, they get used to it and “sit down on your neck”. They are very comfortable - there is always someone to whom you can shift some of the responsibilities.

For many girls who are used to wearing bright makeup even before going to the store, this turns out to be a difficulty. At first, the thought “how terrible I look” does not leave my head. An “ugly” appearance without makeup is not an objective reality, but just a factor of unusualness. Seeing yourself in the mirror with makeup every day, and then getting used to the natural look is difficult, but possible.

The girl realizes that she looks good without decorative cosmetics, and can use it less often. In addition, it will be useful for the skin to take a break from thick foundation creams, blush, mascara, and other cosmetics for some time. The same applies to hairstyles and not the most comfortable wardrobe items.

On the Internet you can find advice about changing the image, choosing good clothes, makeup. In itself, the advice does not carry anything bad, but it is fraught with hidden danger. If a person feels confident and likes to look in the mirror only when he is smartly dressed and perfectly combed, this still indicates problems with self-esteem.

You should not take everything literally and rush to the other extreme - look untidy, throw out beautiful things, leaving only stretched home clothes in the closet. In everything you need to know the measure. A girl who wears heels or uncomfortable but beautiful lingerie regularly will feel relieved if she switches to more practical clothes that do not cause discomfort at least for a while. More more joy there will be a realization that attractiveness, the feeling of being beautiful does not depend on clothes - it is an internal state.

Do not depend on compliments and criticism

Listening to what others have to say and building self-esteem based on it is a dubious exercise. Often you can meet people who repeat the opinions of others. “A colleague said that red hair suits me better”, “a girl says that I look better without a beard”, “my mother is horrified by my new sweater, she advises me to buy a turtleneck” ... It is worth considering why people trust the environment more than their own sensations.

Where does the desire to never wear new comfortable clothes come from if someone snorts disapprovingly? A person who realizes that his comfort is first of all important will not worry about the fact that someone does not like his appearance, clothes or behavior. The point is not to protect from criticism, which can be useful and help to progress, but to divide it into objective / subjective. If your boss criticizes a half-finished report, a friend says that you are hurting him with your actions, and your parents beg you to call at least once a month, you should probably listen and change your behavior. But annoying advice to change your hairstyle, image, or flattering compliments, on which a person literally depends, can be safely relegated to the background.

be selfish

For some reason, it is believed that a person who knows his own worth, who cares about his own happiness, is incredibly selfish. If you take these measures, then you should be selfish. It is unlikely that a person loses something when he decides to devote more time to himself, develop, limit himself from unpleasant contacts, and remove unnecessary things from life. But he gets a lot in return.

It is important to find time for yourself, appreciate it and use it wisely, choose your own interests first, spend resources on yourself. After such a kind of “therapy”, new forces appear, a desire to take care of others, but not to do it to the detriment of oneself.

Learn to perceive loneliness as a plus

One of the reasons for low self-esteem is the feeling of loneliness. When a person has few friends, no couple, there is a feeling of uselessness. But at the same time, loneliness can be turned to your advantage. You should not become a recluse, deliberately doing everything to protect yourself from others. Benefits of being alone a large number of time and free space, complete freedom of action. You can learn languages, dance in front of a mirror, get rid of embarrassment, read books, lounging on the bed, watch any movie and listen to pop music at high volume.

The most important thing in this is the realization that loneliness is not necessarily boring, but having your own company is unexpectedly pleasant. Getting pleasure from being alone with yourself is a huge step towards increasing self-esteem. The bonus is self-development and, no matter how trite it may sound, getting happiness from the freedom to choose leisure activities.

Be ready for new unusual sensations

Changing your perception of yourself inevitably leads to mixed feelings. Sometimes anger may appear: a person does not understand how for so many years he has allowed others to dictate to him how to look, communicate, and act. We can say that in this case, anger is justified to a certain extent, just like bewilderment. Taking it out on others, trying to take revenge is a bad option.

It is important to realize that these emotions and feelings are inevitable, but they should not be thoughtlessly splashed out or suppressed. A person needs to comprehend the changes that have occurred, to continue to improve his life. The next steps may be new acquaintances, hobbies, change of unloved job, serious conversations with loved ones, helping to understand each other.

Follow the balance

Inflated self-esteem is also a negative phenomenon. You should not consider yourself the best, beautiful and smart on the planet, neglecting other people. The goal of raising self-esteem is to accept oneself as a whole, with all the shortcomings and virtues, harmonious and happy life. The above does not include self-affirmation at the expense of others, the deification of the individual and opposition to the majority of people.

Eat a big difference between adequate self-esteem and praising their qualities, boasting, immoderate pride. Noticing attempts to rise behind him, a person should stop them in the bud. In addition, often those who consider themselves better than the rest, in fact, mask low self-esteem with the other extreme. Happy people have no need to boost their self-esteem by putting others down.

Some tips seem difficult to implement, but it's worth a try nonetheless. A person will not lose anything, but he can gain self-confidence. The main thing is not to rush and not give up if something does not work out. Change is rarely lightning fast; everything needs its time. The main friends on the path to change are perseverance, determination and awareness of the desire to make life better.